


To Make Him Human Again

by SunBox



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Brutal, Close to Canon, Cunning Eren, Erwin - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Spoilers, Spoliers?, Yaoi, Yaoi snk, could be considered gruesome i guess, eren x levi - Freeform, eren/levi - Freeform, ereri, ereri angst, ereri fluff, huge ones, levi eren, levi x eren - Freeform, like literally - Freeform, mikasa ackerman - Freeform, not really - Freeform, other than that I might break your heart at one point, riren - Freeform, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 125,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9152272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunBox/pseuds/SunBox
Summary: To tame a beast that was once human, one must act like one, think like one, and feel like one. Still, Levi knew he didn’t need to do that. He could shape the boy back into a human without having to degrade himself, or so he thought. What if the human that had been living in the wild for more than ten years had something else in sight? ~An Ereri fanfic~





	1. Brennende Augen

His heart was pounding out of his chest, for once in a lifetime. He had never seen such a thing like this. His breath intensified as the creature came closer to his face, tilting its head left and right to get a better look of his image as the wind was playing with the short brown locks of the being. It shot its glare back at the soldier. The being’s eyebrows were pulled down together as its eyes were open widely, its pupils getting smaller. The beast was moving forward towards the short man and was fuming, but other than that, it didn’t show any signs of wanting to attack him. Each and every well-defined muscle of it was tense and alert as it held the other man’s hand away from its own chest, fearing the weapon that it was steadily holding away. Truth be told, Humanity’s Strongest could have easily won the fight, but he just kept staring at the sight in front of him, his intuition telling him not to do anything.

The creature that probably indentified itself as a Titan had his teal eyes wide open and his nose scrunched up, showing his somewhat sharpened teeth. He looked like he was smiling, but he was just terrified of the man whom he was pushing against the tree he found him at. Of course, the interesting being didn’t think of the fact that the enemy he was holding back didn’t want to fight back, but the brown-haired human was going to stay alive. He just wanted to stay alive a little longer.

Levi kept staring back at the creature that had tried to kill him moments before, thinking of whether to kill it instead and continue forward, or help the miserable boy that undoubtedly wasn’t a Titan, no matter how much he tried to act and look like one.

First of all, the boy was almost his size, just a little taller, unlike other Titans. Furthermore, the creatures he hated had no clothes on, but the boy that was blocking him from escaping had worn-out trousers that were torn at various places, and a key hanging down his strong, long neck that was proudly raised to indicate dominance. And most importantly, Titans were expressionless monstrosities, unlike the boy that was growling at him like a wolf trying to protect its family.

Levi could sense his anger and fear by looking him in the eyes, and he didn’t plan on removing them from the wild man, because of obvious reasons. He might not be able to really use a weapon correctly, but his teeth looked like they could tear flesh off a body in an instant, and Levi didn’t want to return back to the base with a huge chunk of his face removed for no reason in particular, other than not wanting to kill the human in front of himself, simply because it was a human. Well, it looked like a human, anyways. And he felt sorry for him. After a few more heavy breaths into the black-haired man’s face, the other human backed off a little, just to stop growling and look at him from above. Levi doubted he could see much, just because of the fact that it was pitch black around them, and the dark clouds had almost completely covered the night sky. There was just a tiny speckle of white that the moon had left behind, so that they were still able to see to some extent.

_“How was he able to catch me off guard in such circumstances as these_ _…_ _? Titans can’t see shit at night, and this one acts like one? Well, a pathetic excuse for an abomination”_ , Levi thought to himself as he continued observing the muscled and scarred human that was blocking him the way. He didn’t have much to do, though, and didn’t have anything to lose. He had already lost his 3D maneuvering gear when the thing had jumped him and somehow managed to tear it from him while they were struggling to break free from each others’ grip, and he had already broken his leg, so even if he killed the Titan wannabe, he wouldn’t have much to do. He wasn’t in a hurry, probably because his communication link had been busted as well as his team and he tried to escape an outrageous number of Titans before, lead by this very human. No, they weren’t exactly lead by him; he was more of a lure that lead them towards those disgusting creatures. Seeing a human act like an animal had brought curiosity upon the whole squad, including Levi. And as the human ran ahead, he had led them directly towards the monsters.

“Hey, shithead. It’s your fault my entire squad’s dead, you know?” Levi suddenly muttered, making the human on top of him flinch. The teal-eyed being then got closer to his face again, silently growling at him. The Captain of his dead squad then growled back, just to make the other angrier, but the human just raised his head again and tilted it to observe the small figure beneath him. No matter how much Levi hated this… this _thing_ at the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to end his pathetic excuse of a life.

 “Why can’t I bring myself to kill you then…?” he continued in a bit softer tone, earning an intrigued glance from the thing that was on top of him, holding the shorter man down against a huge tree branch, “I kill Titans on a daily basis, and everything connected to them. I don’t care whether they’re human, or monster, or a big ass tree or something. Tell me, why am I reluctant to slice your nape, just like I had sliced the throats of thousands of your… ugh… disgusting friends out there?”

The wild human must have picked up Levi’s harsh tone of voice and the furious flare in his dull blue eyes, since he started growling again. After a few seconds the being snorted and looked away to see the cloud-covered sky.

_“Waiting for sunrise, huh_ _…_ _? He might be able to sense the coming of a new day, waiting for his Titan buddies to arrive_ _…_ _That thing might be smarter than it seems at first. Who knows? He might be a human after all_ _…_ _?”_ Levi shook his head. Such an odd beast couldn’t possibly be a human. Still, it awoke some sort of curiosity within him. And he was rarely curious.

_“Looks like he isn’t in it for the kill, which means I won’t have to worry till sunrise. Who knows why he ended up here, amongst all of these disgusting bastards and why they didn’t kill him as soon as they saw him_ _…_ _But who cares anyways. Just another human life that has gone to waste. Just like all of those damned wall worshipers.”_

For a moment, Levi decided to trail off and concentrated at the song of crickets that silently sang their own songs, which were soon connected into a heavenly symphony of nature. The wind was soundlessly creeping through the forest they were in, awakening leafage that started dancing at the touch of the gentle breeze, singing in union with the bugs. The tired Captain slowly closed his eyelids to suck in every last bit of nature around himself. This was exactly the reason why he had agreed to ever stay at the Survey Corps. Just to see what was outside the walls time and time again. He didn’t care whether it’d kill him.

However, he soon opened them back again when he heard a squeaky sound that sounded like it came from a dog, rather than a person. He frowned at the young face right in front of him.

“What the hell are you looking at, brat? Haven’t you seen a sleeping human before or some-“ realization suddenly hit him. Maybe he hadn’t. Although he knew the beast in front of him couldn’t understand a word he said, he still couldn’t help but to feel bad for no reason in particular. Why did this outsider get him so emotional all of a sudden? It was just waste of humanity, nothing else…

The human crept closer, watching Levi carefully as his body tensed up to the creature’s sudden movement. He tilted his head as if he had discovered something new. Levi stared, at this point. He shouldn’t have found this to be so entertaining. The Captain then frowned, furrowing his brows. To his surprise, the boy repeated his action.

_“Is he_ _…_ _seriously playing right now_ _…_ _? Looks like it has the mind of a five year old. Well. I’m not gonna pay any attention to him.”_

He then looked away from the beast that was trying to imitate his actions, clenching his teeth. He couldn’t believe a single human, let alone a stupid one like this thing sitting on him, could kill an entire squad of harshly and well-trained soldiers he had hand-picked just for the hardest of jobs and the worst of occasions. They had survived hundreds of battles even harder than these. The only reason they didn’t make it now was because of the fact that they had tried to rescue the poor wretch that had been stranded with those man-eating beasts… and in the end, it turned out that they had been outsmarted by the very person they had tried to save. Pathetic. His leadership was pathetic. He was pathetic. Levi suddenly clenched his fists as his whole body started to tremble in disgust of his failure, when suddenly, he stopped every movement and just let out a shaky breath. The person was breathing right into his neck, his wet lips occasionally touching his skin. With eyes wide open he looked at the human beside him, seeing that it seemingly hadn’t been done with exploring his presence. Levi clenched his teeth and hit him right into his stomach, so that the beast cried out loudly as he fell to the side, whimpering. The wounded soldier crawled towards him and grabbed him by the hair, pulling him up as the wild man’s whimpering continued. Levi bashed his head into the tree, thinking it would make him want to kill the beast that had killed everyone he still cared for. But no feeling of adrenaline ran through his body, and he knew the being wasn’t worth it. He then pulled his hair up again to see the human’s expression, and seeing it, Levi froze. He was surprised. There was no hint of fear in the eyes of the man he held by his shaggy hair anymore, and no sign of pain except for the silent squeals that came from the beast’s vocal cords.

_“Huh. Interesting. Is it regret, or is it hatred swirling in this boy’s eyes?_ _…_ _He isn’t scared, that much I can tell. As far as I can recall, people fear **one** of my glances, and this boy’s had to endure my beating and still looks me directly in the eye_ _…_ _?”_

The human growled at Levi, but didn’t fight back, like he was restrained here, in the boundless nature that had been his home for years by now. The moonlight shone on them, revealing the hatred that burned in the taller human’s eyes.

_“His eyes are filled with tears, tears burning like fire. Not from pain. It’s something else. Something I can’t really make out_ _…”_ the human, or whatever it was, let out a shaky breath as Levi’s hand twitched”, _That fire_ _…_ _it’s weak. Neglected. No one has been feeding it for years, it seems. But it flares his whole body to life, and his personality shines a new light. The endless sense of loss_ _…_ _and desire to kill. The boy’s soul is refined into something pure, into a monster with… fearsome beauty.”_

Levi then released him, falling back at his knees, staring at the wood beneath him. His leg hurt, but that wasn’t his concern at the moment. He was done for. The creature whose eyes he had just observed soon approached him again, circling around him on all fours, just like an animal, although he had shown behaviors similar to human behavior before. After realizing Levi won’t fight anymore, the being stopped right in front of him and sat down again, raising his hands up, but eventually giving up and just staring at the soldier whose right hand had hints of the blood the wild human had spat out. The soldier quickly realized the wild person wasn’t used to human company, considering how unsure he was acting. His body was twitching and his veins were tense, his eyesight right on the soldier, observing him carefully. Levi slowly raised his head back up, looking at the weird creature in front of himself, with an expression that didn’t reveal any of his emotions. The creature’s eyes still burned with the same desire to hurt. But he didn’t do anything. It didn’t take long for the Captain to realize that the monster with the key around his neck wasn’t afraid of him, but of the blood-stained blade he was holding. He looked at it from the side, then back at the monster whose small pupils kept piercing through his heart.

Levi released the blade he had been holding onto, facing the truth. He wasn’t the bender of his fate. He had lost his entire squad that day, wasn’t able to truly harm the monster who did it, and was now at mercy of that same being whose eyes were still flaring with life and emotion. And it was only fair to give this monster in front of him a chance to fight as well.

However, the wild human looked reluctant to fight and wasn’t moving at all for a minute. It looked peaceful to the point of actually seeming… thankful. Furious, Levi’s hands clenched into fists as he looked up at the taller human through his black bangs, releasing some kind of muffled growl himself.

“What are you waiting for?” he nearly whispered, which seemed to unnerve the young man, “Do it. End my life just like you did to my allies. Don’t be shy. I’ll just try to break your neck, scumbag.”

He knew calling a wild man names wasn’t going to escalate the plot, but he honestly didn’t know what to do from this point onwards. No one would ever find him now that he had lost every sort of contact potential. Considering he even succeeded in surviving, he’d pretty much be left alone in a huge forest full of man-eating giants anyways, so chances of survival were slim to say at least. And lashing his anger out on such a weird sight was his best way of telling: I screwed up.

“Hey! Are you even listening to me? I said _do it_ ”, he threatened, but the other man was just observing him thoroughly. And it made the Captain feel somewhat uncomfortable. Not to mention stupid, and wrong. He found himself wondering why he dropped the blade like it wasn’t his ticket to get out of the hell he was in.

_“And there I was. I chose the wrong option again. Even though I reacted fast and made my decision in an instant, it brought me back to my knees. Fate was laughing into my face. Is THIS the last thing I’ll ever see? A nosey brat with no human memory…?”_

He was looking at Levi in what seemed to be awe. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen a real human up close, without the intention of hurting them. The last time he had contact with another real human being was at least twelve years ago, when he had seen his own father getting… devoured…  He wildly shook his head before leaning closer to the soldier again. He wanted to see every texture and every scratch on his face; he was fascinated by him.

“Would you look at that. You think I’m _that_ attractive, you piece of Titan trash?” he joked with no humor in his voice as he pushed the brunette away by harshly taking his well-structured arms and soon heard a painful moan escaping the human’s mouth. It sounded like a muffled Titan’s roar, and Levi was suddenly alarmed as he realized the human didn’t intend on stopping anytime soon. As the growls and roars of the boy kept getting louder, the soldier realized the boy was calling for help. In a desperate attempt to make him stop, he approached the beast again, only to almost have his finger bitten off as he seemingly came too close.

“Tsk.”

At least he had managed to make the other man stop crying out, but he still feared his gang might show up soon enough. But luckily for him, the Titans didn’t seem to care as much as the human wanted them to. The human, or beast, or whatever it was, had a disappointed face for a second, but that soon got replaced by the scrunched face of someone that was suffering a lot of pain, and was soon dragging his right side of the face all across the tree bark, groaning.

_“Inflicting new pain on himself to make the existing pain bearable?”_ Levi’s disinterested eyes traveled down the body of the man writhing in pain, but couldn’t detect anything other than a few infected injuries he had healing on his back. Levi’s nose scrunched up.  

“Hey”, a gentle tone escaped the shorter man’s mouth and the alarmed wild man immediately raised his head, his shoulders moving up to indicate that he was about to attack. The grayish-eyed man in his front was watching him carefully, with an expression the young man couldn’t possibly decipher. Confused, he tried to back away, but found himself almost falling down the tree since he reached the edge of the branch. A worried whimper escaped him and the Captain slowly crawled closer to him, holding his hands open. The beastly human looked from one hand to the other in confusion, seeing that there was nothing in them except for his own blood. His back started relaxing as the short man’s hands started getting closer to his shoulders.

“I might resent you, but we have a rule that says we must help every human in need”, he lied to himself to look over the fact that he actually felt sorry for the poor wretch that was the man in front of him, “Don’t worry. I don’t bite,” he said as his index finger passed through the boy’s locks, “Most of the time.”

The beast was still alert, but wasn’t moving as the soldier’s fingers searched for the source of pain, and would only twitch when he’d come close. His eyes weren’t focused on Levi’s hands though; they were searching for something in those dull eyes of his.

The wild man’s skin was unexpectedly soft, but was also very sticky, so Levi prayed it was just saliva. Suddenly, Levi felt something disgustingly wet on his finger tip, which made him pull back and look at the red liquid holding onto his pale skin. His expression shifted as he looked over to the right shoulder of the boy, realizing his arm was thoroughly sliced. Levi was surprised the cut didn’t reach the bone from the depth of it. The human was lucky. The Captain quickly bent down to reach a small bottle of some sort of liquid that the beastly human didn’t seem to like, since his face immediately darkened upon smelling the scent of it. Levi then looked around like he was searching for something before getting his white cravat off, drenching it in the fluid. His gray-blue eyes met with the teal eyes of the boy.

“This’ll sting a little”, he said as he swiftly grabbed him by the hair to prevent him from escaping while he’d clean the dirty and deep wound. The wound obviously came from one of their blades, so someone must have tried to kill him when they found out they were being dragged to their early graves. The thought of his squad dying because of this stupid brat… it didn’t stop him at all. The beast was struggling in his hands, just as he had predicted, but the firm grip on his hair was weakening his fighting capabilities. He was in terrible pain and was breathing heavily, but from what Levi saw in his eyes, he was giving in to the pain.

_“Maybe he knows I’m trying to help…”_

He then head butted him in the stomach and Levi’s expression immediately changed.

“Hold still!” he yelled and bashed the youth into the tree, careful not to hurt his arm even more. This time he was the one pressing the beast against a tree, not allowing him to escape. He got closer to the brunette’s face to look him in those determined eyes he had. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were radiating hatred. Good. The Titan wannabe then scoffed loudly as he finally closed his mouth, so that the filthy particles from his mouth didn’t reach Levi anymore. Levi then got back to the job.

_“Or he’s just being a pain in the ass…”_

After a minute of cleaning his wound, he bid farewell to the cravat he held in his arms before folding it to a clean side to wrap it around the man’s open wound. The beast twitched and looked into Levi’s eyes again with a fierce expression, but as Levi didn’t look back, he just calmed down again, allowing the short man to wrap the cloth around his burning arm. Suddenly, he felt pressure being lifted from him and he looked at the Captain again, staring at him for a while.

Levi sat down to rest his leg and just stared back as the Titan wannabe slowly got away from the tree, caressing the bandage with his cheek. The other was just observing him as he did that, hoping he wouldn’t try to bite it off. Just as he thought of that, the wild human tried to get it off.

“Hey! Keep that on!” Levi growled as the boy desperately tried to pull the cloth off, but Levi was having none of it and immediately grabbed the boy on the shoulders to make him stop, but stiffened when he felt sudden pain going from his thumb up his whole upper arm. He harshly pulled his hand away to see deep teeth marks in his skin, accompanied by a small trail of blood that the boy’s left eyetooth caused. He angrily puffed before looking back at the beast he had tried to fix up a moment ago and was shocked to see that the boy’s eyes were already on him. They kept staring at each other for a while before the boy guiltily approached him, having his head lowered as Levi just stared. His head soon sank even lower and stayed there for a couple of seconds before he slowly raised his head again to look him in the eye. The Captain felt his façade slowly melt.

 He then suddenly sat up, his face uncomfortably close to Levi’s. The older man tried to pull away, but the human’s determined look was telling him he couldn’t escape this now. After they had stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, Levi’s gaze fell at the key that was swinging back and forth from the boy’s neck before he shot him an insecure look, hoping the boy would understand what Levi was asking. As the boy’s eyes stayed fixated at Levi’s, the soldier slowly wrapped his thin fingers around the key the beast had on and took a better look at it. The key was made of gold and was oddly shaped- Levi immediately knew that such a key had to be special. He then turned it around to see a few symbols engraved in it and squinted his eyes to see what was written on it. The script was in a bad shape since it was obviously engraved into the key a long time ago, but it was clear enough to be readable.

“Eren”, he softly said and looked back up to meet the boy’s wide eyes. The human wasn’t showing any kind of sign that he had read it correctly. But what was he expecting from him, to understand what he had said?

He looked back at the key before letting it fall back.

“Is that your name? Eren?” Levi silently asked, looking back into his eyes. The boy’s eyes slowly trailed down to the key, then back at the Captain’s eyes. They looked quite nice and relaxed, for a change.

The shorter man nodded in understanding.

“Nice to meet you, Eren”, he said in monotone voice and a blank expression on his face, offering him his hand to see if manners were still hidden somewhere deep within him. Considering how Eren immediately fell down at all fours to look at his hand from the side, he realized he didn’t have any. Eren then slowly trailed his fingers down the bite mark he made before grabbing Levi’s hand with both of his hands, raising it up so he could take a better view at it. Levi watched him, cold as ever.

The boy softly stroked his fingers like he didn’t believe they were real and then took a look at the lines that were located on his palm, softly touching them in awe. As he looked at his palm, he realized that his lines were different, but the symmetry and resemblance between his and the unknown person’s hand was striking. Levi could see the boy’s eyes light up and suddenly felt bad for him yet again, but Eren was by no means sad or was disappointed in his life. The only thing that seemed to interest him at that time was the Captain’s hand that he was once again clenching with both of his, like he was afraid the other of his species would leave. He then pushed Levi’s fingers down so they’d intertwine with his. And for the first time, Levi saw the boy’s face light up as a small smile stretched itself out. Levi’s eyes widened.

Suddenly, Eren’s head turned to look at Levi, to which Levi flinched. There was no smile adorning his face anymore.

“Nam?” Eren suddenly muttered and it took Levi a few seconds to realize that the brat had just spoken something. His eyes began to widen. He didn’t expect to hear that from the animalistic boy sitting close to him. No matter how weird the sound he made sounded and was barely recognizable as speech, it was still the human way of communicating. He was human. Levi’s face then took on a stern expression again.

“Huh?”

“Nahm?” the human asked and Levi spent a few seconds to think of what the Titan wannabe in front of him was trying to say. He then tried to remove his hand from Eren’s, but the boy didn’t allow him to.

“My name?” he slowly asked, hoping Eren would understand what he was asking.

The boy didn’t respond and his expression stayed the same, the ever present determination in his look.

“Levi.”

Eren tilted his head as if he was confused. After a few seconds of them just staring at each other and listening to the sounds of the crickets’ heavenly concert, Eren looked down and muttered something that Levi couldn’t really understand.

“…What…?” he softly asked, to which Eren responded by rising his head back up. He stayed silent for a few seconds, as if he was contemplating something or was afraid to repeat the sounds he had articulated.

“Leewhy”, Eren silently said, an insecure expression on his young face.


	2. Umzingelt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I couldn't wait till Monday. This one's harsh, but don't worry too much.

The wild human nodded in understanding and pulled on the hand of the shorter man which he was still holding tightly, seemingly wanting Levi to follow him. But the soldier didn’t move an inch. Confused in expression, the wild human turned around to look at the man leaning onto the big tree, not giving away any emotions yet again. The human was baffled by that expression of his. The ice cold glassy eyes not giving away his will to live, and the thin lips that never smiled. Eren didn’t know whether he should be scared or angry that way, but he didn’t want the other of his species to die there, defenseless. He didn’t want another human to die because of his incompetence to help… His eyes were begging Levi to stand up. Levi, however, looked away from him and managed to pull his hand out of the tight grip of the beastly human.

The beast’s eyes widened at that. He then got back at all fours to approach the shorter man who looked plain disinterested in everything around himself, but Eren knew better.

Eren knew they didn’t have much time.

He grasped the shorter man’s arm again, trying to pull it up so the soldier would stand up, but Levi’s arm remained in the same position as he growled, looking at the boy from under his messy black bangs.

“Why would I trust you, again?” he blankly asked as he turned his face towards the other, “Remind me again… Who was it that assaulted me an hour ago? Or better yet… whose fault is it that all of my companions are now kissing the bacteria-filled dust?”

The boy’s shoulders relaxed as he realized Levi wasn’t as expressionless any longer. His eyes were burning with hatred now as well as they were looking into Eren’s. Of course, the beast didn’t even understand what Levi was saying, but that didn’t stop him from glaring back in an equally frightening way as him. The next few seconds consisted of the men looking into each other’s eyes, waiting until one would break the silence and tension between them. Levi couldn’t help but feel slight fear as the monster’s shoulders were rising up and down, copying his chest as he was breathing. With muscles like these, he didn’t even need the sharp teeth he had. The soldier knew that if he’d move an inch without making it obvious that he was about to move, he could easily be deprived of his life. The human would probably go straight towards his neck to stop him from breathing. Levi’s heart suddenly began to race again, and he hated the feeling more than anything. He wasn’t afraid of giant, man-eating monsters that killed thousands of lives, but he was afraid of a mere _young man_ that looked quite frail, despite his musculature. The human’s skin would be a fair color, if it weren’t for the coldness that made his skin pale to a point where it was almost blue. There were dark circles under his eyes that signified his lack of sleep. There was also the fact that he looked sickly thin. But the only thing Levi felt unnerved by were his eyes, actually. Those deep blue pools filled with green speckles that came from the green blaze that was surrounding his black pupils that were reflecting his image like a mirror. Those were the reason for the monster’s frightening refinement.

As soon as Levi realized that he was staring, he narrowed his eyes at the beast.

“It’s Eren’s fault.”

The wretch seemed to recognize its name as Levi said it. He raised his head again before narrowing his eyes as well, growling at him again. His heart started pounding as hot blood rushed through his veins. His breath grew heavier as he got closer to Levi’s face again, grinning widely and displaying his teeth in a way that indicated that Levi messed up. Evilness flickered in the boy’s eyes, and the soldier’s eyes reflected the feeling as his eyes shone in a particular way.

The wild human bit down Levi’s hand, but in a way that didn’t hurt the soldier too much and that didn’t tore his flesh. He carefully pulled him towards himself, to which the soldier didn’t complain this time. He fell on his knees again as the beast released his hand. The boy wasn’t mindlessly pulling him closer. Something was happening, but Levi’s intuition wasn’t warning him in any way. He found himself in a state of confusion, devoid of any sort of guideline.

_“What am I doing…? I’m going to get killed by this bastard! Why am I still reluctant?!”_ he was slowly internally panicking. Humanity’s Strongest was honestly afraid of a simple human that didn’t even know how to act like one properly. Maybe it was because of the fact that if he were to die now, it wouldn’t be like the death he hoped for: either one on the battlefield, giving his everything for humanity, or on his deathbed, long after they would have slain all of the Titans.

_“Meaningless death”_ , his mind echoed in terror as he quickly looked up to see the somewhat taller human standing on his tiptoes, looking at the trees below like he was searching for something, his head slowly moving like he was searching for sounds. The human with the golden key then swiftly turned his head around to look down upon the wounded soldier that was looking at him with eyes wide open, _“What the hell is he doing? Is he actually waiting for me?”_ his mouth let out a short growl as he looked at the branch beneath him, _“Do I have something to lose, though…?”_

His eyes grew sadder for a second before he narrowed them again, eyeing the beast as he sensed his sight on him. He hated it. He hated every single part of this filthy animal whose fault it was that they had just suffered a great loss. His anger didn’t come just because of his concealed feelings that he wasn’t allowed to show as a Captain. Humanity had also just lost some of the best warriors it had, and practically crippled a major part of the Survey Corps, enabling the huge monsters to roam at a faster, safer pace. That basically gave them an upper hand, and humanity was probably about to suffer another great loss, and Levi was there, alive, to see humanity fall. Levi was on his own now. Weakened, grounded, stomped at. Alone yet again, but not crying. His heart had already been damaged to a point where he wasn’t even sure anymore if he still had the physical capability to cry, and he didn’t grow stronger after his loses. He was falling deeper, and deeper, and even deeper into the void of depression, and he was slowly closing his eyes.

The other human suddenly fell back on all fours again and crawled towards Levi, circling around him a few times. Levi hated the fact that he was at the mercy of someone. Eren then stopped in front of his face again as he loudly growled at the older man. Levi’s expression darkened as his gaze met Eren’s again. This was his domain, and Levi couldn’t compete for it.

Suddenly, the human shoved his forehead against Levi’s and the shorter human’s eyes widened as he hissed, pushing him away.

“Tsk,” Levi looked away, a deep frown etched into his face, “fine.”

But considering that Eren’s body suddenly went all tense, he knew something was up.

“Secure the forest entrance! Make sure no Titan gets out of here alive! The Second Formation will be heading towards the centre, while the other two will be moving in parallel lines to it, cornering the beasts from three sides! They won’t escape us this time!” A loud, extremely familiar voice shouted from afar as Levi’s heart bounced up. The Captain forcefully threw the boy to his side, to which the monster replied with a sneer that explained more than words could. His eyes were glowing, and the Captain threw a brief, emotionless glance at him before he tried to get up, but got pulled back by the taller human that gripped his boot.

“Let go of me!” Levi hissed, but the human did the opposite, throwing his whole weight at the shorter man to prevent him from escaping. They rolled towards the edge of the thick branch, but before they could fall off, Eren managed to stop their movement by slamming the Captain’s shoulders into the hard wood, making him yelp in pain. Their hateful eyes met once again, drawing their faces closer together and making their lips quiver as Eren’s teeth began to show. During that one short moment, both of them understood the other had a reason to do this. Levi’s eye twitched before he kicked the boy’s stomach, his own stomach turning inside out as he heard the painful scream of the younger man on top of him, but the younger human didn’t give up yet. He suddenly crunched the Captain’s raven hair, pulling it upwards.

“MARCH ON!” the Commander’s voice echoed through the empty sounding forest and Levi grabbed the younger’s face and bashed it into his own forehead to gain the upper hand. As the other recovered, Levi quickly slammed him against the tree, holding his whole weight up with two arms wrapped around his neck. He could have ended this right there and then.

“Erwin!” he suddenly turned around to shout, ignoring the pain that he was suffering because of the other human’s weight, “Erwin, up here! Up here on the-“

Eren suddenly hit his chest, unbalancing the deeply wounded soldier. He didn’t fall though; he tackled the other, countering the coming attack that way. Their eyes met again, but this time, it was different. Eren’s eyes were watery, reflecting the soldier wholly. Levi didn’t linger, though. He threw the entire weight of the human in front of him at the ground, not expecting the sudden kick in the leg from the other, making him fall back as well. Everything went black for a second before he felt the human settle on top of him, breathing heavily into his face. Levi managed to open his eyes, trying to ignore the bad breath of the beastly human. His eyes were still burning with determination, while Levi’s were cold, not giving away any kind of emotion. The human on top of him tried to punch his face, but Levi dodged it rather easily by tilting his head to the side. The youth’s eyes were narrowed, his lower lip softly trembling.

_“I’m not the only one reluctant here…”_

Another punch came, then another, then yet another, and Levi dodged them all seemingly without a problem.

“Come on…! You’re… not ever trying now!” Levi gasped as the younger human’s face darkened. He let out an angry roar, a huge grin on his face, a roar so loud that it could probably be heard from the other end of the forest. His long neck then stretched out to align their eyes again, their noses being dangerously close to each other. The beast was breathing heavily into the Captain’s skin as his eyes just kept piercing through the taller man’s eyes and vice versa. After a few seconds, the monster let out a horrible roar, louder and sadder than any roar Levi had heard before. His face remained stern and inexpressive. Eren, realizing that there was no use, let out another desperate cry. No response. Eren’s cries soon got sadder, but Levi refused to budge a muscle of his face.

Suddenly, they both heard a click from near them and Eren’s shoulder’s tensed as his eyes widened in what seemed to be shock. He managed to tear his watery eyes away from the wood as he slowly turned his sight at Levi again. He was smirking menacingly, but still wasn’t expressing any kind of real emotion. It just left the boy with a bitter taste of confusion.

“Checkmate.”

Eren’s trembling head then moved to look at the feet of a soldier who had boots that looked exactly the same as Levi’s. His eyes then travelled upwards to see that the soldier was dressed just like the human he was attacking, but this one had a gun in his arms, holding it so that the rear was facing the bloody beast. Eren’s whole body began to tremble as his sight went blurry. He swiftly moved his head into another position, seeing that there wasn’t just one soldier pointing a gun at him. There were dozens of them. He let out a small, high-pitched cry as he turned his head around again and again, only to realize everyone really was there. It wasn’t one of his recurring nightmares this time. With a heavy heart, he looked down at the short soldier beneath him whose aggression slowly began to melt away as he met his gaze. The wild human positioned himself over Levi’s torso, fiercely looking at all of the soldiers positioned in a circle around them. His breathing was abnormally fast as his sight raced from one to another, hoping it would drive them away. But on the contrary, a tall, blonde man with blue eyes and thick eyebrows brought the weapon closer to his eye, locking his gun on the boy’s chest. Eren gasped, his irises shrinking. He looked down at the only soldier he had trusted, searching for some kind of comfort, which no one ever got from Levi.

He heard voices around himself, whispering something that he couldn’t understand. They were whispering, but their whispers were loud and got only louder with time, and the only thing the beast could understand was “Levi”. The voices around him weren’t stopping as he just tried to position himself in a better, safer way. His stomach was retracted and his back was arched, his neck lowering. Those voices soon began to calm down before they turned into repetitive sequencing of the same tones over and over again, which made him lower his head so that his forehead lightly touched Levi’s. Panic rose, and the next thing that the beast could hear was a loud shot, and the beast’s body suddenly became heavy.

The Captain’s eyes widened as the beastly human fell on top of him. He felt a warm droplet burn on his cheek.

The boy had been crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you not to worry, remember?


	3. Vogel ohne Flügel

He wiggled uncomfortably as he woke up. It was freezing and he realized the wooden structure beneath him was trembling, so he slowly opened his tired, dry eyes. His eyelids were glued together, but he managed to open them anyways. The man panicked as he realized that he couldn’t see anything, so he stood up on all fours to shake wildly in a desperate attempt to realize what was going on. After a few seconds, he finally got his head out of the cloth that covered his face, heavily gasping, searching for air. For a few seconds he just stood there, not even paying attention to anything that was going on. The only thing he cared for right then was that he was, in fact, still alive somehow. As his heartbeat slowed down, he finally sat down to relax again, tiredly yawning. He let his head droop, but slowly reopened his eyes again when he smelt a familiar scent coming from the cloth that was positioned on his shoulders and that was tangled between his arms as he held them up front. The young man grabbed the cloth from his shoulder with his teeth, carefully pulling it away from his body. He then spat it on the wooden surface that was still trembling, leaning his elbows on the dark green cloth to ensure the wind wouldn’t sweep it away and lying on top of it, his side falling down to touch the wood beneath him. The human then bit the cape underneath him, like he was trying to play with it. After some time, he puffed and rolled over to the side, pulling the green cloth closer. It looked like new and was completely clean, but the scent of the man he had met before was still on it. He spent a few seconds staring ahead of himself, remembering the person he fought with a while ago. The hatred burning in his cold eyes was still engraved into the boy’s heavy heart, but his thoughts went somewhere else as he finally realized that he wasn’t home anymore. In disbelief, he slowly stood up and carefully walked up to the grid that separated him from the outside world, staring at it in shock. The trees looked smaller than usual. He let out a soft cry as he moved left and right, trying to spot a place that would allow him to escape from the small cage he was in, but the thin metal proved to be a problem: there was no escape route this time.

He squealed as he desperately moved up and down the small cage he was in, not knowing what to do with himself. The beautiful green scenery that had been providing him with safety and food for over ten years was now getting further and further away, and he could feel his heart being torn apart. All the memories he had were tied to that place. He was slowly being dragged away from his happiness, from the huge thick trees that provided him shelter when there was no one around, from the small watery surfaces that played with him when no one else would, from the animals he had tried to communicate with, from his parent that wasn’t there for him anymore.

He sat down on his shins, raising his head up to watch his home getting further away. He was out in the open now. He couldn’t understand how, and why. He just wanted to go back. He just wanted to run through the barrier to get back. He just wanted to tear the grid apart and to run as fast as his feet could carry him.

He suddenly stood up, and despite suffering from blood loss and having a painful headache, he immediately slammed his entire body against the grid, trying to break through. As it didn’t work on the first try, the wild human cried out and hit the grid again, this time hitting it with the shoulder that was still wrapped in Levi’s cravat. The human hissed from the pain as he slid down the grid, tightly holding onto the metal and clenching it. His vision was getting blurry.

He realized that he was being dragged away by some sort of transportation tool with big wheels on each side, carrying the weight of the human in the cage, and it was being pulled by two large dark brown animals the humans seemingly used as transport, but as companions as well. He then realized he wasn’t alone as a hard fist pushed him to the ground, making him fall face first into the hard, wooden surface.

“Look at that thing. It’s trying to escape”, a man said and Eren felt terribly confused since he didn’t understand a word the human had said. But the tone of his voice was mocking, so the beastly human had an idea of how his relationship towards the human should be. Eren slowly got back up, standing on all fours again. He saw the similarity between him and all the other humans, but he didn’t exactly feel like one. He didn’t feel comfortable standing up on two legs and looking a human in the eyes. Instinct was telling him not to, and so was his brain. He didn’t understand human speech, but that didn’t make him dumb.

“Should we put it to sleep again?”

“The Commander would be pissed if we’d do that”, a laugh came and Eren’s expression shifted to an angry one, “after all, it’s _special,_ and what not. I mean, he’s going to use the monster for experiments anyway, I don’t get why we would have to keep him safe then.”

“Beats me.”

Curious, the boy looked upwards, only to see two older, taller men sitting at each side of the cart, talking to each other over the cage Eren was in. He didn’t trust them. He wouldn’t trust anyone anymore. He had been alone for a long time, he’ll manage on his own in the future too, and it didn’t matter that he wasn’t one of them.

“What are you looking at, wretch?! Get back into the corner where you belong”, the first human stated, kicking the cage to which Eren responded by flipping to the side and meeting the ground with his injured face once again. The human beast growled, to which the other soldier hummed.

“Oho, feisty one, isn’t it? We ought to teach him some manners, don’t you think?” the other one asked and kicked the cage again, sending the beast flying across the small space he was trapped in. The other soldier laughed and kicked back, turning the event into a competitive game of who could thrust the cage harder. Eren crawled into the corner in the meantime, knowing they couldn’t reach him that way. He was devoid of his freedom and of his wild side, and now he was just nobody. He was a human monstrosity that would never get the chance to show who he truly was. The human beast curled up in a ball, the Wings of Freedom resting on his chest as he was tightly gripping the cloth.

Suddenly, everything stopped: the movement, the repetitive sounds of hooves, the laughter, the brutal game between the soldiers, everything.

“Oi. What the hell do you think you are doing?” a silent, soothing voice soon came into the ears of the boy as he slightly lifted his head up to catch the sound that was coming his way.

“N-Nothing, sir! W-We were just-“

“I know what you were doing, and it’s freaking disgusting. He might be a monster raised by the wilderness, but you’re acting like the real animals right now. You were told to watch out for him so he wouldn’t escape, but you decide to _make him want to escape._ The Commander himself told me to get out so I’d see what was going on back there, you know…? If I told him what you were doing…” his tone was silent and smooth, but menacing in a way. Both of the soldier quickly apologized before running off, and the caged creature was left alone once again.

He slowly sat up, watery eyes opening as he felt every single muscle of his burn. What did he ever do to them? Did he really deserve such a cruel punishment? He couldn’t understand. He _wanted_ to understand. He was frustrated that he couldn’t understand the words the people around him said, and now he was completely under their control. His wings were shattered and his whole body chained to the ground, and he’d never be free again, he could tell. The only world he had ever known so far wasn’t exactly nice to him as well, but at least he understood the nature of it. Coming into an environment filled with all kinds of tools and gadgets was honestly scaring him. His instinct was telling him to try to call for help and to keep on trying to escape, but Eren knew better.

Eren remained sitting in the corner silently, hoping sunlight wouldn’t reach him so his form wouldn’t be revealed. He wasn’t sure if he could take more beating, but didn’t think of the fact that regardless of no one seeing him, everybody still knew that he was there.

The cart started again, and Eren almost lost his balance, but kept sitting on his shins, his head pressed against the cold metal grid.

“Enjoying the view, brat?” a silent voice came from the other side of the cage and Eren immediately turned his head back around to see the same short man as before again. He had a bandage over his leg, but other than that, he still looked pretty healthy, unlike the beast that was hiding itself in the darkness. Levi squinted his eyes to see the other human, but the only thing he could see was his figure and his piercing teal eyes that still reflected the sunlight. The soldier was holding onto the grid as well, squat sitting as he attempted to calm the fuming beast by looking into its eyes. The beast obviously had no intention of stopping its rage, but Levi would always get persistent if there was something he really wanted to achieve. The raven-haired man turned his head around to see the thick forest that was already miles away before looking back at the boy whose breath was heavy and inconsistent. His eyebrows lowered as he heavily sighed, reaching for something in his pocket and stopping for a moment when he saw the other human flinch.

“Eren”, he called his name and the beast’ eyes met his again. The only thing Levi could see in those blue pools of light was misery, and it didn’t make him feel any better. Originally he didn’t plan on confronting him in any way ever again, but seeing the once strong, dominant wild beast full of life energy sitting in the far corner of an old, dusty cage, with his eyes constantly falling to the ground and his body curled up in defense didn’t feel as fulfilling as Levi hoped it would feel. It felt…wrong.

“I’ve… I’ve brought you something,” he whispered and swiftly looked around, reaching for a small piece of some kind of food and pointing it towards the caged beast, “it’s not much, but I hope it’ll do for now. We aren’t really rich in supplies. Actually, we struggle to survive inside of our _beautiful_ walls every day, so…”

The monster was insecurely looking at the soldier that held out the food, reluctant to budge. Levi rolled his eyes as he took a tiny bite of the thing in his hand.

“See, I’m not trying to poison you. It’s just bread.”

“…Brad…?” the concealed human finally responded and Levi half-closed his eyes and tilted his head.

“Almost”, he sighed, reaching the food further out so the other man could take it. After another minute, the other human finally got closer to him, his eyes watching Levi’s carefully. As he got out of the shadow, Levi’s eyes widened before their sight fell at the wooden surface beneath him. He looked back at him as soon as he felt the boy’s fingers touching his as he swiftly pulled the food out of his hand, rushing back to his corner. He couldn’t see it, but he could hear the wild man devour the bread without taking any kind of pause to breath. As soon as the bread vanished, the boy’s hungry eyes looked back at Levi’s, searching for more food. But they didn’t have any more. Levi had just given him his own lunch. As Eren realized nothing else was coming, he slowly came out of the darkness to approach the one human that he didn’t resent that much. His gaze was shy and he couldn’t even look Levi in the eye anymore. His whole personality morphed and he looked completely different now. He was defenseless and pathetic, and Levi wanted to punch Erwin in the throat.

He tried to approach him a few times, but as he got close to him he rather took a turn and walked in circles. Levi was patiently watching him.

When he finally got to the other human, he fell at his knees and hunched down, looking at Levi from down below, which Levi didn’t like. The shorter man frowned at him and just kept looking at him for a while. He then copied the wild man in his posture, all while his facial expression remained blank as usual. Eren’s eyes suddenly lit up a little as he raised his head, to which the Captain raised his head as well. The human wrapped his boney fingers around the grid, and so did the soldier. Eren then tilted his head left to look at the Captain’s scratched hands, then right, and then returned his sight back at the Captain. His eyes were curious.

“Captain Levi, the Commander is asking for you”, a voice came from somewhere and Levi looked in the direction the sound was coming from while Eren continued to stare at him. As Levi realized Eren was still looking at him, he looked back as well, the ever present frown still on his face.

“Leevi”, the beastly human muttered as Levi’s hand quickly brushed through the boy’s messy hair as he stood up and walked away, still ignoring the pain in his leg and the glance that Eren shot him as he went back.

***

“For the last time, Levi, I’m not going to hurt him for as long as it’s not completely obligatory”, the tall blonde man said as he looked at the short soldier sitting across him, his expression distant as he carefully observed their surroundings, paying most attention to the spacious meadows that stretched out from outside the horse cart they were driving in. His head was resting on his arm that was leaning against the small window, his eyes focused on nothing in particular. He didn’t look very convinced.

“Haven’t you seen what he looks like?” Levi soon responded as Erwin’s eyebrows twitched. The taller man soon smirked and leaned his weight at his knees, clenching his hands together.

“Since when do you care?” Erwin remarked and saw fury in the short Captain’s eyes for a brief moment. Levi leaned back at the seat, crossing his arms. There was silence for a long time.

“Ever since your brain turned to shit.”

Erwin leaned back as well, asking for a more detailed description of the reason. Levi soon looked into his eyes.

“You started thinking in a way that no one could describe with simple words. The closest thing to an explanation would be, well, crappy and suicidal ways of a disturbed mind. We just abducted a young adult who doesn’t have any kind of knowledge of human culture or interaction, thinking he’d spill the secrets of all Titans out, only paying with the heads of my entire squad. This wasn’t even part of the mission, but you saw a weakened monster and immediately knew what you had to do with it, am I right? Honestly, Erwin, I wouldn’t even be surprised if you had known all along that creatures like him existed in this forest.”

“Actually…”

“Tsk”, Levi rolled his eyes, “Of course you did.”

“Soldiers had witnessed multiple occasions in which they saw a humanlike creature whose goal seemed to be to assault our soldiers because of an unknown reason. There were even instances when those soldiers would get killed. Upon first discovering their bodies, we’ve realized that our men didn’t have the usual wounds a Titan could create. Titans leave huge marks that often cover more than a half of the body, after all. The soldiers who are believed to have been attacked by humanly monsters were found lying in this very forest on their backs in the grass or trees with a clear, deep bite mark on their throats.”

Levi’s hand reflexively trailed down his neck. He remembered how the beastly human was breathing right into his neck, suspiciously close to his carotid artery.

“Having a monster like that tested out would provide us with more information about those other humanlike beasts.”

“…There’s more to that, isn’t it? You’ve got something on your mind and you won’t let it go, huh?” Levi asked.

After some time, Erwin widely smirked, saying: “You know me all too well.”

Humanity’s Strongest sat there in confusion, trying to guess what Erwin thought, although he knew he’d never be able to understand his superior. He sighed, crossing his legs.

“Anyways. Do you honestly believe that he would just tell us everything he knows about those tree huggers? He might be dumb, but not to such an extent”, Levi looked serious as he stared into the Commander’s eyes, realizing that there was another thing.

“No one ever said something about us asking him to spill it all out.”

“So you plan on wielding violence.”

“Our profession”, Erwin nodded as Levi looked away from him again, eyeing the walls in the distance. There was silence for some time again, like Erwin was waiting to hear another comment of Levi’s so he could resume talking.

“It had always been our last resort, hadn’t it?”

“Yes. And it still is.”

Levi nodded in understanding. Still, something was bothering him. He turned his face towards Commander Erwin again, his frown bigger and his eyes colder.

“You do know that wild animals captured live longer in captivity, but live a depressing, empty life, right?”

Erwin didn’t say anything. He thought he already knew what Levi had been trying to say. The petite Captain lowered his gaze.

“But this is no animal, Erwin. We’re dealing with a human that had lost his humanity a long time ago. Humans are frail. Upon feeling intense emotions, they crumble, and then fall. Even if we try to make him human again, he would probably die sooner than we’d get anything out of him. We are dealing with a human whose spirit is shackled and torn in half.”

Erwin kept looking at him for a while before sighing and looking down at the ground again.

“You said it had lost its humanity a long time ago yourself. It isn’t human.”

There was silence for a long time again, Erwin occasionally looking out of the window to check whether they were close yet.

“I’ve seen remorse in those eyes. Although he had probably never known what sin was, he did feel deep regret for what he had done to me at the time. Now, I’m not sure if animals are able to feel it or not. Hell, I’m not even sure if all humans feel it. The only thing I can make out of this is that he possesses a small sprout of humanity that hasn’t been cared for”, Levi silently said, raising his head to look at the Commander with the big eyebrows as silence got the better end of them again. Levi soon looked out of the window again to see the wall drawing nearer. Erwin was surprised to actually hear Levi talk in such a heartfelt manner. He never spoke about anything like that.

“Whatever the creature indentifies as, it is still a monster for possibly killing members of the Survey Corps and for almost killing you. Feeling apathy for a piteous creature like that is hard, but we shouldn’t dwell on past experiences, Levi. Our job isn’t to investigate what kind of life the guilty creature had lived in the past; it is to protect humanity, which means that we will do anything necessary to ensure no one will get harmed; including killing the beast without any sign of regret, and you of all people should know that.”

Levi’s brows furrowed as he looked back at him.

“Tch. No one ever said that I wouldn’t kill him, if it was necessary.”

“Good.”

Levi didn’t respond in a while. There was, however, one thing that still bothered him too much. As they heard the gate opening, Levi quickly glanced back up to meet Erwin’s eyes, his eyes still looking disinterested in any kind of conversation.

“Back then when you all had pointed the tranquilizer guns at him. That look in his eye and that posture he made. Do you think he thought you might shoot me as well?”

Erwin looked like he thought about it.

“He was trying to protect me, wasn’t he…?” Levi asked, a trace of rhetoric in his voice.

After a few seconds, Erwin answered: “No.”

Levi raised his eyebrows before shrugging and looking away again. They were slowly passing the gate and Levi’s eyes trailed towards the ceiling adorned with foliage as his expressionless eyes widened for a brief moment, like they would always do before he’d take on a serious face again.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It just seems like Eren's fate is to suffer, doesn't it...? 
> 
> Uhm. Anyways. Thank you guys for your support. It means a lot :)


	4. Das Schicksal der Menschheit

The Commander was the first one to exit the cart when it finally stopped moving. A man rushed to aid the two soldiers to get out, but as Levi got out on his own as well, the short soldier just shot him a glance that made the man’s intentions falter. Levi then threw a black jacket over his shoulders as he followed the man with the thick eyebrows down the path towards the beast they had captured. They were in a rush, and everything around Levi was a blur, so his eyes were locked on the paved ground. Suddenly, he felt a big hand being placed on his shoulder so he looked up to see Erwin looking at him. The Commander shot him a reassuring look to which the shorter man replied with a silent: “Tch.”

“Levi. I know you’ve endured losses today and are not in perfect shape, but I must ask you to attack him once again if necessary.”

“Why don’t you dirty your hands for once, huh? Stains don’t go away as easily, you know”, he said bitterly, his eyebrows furrowing.

Erwin smiled before picking up the pace as Levi just sighed. It always had to be him, just because he was so good at it, and just because no one else wanted to do it. Everyone could beat the life out of that beast now that he was in such a state, but they chose not to. They had Levi for that.

_“Levi, Levi, Levi. Humanity’s Strongest can handle it. He always has everything under control. He can do everything. He doesn’t have limits, especially not emotional ones. Humanity’s Strongest cannot possibly fail… Oh, what a bunch of lies. They all fail to realize that Humanity’s Strongest is more of a nickname than a title. They’ll attach that name to whoever strong shows up after I’m gone anyways. Then it’ll all go in the same damn circle.”_

Levi stopped as soon as he saw the caged human forcefully being dragged out of its cage. One soldier grabbed him by one and another soldier by the other shoulder, clenching him tightly as the beast tried to escape their grip. Although they were much stronger and taller than him, the beast didn’t seem to care and tried to escape by all means necessary, but he was too weak and too hurt to escape them at that point.

People were starting to question the whereabouts of the weird muffled roars, so they formed a circle around the Survey Corps to get a better glance at the beast they were trying to get under control. As some of them were already yelling at the confused beast that was eyeing them constantly, Erwin quickly nodded. Erwin then approached the young man and one of the other soldiers, Mike, grabbed the boy’s hair and forced it into the ground, making the boy yelp in pain. He was still resisting, but under Mike’s strong grip, he couldn’t even look up anymore so he’d see all the people staring oddly at him, just waiting for him to make the wrong move. His shoulders were tense. Levi’s sight went up to Mike before he looked at Erwin again. He then got lost in thought.

Mike soon pulled the boy back up, making him sit on his shins and look directly into the Commander’s eyes as he kneeled down to meet the wild man who was constantly growling at him. His widely opened burning eyes told him everything he needed to know. Erwin stood up and waved his hand as Mike released the boy and stepped away.

Eren stood up on his trembling legs to look around himself. He was completely lost. Everything was happening so fast he didn’t even get the chance to think about what he was doing there. All he knew was that he was getting sicker and sicker with each passing second.

The people that weren’t dressed in uniforms were shouting, speaking to one another, looking at him like some sort of monstrosity, which he knew he was in their eyes. He then looked back at each and every member of the Survey Corps around him. His gaze stopped at Erwin, though. He had his big eyebrows burned into his mind. He said something with his hand raised towards the civilians, but Eren didn’t understand. His heart was racing as everyone was looking at him, waiting for some sort of reaction. The beastly human knew that he shouldn’t do anything stupid and that he should just bow his head and lose that temper of his, but he couldn’t. Something in the boy’s mind suddenly clicked and the next moment he was charging towards Erwin the fastest he could, but was stopped as something hit him in the stomach. He suddenly stopped, fell to his knees and looked ahead of himself, seeing the short man standing in front of him before Levi got a hold on his shaggy hair and forcefully made him stand up, looking him in the eye. Eren’s gaze was still fiery, but he didn’t do anything anymore. He knew the other would overpower him easily, so he just stared into his cold eyes, breathing heavily.

_“That temper of his is gonna be the death of us all, I swear.”_

Levi’s eyes weren’t giving off any kind of emotion, he just looked away to see the people in the background laughing and cheering. He wasn’t sure whether they called out his name or whether they just enjoyed the sight of the poor boy getting beaten up again and again, but he didn’t need to hear what they were saying to be disgusted by them. He was then handed a cape by Erwin and he quickly threw it over the boy, covered his head with the hood, dragging him away from the commonalty as the other soldiers encircled them to make sure no one else would see the beast beneath the green cloth. Some of the soldiers stayed behind to make the people know that not a word should be spoken to the Government about the wild man.

Strangely, the boy submitted to the way things worked around there and Levi handed him over to a pair of comrades before quickly rushing towards the Commander of the squad.

“Do we always have to make a show when we get back from expeditions?” he asked in such a manner that only few people would understand that he really _did_ want an answer.

“Well, considering the people always wait for us to see the results we brought; yes. You know how they would have reacted if you hadn’t done anything, though. Only few of them understand the importance of our job, and if we’d bring them a monster that is neither human nor Titan, they might just fear for their lives, inform the Government and shut us out completely.”

Levi looked back at the beast, seeing how his body was trembling under the cape as his boney hands were holding onto the cape tightly, like he was afraid to let go of the Wings that were fluttering as the wind was playing with it. Levi could have sworn he heard muffled sniffles, but as he looked at his eyes he saw that they lost their natural shine as they were locked at the pavement, completely dry. His shape was plainly said, terrible. Bruises and cuts were covering his whole body, including his youthful face.

“You took it a little bit too far again”, Erwin suddenly said, but Levi didn’t bother to look at him.

_“The fire is slowly dying out. Their light is fading as it is replaced with plain darkness that is slowly sucking his life out already. Wasn’t this the boy whose eyes made his entire being turn into something incomprehensible? …Whatever. He’ll grow a new spine eventually.”_

“It wasn’t just me.”

They were walking down their path in quietness, trying to say as few words as possible. Crowds were following them constantly and were shouting about their uselessness as usual, but they were all already accustomed to those insults. Eren was the one who seemed to take all of the insults in though, even though he couldn’t understand anything the people were saying. Muffled voices and angriness seemingly made him reflect hatred as his hands started to quiver and his legs’ steps became firmer. The boy managed to turn his head around to growl at them before one of the men holding him grabbed his hood and pulled it over his eyes, so that the wild human got confused and angrily stumbled forward. No matter how hurt he was, he could clearly still find the energy to be angry.

“…You seem to be quite fond of him”, Erwin said again and Levi finally turned his head back towards the taller man to frown at him.

“Huh?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Levi. The only thing I know is that you are trying to understand his situation at the moment, aren’t you…? The way you look at him. It all seems familiar to you, doesn’t it?”

Levi’s nose scrunched up.

“Stop spewing crap out of your mouth, Erwin. If you’re trying to say that we’re similar in a way, you are dead wrong. I wasn’t alone and I had people around me, no matter how hard my life was. It was unfair, yes, but don’t go drawing parallels were they most certainly don’t exist. The only thing that _is_ a parallel between our arrivals to the scene is the way Mike bashed us into the ground. Eren was raised in the wild, with no human contact for years whatsoever, other than possibly brutally assaulting them. The only reason why I didn’t kill him back then was because of the way he acted after encountering me. Like he couldn’t believe his eyes that he had met another human.”

“…Eren?”

Levi rushed forward, ignoring Erwin’s question.

…

A monster. That’s what they had shackled up inside. And that monster knew its place, and that place wasn’t there. Hidden from the rest of humanity, left to rot in a small cell beneath the courtroom, like a trapped bird that wasn’t allowed to spread its wings anymore, this was his fate now. So he decided to trap that beast inside of him for now, hoping it would stay unnoticed. He was sitting in the far corner of the small prison, rolled up in a ball, his arms on his head, his legs crossed in defense. The floor and walls were made of stone which collected dampness, and Eren’s condition wasn’t getting any better. It had been three days since they had captured him, and in that time, he neither slept nor ate anything, he only drank water once or twice a day. The soldiers that brought him food and water were starting to question whether the monster they were keeping inside could even consume what they were bringing him, and rumors about him started to spread. The only thing he did was walking around in circles for hours, then sitting down and looking at the ceiling, then trying to come up with a plan to escape, then failing and cleaning the floor from dust beneath him before lying down and staring at the grid and the guards’ feet, hoping one would get closer so he could snap their legs. They did get closer, but Eren didn’t do anything. Those were all just thoughts creeping into his differently oriented mind. He’d just wait for another day or death to come; either was good. And every day was like that.

It was relatively early. Eren knew someone had to come to check on him every minute now, but he wished to be alone for all eternity. He had tried to escape countless times, only to be stopped by the harsh pain in his head. His head was lowered constantly, submitting to the will of the corners of the room that he felt were drawing nearer with each passing hour. The grid was getting thicker too, and Eren’s will to live was flaring alive. With each fall, he felt stronger. He kept thinking he’d never escape, but his heart felt otherwise.

“Well, hello there, my little Titan wannabe! Sorry I’m late! I had some urgent business with research and stuff that you surely aren’t into… So yeah! I’m here!” an incredibly optimistic voice came towards him, but he wasn’t interested in whoever the person shouting towards him was. He didn’t even tilt his head.

The woman put her hands on her hips and sighed.

“Is that how you greet all of your new fellows? Come on, live it up! Are you always like this?”

Eren slowly raised his head just enough to see her interested face, but quickly showed that he wasn’t in the mood for conversation as he simply burrowed his head in his hands again. She stood there confused, tightly gripping the grid that was separating them. She then turned to one of the guards to ask: “Is he always like this?”

“W-We don’t know, Captain. He’s been like that ever since he has shown up, yes. But other than that-“

“Oh, good. Good. Okay, understood”, she quickly said and squatted down, slamming her forehead against the metal grid and scaring the wild human with the loud thud that came from her. Her dark brown hair was folded into a messy, oily ponytail, and her big, square glasses were reflecting the light of the flickering candles from above. There was a creepily wide grin on her face as she stared into the wide eyes of the boy. She still had her sleeping wear, but threw the Survey Corps jacket over her shoulders anyways.

“Can you understand what I’m saying?” she said in an incredibly slow way while tilting her head to the right, furthermore confusing the young man with the golden key around his neck.

He just stared.

“Can he understand what I’m saying?” she quickly asked the guard next to her, and he shrugged his shoulders. The eccentric woman then quickly looked back.

“Whether you understand or not, here’s the thing. I’m Hange Zoe, your new comrade. We’ll have lots of fun together, you know?”

Eren slowly blinked, not knowing whether he should ignore her or run for his life.

“Commander Erwin, you know, the bushy eyebrow guy himself, gave me the task of doing research on you. I must say, Eren, “her smile got wider when she saw the way Eren’s eyes shone as she said his name, “I’ve never met a human living with Titans for over ten years that still had their organs on their rightful places! Bravo!”

Eren seemed to take interest in her presence since that, but was still weary of her.

“Say… were you really part of them? The Titans, I mean? You are a little short for a Titan, but hey, I’m not judging. They come in different shapes and sizes anyways, so that’s not the problem here or anything, it’s just that,” she was saying as she was searching through some paperwork, but suddenly stopped and looked back at him again, “You know, we’ve had multiple records of people like you randomly showing up in the woods you came from, but you’ve never been sighted… A somewhat muscular, average sized boy with expressive blue-green eyes and shaggy brown hair? No, no. Erwin sent me a report about your physical appearance this morning so I came rushing over here immediately… then realizing they had tried to draw you since Levi wasn’t in the mood for writing and Erwin’s… well… Erwin. But the drawing was… um… how can I say…? Levi knows his art on the battlefield, not on paper”, she widely smiled as she showed the confused human the attempt of a drawing. As soon as he tilted his head to get a better view at the picture, she crumpled the paper and threw it away, Eren’s eyes following the paper.

She then clapped her hands and made his attention get to her again.

“Back to the wannabe Titans, shall we? We’ve recorded seventy nine cases thus far. The victims’ necks were bitten through, so people like you are obviously skilled hunters, knowing about the neck anatomy and how to stop _Animalia_ from breathing. The squad that had encountered them reported them immediately, but went missing ever since. Their depictions of those “tree huggers”, what Levi would call them, were very detailed, like they were staring at each other whilst describing them…” she got lost in thought for a moment, grinning and clenching her hands together, “their identities are all unknown. You’re the first one whose name we actually got! But the surname! That’s the problem. We’ll have to take on intense research through paperwork to find that one out… About the others, though. There was a tall black-haired man that was always paired with a muscular blonde man, a brown-haired freckled chick, a rather short blue-eyed and blonde-haired girl… and… oh! What am I doing…? Time flies! I was supposed to ask you some questions, and we haven’t even discussed what you’ll be doing while you’ll be trapped in these four walls with me!”

Eren’s sight fell back at his bruised hands.

“So, Eren.”

The young man looked back at her as he heard his name and her cheeks became rosy, her eyes constantly widening.

“What are the Titans like?! Why didn’t they kill you when they had the chance to? How come they haven’t torn you to pieces back then? Do you know why, maybe?”

Eren stared. He could understand a few words actually, but her way of speaking was incredibly fast and the only thing he heard was “Titans”. His eyebrows furrowed. Hange kept waiting for a few seconds to see if he was going to answer her, but suddenly laughed and made him look back at her.

“Oh! Right… Ten years of silence and roars,” she facepalmed, “you can’t speak, can you…?”

He blinked and she put her hands over her head, shaking it wildly and scratching her hair.

“Silly me… we’ll have to teach you proper English then!” she looked back at him, gripping the metal grid, “I’m positive that you’ve learned the basics as a child, so we’ll just fill the vocabulary in… it shouldn’t take too long, we’re all born with the grammatical structure inside our brains anyways, so… But before that! We’ll have to run some tests. Bear with me, okay?”

Eren was frightened at this point; the woman was pushing her messy hair into the grid and the beast curled into a ball yet again.

“First of all, we’ll have to analyze your blood to see whether you’re healthy or not. The soldiers reported that you don’t need much food, so I’d like to slice you up to find out why exactly that is. Don’t worry, Erwin permitted me to dissect you if necessary, so I won’t get punished. We’ll also need you to show your climbing and killing capabilities, Hunter, to see how the others could deal with the likes of you… Then we’ll have to analyze your skin to see if there are any traces of Titan flesh, blood, saliva or anything in general on it, and then we’ll try to…”

Eren was staring. He didn’t understand a word she was saying, but he knew that he had to escape as soon as possible.

“You don’t understand, do you?!” Hange’s voice raised and Eren immediately looked back at her, a drop of sweat appearing on his forehead. He raised his head defensively, waiting for her to respond instead of just looking at him, without him being able to look at her because of the reflected light in her huge glasses.

“The fate of humanity lies on us, the Survey Corps, even though people don’t acknowledge that. And we will use every means necessary to protect those untrusting people. All those sacrifices we made… usually, they are for nothing. But Erwin sees something inside of you, and he sees things that no one else does. He put his faith in you, my dear, inhuman monster. Which means the fate of humanity is now in your hands… whether you’ll keep it or whether I’ll have to extract it from your body, you’re to decide. Until then”, she said, stood up, and walked away, not returning her sight at the boy whose attention she finally managed to capture fully.

The boy didn’t sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hange back at it again. Welp. 
> 
> Thanks for your support, by the way.


	5. Der Bericht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been two months since they had captured the beast. Experiments had been conducted and Hange was pleased with the results, which is why she decides to report the results to the Commander himself, who had been asking for his state time and time again.

Looking at her feet as she was getting closer to the door, she counted the steps she had taken from the prison to her current location, a wide smirk on her face.

_“Five hundred eighty two… five hundred eighty three, eighty four, five hundred and eight five…”_

She sorted through the documents she was clenching in her firm, but shaky hands, a hint of a smile on her focused face. Other soldiers would look at her from the side, wondering what she was so focused at yet again, but she didn’t part her eyes from the ground and her dirty brown boots. She didn’t even realize she was wearing her jacket inside out, and her shirt wasn’t aligned properly. She had been awake all night again, sorting through the documents in her small office.

“Six hundred!” she shouted and leaped up excitedly, making everyone turn around in confusion. Levi looked at her as well, pushing himself away from the wall he was leaned at with an easy motion after a few seconds.

“Only thirty eight steps away from reports…” she muttered under her breath, accidentally pushing two soldiers aside without even realizing it.

“Squad leader Hange back at it again…”

“I heard she found something out about the…beast. You know what beast I’m thinking about, right?”

The restless woman finally approached the big wooden door that led to Erwin’s office, standing up straight before proudly knocking, her grin getting more and more obvious with each second passing. Erwin’s response didn’t come, but she let herself in anyways, slamming the big door open and catching Erwin by surprise. He had been walking in circles around his office again, thinking out loud.

“Hange.”

The squad leader’s smile stretched itself out as she clenched the papers in her hand, proudly saying: “Sir, I think I’ve collected some _pretty_ useful information.”

She then threw the papers at Erwin’s desk, saluting and stepping away. Erwin looked at the papers skeptically, scanning them for information. After seeing each and every paper, he raised his right eyebrow and looked at the soldier in front of him as a grin came to her face again.

“The papers are empty.”

“Yup, of course they are!” she loudly said, pointing at her head, “Everything is stored right in here! For safety reasons, of course, not because I was too excited to write the information down properly. Nope.”

Erwin nodded, leaning his weight at the table and crossing his arms.

“I’m listening.”

Hange quickly nodded.

“We believe our prisoner is the son of Grisha Yeager, a well-known doctor who lived in the Shiganshina District before the fall of the first Wall. I’ve sent a few soldiers to ask for more information regarding the doctor, since all of his documents, and thus valuable proof of his existence, completely vanished without a trace. Someone must have wanted his existence to remain forgotten… As it turns out, he was the one who managed to stop the plague from spreading, thus saving hundreds of lives. It is a real mystery how such a man could just fade out of existence. His family had been erased from the past as well apparently, but it is believed that he had a wife, and a young son of unknown names. To be completely honest, there is no real proof of him actually being our prisoner’s father, and Eren isn’t responding to the name “Grisha”. But last night me and a few of my comrades searched through every single document, stumbling onto an empty folder named “Yeager”.”

“So… you broke into the Government House without my permission, in other words”, Erwin added with a slight smirk on his face and Hange just put her finger over her lips, grinning again.

“Anyways, the folder was sorted in the Shiganshina District, so I’ve sent a few soldiers to visit a few homes in the middle of the night. I knew we shouldn’t have waited for too long, so I sent them ASAP. We’ve found some citizens that survived the fall of Wall Maria, asking them about the famous doctor. They didn’t know much about him, but they confirmed his existence and him having a son at least. One of the survivors of the fall was one of our very own Trainees, Armin Arlert. He is currently out on an expedition of his own, so we will have to wait for his return to be sure. The specimen was positive that young Arlert knew Grisha’s son. If that were the case, we could easily find out if Eren is indeed in the forgotten Yeager family.”

“Considering Armin would be able to identify the “old” Eren, if that really was the case.”

Hange nodded.

“This shouldn’t prove to be a problem though, Commander. Eren is learning pretty quickly for his age… Maybe his neurons still form connections easily like a child’s, or maybe it’s just his determination to learn stuff quickly and effectively. He seems to be willing to know as much as possible, for some reason.”

Erwin sat on his chair and leaned forward, clenching his hands and leaning his chin on them.

“Do tell.”

“Well, first of all, I had him construct simple things and draw as well, and believe it or not, his artistic abilities are much better than a certain grumpy person’s we know… Also, his language skills have been improving vastly in those last two months he has spent with me. He seems to understand many commands now and responds to them effectively. However, he is reluctant to speak himself, or maybe he is unable to… His vocal organs do function properly, but I’m not sure how his brain reacts to the stimuli. I’ve tried to speak to him, but the only thing I managed to learn from him was that he is extremely irritable and hostile.”

Erwin nodded, confirming he wanted to hear more.

“When you said he is more of a monster than a human, I actually didn’t believe it until seeing how he acted. He is so scary that it makes him beautiful,” her cheeks became red again as she looked ahead into a random spot on the blank sheet of paper that was placed on Erwin’s desk, “I’ve been observing him carefully ever since the moment you called me. He rarely eats, but when he does, he tears the food apart piece by piece, fast, like he knows we can’t take it away from him, but doesn’t want to waste time on eating. And if you try to get closer as he eats…” she suddenly laughed, “he wants to bite your finger off!”

Erwin’s expression turned stern as Hange recollected herself.

“I checked him up as soon as I got the chance to. Most of his injuries were infected, and it’s a real wonder we managed to heal him in time. If you hadn’t had brought him back with you… he’d might as well just have died on his own in that forest. But his wounds heal… fast, to say at least. We don’t really know why. He has poor circulation, but his skin is slowly getting some kind of tan, I guess. We also tested his capabilities once and soon found out that he is extremely fast, but on four legs, not two. He runs kind of awkwardly on two legs… Moving on, he watched his pray with eyes wide open and spine tense, in a position to jump. We have found out that he is slightly short-sighted, but not to an extent where treatment would be needed. He makes up for his poorer eyesight in his hearing though. Upon hearing a sound that comes from afar, he raises his head and tilts it in a way so that his right ear was focused towards the source of the sound if it’s speech, and his left ear if it’s music or something similar to it. He sleeps curled up and wakes up pretty easily. When we first tried to put clothing on him, he straight up refused it and tried to attack us. Once we managed to put clothing on him, though. He tore it to pieces with his _teeth!_ ” Hange exclaimed excitedly before calming herself again, coughing for attention, “But… now he wears it. He still refuses to wear footwear though.”

Hange then stopped for a while, putting her index finger and thumb to cup her chin.

“He… is extremely shy though. He loves to hide in his corner when someone approaches and looks people in the eye only after spending certain time with them. I’ve never seen him take interest in anything immediately. He most likely suffers from deep depression, as it always is with wild animals held in captivity…”

“Then how _couldn’t_ this prove to be a problem?” Erwin asked and Hange widely smiled.

“Well… He _looks_ human now, at least!” her expression then turned normal again, “He even sits up straight from time to time, and asks for things politely with gestures instead of growling at us until we give him what he wants.”

“You _do_ realize that turning him human in a small cage won’t work, right?” a voice came from the door and both of them looked towards it, seeing the short Captain leaning at it. His expression was, like always, stern, “You left the door open. Anyone could have heard you talk if I hadn’t followed you.”

“Levi…? How long have you-”

“Doesn’t it strike you as odd?” Levi questioned and Erwin and Hange looked at each other.

“What?” Erwin asked as Hange crossed her arms to listen to her short comrade.

Levi’s eyebrows furrowed as he crossed his legs and lowered his head, looking at an obvious coffee stain on the office’s carpet that no one bothered to clean.

“That folder,” he then slowly raised his head towards the Commander, “that person must have been pretty dumb to just let the empty folder with the name clearly written on it standing there, don’t you think? You can do better than that, four eyes. It’s a laid-out pattern for us to follow. Someone knows what we’re doing.”

There was a moment of silence.

“It does seem convenient for the folder to be found so easily, that’s true. But do you have any proof, Levi?” Erwin asked, eyeing the short man.

“Do we have proof that folder isn’t fake as well?” Levi asked and watched them think for a moment, “No. But you still _assume_ his name is Yeager, and that he really _is_ the child of the doctor that had gone missing. Many families were separated and died off during that time, and he might as well just be some random kid that fell from the heavens like manna to save us from Titans or some shit. Oh, and we’ve broken into the Government House multiple times, haven’t we…? What makes us think that we’re the only ones capable of marching in and out like that? Hell, we might as well be dealing with someone _working_ in the Government. They’re all trying to get a piece of us, aren’t they? They know what we’re doing. Erwin. Our intentions are by no means in their favor, are they?”

Erwin and Levi stared at each other for a few seconds before the Captain suddenly moved from the wall and exited the Commander’s office without any warning. Hange quickly eyed Erwin and then made her way towards the shorter soldier, leaving Erwin to think on his own.

“Levi, wait up”, she called after him, but the man didn’t seem to be listening to her, or at least he wasn’t paying any attention to her. He was headed towards the young man stuck in prison to see for himself what had become of the monster that haunted his short dreams for two months straight, “Levi!”

When she finally caught up to him she was furious, and the shorter soldier looked back at her just to see her fuming. He then looked away again, looking ahead of himself.

“What was that for…?” she angrily said and put both of her hands behind her head, “You know I considered all of that myself… Why’d you have to act like that?”

“You _considered_ it. You didn’t say anything about the possibility of your intense research being a complete waste of time.”

“I didn’t get to that point yet, spoiler!” she hissed before sighing heavily, “And what do you mean with _complete waste of time_? I’m pretty sure that even though it all might go down the stream, the research would prove to be useful to at least some extent…”

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe Eyebrow will be able to wipe his ass properly with that folder you got him. Is it October the 14th yet?”

Hange heavily sighed before shrugging her shoulders, defeatedly smirking.

“Don’t forget about the blank papers.”

Levi looked at her in an approving way before they both just kept walking in the same direction, hoping one of them would go the other way, but as they realized they were getting close to their destination, they started to have second guesses.

“Where… are you headed to actually?” Hange soon asked and Levi looked up at her, hoping another Titan would come to destroy the remaining walls so that he wouldn’t have to answer that question. But the Titan didn’t come.

“I… wanted to go check on that brat you’ve got locked up downstairs.”

“Oh? Really?!” Hange exclaimed as Levi stared at her, “Now that’s a surprising turn of events!”

Levi remained silent, furrowing his eyebrows and quietly following the path that was laid out in front of them, ignoring all of the facts about Eren’s health and behavior she started telling him that he couldn’t care less about. Just one sentence managed to remain inside of his head as he heard it.

“Every time I mention your name he turns his head so that his right ear could take it in.”


	6. Mitgefühl

A drop of water fell straight down at his lower lip. He quickly licked it off before biting it. His eyes were wide open, and he was staring at the small ceiling made of stones. Even after two months, he hadn’t forgotten how it felt like to watch the stars at night as a slight breeze played the strings of leafage behind his back, ensuring him that everything had its reason to exist. He had spent much time alone, thinking about what his purpose was. Maybe he was a bit of a too deep thinker to live in such a cruel wild world easily. But he managed. And now everything fell apart. Staring at the thick ceiling that made him feel unimportant and trapped, he was listening to the sounds of water dripping down occasionally, forming small puddles on the ground, and to the silent crackling of the burning candles in the distance. He hated being trapped. He knew his place was out there, somewhere. He wanted to see much more than four plain walls that made him feel unwanted. He wanted to breathe fresh air again, he wanted to be free. His heart was burning, his eyes widening, his breath intensifying. He would escape eventually, even if it would be to the cost of his own life. He couldn’t care less. He just wanted to be free.

_“Free. To be free.”_

His heart skipped a beat as he stood up on two legs, reaching for the grid that separated him from the rest of humanity. A wide grin spread across his face and his teeth clenched. His eyes were burning with passion, light reflecting in them. There were no guards around, and he was all alone in the dark. If he could only reach the lock now…

_“ **F** R_ **E** _E... I W_ I _LL_ B ** _E_** _F **R**_ E _E.”_

But he couldn’t reach the lock, for he had tried dozens of times. It was pointless. He knew it was But he still wanted to stand up, wanted to approach the grid and feel a tad bit closer to the freedom he wanted. He clenched it tightly and growled in anger, in frustration, before his eyes went wet all of a sudden and his face scrunched up, gripping the grid the strongest he could.

But nothing happened.

After a few seconds, he finally breathed air again and let out a sad roar after which he fell down at his knees, heavily breathing as he tried to stop the tears that were sliding down his cheeks. He couldn’t think straight.

With every hard breath he took, he was whispering the word _free_ over and over again. When he finally came to his senses, he smashed his head against the metal that didn’t want to let go of him as he released a few shaky breaths. He had no idea how long it had been since he last saw daylight. Was it a day? A month? A year? He didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that every second he’d spend in this prison was robbing his time of living. He was _wasting_ his existence, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He _hated_ the sound of the burning candles slowly dying out and wished they’d just silence themselves for once and for all. He _hated_ the way his wrists itched from the handcuffs that had been placed around his hands so he couldn’t even stick his hands out anymore, even if it was just to reach food that would roll away from him. He _hated_ the way that the people who’d come down there would look at him like he was some sort of abomination, like he wasn’t human at all. They’d then mock him or whisper about his untrue origins, thinking he didn’t understand. _He understood everything they were saying,_ but he eventually gave up on speaking so they’d think he was as dumb as wood.

_“An abomination…”_

Maybe they were right, he suddenly thought as he calmed down his intense breathing. They hadn’t even seen the true monster within him yet. He hated what he was as well, which was why he decided never to show his true side again. Because of that, he was stuck in a small prison now. But it was the choice he made. It was better that way. He quickly looked at his hands, observing them carefully and thoroughly. He wasn’t one of them, was he...?

Suddenly, his whole body tensed up as he heard the all too familiar footsteps in the distance. He growled and leaped back into the corner where he spent most of his time, hoping Hange wouldn’t make him do anything ridiculous again. He was sick of getting cut so she could look at the structure of his flesh, he was sick of her trying to unleash his wild side after they had worked on his manners, and he was sick of her injecting random things into him to see how his body would respond. He didn’t want to fear for his life again as his sight would turn blurry again and again. He lowered his head, slowly turning it around to hear the footsteps better. Hange wasn’t alone this time, which caught him off guard. He wasn’t ready for another experiment. He quickly curled up into a ball, covering his face with his fists and burrowing his chin into his knees. Maybe she’d realize that he wasn’t in the mood right now.

“He’s probably not used to your company, and he doesn’t like newcomers… Just don’t mock him or anything like that and you’ll be fine. Oh… and don’t go near the cage. He might bite your finger off!” she enthusiastically exclaimed and Eren decided to uncover his face, slightly tilting his head to the right as he walked a few careful steps closer. He was curious, and couldn’t see so good in the dark, but light was coming from the stairs that led to him. The beast’s shoulders tensed up as he heard her foot stepping into a puddle on the floor. She then walked closer, taking a look at the beast that would rather stare at the floor than look at her. She kneeled down and tilted her head.

“Hello there, Eren! I’ve got a special guest for you today!” she clapped her hands and the beast looked at her from the side, his eyes piercing through hers. She was used to the hateful expression on his face by now. She understood how he must have felt about her because of all the things she had to do with him for her research. She frowned as she realized he wasn’t going to answer, but her optimistic smile soon came to her face again.

“It’s the very human you tried to kill two months ago or so. He finally decided to check on you again. I know… men, right?!”

Eren’s eyesight fell to the ground a moment before the other soldier stepped foot into the small, wet room. As soon as his petite figure showed up, Eren’s eyes reflexively went up towards his pale, serious face. His clean complexion, his thin trimmed eyebrows, his parted colorless lips, his cold gray eyes, the dark circles under them that revealed his lack of sleep, his soft raven hair and the way his neck was raised up to indicate his high rank… everything was already burnt into the boy’s mind. Their eyes met and Eren’s shoulders suddenly relaxed as he raised his head upwards. Levi was waiting for the young man to look away and to hide in the corner again, but Eren’s sharp eyes kept looking straight into his. Levi half-closed his eyes, looking down at the wet floor.

“Eren”, he softly said and the boy’s gaze coyly fell to the ground before he made his way back into the corner. Levi’s eyebrows lowered for a second before he eyed the eccentric woman next to him that was gazing at him with widely opened eyes.

“…What?”

“I’ve never seen him do that!”

Levi didn’t respond.

“He never looks at people that way! He always looks at them with hatred or fear, and is reluctant to look at them in the first place… But you’re something else, it seems! The way his eyes lit up when they met yours… It’s just-“

“He looks terrible.”

There was silence for some time.

“Huh?” Hange asked in confusion, “How do you mean? To me, he looks like a normal human now.”

He looked at the boy again. There were chains around his wrists that were connected to the small legs of the seemingly unused bed. Levi realized that the boy had obviously tried to escape multiple times, considering how his skin was torn where the handcuffs were. He didn’t have any severe injuries anymore, but that didn’t make him look any better. His skin looked healthier, but he was still as thin and as weak as before. His hair was still shaggy, but was now much shorter and his bangs weren’t falling in front of his eyes anymore. He was wearing white Survey Corps trousers that were too big for him as they had no spare clothing for him and a white button-up shirt that was torn at various places. The golden key that had his name engraved in it was still hanging down his neck. His feet were bare, and injured. He did look like a “normal” human like that, but it still felt wrong to Levi. He looked like he wasn’t a being that deserved its freedom, but rather just an obstacle to humanity that they had decided to use against itself. Although his eyes were still very much alive, the boy looked dried out and plain depressed. There was a frown etched into his youthful face and there were dark purple circles under his reddish eyes. His dominance was clearly shattered into pieces. His gaze was constantly on the floor, his eyes were dry, his spine lowered and his red, chewed up lips quivering in what seemed to be fear.

Levi squatted down and put his long fingers around the grid that separated them, which once again drew the attention of the beastly human. Hange watched from afar, fascinated by the way the boy seemingly understood Levi’s intentions. He slowly but wearily crawled out of his favorite corner before looking up at the older man watching him carefully. After gazing into each others’ eyes for a few seconds, the caged human repeated the soldier’s movement, placing his boney fingers on top of Levi’s. The shorter man looked at the boy’s hands on top of his before returning his sight to the bags under the boy’s eyes.

“How many times had he been crying?” Levi soon asked and Hange stopped observing their interaction, immediately getting lost.

“H-Huh? Crying…?” she asked and slowly approached the beastly human that twitched and removed his hands from the grid, falling back at his backside, but not running away this time. Hange put her hands around the grid too now, looking at him carefully before immediately feeling sorry as she saw what he looked like, “I haven’t even noticed…”

“No wonder. You’ve been too busy injecting random crap into him and making him dance around, how could you have possibly been able to see what you were doing to him?” Levi retorted and she bit her lower lip, “You’ll never make a human out of him if you’ll keep him caged in the same place like that, I’ve said it already. I bet he hasn’t seen natural sunlight those two months you spent with him.”

“Well… he would most likely try to escape if I’d…”

“Have you tried?” he asked and eyed the confused woman, waiting for a response that just couldn’t exit her mouth. He then narrowed his eyes and looked back at the young man again who crawled back towards him, looking at him from various sides as he was tilting his head repeatedly. He reached his cold, shaky hand forward towards the Captain’s nose, but pulled it back quickly as Levi’s eyes half-closed in annoyance. He watched him for a while before lowering his head to align their eyes.

“You know, it’s really fascinating to see him exhibit these emotions. Curiosity and playfulness, I mean. He never reacts that way while interacting with a human. How come that he grew so fond of you, even though you beat him to a pulp multiple times? I mean… to befriend a beast, one must act like one, and think like one…” Hange snorted, realigning her glasses. Eren acted like she wasn’t even there.

“I believe that the proper way of submitting someone to your own will is to teach that person discipline,” he silently said as he looked back at her, “I wouldn’t have beaten him up over and over again if it wasn’t necessary for his own good, though.”

“Yeah, I know that… _softie_ ”, she teased and propped her chin in her left palm, looking at Eren’s nervous movements as he tried to approach the Captain in a way that wouldn’t bother him. Hange smiled as she knew any kind of physical contact bothered him. Eren walked left and right on all fours, seemingly trying to win the attention of the soldier that just kept looking into a random spot on the ground. He howled and then reached for the grid again, but the Captain teasingly pulled his hands away and held them in the air with palms open, so that Eren couldn’t get to him. The boy frowned, but stayed in the same position, his eyes desperately searching for attention.

“You haven’t told me he’s so touchy,” he narrowed his eyes as he put his hands down, “I can’t stand that.”

Hange’s smile widened.

“Oh, he’s not.”

Eren’s eyes coyly looked at Hange before removing his hands from the grid as the handcuffs’ metal started to dig into his hurt skin. He then slowly got up and walked towards the white bed positioned in the other corner of the small prison cell, carefully sitting up on it. His eyes were still on the Captain as he was swinging the leg that wasn’t on top of the bed.

Levi then stood up as well, tracing his gloved hands along the grids he had been holding onto. After a few seconds of standing at the same spot, he finally removed his hands from the grid and looked at his fingers, his nose scrunching up and his eyes losing some tone of color.

“Filthy,” he whispered and looked back at the other Captain, “do you ever clean up down here? Or do you live still in such poor conditions yourself? Someone ought to teach that boy to clean, or else I’m not going to allow him to stay here.”

“Huh? You… do know Erwin’s main plan is to get rid of him as soon as we finish the research, right?” she whispered so the young wild man wouldn’t hear what she was saying. The young man shuddered as he heard her whispering. He was obviously more used to her loud, expressive manner of speaking. Levi looked at her as she continued, “I’ve tried to change his mind, but… he doesn’t see a purpose of him staying here if he’s not acting in a proper way and that leads him to… you know.”

“Yes. I do know, Hange,” he said as he looked back at the boy that was still looking at him, “but I hate meaningless deaths. I’m not letting him die for no reason. Besides, if Erwin didn’t kill him by now, he knows something we don’t. He won’t let him get killed for as long as he doesn’t obtain that thing he’s looking for.”

“I guess… But he told me that if he won’t start behaving normally we’ll get rid of him for the greater good, before the Government finds out we’ve been keeping humans locked in our basement illegally. And I know he’s not going to behave like a real human if he’s going to stay in such circumstances. I’ve known it from the start, but my job wasn’t to try to make him normal once again, but to research his weird abilities. And we can’t relocate him to another place because he’s already used to living in this small cage. If we’d bring him up somewhere else, he’d surely act aggressively, and he has to be supervised constantly, or he might hurt himself or others, so we’d have to find someone who would be able to handle his hostile behavior. If we are to make this work, we need to ensure he’ll be educated properly and strictly, but who would want to spend his free time on a monster that probably killed humans before? Haven’t you heard all the rumors about him that are circling around the building? Some of them claim that they are going to kill the beast if it escapes while others quiver in fear. And then there’s the question where we would be able to bring him up. In a room? An office? Outside, where everyone could see him and where he could escape easily, considering his capabilities?”

Levi remained silent, looking at the boy who didn’t stand a chance on his own in their world.

“You’d have to reason with Erwin”, she suddenly said and Levi looked at her from his side.

“Eh? Why me?”

Hange rolled her eyes and smiled at him.

“Duh. I’ve tried to reason with Eyebrow but he won’t listen to me. You’ve spent much more time with him than I’ll ever do, so it wouldn’t come as a surprise that he’d give you a chance…”

“I’m afraid I can’t follow you-“

“Oh, come on! You’re the only one Eren respects! And he’s actually comfortable around you! You’d be the perfect person to look out for him. I’m not saying you’d be the one to teach him everything that needs to be taught to him, no, no. You’d be the one to keep him in line, that’s all. You’d keep him from dying, share a room with him…”

“I don’t think I’d be comfortable with sharing a room with another man”, Levi immediately stated, his eyes falling to the ground in front of him. Hange’s smile faded from her face.

“Why not…? You’ve shared your home with a guy before, how could this be any different?”

“Back then I haven’t realized that I…” his sight trailed off towards the flickering light of the dying candle above them and she suddenly realized where the problem lied. Her eyes widened as her neutral expression folded into a frown.

“Oh. Oh, that’s… That’s not the real problem for you, is it? You’ve been sleeping close to soldiers for years now and it never bothered you, did it now? I’ve never heard you complain before…”

The soldier’s eyes narrowed as he looked back at her.

“You’re trying to get your backside out of this, aren’t you? Why, aren’t we sneaky today? But guess what, mister. If you aren’t going to take responsibility for him, a gun to his forehead will most certainly take care of him. He dislikes humans in general, but he seems to like you and _only_ you. He hasn’t taken real interest in anyone except of you, most certainly because you were the first one he met in person and because you helped him out. So stop messing with me and take the damn job into your hands smeared with floor soap.”

“Tsk. Please. He resents me just like everyone else here.”

Hange sighed and looked at the boy sitting on the bed.

“Eren.”

The man’s eyes met hers.

“Do you resent Levi?” she asked and touched Levi’s upper arm, to which the short man responded with a frown and a quick motion to get her fingers away from himself. Eren looked at the man that was finally eyeing him before lowering his head and shaking it multiple times. Hange then victoriously looked back at the shorter Captain, a wide smirk on her face.

“Now, there you have it. Is there something else bothering you? Should I disinfect him before letting him into your office, or should I make him listen to an audio about how to clean a room most effectively? Or should I just dress him really nicely so that you won’t have to go shopping for better clothes with him?”

Levi dramatically sighed and eyed the four-eyed woman from the side, clenching the grid and leaning backwards. They just kept looking at each other for a considerable amount of time.

“Yes, actually,” he said and looked at the stairs, “at what time does Erwin get so drowsy and fixated at work that he won’t be listening to a word I say, but will just nod at whatever crap I throw at him?”

Hange loudly laughed, clenching her hands into fists and pulling them towards her chest before realigning her glasses.

“Now that’s the spirit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Eren will have to spend some time with his favorite human...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...cleaning.


	7. Widerlich

“Ugh… always those filthy birds… can’t they at least try?” he scoffed as he sprayed the window and then traced a rag over the dirty spot on it in a circular motion. His face was focused, even more than when it would be while fighting Titans. Molds were his second biggest fear, right next to losing people he cared about. He suddenly stopped for a brief moment before just furrowing his eyebrows and returning to his cleaning session in his plain, gray, somewhat oversized shirt and white trousers, no ascot around his neck, and was barefoot to ensure he wouldn’t spread the inexistent dirt. He had cleaned every corner of his office three times, changed his bed linen twice, swept the floor and sorted all of his monotone cloths firstly by material, then later by color. But it wasn’t enough. He made sure every chair was perfectly aligned to the table and put every sheet of paper in perfect order. It wasn’t good enough. He then decided to scrub the entire floor anew, on his knees with a simple rag, ignoring the way his place was starting to smell more and more like cheap detergent. But it just wouldn’t suffice. And now he was wiping the windows for the fifth time that day, failing to realize that everything was already spotless, and he was slowly getting frustrated.

“Why the hell won’t it come off?” he hissed as he wiped the window aggressively, tightly gripping the rag in his hand. After realizing all of the dark red spots on the window would never get cleaned, his eyes twitched before he threw the rag out of the window, immediately shutting it close. He spent a few seconds cooling off by looking for the old rag, but he couldn’t seem to find it, so he just looked up at the slow clouds above his office. They were gray, and the sky was gloomy, the wing howling in sign of an upcoming storm.

“Tch.”

He angrily sat down on the floor, pressing his back against the wall and crossing his legs. He usually wouldn’t be as thorough as he was today, but something was driving him crazy, and he just couldn’t remember why that was. It had to be something important… Levi then closed his eyes as he relaxed the back of his head against the perfectly white wall, trying to stay calm. His mind was once again filled with the pictures of his fallen comrades, but he just shook all of the feelings that were gathering around his heart off. He didn’t need those feelings; he was a Captain. Humanity’s Strongest, a figure with a reputation much better than he had deserved.

He slightly opened his eyes and removed his white head kerchief, wiping a drop of sweat off in the process. He then just sat there, his mind freed from any kind of thoughts. Just emptiness was roaming inside of his head, and it was sending shivers down his spine. He then realized that everything was, in fact, spotlessly clean. It was so clean that everything was sparkling, and it was making him sick.

“Too much of a good thing”, he purred as he lazily moved his head towards the light wooden clock on his wall that was loudly ticking, the clock’s sound getting louder as Levi paid attention to it.

_“4 p.m. So… I’ve been cleaning for… seven hours straight…”_ his gaze wandered towards the door. No matter how much Levi loved to have everything clean around him, seven hours of cleaning was much. Not the most he had ever done, but much.

He slowly leaned forward to look at the window, finally seeing that it wasn’t smeared with blood and he sighed in relief. He didn’t sleep again, it was no wonder that he was hallucinating. The worst part was that he, unlike others that couldn’t sleep, didn’t actually use those three to four hours to do something valuable, but was just sitting on his favorite chair, listening to the loud ticking of the haunting clock and to the wind that knocked on his window.

_“I don’t need sleep”,_ he would tell himself time after time, trying to ignore his common sense that told him to just go to sleep. He obviously needed it.

Then, a loud knock came on his door and he let his head fall back at the wall, raising his chin up and waiting for a few seconds out of pure spite towards the person knocking at the door. He honestly couldn’t care less who it was; it was his day-off which he had received just the day before out of no particular reason.

_“Maybe I didn’t listen to Erwin just as much as Erwin didn’t listen to me… After all, we were both busy. Erwin with the paperwork, me with not giving a shit.”_

“What?” he bitterly asked as a loud thud came from the door and random voices started whispering something, apparently trying to calm each other down. As no response came for about ten seconds, he slowly stood up as his brows furrowed again, grabbing the head kerchief that was lying right next to him. Slowly he walked towards the door, his hand reflexively reaching for his leg as it still hurt, but he didn’t open it; he just grabbed the doorknob, nearing his ear to the door.

“Levi!” a loud voice came from behind the door and the Captain quickly leaned back.

“Hange,” he said in an annoyed tone of voice, “what a surprise.”

“Could you just… open the door for a second and then close it immediately after? Thanks.”

“Uh… no”, Levi said, “What’s the point?”

“Eh, what’s the point? Don’t act like you don’t know what’s coming at ya, sonny.”

Levi spent a few seconds staring at a random spot on the door, his hand tightly clenching the doorknob, his expression stern.

“…Uh?”

“Just open the damn door, Levi”, she answered and the short man frowned, “I even shaved him and bathed him for you, knowing that you’ll otherwise go insane. It took forever to clean him to your standards, you know?!”

Levi’s eyes widened.

“The hell…?!”

“Open. Right now. Seriously, he’s going to…” a loud thud came from the door and Hange responded by laughing like a maniac as everything went silent, “He’s going to break in otherwise, and I’m not really able to hold him right now... Eh! Stop that!”

Another uproar came and the confused soldier quickly grabbed the doorknob to open his door, but the door was opened from the outside and pushed right into his face, which is why he tried to step away, but ended up slipping on the freshly wiped floor and falling down on his back. Furious, he sat straight up, but froze as something broke into his perfectly clean office. He then shot daggers into Hange’s eyes who immediately widely smiled and quickly closed the door again, so the man stood up and slammed his fists against it.

“What the actual hell, Hange?! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!” he shouted as he realized it wouldn’t budge. He then tensed up as he heard heavy breathing from the other side of the room and he immediately remembered.

_“I’ll send Hange’s squad down to get the monster to your room tomorrow noon. Make sure you clean it properly for your new roommate.”_

“I know you’ll just lock him up if I don’t _force_ you to stay inside with him. It’s for the best, Levi, trust me. I’ll unlock the door in… an hour, say? We know you’re capable of killing him any time, so we won’t bother you with guards and stuff. Good luck, lovebirds!”

“Hange…!” he exclaimed, but there was no response. He then growled as his hands clenched.

_“Ugh… “lovebirds”… I know I mock her all the time, but I’m seriously slowly getting concerned for her brain.”_

He then slowly turned around to see the beastly human quiver as it was carefully observing its clean surroundings, not knowing what to do with itself. He had already managed to turn over a couple of chairs and to spread the papers from one table to the other end of the room. Levi’s entire face suddenly darkened as he slowly, but with sure steps, approached the beast whose eyes met his after a while. Eren looked desperate; he didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t cornered, but Levi realized he was acting like he was. The Captain then raised his head up, to make the man below him feel even smaller and less important. Eren crawled backwards, hitting a table leg and confusedly looking back to see it. He then met the gaze of the terrifying man again, opening his mouth. Levi observed him for a while as the beast didn’t budge anymore. The boy had a new, clean white shirt and had fitting white Survey Corps trousers. The key around his neck was slowly moving up and down, occasionally hitting his chest, and he was, luckily, barefoot. He couldn’t have looked simpler than that, and the style somehow fitted him. There were two chains around his wrists that they had seemingly cut off because of the unapproachable aura the man radiates. The Captain’s head tilted from left to right as he was done observing the “monster” they had let in before he scoffed.

“That’s it?”

Eren’s sight fell at the wooden floor.

“They had been training you for two months, and although you seemingly still remembered the basics of human nature, you present yourself to me as a miserable, dull creature that has nothing human on it? No wonder they want to kill you.”

The boy quickly looked back up, his eyes flaring up again. A growl escaped the young man’s mouth before he forcefully shut it, frowning up at the person who was frowning back. They kept staring at each other with angry expressions, their eyes locked. Soon, the Captain squatted down to align their eyes.

“Pathetic.”

Eren suddenly raised his head, but the Captain predicted all of his intentions and just quickly grabbed the chains wrapped around his wrists, slamming his hands down to make him lower his head again. The wild man was furious, but he didn’t move; he used his brain.

“Not a human, but not a monster at the same time. Disgusting,” his eyes narrowed as the beast looked up again, “you can’t be both.”

At that, Levi released the boy and Eren coyly looked back up at him as the soldier stood up and walked towards a closet, opening it. Eren’s eyes widened as he saw that the frightening man was walking towards him, holding a blade in his hand. He quickly looked for an escape route, but Levi’s strict voice made him freeze on spot. The shorter man was glaring at him, approaching him swiftly.

“Don’t move an inch. Your brain is quite unremarkable, so it’s probably dumb to assume that you’d understand. But trust me. You’ll regret it, if you move.”

Eren understood, but didn’t understand at the same time. He was still looking around restlessly, not knowing what to think of. He wasn’t used to new environments, and now the only person he somewhat trusted was walking towards him with a murder weapon in his hand. His heart was beating out of his chest, sweat appearing on his forehead. A cold feeling of dread spread through his entire body, consuming his mind. Should he stay? Should he flee? Should he… attack?

_“Not a human… not a monster. **Disgusting**.”_

Eren’s eyes widened as he heard it in his head again. Then what was he? Acting like an animal while thinking about the way he acted… what did that make him?

_“… **trust me**. You’ll regret it, if you move.”_

Eren froze at the spot, his eyes fixed at the floor, as the Captain slowly kneeled down with a heavy sigh. He didn’t look as dangerous anymore, for whatever reason. Maybe Eren perceived him in a wrong way before, or maybe he really did change in those few seconds he wasn’t looking at him. But maybe he simply made the right choice. The Captain’s eyes searched for the boy’s, so he returned the gaze. Levi’s mouth opened to say something, but then he just looked back at the floor. He then took Eren’s hands into his, silently saying: “Wise choice”, before running the blade through the cuffs, breaking them apart. He then quickly retracted his hands and Eren looked at his free wrist before returning his gaze to the soldier who already stood up to put the blade back at its previous position. Eren’s eyes were following him, and as Levi looked back and their gazes met, both of them immediately looked ahead of themselves, ignoring the other.

After a few seconds of tension, Eren raised his hands to check if they were really free, excitedly gripping his left wrist with the right hand, searching for invisible metal that turned out not to be there.

_“Why am I… here…?”_ he asked himself as he looked at his surroundings, taking in how clean everything was. There was a soft beige carpet beneath him that made his movement a lot easier. The floor was wooden, and spotless. Right next to him was a square brown coffee table with four chairs surrounding it. In the far corner to his left was a made bed, and a meter next to it was the dark wooden door. On the other side was a beige sofa that looked a bit too comfortable for Eren not to wish to jump at it, curl up and sleep, and there was a map that showed three lines protecting small gray squares above it. A few cupboards and closets filled the empty areas, and there were a couple of candles placed right next to the door. But what drew Eren’s attention was the big, clean window that displayed a gray sky with white clouds slowly spraying rain down. The man suddenly stood up and walked towards it, mesmerized. Levi’s soft glance followed him.

Eren’s mouth opened in wonder as he removed the white curtains and looked up to see the boundless sky caressing him one more time, with the beautiful fluffy clouds slowly passing by. A huge, childish smile drew itself on the beastly human’s face and his eyes widened. He soon pressed his fingers against the window, wishing to enter the outside world so he could feel the gentle breeze on his skin again…

“Oi. Eren,” a voice stopped him from daydreaming and he numbly looked back to see the short man standing in the middle of the room that was pressing papers against his chest with one hand while the other was placed on his hip, holding a broom, “do you have any idea how much time I’ve spent on cleaning that window your filthy hands are touching right now?”

Eren blinked in confusion as Levi’s eyes half-closed in annoyance.

“Look at all the mess you’ve done. Just look at it, and listen. You’re in my room. _My_ _territory._ We will be sharing the same room for some time, to see if you’re capable of turning back to what you were made to be. If no, they’ll kill you, and I won’t do anything about it. For as long as you are here, you will be following my rules and my orders”, he approached the other man with a quick pace and Eren’s knees pressed together as he made himself look smaller, “which means you may not enter or exit the room without my permission, even if the whole place is burning down. You will be sleeping as far as possible from me, wherever that is, and may not approach me meaninglessly. If I call you, even if it’s for nothing, you will come to me _immediately._ You may not try to attack me in any way, because you might lose a limb, or your whole life, and you aren’t allowed to attack other people as well. Also, I don’t expect you to just confess every single detail of your weirdass life, but if I ask something important of you, you will answer me truthfully. And, the most important thing, you will have to meet my cleaning standards, and we start your training right now,” he said and tossed the broom he was holding into the youth’s hands. Eren barely managed to catch it as Levi got even closer, the look in his eyes menacing and strict “and if you won’t follow these simple orders I gave you right now, your spark of life just might vanish.”

The Captain walked a few steps away, but as he realized Eren was still standing at the same spot in the same way, he tightly shut his eyes before returning his sight at him. Seeing how scared he looked, Humanity’s Strongest bowed his head to search for a random spot on the carpet to stare at.

“If you follow everything I say… I will... in turn… try to help you, listen to you and most importantly, ensure you protection.”

He looked at the young man from the side again before returning his sight to the papers on the floor. He soon heard a silent, sad mutter coming from the boy with the golden key around his neck, so he turned his head just enough to see the boy. He was still standing on the same spot, but his hands were tightly clenched and were trembling.

“What was that…?” Levi raised his voice and Eren’s lower lip trembled.

“L…Levi.”

Levi blinked, waiting for the younger man to continue. Eren then raised his head just enough so Levi could see his wet eyes.

“Thank you”, the boy whispered before tightly gripping the broom in his hands.

…

She opened the door carefully and silently as she didn’t hear any movement coming from the room. The eccentric woman tiptoed in and silently closed the door again, turning around to look at Levi’s room, putting her hands on her hips.

_“His office is always so clean… I wonder if I’ll be able to make a deal with him so he’d clean my room if I promised I wouldn’t mock him anymore…”_ her face suddenly darkened, but the smirk remained at the same spot, _“No… not after breaking my promise immediately after, like the last time… Ugh. I don’t want to go through that again. Scary stuff.”_

She shook her head to recollect herself before stepping a few steps closer to the middle of the room, realizing there were a few papers lying around at random locations. She looked at the way they were lying around the room before putting a hand on her forehead.

_“Eren must have done that… Levi would never ever leave things like that. Still… it’s surprising that he didn’t do more damage. I expected him to run havoc as soon as he got in, but apparently he wasn’t as much of a troublemaker as he usually is. OR Levi cleaned everything up already. Wouldn’t be surprised, actually, considering I’ve heard him curse at the dirty windows like twenty times today. He must have been cleaning all day long again, eh? I can’t even imagine what he did to the poor boy if that was the case… Maybe… Maybe putting him up with Levi wasn’t my best choice yet…”_ she said as she scratched the back of her head, raising her nose up again and searching for the men. Her mouth opened as she saw them.

Levi was in his favorite chair, a cup of tea next to him and his head kerchief still on. There was a dirty rag placed next to the cup that had cold tea in it. His right leg was stretched out as the left one was holding his weight. His head was lowered and his hands were resting on his thighs, his chest slowly rising and lowering in a rhythmical pattern. He was sleeping. In the far corner of the room was Eren, who had a white kerchief tied around his neck. The young man was curled up on the floor, silently sleeping as well, with a broom leaning against the wall beside him. He was drooling.

Hange covered her mouth with both of her hands to prevent herself from squealing at the sight.

_“This never happens! Bringing him to Levi was the best choice I have ever made! Is this for real right now? He’s actually SLEEPING. In a room with ANOTHER PERSON. Wait… breathe. You forgot to breathe, Hange, breathe…”_ she took in a deep breath and swiftly looked around herself to search for a piece of paper to write down what she had just witnessed. Her eyes lit up as she saw a little journal with a dark green cover that was opened, but facing the ground. Since it was the closest thing to her, she quickly lifted it up, only to realize that it had text written in it in a messy, but still pretty-looking way.

_“Uh… Levi must have been in a hurry while writing this… Huh?”_

Her eyes instinctively started reading his private journal, even though she knew if he’d wake up, she’d probably lose a tooth. The text featured a detailed description of the beast and Hange realized that Levi must had written it at the time Erwin wanted him to describe the way he looked and acted so she’d come over, but ended up deciding to try to draw a picture of him. That picture was burnt into her brain and the ugliness of it would still haunt her from time to time. Her eyes went from left to right as she was just quickly passing through the text until something caught her eye. A part of the text was unusually messily written and Levi had tried to cover it by spilling more ink onto the letters he wrote, but everything was still visible. Hange looked at the man sleeping on the chair soundly a bit confused before proudly smiling, ripping a particular part of the description, putting the journal on top of a cupboard and silently leaving the room, closing the door behind her.


	8. Tränen sind menschlich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dreary nights are often accompanied by angst, right? ...Right? 
> 
> Ok this one's a little... depressing...? Next one won't be, I promise. The one after that... eh...

****

The atmosphere was dreary that night, with the wind howling and trying to enter his room through the closed window. Drops of rain were knocking on his locked window as well and somehow sneaking into his room with the help of the old window seals, creating an irritating sound that kept repeating. The rain was falling heavily and had no intention of stopping, but this wasn’t what woke him from his slumber. Heavy thundering sounds came from the distance and the window he was looking at would occasionally turn completely white, but that didn’t bother him as well. What woke him up was a hellish sound coming from the back of the room, sounding like a demon that had crawled out of hell just to observe the man that was a monster. His heart pounded heavily as his eyes shot open, a shaky breath escaping his mouth. Levi then furrowed his brows as he looked back at the beast that was producing these sounds, his eyes widening as he saw the boy’s whole body tremble, his head shaking in an unnatural way. He was biting his own arms while tears streamed down his face, and his fingernails were digging into the wood beneath him. Levi found himself unable to move for a brief moment. The boy that had been well-mannered the whole day he spent with him was now back to his usual, aggressive and wild state, but not in the way like when he was in the Titan Forest. The beast was shaking uncontrollably, howling in a way that would terrify every normal man. Suddenly, Levi realized why all those rumors about him spread.

He quickly got off his chair and paced towards the sleeping beast, but as thunder came in the distance and illuminated the room, Levi could see that the human’s arms were bloody, and that made his next step shake, but his goal was already set. Suddenly, the beast’s eyes shot open as they reflected Levi’s figure, his pupils being inhumanly narrow. The Captain stood there, in the middle of the room, calculating the choices the beast could make, but it didn’t move. Eren stared at the shorter human with eyes wide open, his eyes wet and shining. A toothy grin turned up on his face before he started crying again, gripping his shirt and trying to pull it over his head.

_“He’s… still asleep.”_

Levi didn’t want to witness this any longer. He came to the beast and kneeled down to place a cold hand on top of his head to wake him, but the beast sensed his approach as his eyes shot open again as his head instinctively went towards the soldier to bite him, but Levi’s open palm turned into a fist as he slammed the boy down to the ground, a whimper escaping his mouth as he found himself on the floor. The next few seconds were filled with Levi looking at the young man, and the man bitterly crying. As Levi grew impatient, he pulled the man’s hair and made him sit up to look him in the eyes, but Eren’s eyes were closed.

“What the hell are you doing? I’m trying to sleep, you little shit.”

Eren grabbed the hand of the man holding him and forced it back as he bent forward to look at the arms he bit through several times. His eyes were opened in terror and his breath soon became shaky.

Levi observed him for a while before he sat at the floor, crossing his legs.

“Was it a nightmare?” he silently asked and the other immediately looked up at him, seeing his serious expression. Heavy thundering came in the distance, but Eren’s eyes didn’t leave the man sitting across him. After realizing nothing would be happening if he kept on staring at him like that, the younger man looked down in what seemed to be embarrassment before he nodded, biting his lower lip. Levi’s gaze didn’t drop from the other and Eren looked at his arms again in a scared manner.

“Must have been something pretty awful, considering you ruined the clothes they had given you even though you were being a complete ass towards them. Tell me, what was it about?” Levi silently asked, as if he didn’t want to upset the man in front of him.

Eren remained silent, but started trembling. Levi’s eyes narrowed.

“Don’t you remember our little agreement? You’d tell me everything I wanted to know. Don’t waste my time.”

Eren’s eyes widened as he looked at the key around his neck. As another thunder came, he flinched and gasped, still completely ignoring the man in front of him.

“Oi, listen, brat. You were gripping your key through the whole thing while hurting yourself in every way possible at the same time. The key, Eren. What did it have to do with the key?” he angrily asked and grabbed the youth’s key, pulling it closer to himself, but Eren immediately reached for it and pushed Levi away, which made the Captain narrow his eyes in a dangerous way. Eren clutched the key into both of his hands and pressed it against his chest before looking back at the man that didn’t seem that patient anymore. In fact, he was never really patient, was he? During the time Eren spent with him, he found out that the very man in front of him was obsessed with cleaning, had a neurotic personality, was violent, had short temper and overall had an unapproachable aura surrounding him. Yet, it didn’t bother him.

“N-Nothing…”

Levi gripped him by the collar and pulled him closer, making the other flinch.

“Stop lying. You could have killed yourself”, he said emotionlessly as his brows furrowed. The young man saw nothing in those blue eyes of his, so he grinned widely.

“I could have killed Levi”, he suddenly said and Levi’s hands twitched. He didn’t expect to hear that. Levi growled as he pinned Eren to the wall, but neither of them lost their expressions from before. Eren heavily breathed as a tear ran down his cheek, “but don’t want to,” he silently said before his expression turned angry, “step away.”

Levi needed a few seconds to understand what the boy meant before he slowly released him, backing off. Eren fell to the floor, breaking into tears again as loud thunder came from outside. To add to the boy’s problems, blood started dripping from his nose and he put both of his hands over it as tears cleaned his hands to prevent the blood from falling onto the already dirtied floor. Levi watched the boy recollect himself before sitting down again, searching for something in his pocket. The Captain grabbed the boy by his hand to pull him closer and put a hanky over his nose, pressing the upper part of his nose with the fingers of his other hand. Eren’s body tensed up, but he didn’t move.

“Hold it like this”, the older man irritably said and the other accepted as he backed off, “Tch, seriously, I told you to go to sleep in the bed. It would do you good. Nobody uses it anyways.”

Eren took a few seconds before he responded: “Not… far enough...”

Levi’s brows furrowed.

“The bed’s further away from my chair than this corner. It might be terrible perception, but considering you survived in the wild for so long, I guess that’s not the thing. My scent bothers you, eh?”

The younger man looked at the hanky he held to check if the blood had stopped yet, before looking back into Levi’s eyes, shaking his head wildly. They both just kept quiet for a while, Eren occasionally looking back at the man that helped him, to which the man would respond by immediately looking away. The blood soon stopped running out of his nose as he neatly folded the kerchief like Levi taught him to, putting it into his pocket. He then wiped another tear off his face and Levi finally decided to look back at him from the side, his expression softening.

“Do they occur often?”

Eren was once again silent. He stared at his key for a while before his lower lip started trembling again, tears gathering in his fatigued eyes.

“I can’t do anything. There was titans… a-and my mom and blood…  Red everything and mom didn’t get up an-anymore, it’s my fault! There was blood on my hands and… a-and then there was father that was running and I… I gave chase and caught up to him a-and… and then I… he fell… dead and I… what I did was terrible, I-”, he suddenly burst into tears again as he bent over to try to get the pain out of his stomach, putting his hands over his eyes to cover the tears that just wouldn’t stop escaping his burning eyes. Levi just sat there, watching him as the beastly human sobbed uncontrollably, “I woke with the key in my hand and saw his… h…”

He stopped for a while to breath air in, anger slowly building up inside him.

“What I d-do… nothing works. I couldn’t protect anyone… I care for!” he exclaimed as Levi’s expression softened even further. There was something about him that made his heart quiver in compassion. The young man’s eyebrows suddenly furrowed as his mouth stretched out, “And now I just infirmly cry! They died, and I just cry like a kid! Useless! WEAK! Not worth of li-“, his aggression stopped as the other man tightly gripped both of his shoulders, looking up at him in an angry manner. Eren flinched as he stared into Levi’s eyes, and Levi soon looked away, but didn’t release him.

“You idiot. They’re going to hear you…” he silently said as he was steadily looking at a random spot in front of him, unable to look anywhere else, “Other than that, don’t let your spirit falter. Tears are _human._ ”

Eren didn’t know why, but he suddenly burst into tears yet again, squeezing the petite body of the man as he pressed his forehead against the man’s shoulder while sobbing. Levi’s nose scrunched up, but he remained in the same position for as long as the other stayed in that position. After a while, Eren broke from the hug and gently pushed the other out of the way as he stood up straight, his long neck raised as tears were still streaming down his face. He approached the window with firm steps and looked outside to see nothing but a storm. He then angrily growled, slamming his hands at the windowsill and focusing on something that Levi possibly couldn’t guess what it was.

Humanity’s Strongest remained sitting on the floor, looking at the young man who seemed determined, hating the way Eren reminded him of his past self. He didn’t need anyone’s comfort. He had himself and his strong will, and no one else was needed in his life.

***

The next time he woke up, it was already morning and there was no storm anymore, just a few raindrops that were slowly sliding down the glass. Levi slowly opened his eyes, silently stretching as he looked behind him to discover that the man that had been crying yesterday decided to watch the outside all night long. The thing is; he fell asleep, and was now sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, his mouth widely opened as he was silently snoring. Levi narrowed his eyes as he stood up and walked towards the young man sleeping like a log. He put his hands on his hips and slightly bent forward.

“Oi, you brat. Haven’t I told you to sleep the furthest away from me as possible?” he silently asked, as if he wanted the man to keep sleeping. Since he got no response, he frowned and straightened again, lightly pushing his shin with his foot, “Hey, I’m talking to you, idiot.”

Eren continued to sleep, but his head lowered as his snoring stopped. Levi watched him for a while before furrowing his brows, heavily sighing. He walked towards the bed in the corner and took the bed sheet off, walking back towards the boy that was sleeping soundly. It was strikingly hard to believe for him that this simple boy was a ruthless killer at the same time, but Levi had seen the way he looked at night. He squatted down to take a look at the boy’s face. He at least looked fast asleep, but Levi wasn’t as sure anymore. He then looked at the spot the young man slept at the other day as he frowned again, looking back at the boy whose hands were still holding the key around his neck.

“Look at all the mess you’ve done, brat. I’ll pay you back, and you’ll regret it.”

With that, he carefully placed the bed sheet over his curled up body, and the younger man responded by gripping the bed sheet and caressing it with his right cheek. Levi’s expression softened. He then stood up and walked towards his closet, taking the room’s key and throwing his Scouting Legion jacket on before looking at the clock that showed seven twenty a.m. The man’s expression darkened and he cursed under his breath as he took a quick glance at his reflection in the mirror without actually looking, but just out of habit, before he sprinted towards the door, putting on his boots and turning around one more time to look back at the sleeping man.

“I’ll be out for a while… Make sure not to do anything stupid while I’m away, and don’t even think of escaping, got it?” he grumpily asked, even though he knew he wouldn’t get a response from the young man. He observed him for a few more seconds before he quickly exited the room, locking the door as he closed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys, just wanted to thank you for all the support that was given to me. Every single comment and kudos and bookmark really helps me through the day, and I appreaciate the time you spend on reading my fic. Seriously. I appreaciate it very much, 'cause I know you're real, and exist, and somewhere in the world there's people that actually enjoy (or copes with XD) my writing. And you also know that I'm no robot, but a person either. So thank you, whoever you might be, for spending even more time by reading this small note. An appreciation note. Because you're really awesome :)


	9. Misstrauen

He quickly walked upstairs, aligning his small clean jacket and murmuring something to himself while passing through the crowd of soldiers that had already finished their breakfast and were now on their way to training. As he was passing, some taller, younger soldiers would accidentally bump into him without even realizing who he was, but he didn’t really hold anything against them. He was rather short after all and he’d rarely be noticed in crowds when he wasn’t on his horse. Loud chats were coming from every side as he tried to find his way up, but people were coming from all sides and he could barely see in front of himself. He then frowned and suddenly wished he was just _a bit_ taller. He frowned and started pushing them aside, but to no real avail; he had to stop soon and walk in a queue, wasting even more time.

When he finally got upstairs, he entered a hallway that lead to numerous different rooms. He had memorized every single room and pathway with time, but every time he’d pass this hallway, it would feel like it was years ago he was there for the last time. He then realized that he was walking around the building with a simple gray shirt and skinny white trousers instead of his usual wear, which made him growl in annoyance. He’d usually sleep in his uniform, but the day-off apparently made him lose focus.

_“Did I really… oversleep?”_ he sighed and put a hand over his face, _“Hange’s gonna attack me the moment I waddle in…”_

Just as he suspected, the room had already been emptied, and just a few groups of people remained sitting there, slowly eating. Or, in Hange’s case, stuffing herself the fastest she could. She was joined by Mike, who seemingly sensed Levi’s scent from across the room, and Moblit, who was probably there to prevent her from choking. Levi froze in spot when he realized that people were watching him oddly and when Hange suddenly exclaimed his name, he turned to see her waving her greasy hand at him. His face scrunched up, but he decided to approach them anyways, sighing.

“There you are, Levi! You know, we were getting worried about you, thinking that beast might have bitten a chunk out of you or so!” she said as she bit into a piece of meat. She wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, but the shorter Captain frowned and grabbed her by her arm, to which she responded by widely smiling, “Ah, sorry. Clean freak’s afraid of grease, ain’t he?”

He just grumpily stood there, slowly blinking. After a few seconds though, he realized that she had a bandage over her arm and released her.

“What’s up with that look, trying something new out?” she cheerfully added and bit into the piece of meat she had in her hands. Levi, however, didn’t respond, so she continued, “And your hair looks really natural today too…”

Mike suddenly smelled him and Levi angrily looked at him, backing off.

“What is it?”

Mike just smirked and looked away.

“Seriously though, you’re late. We’ve already cleared the whole table, but not in the way you’d take that. Where have you been?”

“Does it matter?” he responded before sighing as they kept looking at him, “Asleep, okay? I… overslept.”

There were a few seconds of silence between them and Levi could tell that they were silently judging him. Hange then leaned forwards to face Mike, whispering something into his ear before they both sneered. Seeing that nothing good could come out of them, he looked at Hange’s left hand man, slightly tilting his head, pointing at them.

“Ah… No, it’s nothing, Captain Levi, sir. It’s just… you rarely sleep and they…”

“Are mocking me,” Levi finished and looked back at them, “if you’ve got something to say, you better spit it out in my face, not on the floor where it’s harder to clean up.”

“Oh, no, no, no… It’s nothing like that. I just thought of something funny and…”

“Levi, we’re just worried about you. We’ve been discussing your drinking problem”, Mike suddenly said and everyone got quieter, as if they were suddenly interested in their conversation. Levi’s frown got bigger as he put his hands on his hips, tilting his head.

“Huh?”

“The smell of _Jägermeister_ is all over you”, he said and the two of them burst into laughter as others just stared at them for a short while before returning to their own chattering, losing interest into their conversation. Levi took a few seconds to realize what they were laughing about before his eyes widened. He then growled and stepped forward, only to be stopped by Mike’s huge hand that he pressed on top of the short Captain’s head while still laughing. Levi’s right eye twitched as he forced Mike’s hand off his head, stepping away again and quickly realigning his jacket.

“What the actual hell is that all about?” he angrily asked as he crossed his arms over his chest, narrowing his eyes in a menacing way that didn’t affect the other veterans at all. Hange’s laugh was the longest and loudest, so he figured what must have happened. He took her by her greasy hair and turned her head towards him, continuing, “What disease did you spread again, Four Eyes?”

Her expression remained unchanged.

“Nothing. Nothing at all. Just… his eyes… _They are teal colored, with green specks collected around the green explosion that parts the blue pools of his irises and the dark black void of nothingness that are his pupils. Upon looking into the boy’s eyes, you can see a reflection of yourself clearer than in a mirror, it’s like his eyes are made of silvery glass that reflects you and your personality”,_ she said in a cheesy way and Levi’s eyes widened as he immediately slammed the zealous woman’s nose to the table, feeling slight heat in his cheeks as he immediately recognized that sappy way of describing the boy.

“You were in my office without my permission again, weren’t you?” he silently asked in a monotone voice, his expression not revealing any kind of angriness. Hange guiltily laughed and Levi continued, “Tch. That’s it. I’ll ask Erwin to change my lock or something, and you’re gonna stay out of my room for all eternity.”

“I… It’s the only thing I touched, I swear! But, Levi… I didn’t know that you were so poetic…” she further on teased and he raised his fist, but just pressed it against her head before he grabbed a dish and some bread and started walking towards the exit. She immediately stood up and rushed after him, knowing he couldn’t escape her since his leg still wasn’t healed properly, as he had refused to rest. She grabbed him by the shoulders.

“If you clean my room I’ll tell everyone it was just a bad joke of mine. I have no proof for it, do I now?”

He glared at her for a while, removing her hands form his shoulders.

“No.”

“What?! You’d rather watch your reputation suffer?!”

Levi shrugged his shoulders, “Two people won’t ruin my life since no one’s gonna believe them anyways, considering they spread rumors twenty four seven. They have no proof, after all… do they now?”

Hange’s smile remained as wide as before, but her eyebrows furrowed as she realized he was using it against her now.

“And about your office… I’m never entering that thing again. Honestly, I swear it’s just like a Titan’s insides in there…” he looked up at her, a mild expression on his face, “Oh, wait. You intended to make it look like that, have you not?” with that, the short man left the dining room, not even turning around to see Hange’s dumbfounded face.

***

He unlocked the door to his office, stepped in and angrily slammed the door shut, pressing his shoulder against the door as he locked it up again after a few unsuccessful tries. The irritated man then pushed himself away from the door while still holding the dish in his left hand, stuffing the key into his pocket and walking up the small hallway to take his boots off. He rushed into the room and immediately looked at his reflection in the mirror, taking a few steps backwards to look at the way he looked. His clothes were in complete contrast of what he’d usually wear in public, but the only thing that actually bothered him was his messy hair. He hissed as he brushed through it with his right hand, trying to put the mess in order. He couldn’t believe he walked out like that; he’s never done that before. He then remembered he wasn’t the only one in the room as he saw Eren’s reflection in the mirror, looking at the way Levi was nervously moving. His eyes narrowed and he saw the man with the rag in his hands flinch.

“What are you staring at?”

The other replied by immediately looking away. Levi then turned around, facing the young man that already looked terrified, even though Levi hadn’t even tried to scare him yet.

“What? Is that how you greet a higher-up?”

“H-Hello”, Eren whispered eyeing him from the side and Levi’s brows furrowed.

“Formality.”

“Good morning”, the boy corrected himself as he turned to face the Captain, quickly bowing.

“That’s better”, the grumpy man said and put the plate onto a nearby cupboard, taking his jacket off and putting it onto his chair before turning around to face the younger man who flinched as soon as he was looked at, “What were you doing while I was away?”

Eren stared for a while before looking at his corner, replying: “I… I cleaned.”

Levi raised an eyebrow and raised his head to look at the spot Eren cleaned.

“You have terrible memory, not even being able to remember how to clean properly. It’s no good. You’ll have to redo it.”

Eren’s mouth opened, but the man just nodded his head, still standing at the same spot, stiff as a board. Levi then turned around and traced his fingers down the surface of the table, his eyes searching for something. He then stood on his tiptoes to reach a higher-positioned cabinet, opening it and looking inside for some time while still in that unusually elegant position. He then swiftly turned his head back towards the man standing in the middle of the room, slowly blinking as Eren was just staring at him.

“Want some tea?”

Eren was still just staring. Levi’s brows furrowed.

“Two cups of black tea it is, then,” he said as he grabbed two cups and barely managed to reach the bag of tea before stepping firmly at the floor again, almost losing his balance, but ignoring it like it never happened, “Your clothes are still dirty. While I’m making tea, you get yourself some proper clothing… I think I might have spare clothes in the top drawer since they’re a little too big for me. Go change now so I won’t have to look at your ugly ass once I’m done.”

Since he heard no response, he looked back at the boy who was still staring.

“Put the rag away. Change your clothes. You can find clothes in the top drawer.”

Eren nodded and went towards the drawers and Levi rolled his eyes as he looked back to his pot which was by now filled with water. He turned the sink off and put the pot filled to the top onto the stove, waiting for the water to boil. The next two minutes were spent with nothing but silence and Levi trying not to remember the way he’d always make tea for his squad since the tea from the dining room was utterly disgusting. Every time he’d see the boy, he’d think of the way he made them approach him before Titans came out of nowhere to slaughter them brutally, mercilessly. If he hadn’t have been in the back of the squad, he’d be dead too now. And now he was sharing his very own office with the man who probably worked with the Titans, and he was probably going to be the eightieth person to be recorded to die at the hands of such a miserable, inhuman creature. His brows furrowed. He suddenly felt his presence next to him and the smaller man instinctively leaped aside, but stood up straight as soon as he realized the other smiled at him. The white short-sleeved button-up shirt and the tight black jeans fit him perfectly.

“What? Did you come over to show me how great you look or something?” he asked and Eren’s face lit up, so Levi pushed the taller man aside to get back to the boiling water to pour it into the cups waiting next to him. Eren observed everything his roommate did intently, in a somewhat distracting way. The young man leaned his head towards the boiling water.

“Oi, you’ll get burned, step aside”, Levi added and the younger man immediately listened to his command. As Levi was pouring the hot water into the cups, he couldn’t help but to wonder why he was so protective of him, even though he hated him at the same time. It was as if something stronger than his will was steering his actions.

“Go sit at the table, I’ll bring the tea myself”, he ordered and the other man nodded his head, skipping over to the square table a few steps away from them. Levi took the cups into his hands, walking over to the table as well, but suddenly stopping as he saw the younger man sitting and smiling into his direction.

“That’s my seat”, Levi stated as Eren’s eyes widened. He made his way a few steps away, sitting down on another chair and looking back at him with the same cheerful expression as before. Levi’s brows furrowed.

“Too close,” he said and put his own cup down, watching the man finally losing his dumb grin and going to sit on the chair on the far corner of the table. Levi watched him for a while before adding, “Legs down.”

Eren put his legs down from the chair and bit his lower lip as Levi came to him, holding the cup of tea in front of him, but refusing to give it to him for a few seconds. Eren grew impatient and looked up at him as the Captain said: “Don’t drink it immediately. It’s hot.”

He then slowly placed the tea in front of him before pacing back to his spot, sitting down and crossing his legs. Eren was looking at the floor for the next minute and Levi watched his movements the whole time. After he saw Eren wasn’t going to do anything stupid, he picked up the cup and got it closer to his mouth, blowing it before sipping some. Eren’s curious eyes watched him as he tried to mimic his way of holding the cup, but he wasn’t really sure of himself, so he bent down to make sure he wouldn’t spill anything. He tried blowing it as well, trying to act just like the Captain that was sitting across him, but failing since he didn’t really know how to do anything with a cup.

“Try the handle”, Levi’s voice came from across the table and Eren looked at him. The Captain pointed at the handle, so the younger man carefully wrapped his fingers around the handle like he was afraid to break it, holding the rest of the cup with his other hand as he got the cup to his mouth, gulping it down.

“Is it good?” Levi asked and Eren stopped himself from drinking and looked back at the man across him. He smiled and nodded.

“Yes. Thank you”, he said and then continued to drink as Levi observed him. He had never seen anyone drink his tea that fast, especially when it was still that hot.

“I added some dry fruit and honey into yours too,” he continued talking even though he knew that Eren wasn’t interested in his tea speech just like no one else was, “since you’re probably used to fruit and since you’d most likely spit the tea out immediately if I served it to you with no insets, as it is strong in flavor and then we’d have to clean again…” Levi stopped for a few seconds, but soon realized he didn’t want to stop talking about tea yet, “You know, I once wanted to open a tea shop… just an idea of mine when I was younger. I always liked to collect tea leaves and that idea just got into my head. If it weren’t for Erwin who came tracking me down and pinning me into the Survey Corps…” he stopped for a moment, “Then again, I wouldn’t be able to help humanity with tea to a great extent, right? But I’d definitely keep my sanity.”

He stopped talking when he realized the boy was actually listening to his rambling. He stared ahead into the boy’s eyes for a few seconds before frowning again and getting the cup to his lips, “Forget I said anything.”

Eren leaned his arms against the table, putting his head at them and nuzzling his soft, clean shirt, watching him. Levi put the empty cup down and stared out of the window since Eren refused to look away.

“Can’t do.”

Levi’s gaze went back to the man across him, “Huh?”

“It is memorized in my head”, Eren said and lightly knocked on top of his head, widely smiling at the Captain who sat there in bewilderment for a few seconds.

“You mean… that head can store information in it after all?” he joked without any humor again, “Why can’t it learn how to clean properly, then?”

“It just memorizes what it wants. To.”

Levi leaned back into his chair, “Am I really that interesting to you?”

Eren didn’t say anything. He just coyly looked at him and then focused on a spot at the ground. Levi’s brows furrowed as he watched him. A few seconds passed with them not saying anything before Levi looked back into his empty teacup.

“I don’t believe all that bullshit”, he said, but Eren didn’t respond, so the older man grabbed a dishtowel and threw it on top of the boy’s head, which made the boy flinch before he wildly shook it off. Eren finally looked at the Captain, who intertwined his fingers as he propped on the table.

“I don’t believe you at all”, he said as Eren confusedly looked at him, his expression disappointed as he tilted his head, “the living with Titans for ten years thing. For someone living in a forest, you looked suspiciously well, ignoring all the wounds. Not only that, but the fact that you _survived_ the encounter with them at such a young age. What would possibly make them stop from attacking you, and why would they possibly decide to truce? What do they get from having an obtuse human with them?” Levi’s eyes narrowed and Eren just blinked, his mouth shut. Levi waited for a few seconds for him to respond, but since Eren was busy with staring at him, the Captain continued, “Other than that, you know surprisingly much for someone who came from the wilderness. For mindless beasts they sure do know how to turn a man rather witty…”

Eren’s brows suddenly furrowed and Levi bit his lower lip, eagerly awaiting the man’s response.

Suddenly, a loud knock came onto his door and the Captain growled, but immediately stood up to walk towards it, but then remembered he still had something for the brat. He got to the cupboard and halved the piece of bread he got before picking up the piece of meat on the plate, walking back to Eren as the knock repeated. He put the plate in front of him as Eren looked up into his eyes in bemusement, to which the Captain responded by not looking at him, but just saying: “Don’t choke on it.”

He then bit a piece of the bread off and went to open the door as he heard gross sounds coming from the other man as he was devouring the meat that was given to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I'll be posting Mondays and Fridays? Maybe just Mondays. But I've got like 10 chapters in stock already so I though I might as well release two a week. Yeah... you'll be here for a while. Feel free to comment. Or anything. Or just tell me what your day was like. I dunno.


	10. Zerbrochene Tasse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has an outburst and Levi gets a visit. (not a really happy chapter)

“Who is it?” the short soldier silently asked, although he already knew the answer to that question. He could practically sense her excited aura as she was waiting outside, knowing Levi would make her wait for a while, but playing along just to make him believe she’d listen for once.

“Have you forgotten about the fact that Eren’s still in training of becoming a real human or something? I’ll pay him a visit every second day from now on, just to further my research. So open the door already!”

Levi stuffed the bread into his mouth and took a few seconds before leaning his right shoulder against the door, responding: “Didn’t I tell you never to come back again or something? I think we’ve had that conversation… an hour ago or so?”

The door suddenly unlocked from the outside and he stepped aside, a frown getting back to his deceivingly young-looking face. Hange stepped inside and smirked into his direction: “I remember you told me you are going to tell Erwin to change the lock… So. Who’s forgetful, me or you?”

Levi heavily sighed. There was no point in arguing with Hange. No matter how you’d look at it; she’d find a way to get to her favorite Titan wannabe. If she’d have to break in to reach Eren, she would do it without hesitation. The zealous woman excitedly stumbled forward, but Levi’s voice stopped her from proceeding onto the nice fluffy carpet: “Boots.”

Hange quickly took them off before turning to face him again, clasping her hands excitedly and asking: “So. How’s my little Eren doing? Has he been cleaning nicely, the way you told him to?”

Levi’s expression remained uninterested as he spoke: “He’s been doing a half-assed job so far. Other than that, he’s been crying a lot, as expected. You know, you could always ask Eren the same question, though. I’m not here to report his behavior, just to provide him with a clearer environment and then kill him if needed.”

Hange laughed.

“Well, I wouldn’t get any answers from him since he never speaks to me…”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms. He swiftly walked ahead towards the man that was still licking the empty plate he held in both hands, tilting his head in a way that signalized that he should walk over. Eren immediately straightened and rushed to his side, but stopped in the middle of the room when he saw the eccentric woman jump at him. His eyes widened as he quickly looked at Levi who had an apologetic expression on his face before Eren was jumped at.

_“AH! Mein kleiner Titan Möchtegern! Ich habe dich so sehr vermisst, weißt du? Und, ist alles OK bei dir? Isst du genug? …Ärgert dich dir böse Levi sehr?“_ _*_

Eren stared at her as Hange stared right back at him, holding him by the shoulders to prevent him from escaping. Levi then approached both of them, looking through the small space that was left between them.

“Hange… what are you doing?” he asked in an annoyed tone of voice and Hange looked back at him, a wide smile on her face.

_“Da sein Nachname Deutsch ist, dachte ich mir Mal, dass ich Deutsch mit ihm sprechen sollte! Vielleicht kann er English überhaupt nicht und ich habe ihn um Sonst gezwungen, die Sprache wieder zu erlernen…“ **_

„So… he hasn’t spoken to you at all, huh?“ Levi asked and looked at Eren who was obviously feeling uncomfortable in Hange’s tight, hurting embrace.

_“So it’s like that, you witty bastard.”_

“Hah? No, did he…?” Hange asked as she gripped the boy’s shoulder tighter. Eren looked at Levi in hopes he’d help him, but the Captain seemed to enjoy the way he had to suffer instead of him for once, even though his facial expression wasn’t showing anything, but there was a hint of relief that it wasn’t him this time in his eyes. Levi then looked back at the bandage on Hange’s arm, his eyebrows lowering. He then looked at the younger man, furrowing his brows again.

“Did you do that?”

Eren looked at Hange’s arm before biting his lower lip, shyly looking at the floor beneath him.

“Acting all innocent won’t help you now, brat,” he spit and pointed at the woman by tilting his head, “apologize.”

“Sorry”, the beastly man muttered as Hange’s eyes widened, her hands trembling.

“Formality”, Levi grumbled and Eren’s brows furrowed.

“I apologize-“

Levi distanced himself as he predicted Hange’s next move. Hange suddenly jumped Eren again, hugging him tightly and messing up his hair as she fisted his head, all while laughing loudly and proudly: “HAH! I knew it! I knew you were able to speak, but were just in the wrong environment”, she said, but soon stepped away, stroking her chin with her index finger as she was thinking about it, “Or, you were just toying with my nerves by just being plain rude to me… Could be, considering you opened up immediately after you got out of my grasp,” she then got nearer to his face again, a wide grin adorning her face, “But now I’m here again, and you won’t be escaping me anytime soon, my dear Titan wannabe!” she squealed as her cheeks became rosy, “And we’ll start immediately by asking you how long you have been in the Titan Forest!”

Eren’s eyes wandered from one corner to the other, searching for any means to escape. If it wasn’t for Levi’s terrifying emotionless gaze constantly following him, he’d probably do something he’d regret.

“Come on, don’t be shy! We need answers, right now!” she exclaimed as she shook him, earning a confused look by the boy, “We don’t have all eternity, Eren! Answers are needed right ahead!”

“I… I…” he whispered as Hange grew impatient, her smile fading.

“At least tell us how the Titans function! You’ve been living with them for over ten years, am I right?! How come they haven’t devoured you? What are their objectives?! What’s their purpose?! Do they feel or understand things?! WHAT ARE THEY LIKE?!”

Eren’s gaze fell to the floor as the light in his eyes faded. He couldn’t help himself anymore. He felt something in his heart breaking apart, his eyes getting watery, his heart pulsing faster.

“Hange”, Levi calmly said from the back.

“Why don’t you say anything, huh? You’ve been playing me for a fool for a while now, but that’s okay! That’s your cunningness! But you must understand, we WILL attack your family, got it? We have to free human kind; and your actions matter right now! Tell us what we need to know, and you won’t have to deal with as anymore! Tell us, what are the Titans like?”

Eren’s hands started to quiver. He wasn’t going to tell anyone.

“Eren, why are they attacking us?! Why don’t you say anything? You belong with us, the same species! HELP US OUT, AND WE’LL RETURN THE FAVOR!”

“Hange, that’d be enough”, Levi stated, “it’s no use if you put him under that much stress, you said it yourse-“

“Listen to me, Eren. You’re our hope. You’re our key of finding out more. Tell me, how many of you were there? People, I mean. If you won’t say anything about your fascinating friends that helped you, you’ll say something about the others, won’t you? For humanity, Eren! For the likes of us! We’re all…”

“I’M NOT LIKE YOU!” he suddenly exclaimed and pulled his hand out of Hange’s tight grip, stepping backwards as he grabbed his right wrist, clenching it tightly as tears slid down his cheeks again, “I DON’T **WANT** TO BE LIKE YOU!”

Hange cooled down, looking back at Levi who was looking out of the window like he didn’t have anything to do with it, his arms crossed over his chest and his brows furrowed. As nothing came from him, the eccentric woman slightly smiled and looked at the furious boy again, showing him her empty palms as she tried to approach him, “I’m… We’re sorry, Eren… But we’re just trying to…”

“You **MAKE** me be like you!” he said as he stepped back, hitting the table and knocking Levi’s cup over, “I NEVER ASKED FOR BECOMING LIKE YOU! And you didn’t think about what **I** want! Because you are only ones good and with problems-“

“But we want the best for you, Eren, you-“

”Because you are helpless! Because you **are FORCED** to kill! Because you-“

“Shut it. Both of you”, Levi calmly said as he walked over to the table, gently pushing the tense boy out of his way so he could pick up the pieces of the broken cup. Hange was silent, nervously smiling and stroking her hands with her thumbs as they were clenched. Eren stood there, tears still streaming down his face as his hands were shaking, his lower lip pulled up as it was trembling.

“Shit,” Levi suddenly stated, “that was my favorite mug.”

He then stood up again, walking over to the trashcan.

“Eh… look what we’ve done…” Hange silently said after a few seconds of silence as she scratched the back of her head, apologetically looking back at the boy, “There goes Levi’s cup, huh? Well, at least _you_ won’t have to clean, right?” as the boy kept sobbing, her smile grew softer and she continued, “I’m sorry. I get carried away pretty easily.”

Eren didn’t respond as he tried to hold back the tears. When Levi came back, he looked at both of them before approaching the sobbing young man, grabbing him by the hair and pulling him closer, “Do you have to turn everything into a bad drama piece? Shut it and chirk up”, he said and brushed his fingers through the man’s soft hair, making him smile for a brief moment before he burst into tears again. Levi then looked back at Hange who smiled at him. As he narrowed his eyes at her, she grinned in her usual way again as she faced the monster.

“Wow. He’s a real crybaby, isn’t he?”

“He kept me up till three a.m. yesterday.”

“Am not!” Eren suddenly exclaimed and Levi elbowed him, the young adult finally wiping his tears off and backing off a little. Levi’s expression softened as he remembered the way the boy was pressed against the window the other day, muttering the word “free” under his breath over and over again.

_“It probably drives him crazy, being trapped between four walls with someone like me… But that’s not what matters here. Feelings of one person could never overpower the same desire of thousands of others. It’s not about helping him; Erwin’s ruthless. He won’t allow the man to live if he’ll be any kind of bother to humanity, which he is. Eyebrow’s got that one plan in mind and won’t let go till the very end as usual… but if there’s no trust in him, there’s no trust between the Survey Corps in general. It’d be ridiculous if Erwin was to just let him into my office just to make him “normal” again… I know his tactics. To keep someone from wanting to escape, you better not show them that they are imprisoned. But the boy isn’t as dumb as we have all hoped for he’d be. He knows he’s not going to be free, Hange might have told him; it wouldn’t come as a surprise to me. What keeps him from escaping is the way he gets food and shelter for free here. The reason… that those eyes reflect the person in front of them is so that no one could see his own true nature, and the way he acts is all based on thinking of the other’s character and using their weaknesses against them. He understands human psychology a bit too well for someone who lived without humans for more than ten years…”_

Suddenly, another knock came on the door and Levi sighed.

“Did you tell them we’re having a party at my place or some shit?” he told without waiting for an answer, but instantaneously going to the door. Hange approached Eren and shrugged her shoulders, still looking at him in a sad way, but Eren smiled at her.

“What?” he grumpily asked as he swiftly opened the door, seeing some kind of elderly man standing there with a letter he was tightly clenching in both of his old, worn-out and swollen hands. Levi’s expression immediately softened as he wasn’t expecting a stranger. He opened his mouth to say something, but the man breathed in nervously before greeting him.

“Mr. Humanity’s Strongest, am I right?”

“Uh…” was the best Levi could manage at the short moment he was given.

“I am Mr. Ral, sir, Petra’s father. I heard you came from an expedition some time ago, but haven’t heard of Petra ever since she’s gone there… There’ve been rumors, but I’ve chosen to ignore them. You see, I’ve been a really busy man and couldn’t get out of my job, you know how it is these days, with the price getting higher and the salaries lower…”

Levi just stared ahead into the upper belly of the man, unable to say anything.

Hange’s mouth opened as she gently grabbed Eren’s arm, smiling at the boy who had been listening to the conversation carefully, with his head raised in alert.

“Eren… let’s go study in another room, alright?” she silently asked and didn’t wait for the boy to respond as she just dragged him out of the room, right past the larger man and the petite soldier.

“Excuse me!” she said as she squeezed herself through the exit, and Mr. Ral just nodded as he continued talking to the Captain whose expression darkened even further when he was left alone in the room.

“You know, Petra’s always been very starry-eyed and never considered my options for her life… Honestly, I never thought that she’d actually make it big, but there she is now, in your squad!” the father gleefully continued, “She was so proud of herself when she got into the Special Operation Squad, and I’d never seen a bigger smile on that cute face of hers! She told me she’d offer you her own life if needed, and that she’ll be serving you the best she can. And I believe my little Petra can be a bit of a nuisance at times, but when she’s dedicated, there’s no stopping her!”

Her father kept on talking about her for much longer and was praising all of her strengths, but Levi couldn’t listen. He was just thinking of how to tell such a gentle, nice, hard-working and loving man that his only daughter was now gone forever.

* * *

 

He watched the boy silently get up from the corner he slept in, walking towards the dull light that was slightly illuminating the place around the window. Eren once again pressed his forehead against the window and stood on his tiptoes, heavily sighing and staying in that position for a long while. Levi removed his legs from the table and stood from his chair, surprising the man who turned around to face the Captain. Levi was just watching him, which was why Eren returned looking at the night sky after a while. Levi looked out as well, but soon he looked back at the floor.

“What torture did Hange expose you to this time?” he silently asked and leaned his shoulder against the wall beside him, crossing his arms.

“W-We read books.”

“About space?” he said as he looked towards the stars.

“No.”

They were both silent for a while again. Eren didn’t seem as satisfied while looking outside anymore. Levi figured it must have been because he was there, and Eren couldn’t act like the _real_ Eren while someone was close. His gaze fell at the floor.

“When you said that you didn’t want to be like us earlier today, Eren… Did you really mean it?” he soon asked.

Eren looked over at him, his eyes widening as he saw that there was no angry expression on Levi’s face. There was just fatigue visible on his visage, which made him look much older than he’d usually look. He parted his lips while breathing out, looking back at the stars that were scattered across the sky. Even though there were many of them, the sky was still pretty empty for the boy who had been living in the nature, where there were no buildings and no pollution hindering his sight at them. He just slightly nodded, hoping the other wouldn’t get angry.

Levi nodded back as he looked down again.

“Understandable.”

Eren looked at him in a confused way.

“It’s pretty hard when they part you from where you’ve been living your entire life and when they part you from things and people you’ve known better than anyone else did, isn’t it?”

Eren lost his interest in the stars.

“It’s… pretty hard for a monster to get used to living around real people…”

…

_“Two months… She’s been dead for two months and no one told me anything?! If I had only known, I wouldn’t have written all those letters… I wouldn’t have wasted all the time on waiting for her to arrive at home! Do you know how hard it is to bring food to the table, sir? Do you know how hard it is to earn to live for one more day?”_

_Levi was silent as the man cried bitter tears, grabbing him by the oversized shirt he was wearing._

_“No! No, you don’t! I’ve always defended you Survey Corps, since my dear Petra… my dear daughter loved you all so much, but they were all right! You’re just dumb pigs taking our money, eating your hearts and brains out and then killing off everyone so the higher-ups would get more!”_

_Levi didn’t protest. He couldn’t do anything._

_…_

Eren was looking him directly in the eyes in a sad way, knowing that something was wrong. Levi stared straight back at the man and couldn’t get his mind to work properly anymore. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way the poor old man looked at the moment. He had loved his daughter more than anything, and there was the beast that took her life away, right in front of him. No, it wasn’t just him, actually. Levi knew that it was his own fault too, for letting their curiosity take over.

“ _Captain, it’s a human! And he’s… he’s wearing no equipment… Could it be a survivor from one of the previous missions?” “No, he runs on all fours… What? Is that thing really human?” “Let’s not waste time on that filthy wretch! It surely has germs on it anyways.” “Oluo, are you acting like the Captain again? He doesn’t sound anything like that! It’s really annoying…” “Ah, come now, Petra, we’ve…“ “And it’s NOT a filthy wretch, by the way. He looks lost and is hurt! He needs our help!” “Are you serious, Petra? This… This thing could…” “Oh, just bite your tongue off, Oluo. Captain, we’re going on ahead!”_

_“…Good.”_

He practically gave them permission to die.

…

_“And then you go as far as not telling the families that our sons and daughters had died, torturing all parents with silence and unknowingness! I should have known… I should have known right from the start! You are all just animals… No. Especially you, Captain. She’s been serving you for years, doing her best, and you knew what kind of family she had, and how much they loved her. And then, even after all the things she’s done for you, you can’t even bring back a piece of her to the house that had raised her so well! Heck, even a word would have been enough! But you chose to remain silent, and to bury her existence like she wasn’t worth standing in your overrated shadow. If I hadn’t come over, would I ever find out that my only daughter had been devoured by a Titan?” he was shouting at Levi who endured the way the man was pulling his collar._

_“There hasn’t been enough time to, we’ve been busy and my health has-“_

_“Don’t go ‘round the topic now! You’ve had your chance to speak, but you chose not to say anything! You know what a cruel, wicked, empty person like you is called? A **monster.** ”_

_…_

“Levi”, Eren called his name and made him stop thinking for a while. There was a worried expression on the young man’s face. Levi stared at that sad, youthful face for some time before narrowing his eyes at him. The creature that was responsible for killing his entire squad looked down at him with a soft, caring expression on his face which disgusted the older man. His rage started building again and he wanted to shove his head into the ground and scrub the floor with it, just because of how much he hated the way Eren seemed nice and would always act innocent in front of him.

“Go to sleep”, he just said and walked back, ignoring the way the young man was still looking at him as he limped back towards the table.

_“No. I’m not a monster. I think like a human… but don’t feel anything positive, just like a monster. What I am… is **disgusting**.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we have reached over 100 kudos! Thank you all so much for your support~
> 
> Other than that, Eren really needs a break, I know. Levi too. Not just yet, though. The next chapter is pretty short, but the one after that... be prepared.
> 
> \---  
> *Oh, my little Titan wannabe! I've missed you so much, you know? And, is everything OK? Are you eating enough? ...Does the mean Levi anger you a lot?
> 
> **~Since his surname is German, I thought that I should speak in German with him. Maybe he can't speak English at all and I had forced him to try to relearn the language for nothing...


	11. Besessen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi laments and Erwin creeps him out.

“Oh, Levi. Haven’t seen you in two weeks. How has it been going with our prisoner?” Erwin immediately looked up as he saw the short Captain come into his office, a small smile spreading on his face. Levi’s face was as expressionless as always, but the circles under his eyes revealed he was even more exhausted than usual. He had taken up his training again, even though he had no squad to work with, and was now trying to make a decision of whom his next squad was going to consist of. Erwin teasingly added: “Has the beast been cleaning to your expectations?”

Levi shot him a quick glare before closing the door behind himself and leaning his back against it. Erwin then realized he wasn’t wearing his Scouting Legion equipment yet again and was just wearing a plain, short sleeved white button-up shirt and black tight jeans, and his hair was quite messy. He was putting his weigh at his left leg, resting the other one by slightly raising it.

“Is your leg’s fracture healed yet?” Erwin asked with obvious concern in his voice as he left the papers aside to look at his trusted friend. Levi’s sight was constantly on the floor, as if he was afraid to show what his burning eyes looked like.

“No. To both of these questions”, he answered, pushing himself away from the door and walking towards the Commander’s desk. He grabbed a chair, turned it around and sat on it, leaning his arms on the top rail of it. He glared into Erwin’s eyes for a while, but didn’t say anything.

“You look…”

“Like shit. I know”, Levi finished. Erwin remained silent. He grabbed his papers again and continued with his work as Levi looked at him under his eyelashes. He tapped the wooden desk with his fingers numerous times before raising his head up.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

“Go on”, Erwin immediately responded, but didn’t take his eyes off the paperwork he had been observing. It contained information about the boy Levi had to have as a roommate which Hange gathered over the month. Levi wondered if that man sitting in front of him had more hobbies than finding things about a random brat out and disobeying the Government’s orders.

“Don’t you have a job to do, Erwin? You do realize you’re wasting time with looking over his information over and over again, right? It’s like you’ve been obsessed with him from the very first moment he got here”, Levi grumpily stated as Erwin aligned the papers in his hands.

“The information we gathered around the beast is coming in handy, Levi. He seems to be… different than us.”

“No shit.”

Erwin cracked a smile before leaning back into his big chair, intertwining his fingers.

“Hange told me he has opened up, finally. What did you have to do to make that possible?”

Levi’s brows furrowed.

“Erwin, I’m not here to talk about the details of a research I’m not participating in. My only duty is to keep that brat from causing trouble, and you know that. I have far more important business to think of, in fact.”

“Have you decided on whom you are going to pick to be in the Special Operation squad yet, by the way?” Erwin asked and Levi’s eyebrows rose for a brief moment as he looked back at the desk.

“…I… haven’t had the chance to think of that yet, actually… There’s something that’s been keeping me from that thought, and it’s because of…“ Levi stopped as he realized that the Commander had the paperwork in his hands yet again, paying no attention to him whatsoever, “Erwin! Put those damn papers away and listen to me for once! I came here because I need someone who’d listen to me without judging me for it!”

The man with the big eyebrows looked at him in wonder before heavily sighing as he gave the short Captain the papers that he was so interested in. Levi’s glance fell at the report as he began reading it.

“You’ve been wondering about it too, haven’t you…?” Erwin’s low voice soon came into Levi’s ears and the shorter man’s eyes narrowed, “Why did he get accustomed to the way we live here so easily and fast? Why does he know English even though he had supposedly lived in a forest for more than ten years? Why did he even get into that forest at the first place, and was it just him? The fact that he survived even though he had so many grave injuries…? The fact that the Titans didn’t attack him… You were wondering about it. I know that for a fact.”

Levi was just staring at the paper in his hands. It displayed a list of injuries and sicknesses the human had and Levi didn’t need to understand all those foreign expressions to realize that his condition was critical at the moment they captured him.

“If Hange’s right about all of the facts that are listed on these papers you’re holding, than Eren is… some kind of vessel containing a power far greater than we could even imagine a human having. Now, if we could only find a way of taking that power out of him and planting it into someone else… Maybe we could- Maybe _I_ could…”

“Erwin, are you even listening to yourself anymore?!” Levi exclaimed as he saw the determined look on the Commander’s face. His eyes were widely opened and were fixated at a spot on the desk, his mouth pulled into a chilly grin and his shoulders were tense as he was bent forward, “You sound like a lunatic!”

Erwin’s creepy expression suddenly faded as he relaxed, leaning back into his chair and apologetically smiling: “Oh, sorry. Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”

Levi was glaring at him for a few seconds before folding the papers neatly and sighing in defeat, letting his bangs cover his face as he lowered his head.

“On the contrary. You haven’t really said anything up to this point. Hange’s doing her job of researching the brat but doesn’t really know what she has to do, and she thus can’t manage her best. It would be a lot easier if you’d just tell her why you need all of that information… But what’s more important is that you don’t tell _me_ anything. Heck, you didn’t even tell _Mike_ anything, and he’s sobbing about it all the time, and it’s grinding my gears. I am the one who had to provide him shelter, who has to watch out for him all the time and who needs to spend all of his free time, which isn’t much, on that stupid brat who pretends not to even know how to put footwear on, just because he hates the way they cling onto his feet! Like, what the hell?! I’ve been keeping him safe and had to endure countless of his sudden bites and attacks, and didn’t even fight back and even comforted him at one point… And I don’t even know what for! Erwin, what are you planning to do with him? Are we going to kill him off? Make him join us? Hide him from the rest of humanity for all eternity? Because I ain’t gonna be the one to waste my entire life on that!” he shouted, pressing a hand against his forehead.

There was silence for a long period of time. Erwin took a look at another pile of papers as Levi was trying to recollect himself.

“…I’m sorry,” Levi silently said after some time, massaging his hurting forehead, “I’m really going insane…”

Erwin’s soft gaze looked at the younger man who was writhing in pain.

“I didn’t sleep for three days straight. He’s been whining every night since he got into my office. It was either because of those nightmares he keeps having or because of the way he feels trapped in here. You know how I feel about people desperately crying with no avail whatsoever. I sit there on my chair every night and listen to him whimpering about the outside and about freedom. He sometimes bawls in his sleep and starts hurting himself for no apparent reason and I know I can’t stop it, so I don’t even try anymore. He’d wake up a few times and would just… stare at me, like I was supposed to do something. He refuses to talk to me in the morning and ignores most of my commands, with the exception of cleaning which has become a routine by now, which is why I leave him alone most of the time. When I finally get back in the evening he fakes a smile and acts like nothing happened… He tries to be nice, which angers me even furthermore, but I don’t do anything, since everything goes in the same circle afterwards,” he furrowed his brows as he looked up at Erwin again, “Long story short, I don’t think I’m suitable for the job of keeping him in line.”

Erwin’s comforting smile suddenly broke as he looked down at the papers in his hands, seeming somewhat nervous. Realizing those weren’t the papers he was looking for, he reached for the papers Levi was holding in his hands before clearing his throat as he passed through the papers again. In the meantime, Levi was listening to the loud clock in the office. The sounds it produced were getting louder and louder as the man was keeping himself from falling asleep in the comfortable chair.

“I… am sorry to hear all of that, Levi. You did know what you were getting into when you agreed to watch out for him, though. It was you who came pleading me for a better, more natural environment for him, after all. I knew what the beast could do, so I was wary, but you were determined. I remember you saying to me that you knew that he will start acting normal out of the prison he was in, simply because you _knew._ That made me reconsider my options, and it turned out that you were right. He might be heavily depressed, but he’s more valuable to our research now than ever before. If we’d to relocate him again, he’d certainly close up again, and if you’d leave him alone, the same would happen. He’s used to you now… We can, however, find you another sleeping place, but you’d have to get out soundlessly in the depth of the _night_ and wake up extremely early to get there before he’d wake up…”

Levi’s brows furrowed.

“You don’t understand. It’s not about me not being able to sleep. His crippling depression is driving me nuts. I hear those screams and moans of pain in the night and… and they remind me…”

Levi bit his lower lip as he looked away again. He remembered the way his eyes lose his shine day after day, how they are less and less animate after each night Levi had to spend on listening to the boy’s crying. And when he’d smile, his eyes would remain apathetic. He was turning into an emotionless boy _trying_ to be joyful, but to no avail, who’d spend the most of his time in an office, alone, _cleaning_.

“I’ve suffered countless of defeats that made me the way I am. _What I mean is that… it’s hard not to start crying myself”,_ he couldn’t say the other part out loud. He looked back at Erwin who seemed to understand what the younger soldier had been saying. They spent a few seconds looking into each other’s eyes, as if they knew what the other wanted to say. After a while, the short Captain slowly stood up, careful not to hurt his leg any more, and made his way to the door so he’d leave. The blonde man didn’t stop him, even though Levi looked back at him for a brief moment. Once he was gone, the Commander looked back at the paperwork, asking himself if it was really the case he hoped it would be. He didn’t have to worry about Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel really bad for not giving you ereri in this chapter. I also feel bad because I've got my docs stacked on a pile and reread all fluff (+some smut) that's about to come... so sorry you're stuck with a depressed Levi and Dad!!Erwin.
> 
> I will be posting chapters just Mondays now. No Friday. It's proving to be a big challenge to write since I ain't got no time at all... Sorry. I really hope you understand. 
> 
> You'll... get an interesting chapter on the 13th though :)


	12. Die Vertrauensübung

_“You did know what you were getting into when you agreed to watch out for him, though. It was you who came pleading me for a better, more natural environment for him, after all. I knew what the beast could do, so I was wary, but you were determined. I remember you saying to me that you knew that he will start acting normal out of the prison he was in, simply because you_ knew”, the sentences that the Commander had said were still echoing in his head as he was passing down the long, dimly-lit hallway. No one was around, so he allowed himself to walk unsteadily for once, giving his hurt leg some rest. He hadn’t considered his health as he was training, which resulted in the pain showing its fangs again. He tried to ignore it, though.

As he spotted his office’s door in the distance, he searched for the keys in his pocket.

_“Did I really seem that desperate to get him outta that cage, even though Hange was the one who considered me to be perfectly fit for the role? …Maybe it was precisely because of that fact. But maybe I just didn’t consider it to be fair. In honesty, we don’t even know if he’s a murderous little bastard. He might be innocent. I wasn’t, yet they still considered me to be suitable for the Corps. They put my skills to some use, and he was rotting in that cage. Maybe I really saw my image in him…”_

He suddenly furrowed his brows as he reached the door.

“Tch.”

_“Screw it. You try to do the right thing once, and it immediately bites you back in the gluteus maximus.”_

He unlocked the door and slammed it behind him, not even locking it back up. He went straight to search for the beastly human, but stopped when he realized Eren was at his usual spot, pressed against the window, sobbing. Eren swiftly turned around to face the Captain, his eyes widening in shock to see him back earlier, even though it was night already. He desperately tried to wipe the tears off, but Levi seemed furious already. In an attempt to smile so his roommate might not see the tears since it was dark, he just ended up sobbing again.

Something within Levi broke that moment. His brows furrowed as his eyes flared, and his petite figure tensed up as he swiftly approached the boy who braced himself. The Captain forcefully pushed the boy from the window, unlocking it and opening it up with a loud thud. He then glared back at the youthful man who was trembling in sadness, swallowing his own tears.

“Out!” he yelled and pointed at the outside with his index finger.

Eren didn’t budge, and the Captain growled.

“I won’t say it again. Run, and try not to get caught. I’ll say it was my fault, just… just get out”, he said as his look suddenly saddened. But he wouldn’t regret the choice he made; it was better that way. Ever since they had been observing the wild man that they were still sophisticating, nothing had been done and nothing had been accomplished. Eren was hindering their progress anyways, and Levi couldn’t understand why Erwin wasted so much time and money for the research. He trusted his judgment above anyone else’s, but that didn’t mean he was going to submit to it. Other than that, he had no clue what Hange was doing to him in that office of hers, and he had the feeling he really didn’t want to know.

Eren bit his lower lip and kept on staring at the shorter man whose expression softened. He then grabbed the boy by the wrist and stepped through the window himself, taking the youth with him. The night was black and clouds covered the shy moon as wind was bending the trees and sweeping through the grassy field surrounding them. Levi released the man’s wrist and crossed his arms over his chest, walking a few steps away and looking at the headquarters. Every room except for Hange’s was dark. He then looked back at Eren who stopped crying as a wide, innocent smile spread across his youthful face. His whole face lit up as he looked at the sky, even though not a single star was on it. The wind was playing with his soft hair and he suddenly laughed, taking a shaky step forward. He couldn’t believe it, so he just smiled, closing his still tearful eyes. He didn’t know where to put his arms and he kept his head in a position where he’d be facing the sky. He looked so happy and… so free.

“Go, Eren.”

The young man responded to Levi by looking at him in a confused way, his huge smile fading.

“Run as far as you can,” Levi loudly said as wind played with his raven hair, blowing it into his face. He turned to see the other direction, “if you keep heading towards the chapel’s tower in the distance, you’ll reach the main street that leads straight to the Wall. Once you’re there, you’ll have to open the gate somehow, or climb over it. Then you’ll be able to return to your Titan friends.”

He turned around to see the confused teen still staring at him. He furrowed his eyebrows.

“But beware; once you’re out, I won’t be hesitating on killing you the next time I see you, brat. Go, now. You’re free.”

Eren repeatedly kept looking between the grass beneath him and the Captain who was waiting for his decision. Levi knew that they would be in trouble if someone caught them, so he quickly grew impatient.

“What the hell are you doing? Every night you cry about being free and now that you’ve got the chance you’ll just wait here. Run, damn it! Run before I change my mind!”

Eren clenched his hands shyly as he sadly looked at him, approaching the man who wanted to give him the freedom he didn’t ask for. When he got close, he looked into his eyes, waiting. Levi was glaring at him in the scariest way possible, but the other didn’t seem to understand.

“You’re not needed here, and you don’t want to be here as well! I’m trying to help you, you idiot! I can’t stand you and your weeping any longer! Just get out of my sight and go cry to your hugeass family!”

“I don’t have family!” the boy spat back as Levi’s gaze got stuck to the boy’s shining eyes.

“Then why would you want to go outside…?” the Captain’s voice softened as his brows furrowed in a sad way.

“I don’t want to! Well, I wanted to before… But… I… ” the young man got confused for a moment as Levi’s eyes half-closed in a way that showed disbelief, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT!” the boy corrected himself as he crossed his arms as well since the wind’s cold was a little too harsh for him. The Captain stared at the determined look in the boy’s eyes, bringing his entire being to life again. The wind was playing with his dark brown locks and his neck was proudly raised, his red lips bending into a slight frown. Eren looked like another person in the outside; it was like there was nothing that could replace his wild soul that would come to life when he was surrounded by nature. Levi’s sight fell to the grassy ground as he cursed under his breath.

“Then why the hell would you be crying about freedom every night, making me stay up?”

 The boy looked away and Levi heavily sighed, pressing his fingers against his forehead. He then took the boy by the wrist, dragging him back inside, leaving the big window unlocked, and opened.

…

“You should have told me from the start that it was all a recurring nightmare, brat. Haven’t I told you to always tell me if something was bothering you?” he silently asked as he placed a candle on the nightstand next to the bed that would usually be empty, but was now holding a pair of men. Levi slid up the bed; crossing his legs to copy Eren’s sitting position. Two men who were dressed the same were facing each other with the same, sad expression on their faces.

“N-No”, Eren answered as Levi’s eyes widened before his head quickly looked down.

“Well, I told you now. Whenever you get a nightmare, just come to me. I’m terrible at comforting, but at least you won’t be alone.”

Eren nodded without looking at him.

“Thank you.”

“Cut me some slack, will ya? That decency is really annoying.”

The younger man slightly smiled.

“Thanks.”

“You’re an idiot”, he said and swiftly ruffled the boy’s hair, so that Eren flinched and pulled back in surprise, trying to put his hair back in order. Levi just watched him in the dim light of the candle. His funny expression as he was obviously nervous from sitting close to the man that was responsible for him and wouldn’t hesitate on killing him if he needed to, his furrowed, thick brows that just wouldn’t straighten, a few freckles placed around his nose and the scar on the left side of his lower lip made for a must to watch for Levi. The boy was so perfectly imperfect that he found himself staring for a while before getting angry at himself for thinking about him. He quickly distracted his mind by taking a look at the sketchpad he had given to Eren before, so he would sketch what he couldn’t describe. Even though he wasn’t exactly great at drawing, Eren was by far more artistic than Levi.

“If I got that correctly, you were dreaming about people trying to capture you, so you ran, but couldn’t outrun them. Once they got their hands on you, you went berserk and, long story short, almost everyone died. The ones that survived enslaved you and tortured you, but you thought it wasn’t punishment enough, so you had to hurt yourself, hoping you’d rip that evil… demonic thing out of you, but failed. That didn’t stop you from trying though. As you kept doing that, the word ‘freedom’ started repeating in your head again and again, getting louder as time passed. You firstly thought it’s your mind trying to say that you should roam free, but recently you’ve realized that there is more to that, with _you_ actually being the freedom that everyone, including you, wanted to kill. And if they killed you or you killed yourself, it would hinder that freedom. But if no one kills you, the demon inside of you will break free and once again devour everyone.”

Eren nodded and Levi’s hands clenched as he brought them up to his chin. Silence filled the room for a minute.

“That’s messed up”, was the only thing Levi could make out of that, which made the younger man smile in a sad way.

“The word would repeat every time I kill someone…” Eren silently said as silence got the better end of them again. Levi seemed like he was thinking about something, but couldn’t say it out loud, “M-Maybe it’s th-that thing inside me. Maybe it feels free only when killing.”

“ _Or_ you’re afraid of killing people…” Levi’s brows furrowed, “But why would that be…?”

Eren’s eyes shot wide open as he heard the question. Levi sensed fear in the eyes of the boy, which is why he came closer to him.

“You’ve done it before, haven’t you…?”

Eren’s entire body started to tremble as Levi’s gaze wouldn’t go away from his eyes. He read him like the cheesy romance novels he had lying around on the shelves that Levi had known by heart at this point. Levi then looked down again, sighing.

“Look, there’s nothing you should be afraid of. No one expected otherwise. We know where you came from and what people like you do. There’s no use in trying to cover it up now. You killed somebody in the past, didn’t you?” he asked again, just to make him say it.

“I… I did”, Eren silently said and Levi’s eyes narrowed as he nodded.

“Eren… let me… ask you another question. How did you get into that forest at the first place…?”

The boy looked at the golden key he had around his neck before breathing in heavily. He then looked at the bed sheet again, silently saying: “I… I don’t know. I lived in a small family before, with only mom and father, who was a doctor and wasn’t home much. We lived in a cozy house behind the Walls. I can’t remember anything when it was that time. B-But I dreamed that… my father… He grabbed my hands and told me to not move, but I was scared, so I ran away from him and ran after. I was just running the most fast I could, going deeper in. I remember the leaves cutting me as I ran, but was soon exhausted and I collapsed on the mud. He found me and reached for my hand and tried to vaccine me with something… but… then I woke up with key.”

Levi’s eyes widened as Eren suddenly stopped talking. The younger looked for approval to continue in the other’s eyes, and the older man nodded.

“I woke up… inside that forest. Maybe it wasn’t a dream…The first event in forest I remember is when I woke up at an unknown place, with trees surrounding me. I was confused and lost, so I got up to find a way to escape the place I was in, but my path was blocked by a giant creature staring right at me. It was a titan. I couldn’t do anything in shock. It opened up its mouth and… I found myself inside it.”

Levi was focused on the young man’s face and didn’t even blink; a deadpan expression on his face.

“I thought I was dead then, but the thing kept me in the mouth and brought me to a place full of titans. It then spit me out at a platform of stone, where the other titans placed the people _they_ brought. All of them were my age… I was six then. We were at some hidden part of the forest that looked like no one cared for it for a long time. I fondly remember how the titans started crying out the word “Ymir” all of a sudden, in union, ripping their faces and bowing down in front of a stone statue of a girl. I was scared and searched for comfort, but the others didn’t accept me and my cries. All of them suddenly stopped moving when a weird, fuzzy titan came. It didn’t look as a titan at all actually, but was big as one… They started running towards that titan then and we all almost got crushed… But didn’t. I don’t remember much after that… The titans kind of took us in then and showed us how to live in the forest. If we’d get them prey, we’d get their protection, and they wouldn’t eat us… So… we’d have to l-lure in humans… and…”

Eren went silent as Levi still stared at him, his clenched hands still resting against his chin as his back was arched. He spent a few seconds on thinking as Eren waited for the man’s response to come. Eren’s eyelids were already heavy and he was barely keeping himself awake. The breeze that was chilling his back didn’t help him to stay awake, and the ache in his chest didn’t exactly help him as well. The soft crackling of the small flame was like a lullaby to him now, rather than torture like it was when he was in the prison, secluded from everything and everyone. He suddenly remembered the euphoric feeling he felt when finally seeing sunlight again and staring at the clouds that were passing outside of the big, locked window that Levi refused to open. Eren knew he feared he’d want to escape. Honestly, he wanted to, the first few days. But when he got to know the funny little man a little better, he realized that Levi was someone special. He was everything but soft on the outside, but his eyes would tell the truth from time to time. The way his eyes would go half-closed when Eren would be feeling down and the way his eyes would sometimes shine when he’d see him smile. That cold glare was just a façade that hid the true, sad and afraid man behind those glassy eyes. It wasn’t just his eyes, though. The man was providing him more food then he probably should have. Based on what Levi had said they wanted to do with him, it was pretty clear that Eren wasn’t in the need of eating much. The Captain didn’t want him to go hungry nevertheless and basically starved himself instead. The way his lips would warp into the faintest of smirks when he’d see him slip on the freshly wiped floor and fall on his backside, or when he’d drink the tea Levi made for him a bit too soon and he’d burn himself. The way Levi would silently curse under his breath when he’d hand-wash Eren’s blood-stained clothes as he gave it his all to remove every single stain, since Eren didn’t have other clothes. Sure, he’d get his head smacked with his strong, cold hands when he did something wrong, but when he’d have a nightmare, he was pretty sure he could sometimes feel Levi’s long fingers slowly brush through his hair to calm him down. Eren couldn’t remember if he had ever been treated this kindly. He didn’t know much about the older man except that Levi would always look into details and would never miss the opportunity of insulting him and would never bite his tongue when something would bother him, but Eren still felt like he had it too good. He had it so good that he even wondered if the forest was truly the freedom he desired, which is why he refused to run before. Even though he had hurt him many times, even though he made him suffer at night and even though he was responsible for the death of his friends, he still treated him like someone who deserved his care and compassion. He wanted Levi to **hate** him, not to spoil him like that. The boy’s brows suddenly furrowed as his gaze fell at the sheet beneath him.

“…Seems plausible, yes”, Levi’s voice suddenly came into his ears as he returned to reality again.

Eren’s lower lip twitched.

“For the Titans to perform a ritual, I mean. The name Ymir does ring a bell as well. It’s not that I fully trust you, but your story will be taken into consideration. Maybe it will help…”

 “L-Levi.”

 “Yes?”

Levi could see hesitation in the boy’s lowered gaze and heard sadness in his voice. His eyes half-closed.

“Who was Petra?”

The short Captain went silent as his head lowered.

“Hange told me… you loved her…”

“I felt the same for all of my soldiers,” he quickly explained, as if he knew what the boy had heard that day, “I couldn’t possibly pick favorites. Every single one of them was a gift to the Survey Corps, great alleys and compassionate soldiers who’d place their life for the sake of others”, he coldly stated, as if there were no deeper feelings tying him with them, even though that was far from the truth. He’d still think about them every day, especially about the kind girl. She resembled the softer side of a person he once knew.

There was silence between them for some time.

“I… then I was told that… I made them… I…” he silently said and the Captain finally managed to tear his eyes off the sheet and looked back at the man in front of him, realizing the hatred he tried to feel for him was gone.

_“That remorse in his eyes… I’ve seen it already.”_

“You had to do it to stay alive. I get that.”

“N-No… you don’t…”

Levi half-closed his eyes again.

“Huh?”

Eren’s eyes went to his fists which were shaking as he started breathing heavily.

“I… I never wanted to do it… I… hate-“

“Stop. Eren.”

The young man stopped trembling and looked back at the older man who was looking at the bed he sat on again.

“I really couldn’t care less if you wanted to do it or didn’t want to; what’s past is past. The people we’re talking about are already dead, and nothing will bring them back. Also, nobody here cares where we came from and what we were doing before coming here; what matters is that we are part of the Survey Corps, fighting for the freedom of humanity by defeating giant bastards who eat us for fun. I’ve done terrible stuff too, yet here I am. Erwin believed I deserved a second chance, and I got one. What you need is a second chance in life, brat. ‘Cause you messed up the first part pretty damn well.”

The young man’s eyes widened as Levi suddenly pulled a pocket knife out of his jeans, finding himself in front of Eren on his knees in a heartbeat. Eren’s body went stiff as the older man pressed the small, sharpened pocket knife to his neck, feeling drops of cold sweat covering his whole spine. The knife’s handle was frayed, but the cold piece of metal itself was stainless. The boy stared ahead as the man positioned himself in a better way, a strong hand being placed on the side of his throat. His heart was racing, but he trusted the man in front of him. He trusted him with all he had, so he furrowed his brows at Levi.

“Slitting someone’s throat…” a calm, chilly purr came into Eren’s ears and the younger man flinched. He didn’t know what to think or feel, but he just stayed sitting in the same way. Levi half-closed his eyes as his sight dropped to Eren’s lips for a second before he looked him in the eye again, “It’s an easy kill, but not the best way of killing someone. The best way is to approach someone from the back, and then stab the carotid artery,” he silently explained, carefully pressing the knife to his artery, “so that the knife punctures both arteries, and then you grip the handle firmly and punch first forward,” he moved the knife forward, “then down,” he continued with an emotionless expression, sliding the knife down his neck so that only the tip was touching the man’s skin. Eren didn’t move, which earned a somewhat intrigued glance from Levi, “cutting the vocal cords and letting out both major blood supplies to the brain at the same time…”

Eren finally looked at Levi who continued: “ _He_ ’d usually place a hand over his victim’s mouth to prevent them from screaming, like this…” he said and gently placed the free hand over Eren’s mouth. Levi’s expression then darkened.

“You and I are alike, _Yeager_. But you weren’t taught what life was the way I was. I lost my entire family one faithful day, which consisted of only my mother, who worked an unholy job till her bitter end despite her dangerous disease to ensure me a life that wouldn’t be like hers. She died, and I was left in the room alone with her, seeing how she was getting thinner every day. One day, a random guy showed up, grabbed me by the arm, dragged me away and taught me how to survive in the place I lived in. Unlike you, I’ve never seen sunlight until adulthood, and the whole population of people living without sunlight had different morals than you softies up here. Down there, it was steal or die. I was taught how to survive on my own down there by that one man… Kenny was his name. My own rationale is influenced by him. The way I fight, the unfunny humor, the way we look at existence. But he left me to rot as well.”

Eren’s eyes were staring into his as he talked and the older man removed his hand from Eren’s mouth.

“The way your eyes quiver when they meet the blade… You’re soft. You would never choose to hurt someone without having to… which makes you an easy target… but for some reason, you trust me, even though you don’t know much about me...”

As Eren narrowed his eyes, Levi did so too.

“My existence itself is a mistake…” his brows furrowed, “But I know what I’m fighting for now. Do you…?”

He finally removed the blade from the boy’s neck and looked at it from both sides before throwing it away, knowing that Eren was scared of weapons. Eren’s eyes followed the knife before returning his sight to the short soldier who traced his cold fingers down the small white trail he had left on the man’s soft skin. They sat in the silence for a while, the dim light of the candle getting fainter.

Eren’s sight suddenly fell back at the bed sheet. After a brief moment, he looked back at the Captain’s face as Eren gently, but firmly wrapped his fingers around the other man’s wrist that had been raised. Levi looked at his hand before immediately looking down again, removing his hand from his neck and letting the younger press the hand down to the bed.

“I want to join you”, Eren suddenly stated.

Levi stared at Eren’s hand around his wrist in silence for a moment before responding.

 “I doubt that Erwin would want you to join us, actually. His mind is set on one goal and I’m definitely not going try to talk him out of something again. You’re someone who’s been kept here against his will anyways, why’d you, who worked with those disgusting creatures, want to join the Scouting Legion in the first place? Stockholm syndrome or some shit?”

Eren’s head lowered as the other man’s hand slipped out of his.

“I have… no purpose in life. I want to know where I belong… if I join you, I will maybe find out.”

“I thought you worked with Titans… Why would you want to give everything you have to us so we’d be able to fight them?”

Eren suddenly growled and Levi’s eyes widened. Eren’s teal, shining eyes were burning with hatred once again, his brows were furrowed, his nostrils were flared and there was a wide, toothy grin on his face. The few seconds he was looking at the fearsome creature that didn’t look like a simple man anymore felt like an eternity. The evilness in his eyes caught Levi’s interest and he found himself drawn towards him again. It was a feeling Levi couldn’t describe at all. Was it fear, or maybe compassion? Whatever it was, it set his heart on fire as he felt like the light had been reflected onto him.

“I want to join the Scouting Legion… to **slaughter** them titans… Levi.”

Levi’s lips parted as he kept staring at the boy. His eyes shone in a particular way again.

_“The flame that everyone had hoped would perish with time had been strengthened yet again by someone who was supposed to extinguish it… But the flame of his soul is who the boy really is. A person who is ready to do anything, who is ready to die on spot if it is needed to make his wish come true… I won’t be someone who’ll question his choices. That flame that everyone is fighting to extinguish… I’ll be the one to nurture it, so it might burn, even if it burns with the desire to kill.”_

 “Oho. Not bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Development.


	13. Das Rotkehlchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyday life laziness and cognitions.

The sound of chirping birds woke the raven-haired man. He silently moaned as he slightly opened his eyes, crossing his arms and stretching them behind his hand, leaning fully at the back of the chair. A ray of sunlight struck through the open window, illuminating the right part of his office. He parted his lips as he slightly turned his head to face the widely opened window. There was a tiny robin peeking into the inside of his office, silently chirping to join the other birds’ singing. A slight breeze came and the bird stretched out its wings before shaking and rounding up into a fuzzy ball of lively colored feathers. It then looked over at the man gazing at it, tilting its tiny head to take a better look at him with its dark eyes. Since the man remained sitting in his chair with his hands behind his head, the robin quickly hopped aside and pecked the windowsill a few times. The boy must have had left crumbs of bread on it. Levi then looked over at the bed in the back, seeing the younger man sprawled all over it, lying on his stomach. His sinewy hands were tightly gripping the pillow, pressing it against his cheek. His lips were parted and his eyes were closed, but his thick brows were still furrowed. The covers were down on the floor.

The man slowly stood up, taking his jacket off the chair and putting it on lazily. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror across the room, aligning the jacket and then taking a moment to glare at his messy hair. He brushed his fingers through it to make it look at least decent before returning his gaze at the sheets that fell down. He was irritated by them being out of place. He then opened a lower drawer to take out a cravat, swiftly wrapping it around his neck. He looked back at the sheets on the floor and finally decided to approach the bed. He squatted down to collect them before silently standing up and throwing them on the other end of the bed. He looked at the clock, seeing that it was five in the morning. He had slept for two hours.

He then carefully sat on the edge of the bed, crossing his arms and looking down at the boy next to him. He was sleeping soundly, with his chewed up lips stretched into a slight smile as the slight breeze was playing with the tips of his somewhat longish hair. His short sleeves were revealing the boy’s well-defined muscles, and the shirt was pulled up on his back, revealing a few dots that climbed up his spine. His feet were dirty.

Levi had to force himself to look away from him, facing the open window again. It had been opened the entire night, and the door was still unlocked. Eren could have tried to escape at any moment, but he didn’t. The Captain felt a slight tingle in his heart as he frowned, loudly exhaling through his nostrils. The bird had already flown away.

Soon, he saw the man next to him stretch, quickly pulling his arms back when he realized he touched the other man’s thigh. Levi’s eyes turned back towards the man whose hair was a complete mess as he groggily raised his head to look at the soldier beside him, although his eyes were still glued together.

“Morning”, he muttered as he managed to open his tired eyes. He was surprised as a hand quickly slammed his head back into the previous position. Levi took a quick glance at him before turning towards the window again, crossing his legs.

“Go back to sleep, brat.”

Eren widely smiled.

“Why can you be awake, then?”

Levi kept looking towards the window with a deadpan expression. Eren’s hand wandered towards his forearm and the soldier gasped as he quickly pulled away, making Eren’s smile even bigger. He knew the soldier hated physical contact, which is why he kept exploiting it just to see his reaction. He loved seeing his expressionless face catch a slight shade of red as his eyes would widen in surprise, or disgust, whatever it was.

“Did you have a nightmare?” he asked a bit too cheerfully. Levi muttered something before returning his sight at the young man. He hated his bold eyes that never hid his emotions, unlike Levi’s which were just barriers.

“I don’t need nightmares. I’ve got real life to do the trick.”

Eren kept staring at him in an innocent way, which eventually made the soldier narrow his eyes as he couldn’t stand it.

“What?” he spat at the man with the key around his neck. Eren closed his eyes again as he cuddled the pillow under him. Levi’s eyes focused on the pillow.

“Real life…? Yes, it can be scary…” he mumbled, “Like when everyone was around us, with weapons in hands…”

Levi’s eyes widened as he looked back at the man. He watched him for a while, but the boy stuck his nose into the pillow before playfully looking up to see if he had caught the soldier’s attention. As he realized he did, he hid his entire face in the pillow, staying there a few seconds before skittishly peeking back up at the man whose eyes went back to its emotionless state. He hid his face in the pillow again, his shoulders rising as if he had anticipated that the man would do something to stop his movement. But Levi remained watching the young, but still grown, man play. It wasn’t exactly amusing to watch, but it wasn’t annoying as well. After Eren decided to roll over to his back again to look up at Levi, the soldier sighed before asking:  “Were you scared of death, at that moment?”

Eren’s eyes widened as he saw the gentle gaze of the man who should have treated him unkindly instead of caring about what he had felt at the moment. Still, he wanted to answer him truthfully, just as the man had requested some time ago.

“No. I wasn’t scared of it.”

“You were crying, squirt”, he immediately responded. Eren stayed silent for a while, listening to the birds singing in the distance. He missed the way they sounded up close, but was perfectly content with just listening to them from afar.

“Your friends were my first kill… I didn’t want another person die, and I thought they were going to… and you looked hurt and…”

Eren stopped as he felt a hand petting his head, so he stopped talking as he leaned into the touch, softly, domestically. His eyes slowly closed after some time as his head relaxed on the pillow.

_“Only yesterday you told me you killed someone before that…”_

Thick silence filled the room as Levi’s fingers kept passing through the soft locks of the boy even after the boy had fallen asleep again. Levi stared ahead of himself with a serious expression on his face, refusing to look at the young man who’d move his head towards Levi’s palm when he’d try to pull his hand back. There was nothing on his mind as he watched the way the young green trees’ leafage swung because of the wind outside. One unlucky leaf tore itself from a branch and found its way into the office to land on the table. Levi watched the leaf, as if he was expecting it to find its own way out. But nothing happened. He quickly looked down at the floor, panic rising in his fast-paced heart. It was Hange’s fault. Everything he felt was just because of Hange and the way she had been speaking about him, reacting to everything he did. He felt sudden hatred towards the boy as he quickly glanced at him again, only to see his sleeping face smiling at him, and it looked like the boy mouthed his name. He didn’t know if the boy really thought of him, but the hate disappeared as it got replaced with anxiety and utter dread for his life. He released a shaky breath as he turned back to look at the window, searching for any kind of distraction with eyes wide open. But his image of him saying “Levi” stayed there. And his soft locks were still gently tickling his palm, disabling his escape from thoughts of him. His heart burnt and ached. He tried to think of anything, but to no avail. The heat in his chest spread to his stomach before going into every direction, feeling his blood boil in every part of his body, even in his hands and feet that were constantly cold, no matter how much tea he would drink and no matter how much it was supposed to help his poor circulation. He hated physical contact with his body, mind and soul, but brushing his fingers through the boy’s hair was something he simply _adored_ to do. And he knew that if he’d be in Eren’s position and Eren in his, he’d break both of his arms without any regret afterwards. But this- this caressing- was something that just felt… right, for whatever reason. And for whatever reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel like to press his dry lips against the sleeping boy’s forehead. Would he smile beautifully again in his sleep, or would he get confused and back off immediately as Levi would still stare?

The realization of what he just thought about suddenly hit him and he stopped his movement. His own life, from the fourth year of it, was a nightmare. No. His _feelings_ were his nightmare. He shouldn’t have thought about such a weird thing, and he most definitely shouldn’t be unable to shake that weird, tingling sensation off. The thought of Eren smiling even wider than now was driving him nuts. It wasn’t that he liked his smile so much or that he needed someone to smile for him when he couldn’t, but the thought was… just there. Confusing him. Taunting him. Maybe it was the way their relationship was supposed to be cold, and he just wanted to break the rules of the game Erwin desperately wanted to play. Or maybe it was just something that occurred to him naturally. Was Eren really going to become a victim of Levi’s… no. It wasn’t anything like he felt before. Levi knew that Eren wasn’t his, nor anyone else’s property, but his heart ached to get closer to him. It wasn’t a feeling anymore. It was something way more dangerous that Levi chose to ignore. Eren looked simply beautiful, with his lovely imperfection that just showed that he was human. _Human; and nothing else._ Levi suddenly growled as his muscles stiffened.

After some time of hesitation, he drew nearer to the boy’s face, thinking of how to plant a kiss on someone’s forehead without having them waking up. He stopped a few inches away, wondering if he should do it or not. His eyesight went from his long eyelashes to his parted lips, then back at his long eyelashes that twitched. His heart suddenly began to race as he realized the boy could wake up any moment, and his face would go entirely red.

Levi had never been this close to someone with the intention of _not_ trying to hurt them. Why did physical contact suddenly seem nice like that? Why did he feel anything at all? Why couldn’t he swallow the emotion he felt just like he could swallow any other emotion? He growled in frustration of not knowing the answer to any question in his mind and just fell back at the bed, putting his hands over his face that was unusually warm. He hated the brat for being the way he was: someone who reminded him of himself while still being a wonderful being, unlike him.

Eren soon shifted as the sudden movement made him wake up again. He crawled over to the irritated man who stared at the ceiling while thinking deeply. As the boy’s face turned up right above him and a smile stretched itself out on his face, the older man frowned. As the sunlight shone into his direction, Levi caught the sight of the few freckles around his nose and the pale scar on the left side of his lip. He stared at it. Did he ever give him the permission to be so close to him or was this how things would work from then onwards? He thought of smacking him away, as usual, but his hand refused to budge. Humanity’s Strongest was legitimately scared of Eren.

Eren soon bit his lower lip as if he had been trying hard to think about something and Levi’s heart skipped a beat. Eren then tilted his head and his eyes beamed with zeal all of a sudden.

“Tea?”

He stared at Eren’s face. His strong jaw, his high forehead, his plump lips, his long dark eyelashes, his eyes… _His eyes._

“…Two cups of tea it is, then”, Eren said when he got tired of waiting, since Levi didn’t respond at all. Levi took a few seconds to realize that he had mimicked his behavior again, so he forced an unnecessary frown.

 “Tch”, he responded as he slid down the bed, pushed the other man down and quickly made the bed.

…

Levi hesitantly took a sip of the tea Eren had prepared for them. The boy that was sitting a few seats away from him was watching him with expectation, his eyes wide and a nervous smile adorning his face, and Levi didn’t have the heart to back down now. To his surprise, it wasn’t bad. It certainly wasn’t as good as Levi would prepare it, but he had thought too little of him. He actually paid attention when Levi tried to teach him how to cook a few days ago, that one fateful day when his curtains caught fire, somehow. Levi didn’t have time to question how Eren managed to get the fire that far without burning himself up. He did do good while they were making tea though, he supposed. The mint leaves and orange slices in the green tea blended into a mixture of perfection in simplicity.

“Not bad”, he muttered and Eren nodded understandingly, but couldn’t help himself but to smile from ear to ear at the compliment. It was the one nice thing Levi would say when he thought of something in a good way. It was the one, and only kind of compliment Eren would receive in his life, and he was sure of that. He was proud of him. Humanity’s most feared and strongest soldier was proud of a wild wretch he picked up in the woods to conduct research on him, but ended up caring for him and thus earning the beats’ upmost respect. The many stories Hange would tell him of Levi were burnt into his mind as well. He wanted to be just like him. Strong. No, even stronger than him. To stand against _the things_ that had made him kill others against his will, just so he could stay alive. To be able to stand alone against dozens of them, just like Levi was.

“Oi. Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face. It’s still not good enough to reach my standards.”

Eren’s grin disappeared on order as he slurped the tea down, earning a disgusted glance from the soldier next to him. Levi’s expression softened though as he quietly hummed.

“It’s… still better than the liquid they make in the dining hall, I suppose. Your tea can actually be called ‘tea’. I guess”, he added, crossing his legs as he grabbed a stack of papers that rested on the counter next to him. He took another sip of the tea Eren made for him before quickly reading through the text as he scoffed, grabbing a pen and signing the paper on the spot he was supposed to sign at. It was yet another useless report of issues that Levi had to waste time on even though he knew no one would bother to change things up anyways. No one cared about the men’s bathroom needing more towels or the bunk beds sometimes falling apart. If Levi had to go through this, it probably would be a problem, but not even the new recruits cared about that kind of stuff, so why should anyone else? Still, he signed it, just so they at least had an option of change. He didn’t even bother to read through the rest of the papers and would just sign them all, hoping Hange didn’t sneak in a paper where he’d have to donate a kidney or something. Wouldn’t be her first time trying to steal his organs for research.

“I might tell Erwin that you’re willing to join us today”, Levi murmured and felt Eren’s intense stare at him. The boy had been sulking from boredom until then, “ _Might.”_

Eren nodded again and played with his fingers on top of the wooden surface, intertwining them and observing them. And Levi couldn’t look away, so Eren looked at him questioningly.

The soldier’s eyes narrowed.

“You have any idea of how good you could be living right now if it wasn’t for your stubbornness to refuse to cooperate with Hange? I mean, you clearly paid attention when she was explaining something to you, and you know your place. Still, you had to act all crazy and shit in front of her just to ensure she wouldn’t get the answers she wanted that madly, huh? If you would have acted this way before, you wouldn’t even be in danger. …What kind of questions did she ask of you, that made you close up completely?”

Eren stared ahead of himself. Levi was too good at reading people, but not good enough at the same time. It’s not the questions alone that made him rage and bite and want to kill everything in sight. It wasn’t just for the fact that her research was brutal sometimes as well. It wasn’t just because of being imprisoned all day long, not seeing the sunlight, eating almost nothing and never sleeping. There was something more, something that Eren couldn’t control.

Levi watched his thoughtful gaze for a while before averting his gaze back to the papers he had in his hands. He knew he wouldn’t be getting any kind of _true_ answers from him anyways. Eren’s mind was differently oriented than theirs. Levi couldn’t blindly trust the young man next to him, no matter how much he seemed to be deeply affected by the things he spoke of, and he rarely spoke details. He could have been lying about everything. His deceptiveness sure fooled everyone at first. And he was pretty much sure there was more to that story of him waking up in the woods, but he didn’t want to remind him of that night. Or himself. Mostly himself.

“God dammit!” Levi suddenly exclaimed and Eren jolted up, immediately looking at the man a few seats away from him in confusion. Levi’s eyes refused to want to leave a paper sheet and he reread it in disbelief.

Levi took the paper out of the stack and furrowed his brows while looking at it with clear disgust on his face. As he saw Eren’s intrigued glance, his brows shifted back up as he sighed in annoyance, placing the pen away and propping himself up as he clenched his hands and put them under his chin. He watched him for a while, looking at the stress in the man’s eyes before looking back at the paper in front of him, lightly tapping it before pushing it towards the other man.

“Looks like you’ve got my liver now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dat bird symbolism tho.


	14. So ein Zufall

****

“Oh, Levi! What a coincidence, heh?!” the eccentric woman shouted into his face as soon as he opened the door, so he immediately closed it again and looked back at the boy with a broom in his hands and a head kerchief who seemed equally as confused. After a few seconds of exchanging looks with him, he decided to open the door again, only to be greeted by the woman that was standing just an inch away from the door now, his face scrunching up, “I just happened to walk past your office, and there you were, opening your door and all, ready to face the world, kick some ass…” Hange was randomly saying, waving her fists through the air before spotting the younger man in the distance, widely smiling and rising a hand to greet him, “And isn’t that my favorite Titan wannabe! How’s it going? Cleaning again, eh?”

Levi looked back only to be surprised by the boy’s small, but genuine smile and benevolent nod.

“You were waiting for me to get out, weren’t you?” he grouchily asked as he looked back and she immediately nodded.

“Yup,” she suddenly got serious again, “something happened, and I came to pick you up. Don’t worry; I haven’t been around for too long, so I didn’t hear much of your conversation. I heard Eren has a new liver if I decide to take his out, though.”

Levi didn’t respond to that with an expression or a sentence, he just grabbed the woman by the collar and pushed her out of the way, but dragged her with him as he closed the door without locking it. Hange didn’t question it; she just smiled at her short friend.

“What happened?” he asked when he dragged her away from the door, pulling his hands back to himself and letting her to follow him on her own. She put her hands behind her back as she silently hummed.

“Young Arlert returned from his expedition yesterday”, she calmly stated and pretended not to see the small excitement that presented itself in Levi’s eyes for a brief moment. She knew the short man would hate her if she’d mention it, so it was better for her to just let it go.

“Ah”, he uttered as if he was disinterested, but his stern, thoughtful expression told otherwise.

“So… did Eren say anything interesting that night he started shouting? I just barely managed to fall asleep…”

One of Levi’s steps became shaky, as if unsure, before he continued his usual pace. There was a deadpan expression on his face as always, but his eyes were glassy and focused on just one spot. They walked in silence for about a minute which didn’t seem too weird since Levi wasn’t really talkative, but Levi knew something was there. Hange would never stop talking about a topic that fast. The shorter soldier looked at the taller one from the side, trying to look her between the eyes.

“What did you hear?” he muttered a question which Hange barely heard.

She shook her head.

“Not much. What caught my attention is that he was _outside_. I almost got a heart attack when I heard him. Could you even imagine what I would’ve done if he’d just run away and never came back again? We’d lose all progress and Eyebrow would obviously go back into the forest to get some more humans out of it.”

Levi nodded his head as he turned his sight back at the floor, watching his steps for a while. He then looked ahead of himself again.

“Why was he outside in the middle of the night?” she reproachfully asked.

 “I was pissed at him for being such a crybaby, so I wanted to resolve that conflict between us once and for all.”

Hange stopped in her tracks as she understood what he meant with that.

“I knew, however, that he wasn’t going to escape.”

“Why that?” she asked as she rushed back to him.

“Instinct.”

“Instinct? You are telling me that you went with such a decision just because you _felt_ he wouldn’t run away? What if he did, Levi? He’s valuable material for our research and we’re getting further into investigations tied with Titans this way. You know, all these experiments I ran with him won’t be in vain. His weird, animalistic behavior that clashes with the remorse of a human, his anger that seems to be triggered pretty easily, his dreams I tried to write down as he’d go insane at night, all the tests I made with his skin and tissues and got odd results to say at least… It didn’t just scar him because of the pain, it scarred me too. I thought him how to speak and act properly for a reason as well, you know, and that is to analyze Titan behavior and intentions and to furthermore show him to the world and prove that even beings raised by Titans can be nice and friendly too-“

_“How? By putting him into another cage and showing him to the commonalty? How would she otherwise be able to keep the people from panicking as soon as they’d see him, all lost and panicking? And what then? Would they believe a word that mad head would say if he’d stay calm? Would they go insane and call the Military Police to stick guns up our arses if he’d start behaving abnormally?”_

“I _wanted_ him to escape”, he cut in. He didn’t look back at her to see her reaction; he didn’t care. They spent a few seconds in eloquent silence.

“So. Arlert. How old is he now?”

Hange shot him a questioning glare before putting her hands at the back of her head, stretching her back in a way that made all of her bones pop and Levi flinch.

“Why would you ask that kind of question?”

Levi just shrugged and Hange smirked at him.

“It’s ‘cause you really started believing that Armin was his childhood friend, eh?”

“Tch”, was all the Captain could articulate at the moment. He went silent again and Hange’s smirk suddenly faded as it got replaced with a sweet smile that was a little too sweet to be innocent. They spent some time in silence again, Levi’s gaze not turning from the one spot in front of himself he was looking at constantly. Hange could literally feel the tension in the air as they were walking side by side, and could already imagine how the man must have had inner struggles at the moment, so she decided to give him an answer after all.

“Does it matter?”

“Huh…?” Levi looked back at her as her smile widened. She passed right by him and this time the short Captain had to be the one to rush after her.

“Whenever they ask you that question, you always answer it with that same question: ‘Does it matter?’. Because you know it doesn’t, and you know it wouldn’t change their opinion of you. So why ask for a mere number?”

Levi frowned at her before she lightheartedly chuckled.

“It’s been thirteen years since Armin had last seen the man though. I’ll let you do the math.”

_“19.”_

Silence filled the room again.

“…You came to me so we’d find out if he really knows Eren?”

“I could have brought Armin myself to your office, if that was the case,” she retorted, “There’s more to it. And I don’t think he’ll be able to visit you anytime soon. That’s why I’m bringing you to him.”

“What happened?” he lowly asked as Hange shrugged her shoulders, taking a few seconds to realize he wasn’t looking at her and therefore couldn’t see her shrugging.

“We don’t know yet. What we do know is that he is unconscious, but is slowly waking up. That’s why I haven’t called you earlier yesterday, and you were busy with your unhealthy training anyways. The Ackerman brought the boy in her own two hands, not really saying anything. Then Kirstein ran over and told us that they were attacked by a Titan who killed dozens of soldiers, but Arlert wasn’t there at the moment as he had ran off after two ‘tree huggers’, alone. He then added that they had found him unconscious close to a small water source, just dirtied and with no visible injuries except from a few bruises that he didn’t receive there. He got those from trying to climb the stairs and falling off.”

Levi scoffed. That was the young Squad Leader Arlert, placed at Erwin’s left while Hange was at his right; his judgment unmistaken and his wits remarkable, with his only real problem in life being his clumsiness. Levi, honestly, wouldn’t be surprised if the kid had slipped on the wet surface and went unconscious from fear for his life in the moment he realized he found himself in the air.

It wouldn’t surprise him at all.

“They haven’t been captured.”

“No,” Hange answered and looked at the ground, “no one saw those two after they had disappeared in the forest.”

“Erwin sent those soldiers to death to get to those tree huggers again, didn’t he?” Levi’s expression remained emotionless, but his voice grew somewhat annoyed.

“He won’t tell. If you would have been in better shape, you’d be the one in charge for the expedition though. Maybe he would have told you. For some reason, though, he refused to go there himself, as if he was afraid they might recognize him, and wanted to make this expedition secret.”

“I know that.”

Their talk came to an end as they stepped in front of the door that led to Arlert’s office. Levi looked up the door to remind himself how short he was before slowly pushing it open, revealing a tiny, cozy office painted amber, because Armin wanted his office to ‘make him feel more confident’, furthermore explaining that ‘orange also offers emotional strength in difficult times’, and no one wanted to turn the request down because he was just sixteen then, with the wooden floor being dark brown in color. There was a coffee table on the side, with a few books lying close to an empty mug. The only book open was one that displayed a large watery surface on an entire side. There was a red carpet on the floor. Two big windows were on the left, and on the right were numerous bookshelves filled with all kinds of used books the little nerd loved to read again and again. In front of those bookshelves was a chocolate brown desk decorated with a small, white cloth on top of it, and a few drawers that no one really knew if they were decorative or real ones. In the middle of the room was a big white bed that was surrounded by a group people Levi recognized.

Armin saw them coming in and slightly smiled to show that they were welcome, after which the raven man closed the door and came closer to the people that were encircling Squad Leader Arlert’s bed. Erwin was standing right next to him, a concerned expression on his face. Ackerman was clenching his hand tightly, bickering about how much she was worried while he was unconscious before adding that he should eat. Kirstein was next to Mikasa, quietly eyeing the blond boy who had a bandage over his head. His expression was surprisingly sad. He’d usually be cocky, but he was just silent now, steadily looking down at one spot. It definitely wasn’t just about Squad Leader Arlert. Springer was leaning at the wall, discussing about “important issues”, as always, with Blouse. Levi somehow immediately knew that those were the only survivors. He didn’t really know how he knew; he just _knew_.

He slowly approached his bed as Sasha and Connie moved out of his way. Levi squatted down, greeting the boy by meeting his eyes and clenching his right hand tightly with his.

“Armin.”

“Captain Levi, sir”, the younger Captain mumbled as a spark of joy appeared in his big blue eyes, revealing how much he still admired Humanity’s Strongest soldier.

Then Hange came along and sat right at the bed, eyeing Erwin for approval before looking at the man covered in a thick blanket wide-eyed. Armin already knew what was coming, so he wasn’t going to waste time. He deeply sighed as his expression turned stern.

“There were two wild people, both blonde. One was a female, one a male, though. The female one was considerably shorter, with a nose that stuck out of her pretty visage and big blue eyes. The other one was tall, muscular, had a short beard and had small beady eyes with thick eyebrows. Their hair was blond and both of them had hair of the same length. Long story short, I spotted them as they were obviously preparing an attack, since they were watching us carefully from above with tense muscles. When the female one noticed me, though, she got scared and started running, pulling the larger man with her. They had some pieces of clothing on them that concealed their… private parts, but were otherwise exposed to the harshness of nature. They were in a bad shape. A part of my brain just clicked as I remembered the way Commander Erwin talked about the wild humans, he had just talked to me about it a few days prior… I told my team to wait there as I made my way towards the wild humans…!” Armin’s eyes suddenly widened as he looked back at his comrades in shock, putting both of his hands on his head, gripping his hair, “How many people did we lose again?”

Concern suddenly filled the boy as he started shaking.

“21,” Jean immediately stated, as if he knew what Armin was going to ask and as if he was preparing for that moment to arrive for a long time. Unexplainable grief turned up on his face after a short while, but he immediately tried to conceal it the best he could.

Armin’s eyes were wide in terror, but he just nodded, gulping. It wasn’t the first time they had been through this. Titans ate them all left and right. There was no point in faltering his actions now. They all knew what it meant to be part of the Survey Corps; they always had. Jean was, however, the one that got them all there. He was the one to brag about him going to have a nice cozy life secluded from the Titans. Connie then made the bet that if Jean gets to be one of the best students and gets to choose where he’ll go, he’ll join the Survey Corps. Sasha shared the same opinion, and since Jean was hitting on Mikasa, she joined. More and more people joined in to mock the horse-faced boy, everyone claiming they’d join the Survey Corps. And when Jean turned out to be one of the top students, everyone lost their bet and Jean just went after Mikasa as his crush, and Marco as his best friend. And now he was the one to be close to sobbing. Maybe it was because Marco wasn’t in the small group that day.

“A-Anyways… I ran after them on my horse, and they were surprisingly fast. They were leaping from tree to tree on all fours, constantly eyeing me to see if they had gotten rid of me yet. Suddenly, the woman jumped from a tree to my left to the tree to my right, right above me, and I suddenly figured that something had to be wrong. Erwin told me they weren’t mindless beasts, but more like… they had some special intelligence on how to confuse enemies and how to read them before using people’s weaknesses against you…”

Levi quickly glanced at Erwin who was already expecting Levi’s sight, and just enigmatically smiled.

“I knew. If I’d follow the guy, he’d probably kill me on his own; he was at least five times stronger than me. But if I’d follow the girl, which was their plan, I’d see something even more terrifying. And I directed my horse towards a small path on the right that was far too narrow to pass through, but I still did it. Leaves slapped my face, branches got stuck in my cape and I had to release it, and eventually, my horse slipped on something and I tucked and rolled through the thick forest, downhill. When I stopped, I found myself at some weird place, alone, without my horse and comrades and, surprisingly, unharmed.”

Captain Levi’s eyes suddenly widened for a moment as he looked back at the blond boy, narrowing his eyes again. Armin realized he had caught the attention of the older Captain and he looked at him, as if he knew that Levi wanted to know about that information more than anyone else in the room.

“T-There was a stony platform… the thing is, the platform was constructed perfectly, with every stone that it was made out of being the same shape, size and color. They were arranged in an elliptical pattern and were small, hexagonal and smooth, obviously the work of talented people… The scenery around me was… grassy. And leafy. Everything was covered in plants and the place looked simply abandoned. That is… until I saw a particular statue. It was a huge statue of a winged woman that held a jug in her hands. A fountain that has long been dried out, but was cared for, it seems. I approached the fountain while wondering if I really wanted to know what was in it, but to my surprise, there was nothing except for a few scratches. I wanted to explore more of this, but stopped when I heard some noise above me. I quickly looked up, but it was already too late; there was nothing above me anymore. Instead, there was someone right in front of me, and I… I screamed.”

The whole room was silent for a while before Armin continued, pleased that he really got those orange walls.

“She screamed back, only ten times louder. I fell back at my back and started crawling backwards, and she got on all fours and started crawling towards me, her beady blue eyes taunting me and wanting me to get closer instead of escaping… But oh my God, the only thing I wanted is to escape from her back then! It was the same blonde, with her big nose and sky blue eyes, with a dead serious expression on her face. Her eyes told me she was about to kill me, but she herself looked kind of disinterested in… everything. I… shook in fear; because I knew what people like her would do, just like the one you, sir, captured a few months ago…”

Levi remained silent, his sight trailing off to his bitten fingers.

“But all of a sudden, she jumped me, considering our game over. Her eyes were red, tired, but her irises were blue, reflecting the sky and… some kind of dreadful feeling? I guess? I still shook, unable to do anything. I thought this was it when, suddenly, she raised her head up, as if she was listening to something. I couldn’t hear anything, but she did. The girl then looked back at me and hissed, as if she was angry at me. But once she met my eyes, she couldn’t look away, for whatever reason. I then used that opportunity to order her to let go of me. And after a few seconds of waiting, she slowly crawled away from me backwards, and I sat up, looking at her again. She was rather muscular, but was pretty short, and was looking in the same direction as before. I didn’t have time to wonder why she didn’t kill me right then and there; but she clearly had a motive. I stood up and ran the fastest my legs could as I heard her stand up again to run after me, b-but…” Armin’s eyes suddenly focused on a spot on his soft blanket.

“You slipped”, Levi silently finished and a wide, self-conscious smirk appeared on the young man’s face.

After a few seconds, Sasha suddenly exclaimed, as if realization suddenly hit her in the head as heard as the bread they’ve been served here for years, “Wait! They found you near a watery surface, haven’t they? How come you were there, and not… well, there?”

Armin was silent. Everyone was silent.

_“A motive, huh…? Damn it. Why’d we have to get someone like Eren, who hasn’t been trying to kill anybody like that girl Armin’s speaking of…”_ Levi suddenly stood up and walked towards the door without saying a word, followed by the eyes of everyone but Jean.

“Levi, where are you going? We still haven’t…” Hange started, but Levi had already closed the door behind himself and couldn’t hear her furthermore. He leaned at the door and waited for a few seconds, feeling like Hange was going to come running to him again, explaining why he should stay longer. But after a minute of nothing happening, he figured he had angered her enough for today, which is why he made his way towards his own office again.

_“The way those two tree huggers cooperated seemed a bit too strategically, once again… So Eren isn’t the only smart one, which sucks. Those two seem to be relentless killers who still want to play with their victims before finishing them off, unlike the goofball we’ve got down here, who cried of fear of losing someone who beat the shit out of him a few moments ago. My brat seems to be completely unaware of what’s happening with their kind, because he was an outsider… Great. Perfect. The only thing we’ll get out of him is that ‘they can be nice too if they try’… but what if these people aren’t what we think they are? Once again, they are clothed, witty, knowledgeable. It’s odd… really odd that she stopped attacking Armin too, even though it might have been because of the thing she heard in the distance… Could have been the one Titan that... And it’s weird she understands. Eren understood too, from the very beginning. Not everything, but enough. But what is really bizarre is that they found Armin somewhere entirely else… They must have had dragged him from that ‘sacred’ place. But who? That one tree hugger? No. She’d probably kill him. Someone must have stopped her from that… someone must have…”_ Levi’s eyes shot open, _“Are we being played?”_

He stopped in the middle of the hallway, staring at nothing. A small group of soldiers walked by him, seemingly affected by the way he was staring ahead, but not concerned enough to stop walking. His eyes were wide open, and his lip curled into a frown. His fists suddenly clenched tighter as he continued walking, faster than before.

_“Eren knows where that place is… and I bet Erwin’s already planning another expedition. His plan is most definitely to take him there and let him run, and they’ll follow. …That isn’t my plan, though. I know I will recover until then, and **I** will be the one to lead the team.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the squad's here! yeeeaaaa Next chapter is really freaking long! yeeeaaaa
> 
> They're most definitely gonna have fun on that expedition... :S *sweats nervously*


	15. Wahnsinnig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi starts losing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one's basically just Levi going around the HQ to let everyone know there'll be a mission with him as the lead. He's really clumsy though when it comes to talking about Eren for reasons he refuses to accept, and he can't even ask a question regarding him without becoming a total trainwreck of restrained emotions.
> 
> And yes, Levi is really, really awkward when it comes to these types of stuff, and I believe that's been confirmed too. So there you go, awkward and slowly going insane Captain.

His young face scrunched up as his eyes once again passed through the text written inside of a book Levi had forgotten to put back at its place last night, to his surprise. Levi wasn’t one to leave things around; it was usually Eren’s job to be a mess. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t understand what the text said; it’s just that… he couldn’t understand. He couldn’t understand what the point of everything was. He was stuck on that one sentence for the last three minutes now, still trying to guess the hidden meaning of that one line that was full of all kinds of epithets that slowed down the flow of the… whatever he was trying to read at the moment. Everything he read was so sappy he was literally afraid the book might dissolve and he’d have to clean up all over again. Frustrated that he once again failed to realize what the meaning of that one line was, he rotated the book upside down and tilted his head to the right, looking for some kind of meaning. He then scowled in disappointment and pressed the book against his forehead. Perhaps if he’d press it hard enough against his head, he would magically understand the words. He suddenly heard the door open and his eyes shot wide open. He then quickly put the book he held in his hands back at the one single bookshelf Levi had in his room as he heard the door closing with a loud thud. The boy with the key around his neck realized something bad must have happened, so he quickly grabbed the broom that was waiting beside him before quickly trying to approach the Captain, but froze at the spot when the man found him sooner. His eyes were tired as always, but there was a frown on his face that wasn’t there before going outside of the office. The boy pressed the broom against his chest and slightly bowed, as a sign of greeting, before remembering that the soldiers here had some kind of other way of greeting the Captain. Levi’s eyebrows furrowed when the younger man clenched his right hand into a fist and slammed it against his chest while looking at a fixed spot, his eyes shining. He didn’t move and Levi’s sight trailed from the bottom to the top of the man in front of him before he got closer to him, taking his hand into his own. The young man’s posture didn’t falter.

“Wrong”, Levi silently said as he firmly turned the boy’s wrist around, putting it back into position. He stepped back, but his gaze stayed at him for a little longer before he looked around the room, skeptically searching for any dirty spots.

“…You really suck at this”, he stated after some time and Eren started to breathe again, removing his hand from his chest as he realized Levi couldn’t care less about that at the moment. The raven was steadily looking out the window, a concerned expression on his face as the slight breeze played with his silky locks. He seemed to be deep in thought. Eren smiled.

Levi suddenly turned around to complain since he didn’t hear a response, but just quickly turned his head back towards the window when he caught the younger man staring. He then slowly paced towards the opened window as he set his thin arms on the windowsill, stretching his back and neck before sighing and propping himself. Eren was still in the back, not knowing if he was allowed to move yet. It felt weird to see the Captain again before night, and Eren wasn’t used to it, so he didn’t really know what to do. He waited for something to happen as he just stood there, with the broom in his hands and the head kerchief still on, but the only thing the Captain did was lean his weight from one leg to the other before quickly leaning back at his healthy leg, muttering something that was most probably a curse, Eren figured. The young man also figured that Levi wasn’t in the mood to talk, which didn’t come as a surprise to him at all. Levi liked it when he didn’t have to talk to anyone.

He seemed like he didn’t want to talk, but there was a part of him that wanted to be asked questions and to just let that frown falter, even for a moment. Eren smiled again. He was sure it was so. Well, hoped for it to be that way, at least. He suddenly frowned, furrowing his brows. He didn’t know much about the man looking out of the window, moving ever so slightly, just like he wanted Eren’s eyes to stay on him. The boy was alarmed at every movement, after all. Levi must have wanted him to stay alert, for whatever reason. Then Eren shook his head. He had to say something. But what?

“You’re… back.”

Levi stopped shifting his position as he just looked at him over his shoulder, his lips parting as he stared at the young man for a while.

“No shit.”

Eren shifted uncomfortably, clenching the broom he held in his hands tighter. Levi turned his head back around, raising it towards the sun that protruded through the weak tree resting beside the wall of the building. He frowned before returning his sight back at the wet grass, trying to find the rag that he had discarded around a week ago. His brows furrowed as if he felt pain for just a brief moment, just enough for Eren to notice. The young man didn’t respond though, he just kept standing at the same position as before, his eyes on the floor.

“It’s peaceful today”, Levi suddenly silently said, more to himself then to Eren, but the boy still nodded his head in approval, failing to realize that Levi wasn’t talking to him.

Silence again. Eren enjoyed silence too, but something about Levi not grumpily walking up and down the room as he’d criticize Eren’s poor cleaning made the situation odd. He kind of missed the way he’d always get fed up with Eren’s inabilities and the way his petite body would angrily stagger towards him before angrily the rag and doing the job on his own. The quiet was heavy, unbearable for the younger man. It wasn’t comfortable as usual, it was numbing, threatening. Eren hated it.

“Earlier, I mean.”

Levi didn’t bother to look at him; he just nodded his head while his sight was still on the outside. Eren waited for a response again, but nothing happened. The boy clenched his teeth.

“How are you?”

“You’re that desperate?” Levi asked and suddenly turned around, looking at the boy once again. Eren’s hair was still a mess, his clothes were too, only his eyes were wide awake, “When you ask that kind of thing, you don’t really want to hear the answer of the one you’re asking, because you honestly couldn’t care less about what they’re dealing with at the moment, you just want to start a conversation _somehow_. You might be dumb as wood, but I’m pretty sure you already know that I know, don’t you.”

Eren bit his lower lip as his sight went back to the soft carpet beneath his bare feet. Levi then sighed, walking over to his favorite chair and put his jacket off in a lazy manner, hanging it at the back neatly before placing his hands on his hips and looking back at Eren from the corner of his eye.

“I’ll be gone in a minute, don’t you worry. I just came back to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid yet.”

There was no response.

“Oi.”

Eren’s expression didn’t change, but his eyes lost that shine they had. Something about him stood out that moment. His eyes were fixed at one spot. There was uncertainty. Melancholy. Confusion. Irritation. But then, Eren suddenly grinned. Horror. Only one thought was occupying that poor mind of his, suddenly haunting him as if the word ‘ _kill’_ was written in all of his blood cells. His shaky hands came to his head, grasping his messy bed hair.

_“Why…? Why would I…? **Kill** Levi?”_

The broom fell to the floor.

“Oi, Eren”, the short man’s soft, yet demanding voice called his name, which was enough for Eren to break out of his freakish thoughts, or foresights, whatever those were.

Eren didn’t budge, his head lowered even further. He couldn’t look him in the eye. He was afraid to see his steel blue eyes that almost saw right through him. If Levi knew… He surely wouldn’t hesitate on killing him ever again. He could have, that one moment. He _should_ have. Eren’s eyesight fell at the golden key around his neck, wondering why it had to be like it is. Why did he even pretend at the first place?

As the boy didn’t stop his odd behavior, Levi silently growled as he approached him and just stood next to him for a moment, waiting. As Eren still didn’t respond, he grabbed the key around Eren’s neck and pulled it closer to himself, looking at all the dents and scratches in it that the sunlight illuminated, caressing the key with his thumb as his eyes reflexively went up to search for Eren’s eyes that held the color of the sky in them, just that one moment. The Captain’s expression suddenly softened at the sight and he looked down on the key again, intensely gazing at the few symbols that were carved into it.

***

_“Eren”, Levi softly said and looked back up to meet the boy’s wide eyes looking down at him intensely, but not giving away if he had read it correctly. As he looked back at the key, he let it fall back to bounce against the other man’s bruised skin._

_“Is that your name? Eren?” he silently asked, looking back into his eyes that were sending shivers down his spine. He could have attacked him and he could have ended it all back then, but the beast looked calm, maybe even confused. The boy’s eyes slowly trailed down to see the key back in his possession, then back at his eyes._

_The shorter man quickly nodded._

_“Nice to meet you, Eren”, he said the calmest he could, offering him his hand in hope that manners were still hidden somewhere deep within him, but Eren immediately fell down at all fours to trail his fingers down the bite mark he made before grabbing Levi’s hand with both of his hands, raising it up so he could take a better view at it. His touch was soft, caring. Levi could see the boy’s eyes light up and suddenly felt bad for him yet again. The wretch wasn’t a monster, and nothing close to it; he was just a victim. Eren suddenly clenched his hand and then pushed Levi’s fingers down so they’d intertwine with his. And for the first time, Levi saw the boy’s face light up as a small smile stretched itself out._

_***_

“You trust me, Eren, don’t you…?” he silently asked as he trailed his fingers over the etching one more time before letting the key fall back against his chest. Levi looked up at Eren whose eyes soon slowly gathered the courage to look back at the Captain. There was silence for quite some time, but unlike before, it was chilling. Eren’s facial expression saddened, but there was something saintly behind that small, soft frown. His eyes were glassy. After a few seconds of unbreakable silence, the boy looked down again.

“…Yes”, Eren answered with a tone that which made Levi know he wasn’t lying. Levi knew Eren trusted him ever since that one night, but he wanted to hear it from his mouth, to hear his soft, nervous voice speak silently, but truthfully.

“Good. As your guardian, I’m supposed to keep you from any harm, protect you, see that you live another day and kill you if necessary. All these things are easier done when you trust in my abilities as your superior.”

Eren’s expression remained unchanged, his eyes half-closing.

 “I know my trust isn’t misplaced.”

Levi approached the door, but looked back once again. Something inside of the boy had broken, he was sure of it, but he also knew that he was of no use there. He sighed as he opened it while still looking at the brat that was still standing in the middle of the room, stiff as a board. His expression was still soft.

“I’ll come back soon. Promise.”

It still took him a few seconds after that sentence before he got out of his office, heading towards Armin's office again.

* * *

 

“Eren”, he suddenly stated after five long minutes of doing nothing but leaning at the big door and staring at the dirty floor below him. Armin jumped up in his bed as his eyes shot wide open. He looked at the Captain in bewilderment, trying to guess what the Captain was referring to. But, of course, Levi’s face was as cold as ever, his steel eyes fixed at an especially dirty spot on the floor. Armin wished he would have had the time to clean the office up before someone like the clean freak would come in, but he still wasn’t in the best condition.

“Wh-what?”

Levi slowly raised his head to glare at him. After a few seconds of observing Armin’s anxiety, he leaned the back of his head against the door, looking up at the ceiling that revealed dust clouds hanging from the corners.

“Eren”, the Captain repeated.

Armin remained silent.

“Does the name ring a bell…?” Levi silently asked as he glared down back at him, seeing how Armin only got even more confused. The older man pushed himself away from the door and walked up to the younger man’s bed. Armin looked down as his thick blond brows furrowed. He didn’t seem to be at ease.

“Eren Yeager, right?” Levi soon silently asked and Armin faced him as he sat up straight in bed, pushing himself towards the back of the bed to hold balance. He was still dizzy, and by the time his squad decided to finally leave him so he could rest, Levi came over in a rush and just stood there, staring at him. The young Captain brushed his fingers through his hair to find the bandage that was completely unnecessary, but his team decided he should keep it on. His sight was distant, and his usually smiling mouth curved into a slight frown. He then reached for the tea that was still cooling on the cupboard next to him and brought it into his hands which he placed on his lap. He then stared at it.

“I don’t have the whole day, Arlert. If you’re gonna make a show out of this I’ll just pretend this never happened.”

“N-No, sir, wait. I was just… thinking.”

Levi heavily sighed as he lowered his head and crossed his arms at his chest.

“Always wearing your brain out… just let the damn thing rest for a while and answer my simple question. Does the name ‘Eren Yeager’ ring a bell in that big brain of yours, Mushroom Head?”

Armin quickly looked up at him.

_“Mushroom Head?”_

He then looked back at the hot tea that released a series of oddly shaped clouds as it was cooling off, warming his flushed face. He curled up inside of his blanket before taking a sip out of the hot tea, widening his eyes and placing a hand over his lips, pretending like he didn’t burn himself and like he didn’t want to scream on top of his lungs. Levi, of course, noticed that, but didn’t want to ruin the fun as the boy’s eyes went wet and his face became considerably red. After a few seconds, Levi sat down at the bed and quickly crossed his legs, glaring back at him. Armin coughed before putting the tea away as far as possible away from him before silently sighing, his face slightly cooling off.

“Yes.”

There was long silence after that, with Armin uncomfortably shifting from time to time as Levi’s eyes focused on the white teapot with blue polka dots on it. They looked nice, the polka dots.

“Where did you hear about him, sir…?” Armin asked, and instead of Levi giving him an answer, he nodded as his facial expression softened just for a second. They then kept staring at random things in silence again, and Armin decided to finish his tea. Something about Levi’s long pauses made him think that Levi had been silent for a reason. Humanity’s Strongest knew something, but didn’t want to share that thought with him.

“What was he like?” Levi soon asked, but in such a silent way that made it seem like he didn’t want anyone else to hear that question except from Armin. The boy soon smiled again, clenching his hands together.

“He was my best friend when we were little,” Armin happily said as he saw the Captain’s widened eyes before returning his sight to the empty cup in his hands, “He’d always be there to protect me… well, try to, at least. The bullies would beat _him_ up then… But he always got back up. And in return, I would always bring him books to read, since he only had those cheesy romance novels of his mother’s at home, and he never really understood them.”

“…Huh”, Levi uttered.

“He always told me he hated books, but the fact that he’d try to read even those stupid novels told me otherwise, so we started reading encyclopedias together. He’d protect me, and I’d help him with education. Not that he was dumb or needed any help, but his father was the only one with a job and he was rarely at home, so I thought he’d appreciate it. We bonded over time. He was… headstrong, bold, hasty, everything you needed to get bruised on our street. But he was also very kind and compassionate, and would always help those in need, ignoring his own needs. But… did you know him somehow, sir? I think it’s quite strange of you to ask…”

Levi’s face immediately darkened, while it had been looking quite calm while Armin was explaining.

_“Ahh… wrong move.”_

“And why is that?” he snapped, glaring back at him.

“I never thought you’d care about… well… our pasts, sir.”

Both of them stayed silent until Levi sighed.

“Of course I don’t care about your past, Arlert.”

Armin nodded and the shorter soldier looked back at the door.

“I really couldn’t care less about you and your position right now. What matters is that you’re here, fighting with all you have for the welfare of every single human on the planet. I hate it when I have to give people this lesson; but really. What matters is that you have found your purpose, and that is to serve Erwin and the rest of us. And about that past… I ask for my selfish self. There’s something that’s been bugging me from the time I went into that Titan Forest and for whatever reason I can’t stop thinking about it… It’s like it has a grip on my head and it just won’t let go. Humanity needs this information too… How do you think Eren died?” he suddenly asked as he turned back towards him and saw the light in Armin’s eyes disappear.

“…I… refused to think about it.”

“So he did die.”

“What?”

“Eren. He died.”

“Well, you asked me how he died, so I automatically assumed he…”

“So you have no idea if he’s still alive?”

“Wha-“

“So he’s not dead,” Levi kept interrupting him and Armin just stared.

“You’re… not making any sense at all, sir.”

A long period of silence came afterwards. They were staring into each other’s eyes, one waiting for the other to avert his gaze. Suddenly, Levi’s look softened as his frown turned into the slightest of smiles as he looked away from the confused blond-haired man. His gaze was surprisingly soft.

“I’ve never made sense, have I now…? Heroes should be kind, compassionate, honest and inspiring. So I’m not a hero, although everyone else claims that I am one. Instead of perfecting my techniques to save humanity, I’m locked inside my room and clean the whole day. I’m not afraid of the hugeass humanoid giants that eat us for brunch, but I panic over molds. Instead of feeling guilty after doing something wrong, I take pride in it, and then I just forget it ever happened. On top of that, a Captain should be someone who nurtures people to grow into great soldiers, yet my strategy of beating the hell out of people and criticizing their ways of approach to a subject seems to be working, even though people fear me after that. And then I expect them to like me.”

Armin was confused, but more because of the way the Captain was smiling rather than because of his sentences.

“Sir…?”

“What I’m saying is that you’re far more capable of being a Squad Leader than I am, Armin.”

The boy’s mouth opened up widely.

“I need a squad, okay? And I’m not getting one anytime soon, since new recruits are still training and shit. And I’ll need to head on an expedition soon, so I’ll just ask bluntly. I’ll join your squad for that expedition… Or more like, I’ll have to lead your squad for that one time.”

_“That wasn’t asking…”_

“They’re probably used to your friendship nonsense though, so you might as well lead the expedition alongside me. But I’ll make the orders, got that, Arlert? And I don’t want to hear any of your people to complain, even though they’ll have their reasons to.”

_“Why does he just… contradict himself that way? He just said that I was a better Squad Leader than him and he… ugh. He never really made sense, did he…? He seems determined, though. Not his usual self. Something must have happened, or… Yes, he’s most certainly aware that I’ve seen through his disguise and now he’s trying to confuse me by talking like that. I might as well play along. Whatever this thing is he’s trying to accomplish, it must be important, and very dear to him.”_

“Of course, sir.”

“And stop calling me ‘sir’. We’re practically equals, and it’s fucking annoying”, he stood up after that and walked to the door, but turned around one more time to look at the blond man still staring at him with eyes wide open.

 “Rest well”, he added before quickly exiting the office and slamming the door behind him.

* * *

“I want Eren to join us”, Levi said as soon as he entered the Commander’s office, without even closing the door behind him. A hand was on his hip as he still held the doorknob in the other, a blank expression on his face as he stared at the man with the big eyebrows who almost choked on his coffee from the surprise. Erwin slowly lifted his head up to face the raven-haired man.

“What did you just say…?”

Levi’s brows furrowed as he nervously stroked the doorknob. He didn’t plan ahead that far yet and didn’t think Erwin would be sane enough to start asking questions. He spent a few seconds of rethinking his choices and future sentences before his facial expression got stern again.

“Is your hearing turning to crap as well, old man? I said I want Eren to be in my squad”, his throat went dry. The Commander slowly put the papers away from himself before approaching the short man that was glaring up at him, wondering why Erwin had to be so tall. His thick brows were pulled into a straight line and his jaw was twitching.

“Eren is…”

“A useful tool against the Titans, Erwin. I’m sure you heard Armin’s rambling before; I’ve heard quite a similar story from our tree hugger the other day too. Everything seems to be connected, so I’m planning on taking on another expedition, alongside him. Not as an animal, but as a soldier.”

Erwin watched him for a moment. Levi was looking up at him with a threatening, but soft gaze at the same time, and a frown that made his eyebrows furrow. It was the same look he gave him the moment he had realized that he wanted Eren to live in an environment that would provide him with comfort, and not with dust and diseases. He was biting his lower lip in a nervous way as the hand on his hip gripped his white button-up shirt. The Commander then let out a long sigh and ordered him to close the door by waving his hand, before walking up to the chair and turning it towards Levi to show him that he should sit down. Levi wearily looked at the Commander and the big chair with the cozy red pillow on top of its seat before quickly approaching him and dropping into the chair. Erwin walked around his desk before slowly sitting down and propping up on it with his elbows as his clenched hands found themselves under his chin and over his mouth. It meant that Erwin was ready to listen to an explanation, and that he didn’t believe what Levi had said. It meant that he needed to be convinced, and Levi was utterly ready to tell him everything that Erwin wanted to hear.

“You know you can trust my judgment, Erwin. It’s not that I trust him in any way, but I’ve got the perfect job for him. If we succeed, we could successfully eliminate the Titans, and if he fails… good riddance.”

“Hmm”, Erwin huffed, rising his huge eyebrows. Levi crossed his legs and leaned back, putting his right arm over the back of the chair while his left one was subconsciously touching the pile of papers Erwin had all over his desk.

“Armin and I will guide him back into the forest. Armin probably remembers what the path that led to that sacred clearing looked like, so we’ll bring him there. If Arlert realizes that he doesn’t remember where to go to next, Eren will help with that. We need him to keep the Titans away, since he knows how to communicate with them. Once we’re there, we’ll explore the place to find out if anything is out of the ordinary, and it’s extremely likely that there is something that’s connected to the truth behind those man-eating bastards. We’ll conduct research, try to find any source that might be the cause of the Titans attacking us, slay some of them, break their worshipping stone down to pieces and head home, with or without Eren, simple as that.”

Erwin kept looking at him with a stern expression for about a minute before his frown suddenly turned into a wide smirk. He chuckled lightly at first, but his light chuckle soon turned into a roar of lively laughter that made the Captain froze in place. He just stared at the Commander’s eyebrows, suddenly feeling the urge to rip them off. After a few seconds of hysterical laughter, the man finally went back to his usual calm state, tracing his hand through his blond hair to feel if it had come out of place. It hadn’t. His eyes suddenly widened as he saw the way Levi was looking at him, so he cleared his throat as he still couldn’t wipe the grin off his face.

“Sorry, Levi. It’s just that… you’re not thinking about the expedition itself, but you’re thinking of the man that’s been living with you, right?”

Levi’s mouth went open before he angrily crossed his arms over his chest, not even trying to defend himself. Erwin was good. The Commander’s face suddenly went stern again, with no hint of any smile ever being there.

“You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Levi. You’re nervous, your actions and look tells it. I see through your lies easily, since you never lie, because you never have a reason to. You must really like him to go as far as to lie to your only superior.”

Levi angrily looked at him, but just lowered his head after some time. He wasn’t in the mood to argue, and even if he’d try to defend himself right now, he knew Erwin would see right through it. He wasn’t nearly as good as he pictured himself to be. Being a thug in his early life seemingly didn’t help him out at all in this situation, and he silently cursed himself for that. He heard the Commander shift closer, but didn’t respond.

“I don’t know what kind of feelings you developed for him: compassion, pity, fear… I really don’t know, so I won’t even try to guess, since I know you won’t respond to any of these, but I’ll be straightforward and tell you that those feelings right now are _pointless_. They just block your sight of the truth. It’s not your usual self, now that I think about it. You never had a problem with getting rid of a person that won’t be of any use to us, or at least you haven’t spoken against it. What you think of the boy and what he really is could be a polar opposite. It’s not the same when he’s inside the office, being only with you, and when he’s outside his prison. He bit Hange’s arm the other day when she tried to treat an injury on his shoulder, and we put the cuffs around his wrists only because he was so eager to break out that he began attacking whatever soldier tried to approach him”, his voice lowered again when he saw the younger man’s frown widening, “He once even attacked the Trainees who happened to be passing through the hallway that leads to Hange’s office, and if it wasn’t for Mike who appeared out of nowhere, they most likely wouldn’t be here with us today. This should be proof enough that the beast isn’t a human, and will never be. Try to understand.”

Levi didn’t respond for another few seconds before slowly raising his head again, his usual coldness present on his face.

“He changed.”

“No. He didn’t. He’s just grown accustomed to you. He just deepened what you had from the moment you met; and that was sympathy for the other because of your similarities. The evil look you share, the piercing eyes, the dominance, accompanied by your tragic pasts. It all came together to form into mutual respect.”

_“Yeah, I wish.”_

Levi’s eyes suddenly shone, and it practically melted the composed mask off his face.

“He _wants_ to join us, Erwin. He wants to kill the beings that _made_ him do the things that he had done, and that _made_ him think like this. It isn’t his fault that he’s messed up, even more than I am. He wants revenge, and I’m going to make sure he gets it. I’ll assemble the team, lead the way, and make him a part of _my squad,_ Erwin, whether you like it or not. You said it yourself: he’s got something that makes him special, and although I have no clue what it is, I know it’s there, and it burns for _humanity,_ not for Titans. And if he returns, you’ll make him a goddamn soldier, I swear to God Almighty Himself.”

Erwin nodded as he sorted through his papers again, a calm expression on his face.

“I didn’t mean to use his extraordinary abilities that way…” he faced the raven-haired man, “but fine, do as you wish. If you think he trusts you to the point of where he won’t run away from you as soon as he is offered the chance, fine. You’re in charge of him, after all.”

Levi’s eyes returned to their cold state again as he wasn’t giving off any emotions. He nodded in silence and stood up to leave.

“But promise me one thing.”

“That would be…?” Levi silently asked, turning his head back to look at the Commander.

“If he decides to run off into the forest himself, don’t be alarmed, because it would be the only logical reaction when he gets back to his home. And if he threatens your, Armin’s, or anyone else’s life in any way, don’t hesitate on threatening his life yourself. Got that?”

Levi slowly blinked, opening the door.

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. I wonder for how much longer he will be able to resist the gay...


	16. Zerschmettert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look. Another chapter this week 'cause I couldn't wait. 
> 
> I just want to thank all of you for the support I recieve. I feel really grateful for every single one and make sure to read every comment. Thaks for being awesome and reading this (not yet) messed-up story.

_“What the hell is wrong with me…? I’ve never been that way. I’ve never walked from one place to another just to get permission to do something, because I’ve never even cared. I’ve never yelled at Erwin before to get him to oblige to what I have in mind. That was Hange’s way of dealing with things… Am I going crazy? Am I really that old already, or is it really me just trying to keep that one particular person alive with everything I have? Why, though? Will I get something out of this… this obsession not over him, but over him **staying alive**? No. He doesn’t need anyone, much like I thought I didn’t want anyone close to me. It’s already hindering my abilities of clear thinking, that’s why Erwin decided to let me go like this. He knows I’m a freaking mess right now with no clue of what is going on, just because I let those… personal thoughts get the better end of me. Where’s my frozen heart when I need it? Did it just melt because of the boy’s eyes, with his mouth saying that he wants to eliminate the beings he had grown up with? It’s nothing that special at all. Where’s my apathy? Why am I constantly struggling to say what I mean? I… I don’t usually bother to say anything to defend people, yet there’s that one brat… His determination to kill, his tight grip, his menacing glare… all gone if I tell him to stop. That unbreakable loyalty that makes me come back for more…”_

He growled as he pressed his forehead against his office’s door, reluctant to enter, because he knew the first thing he’d walk up towards to see would be the brunette boy, with _his_ clothes and _his_ kerchiefs tied around him as he’d clean the room again and again, with _his_ equipment. Levi tightly closed his eyes, refusing to believe what had come to his mind. After a few more seconds of just leaning at the door, he slowly pushed the door open; his gaze falling to the light brown wood beneath him as he quickly took off his boots and rushed into the room. And just as he expected, Eren was still there, on the same spot, kneeling on the floor as his head was lowered, his hands playing with Levi’s head kerchief he kept on his lap. Levi frowned again after softly gazing at him for a brief moment. He took his jacket off and slowly walked towards the boy who warily raised his head to meet Levi’s eyes. They were still ten feet apart.

“Told you I’d come back soon.”

Eren blinked, and gave no other response. He kept staring at the shorter man who still held his jacket over his forearm. Levi then made his way towards the young man, sighing as he sat down right in front of him, crossing his legs and lowering his head to meet the boy’s eyes. After a moment, the boy sheepishly smiled out of no apparent reason and Levi’s heart suddenly started drumming.

“I waited for you”, Eren quickly spoke as the Captain sat up straight, sighing in an annoyed manner and averting his gaze.

“I see. And apparently, you have nothing else to do except from sulking and waiting for me to come back. You should at least try to move while I’m gone… otherwise you might starve or some shit. I won’t go around apologizing to people if that were to happen, got that? Erwin’s eyebrows would probably choke me to death if I were to come back after yelling at him to tell him that you just dropped dead.”

Eren mumbled something unintelligible as Levi looked down at him. He could have sworn that Eren complained about his statement, but honestly, the thought of anyone saying anything against his behavior just amused him. Eren then raised his head to look at Levi, trying to imitate his facial expression, but failing as soon as the Captain ruffled the boy’s hair with his free hand, to which Eren responded by loudly growling, but smiling nonetheless. He then grabbed the Captain’s hand and forcefully pushed it down to the ground, falling down at the floor to press his forehead against his palm, for some reason. Eren then huffed and rolled to his back while still pressing the Captain’s hand to his face. Levi watched him with a blank expression.

“What the hell are you doing”, Levi silently stated as Eren suddenly flinched. Eren’s body stayed in the same position for a few seconds before he widely smiled, refusing to show his eyes.

“Dunno”, he replied in a silent voice.

“Figured as much…” Levi said as he rolled his eyes while forcefully pulling his hand back to himself. Eren huffed in complaint, but sat up again after some time, an annoyed expression on his face. His hair was messy again, and his eyebrows furrowed, “Didn’t I tell you not to _ever_ touch me?”

The boy refused to show a smile as he shrugged his shoulders, to which the Captain responded by punching him in the shoulder. Not too harsh, but not too soft at the same time, just to let the warning sink in. He had already obviously spoiled him, so he didn’t want to make things even worse between them. If he was really going to get him into his own squad, the boy will have to get used to public humiliation and ruthless training. Eren angrily pushed his hand back before getting on all fours, but immediately sitting down again and staring at the Captain’s eyes for a few more seconds.

“Did you know that sixty two percent of people who join the Scout Regiment die within a month?” Levi asked out of the blue and Eren’s annoyed expression suddenly turned serious, “Usually, people are discouraged when they hear that. High fatality, low success rate, the worst possible position when it comes to politics and finances. Waste of money and resources. Waste of talent and time. Waste of _life,_ Eren.”

Levi then spread the jacket he held in his arms and put it on the floor right between them. He traced his hand over the two wings intertwined with each other, battling in a state of static, the dark blue as a complete contrast to the white. Levi’s gaze softened as he stopped his hand on the tip of the white wing.

“Still, we symbolize the hope of mankind, hoping that someday our effort may not prove in vain, and that we’ll recover what had been taken away from humanity. You most probably don’t understand my words, since you haven’t been around the last couple of years… but I’m pretty sure you understand what means to lose someone you cared for, and you understand the importance of ridding the world from Titans. Where did they come from? Why do they exist? Why do they devour humans? None of us have the answer, because of humanly ignorance. But if we just stayed behind the walls, we’d all just get devoured or live a life of ignorance, you understand…”

Eren wasn’t looking at the Captain’s wings, but was rather just looking at his soft face as he kept explaining. The shorter man’s gaze was fixed at the wings, while his eyebrows were furrowed in a sad, but comforting way.

“With our insignia being the Wings of Freedom… Wings, the symbol of lightness, and flying out to reach the heavens. The aspiration of the soul to transcend the human condition, the willpower and protection and the spirit of humanity. The hope; and the strength. Yet… at the same time…” Levi’s voice suddenly lowered as he traced his fingers over the dark wing, “…those wings symbolize the fall of us, the Survey Corps. The freedom, and the death… The two of them are twins. With great commitment comes sacrifice, and with sacrifice comes either glory, or vainness. And both of these wings are what drives us, even though only one is our friend… If we rip one wing from our backs, the other won’t hold and we’ll crumble, cutting ourselves off from divinity. Which is why death…” he stopped as he looked up to meet the boy’s eyes, since he had gently placed his warm hand on top of Levi’s. The younger man’s eyes pleaded him to stop, but were filled with ferocity at the same time. It was the same kind of look Eren gave him the moment he had decided that he wanted to fight the giant humanoids although he had spent more than ten years with them, and it was the same kind of look that sent shivers down Levi’s spine. The older man’s lips parted as he stared into the pools of green and blue that were twisting and scarring his broken heart all while _spitting_ onto his title as the Captain of the Survey Corps. He looked back at his hand to see that the boy moved their hands back at the white wing, pressing it into the jacket as if he wanted the Captain never to let go of the white wing. Levi frowned, placing his other hand on the darker wing, but getting his hand pushed down yet again. After spending a few seconds looking at the intertwined wings and their intertwined fingers, the raven looked back up to meet the boy’s angry-looking gaze. Eren slowly blinked and Levi leaned closer so he could talk silently.

“You know nothing about this world. You don’t know how much disrespect and hate we get from being humanity’s only chance of survival. You’ve never killed a Titan before, but I have. Killed them and scrubbed the shit out of the floor with their heads as mops. But only a few people do well at that job, and it requires training that you’ll never be able to withstand, regardless of your musculature. There’s a fifty percent chance you’ll have your head bitten off the moment they realize that you’ve switched sides, and even if not you’ll still be in trouble. You came over here two months ago, not being able to speak or to walk properly, and now you’re here, acting all humble and shit. Did you honestly think I’d be convinced that you’ll help humanity, no matter what? That you’ll fight for _their_ freedom, not for your selfish desires? Like hell I believed that.”

Eren’s determined gaze was still set at him, waiting for him to move on. Levi silently sighed as his expression turned calmer, feeling the boy’s thumb passing over his dried-out, scarred knuckles.

“Honestly, I don’t care what you want to fight for. What matters is that you do. Erwin would kick me out if he’d hear me say it, but for all I care, you can fight for your own desires. As long as you’re not against us, you’re for us.”

Eren blinked, his expression starting to turn into one that radiated confusion, which for some reason amused the neurotic man. He half-closed his eyes in fake annoyance, adding: “I _will_ make you a soldier, Eren.”

The man watched intently as the boy’s expression turned into a surprised one before he smiled from ear to ear, his eyes closing. His hands gripped Levi’s tightly, but the man didn’t bother to look at their intertwined hands as the boy seemed not to know what to do with himself, his whole body twitching randomly. He suddenly jumped forward to hug the older man, but reminded himself that he wasn’t allowed to do so, so he stopped in the middle of the act, just pressing their foreheads together, furthermore stomping at the Captain’s position and making him feel like any other person, normal, with a great ache in his chest that the boy’s huge smile didn’t heal, and would never be able to do so.

“I want you to offer your heart to humanity”, Levi calmly added and the other man parted their foreheads, “I want you to promise to give your life for the sake of it, and never to regret it.”

Eren lifted his right fist up to look at it with a serious look, before returning his sight at the black-haired man whose eyes started revealing his inner struggles that the boy’s smile had caused. He firmly placed one hand on his back while pressing the right fist to the chest- Levi’s chest. Levi stared at him in an odd way for a moment before clenching his teeth, a bitter expression on his face.

“You’re… offering _my_ heart to humanity, you coward?”

Eren’s smile got bigger and sweeter as he took the Captain’s hand, clenched it into a fist and pressed it against his own chest. Levi stared until he realized what the boy meant by that gesture. _Entrusting each other with their lives_. And as much as Levi wanted it to be a lie, he knew he’d jump in front of the once beastly man at any kind of danger that would be opposed to Eren. He could feel his temperature rising, his stomach turning and his heart’s ache getting more and more painful with each second. He felt _sick._

“Y-You shitty brat…” he muttered and saw the boy’s cheeks puff out angrily, but as they kept staring at each other, Eren only managed to make himself roar from laughter as he removed his hand from Levi’s chest. Levi stared at him with eyes wide open and full of terror, his hands slightly quivering. Ten seconds passed, and the boy couldn’t stop himself, he just howled with laughter and finally bent down to say something to the short man, but only managing to giggle into his ear. Levi bit on his lower lip as he saw the man bending up and down in muffled laughter. After a few unsuccessful tries of Eren trying to say something, he finally took the man’s upper arm and got his bright face up to the man’s ear.

“Sh-“ he snorted as he slightly pulled on Levi’s hand trying not to fall down, “shitty.”

That made the boy return to his previous spot pleased, but he stopped his laughter as soon as he saw that something was wrong with Levi’s face. His cold gray eyes were shut tightly and his face lost its usual pale tone. His mask was off.

In front of the bewildered boy sat a man whose lips were stretched into a bitter lopsided smile that was followed by two light wrinkles on the side of it as he tried to keep his cool, but eventually failing and bursting into resonant, soft laughter that didn’t break. The once emotionless and cold Captain put a palm over his mouth in defense and bent down slightly, but the damage had already been done. Eren couldn’t look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yeah. I hope you understand what the German chapter titles mean XD I mean, there's always Google Translate, but...


	17. Ich bin dein

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well. That escalated quickly.

The younger man bent forward to search for the man’s blue eyes, but Levi gently pushed him away as he struggled to stop laughing for no reason. The word wasn’t funny at all. Nothing was funny, actually, but the Captain couldn’t help his tickling heart, everything seemed so ridiculous to him now all of a sudden.

“Levi… you’re… laughing... Are you happy?” Eren asked as the raven tried to hide his smile, but the smile just wouldn’t go away. He looked up at the man as soon as he stopped laughing, but a small smile still came to his lips again as he saw Eren’s confused expression. The smile faded as soon as he realized that they stared at each other yet again, Levi’s image reflected in the boy’s lively eyes. And Levi knew he had to make another choice, and he already knew he was going to pick the wrong one, but he couldn’t help it. The Captain’s freezing cold hands cupped the boy’s confused face as he pulled him down so their lips would meet in a sloppy, yet wonderful short kiss that made Levi blush, even though he was the one who triggered it. He parted their lips and just stared at the even more puzzled boy whose eyes seemed like they were about to pop out, and his cheeks got colored in a soft tone of pink. For a second, Levi wondered if the young man even knew what the touch meant, but he then just shrugged it off, knowing that it would be his first and last kiss with the boy who invaded his thoughts day and night. He thought he knew at least, but Eren kept staring at him, his teeth quickly biting his lower lip out of habit.

“L-Levi likes… Eren…?” the brunette man silently asked, unable to speak correctly from the shock, and Levi’s heart skipped a beat. Humanity’s Strongest wearily looked up at the man whose intense stare caught his eyes and wouldn’t let go. All of a sudden, he felt terrible weight crashing down on him as cold sweat ran down his spine, his forehead, his entire being. The boy’s gaze shackled their eyes in a way he would never be able to forget, shooting the man into the heart and ripping right through it. Eren’s eyes weren’t filled with lust: they were filled with _hunger,_ the poison green color taking over the clear blue. Levi realized he was unable to move as the boy made his way up to him on all fours, his lips parted and his stare still piercing through him. His instincts told him to run, yet he chose to ignore them as the beastly human pressed their noses together firmly, letting him breathe for a little while before the beast’s nose made its way down Levi’s neck, his wet, hot breath once again caressing his cold skin as his wet lips brushed his throat, burning holes into the cold surface of the Captain, before slowly gliding his tongue up the Captain’s throat. Levi shivered and released a shaky breath, not knowing if it was fear this time around. _Had it even been fear the first time though…?_ The beast searched for the carotid artery yet again, nuzzling his skin as he found it and counted the pulse for a moment before suddenly biting down his trapezius firmly, harshly, as if he was trying to tear his flesh apart. He felt the boy’s teeth reach blood, ripping his skin apart ruthlessly, but he didn’t budge. Levi’s expression was once again cold.

Eren soon shuddered as he quickly parted from the Captain’s skin when he realized what he was doing, but as he looked back at the other man, Levi just pulled him into a passionate kiss that made the boy’s worries stop immediately as he fell to the front, just to make the kiss as long as possible, even though he couldn’t breathe anymore. Levi broke away from the kiss pretty soon though, ignoring the immense pain that spread through his left shoulder and arm, getting lost in the younger man’s eyes yet another time, snaking his arms around the man’s neck, stroking his nape with his thumb, not failing to realize how the man’s shoulders tensed at his soft, slow movement, all while they were both struggling to get each other’s breath into their mouths. The young man licked his lips as he looked at Levi’s and suddenly thrust forward, but Levi lowered his head to deny him access to his lips. He tilted his head so that his right ear touched his shoulder, gently reaching for the other man’s red cheek, looking straight into those colorful mirrors that screamed he was _alive_. They were glassy, and weren’t blinking.

“I want to know you”, Levi blurted out, which was greeted by nothing but Eren’s confusion, so he leaned closer, “In a few days… I’ll be your Captain, and this will never have happened. That’s why… I want to make you mine today, Eren”, he whispered and saw the man’s body flinch as he did.

“I’m yours”, Eren mumbled back as the other man shook his head, still holding back as Eren was desperate for contact, nudging Levi’s forehead with his, trying to overpower the shorter man’s will. Eren’s breath intensified, as if he was struggling to breath, his hot breath caressing Levi’s cheek. The Captain suddenly grasped the boy by the hair and pulled his face closer to make him look right into his eyes.

“No. You don’t understand. I don’t want anyone else next to you. I don’t want anyone to look at you, to touch you, to hold you, I want you to follow me to the end of the goddamn world and hold hands with you and shit that people do when they’re in…” he grabbed him by the collar and pressed their chests together, feeling his heavy, fast heartbeat against his, “You’re _mine_. Got th-“

The younger man pressed their noses together before finding Levi’s lips against his, leaning into the kiss the furthest he could, hoping Levi’s dry lips would devour him whole. His heavy breathing stopped for a moment as the shorter man pulled them both up, walking backwards as Eren was trying to keep their kiss in one piece, but was failing as Levi would teasingly part them ever so often until the younger man bit on Levi’s lower lip and wrapped his hands around the petite form of Humanity’s Strongest. The shorter man closed his eyes as he fought not to laugh into the boy’s mouth as both of them had no idea how to kiss properly. In the lack of knowledge of where to put his arms as Eren wasn’t bending down anymore, he grabbed the man by the collar and pulled him down as he felt his brat smile.

They soon reached the bed which they were headed to, but since Levi wasn’t expecting it to be that close and Eren didn’t stop moving, they both flopped over with Eren landing on top of a wide-eyed Captain who hurt his already hurt leg, but just grinned as he saw the other man in front of himself, grabbing his soft longish locks and pressing their foreheads together just to feel his breath against his overheated cheeks. Eren’s smile was just as wide, but he wasn’t laughing, his eyes were wide open as he was breathing heavily, and the next thing Levi saw him doing was biting down his button up shirt and shaking his head to tear it apart, but he was stopped as the shorter man rolled them over so that he would be on top, pressing his heavily muscled, scarred body against Eren’s to prevent him from escaping, just in case. Eren’s whole body was shaking, his wide eyes not breaking eye contact with the Captain’s. He sat on top of Eren’s lower abdomen and ruffled his own hair before quickly unbuttoning the shirt with trembling fingers, trying to act as calm as possible, but his trembling lips gave everything away. The other man was waiting impatiently; looking at the Captain’s shaking hands as they moved from one button to the other, realizing he had to do the same eventually, but since he wasn’t good with buttons, he just grabbed both ends of his shirt and tore it open. Levi stopped for a moment before lowering his head to smile at the man beneath him.

“The hell…?” he silently asked as he threw the shirt to the ground, bending down to place a peck on Eren’s lips, but ending up violently making out with him again, throwing off the bed sheet that started tangling around their legs. He ignored the wet surface beneath him as his kisses reached the younger man’s neck who loudly moaned in response. As the music came to Levi’s ears, he tightly hugged the man beneath him before starting to slowly grind his hips against Eren’s, the other repeating the action as he started gasping. Levi’s heart was screaming. He soon felt the other man stop as his hand suddenly carefully brush over the bitten part of Levi’s body, so Levi stopped to tilt his head to look back at the man who was staring at the blood that was still dripping from his shoulder, creating a crimson red puddle on the mattress that would have to be washed the day after anyways. Levi got his face back to the younger man’s before placing a chaste kiss on his forehead, ensuring him it was fine. The boy’s eyes still kept staring into his, so Levi reached Eren’s worried face to lick his right cheek thoroughly. He then slowly parted from him to see the boy’s lower lip tremble as his heartbeat intensified again, his eyes getting wet. The tamed beast suddenly smiled widely as he began crying bitter tears in response of the man’s acceptance of what he was, covering his eyes with his lower arm, but Levi grabbed it, intertwined their fingers and made their hands fall to the side as he placed quick gentle pecks against his forehead, both of his cheeks and his neck, showering Eren in kisses that became slower with time.

“L-Levi”, the younger man called with a smile on his face as Levi’s lips were still on his forehead, and the older man placed his right arm on the side to hold his weight above the younger who was now rubbing against him instinctively again. The Captain neared his face to the young man, his soft gaze looking right into his eyes, melting the wild man’s heart just as much as he melted the emotionless person.

“Eren.”

“Levi”, Eren responded as his smile got even wider, forcing the last of his tears to slide down his soft cheeks that Levi’s lips claimed as his territory. In response, the Captain couldn’t keep himself from softly smiling himself.

“Eren.”

“Levi”, the man called as he gripped the man’s hand tighter as his wide eyes told Levi everything he needed to know. The Captain’s smile vanished as his eyes softened. Those teal mirrors reflecting Levi’s messy complexion, something burning inside of them slowly, but still fiercely, every spot and line calling for the Captain to come closer and never to leave. The playfulness vanished, but the smile inside of those eyes didn’t. Those weren’t a mere façade anymore; they displayed more emotions than Levi was ready to accept. And Levi found himself staring down, suddenly realizing how _beautiful_ this man beneath him was, and how much emotions for him had blossomed in his cracked heart, somehow. His longish hair spread as he was pressed to the mattress, his black, damp eyelashes and his red, swollen lips. In the lack of knowledge of what to do, the older man snorted, his smile stretching out across his face as he averted his gaze, before squeezing the younger’s hand and slowly moving down to embrace him, burying his nose in Eren’s neck, breathing in his scent, accepting every cell of Eren’s as his own.

“…Eren.”

…

_“Levi… Levi… L-Levi…”_ was the first thing she could hear as she passed down the hallway in the middle of the night and she froze as thoughts immediately came swirling to her.

_“I’m right here, Eren”,_ she heard a throaty moan that definitely came from her short friend as she clenched the papers in her hands and walked closer to the door, not knowing if she should return, knock now to get it over with or just listen to whatever was happening inside of his office, _“I’ll never leave, Eren… I pro- agh! Er…n…  promise…”_

Hange bit her lower lip when she heard a loud moan and panting and then decided to knock on the door, soon hearing a loud thud coming from the inside. Everything went silent all of a sudden before she could clearly hear Levi muttering a curse and Eren whine. She just stood there for a moment, impatiently crossing her arms and tapping her right foot on the ground in a rhythmical pattern, trying to unsee the pictures she had imagined as the door opened, revealing the short man. He saw the way she stared at his messy, upswept hair, the unbuttoned shirt and the bloody bite mark close to his neck, but he chose to ignore her. Something was different in his gaze though, as if something had been missing.

“I… uh…”

“Spit it out, Shitty Glasses. Ain’t got all day”, he responded as she immediately frowned at him, furrowing her brows.

“Yeah, I can _hear_ that”, she uttered and was surprised to see the man in front of her not frowning even further at her or yelling, but just lowering his head as a proud, sweet smile spread across his face. As soon as he regained his composure, he leaned at the doorjamb and crossed his trembling arms in his usual fashion, looking up at her. Hange’s face turned relaxed again, but she then pressed the papers to her chest before pushing them into the Captain’s warm hands. Levi looked at them without being able to read them because of how dizzy and confused he was at the moment since he was pulled back into reality, so he looked back at her in confusion, “Those are the papers that need to be signed till tomorrow. Erwin told Armin what you had asked of him and they both agreed on making that expedition possible, with Eren as our ally, not as bait. And that expedition, sonny, is tomorrow morning.”

She couldn’t help but to smirk when she saw the emotionless Captain’s expression falter, revealing his sudden anxiety and disappointment. He looked up at her to see if this was a joke of some sort, but Hange was dead serious. She took the opportunity of him not hitting her in this state and quickly tapped his shoulder, revealing a mischievous grin on her face at the same time.

“I hope Eren will be able to walk by tomorrow. For your sake, too”, she said and made her way as the Captain waited for her to return and say the expedition wasn’t in seven hours from then. But she didn’t return, and the Captain walked back into the office again, slowly locking the door and mentally cursing himself for forgetting to lock before. But he didn’t regret that in front of him stood the divine, defenseless appearance of the young man with the key around his neck. As their gazes met, Levi sighed and looked down at the floor.

“Looks like… you’re a soldier now, Eren”, Levi uttered under his breath as he walked a few steps towards him, sadly looking up at the man. Levi saluted on the other man’s chest, but wasn’t given a salute back from the soldier. Instead, he was pulled into a tight hug, with Eren’s chin resting on top of Levi’s head. The Captain trailed his fingers up the private’s shoulders, the neck, to his nape, smiling when Eren giggled because he was terribly ticklish, to finally wrap his arms around his neck, pulling his smiling face down to press their foreheads against each other’s. Eren licked the man’s brow and Levi’s face scrunched up in disgust before he closed his eyes, swinging them left and right in their embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know things are gonna go downhill from now on, right? Right.


	18. Mit, oder ohne Eren

Levi woke up to a silent moan behind him. His eyelids were heavy, but he managed to open them with a sigh escaping his mouth. It had been dark at the moment, but the sun was slowly rising up and Levi knew it would soon be time to depart. Wherever the sun would pass, it would leave a bright yellow mark on the sky filled with purplish, sparse clouds. Birds were chirping silently in the back, but other than that, there was no sound coming from anywhere. The short man quickly buried his head in the pillow he almost never slept on before turning around nimbly to look at the other man’s face that had been sleeping soundly next to him, drooling as his mouth was opened. Levi had been surprised the man didn’t have any nightmares that night, but quickly realized why that must have been so. His dark brown hair was even messier than usual, his lower lip was swollen and he reeked of sweat, which the other man usually couldn’t stand.

Levi got his cold fingers up to Eren’s mouth to close it. The younger man’s face then buried into Levi’s palm as the Captain just gazed at him. Levi looked aside, as if he was afraid that someone would be watching, before he pushed himself closer to the other man and rested his chin on top of the wild man, staring at the big pillow they shared. Eren winced, and Levi nuzzled his nose into Eren’s hair, trying to ignore the stench that came from the younger man, but soon realizing he couldn’t do it anymore, so he pulled away again, taking the blanket with himself and covering his half-naked body with it, turning into a ball of sheets. Eren let out a displeased cry before trying to reach for the bed sheet, but Levi refused to give it to him, so the boy eventually decided it would be a better idea to just lie down on the warm surface close to him. Levi yelped as the other man pressed his petite body into the mattress, trying to push him away and not failing to notice the suppressed smirk that Eren had on his seemingly sleeping face. Eren was sprawled out on the bed and didn’t seem to want to give Levi the freedom from stench he desired at the moment. The older man sighed at him, but then brushed his fingers through the man’s soft hair.

“Morning”, Eren muttered.

“Get the hell off, stinky”, he tiredly muttered in response as he put his palm on the other’s face, realizing he wasn’t strong enough to push him off just yet. He then found a stray hair that fell over his right eye, so he rolled it up on his finger as Eren’s eyes slightly opened.

“Can’t”, he answered in a hoarse voice and Levi completely understood. He would have been up already if it wasn’t the same for him.

The older man then put the hair back to where it was supposed to be as he continued stroking the boy’s hair, tiredly staring right at Eren’s nose as it suddenly moved forward so the boy could press their foreheads together and lightly giggle, which made the other man’s heart flutter, but there was no way that he was going to express that. After some time, he closed his eyes again as he figured he wouldn’t be able to stand up at four in the morning anyways that day, but soon got surprised by Eren taking the bed sheet away from him and burrowing himself in it, letting Levi out in the cold. The short man opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a while before taking the boy by the hair, which would always make him stop, and glaring at him in the most dangerous way possible, his other hand already on the sheet. Eren sweetly smiled at that, and Levi crawled under the sheet, as close as possible to the other man that giggled again. Levi had sworn it was against Eren’s nature to giggle. As Levi emerged from the blanket to look up at the other man’s face with a wide frown on his, Eren just smiled even wider.

“Annoying little piece of poop you are, today”, the short man tiredly stated and closed his eyes again to sleep, but was interrupted as Eren’s fingers brushed through Levi’s silky, messy hair, “I’m trying to get my beauty sleep here…”

“We have to get up soon…” the boy responded, still passing his fingers through the older man’s hair and wondering for how long Levi would let him do that, but as time went on Eren realized Levi not only didn’t have anything against it, but actually enjoyed Eren’s touch. _Eren’s, and Eren’s alone…_ The boy smiled. He stole Humanity’s Strongest from the world and selfishly made him his own.

“How do you know? You can’t see shit three meters away from you…”

The shorter man’s legs snaked around the other’s abdomen as he hugged him tightly, a little too tight to be enjoyable for Eren, but perfect for Levi since Eren wouldn’t be able to escape. Still, the young man smiled and closed his eyes, and with the time, Levi’s grip loosened.

Eren had almost fallen asleep.

“…You know…” Levi’s voice came, “…you should really try to be more silent…”

“Huh…? Why?” Eren asked as he opened his eyes, seeing Levi eyeing him in his usual, emotionless state. Levi opened his mouth to say something, but quickly looked down when he realized he didn’t know how to formulate things properly. He then just cupped his face and pulled him closer, kissing his lips passionately, proving his point when Eren moaned loudly into his mouth. Levi parted, looking at the blushing man proudly, with his right eyebrow raised.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if half of the Survey Corps didn’t sleep tonight, with you articulating those filthy, animalistic sounds that definitely don’t arouse me in any way at all, Loverbutt”, he said with a small smirk on his face as his thumbs gently stroked the other man’s soft, warm cheeks. They stared into each other’s eyes for a while before Eren jumped at him, pressing their lips together furiously and wrapping his fingers in the man’s soft black locks as Levi’s hands trailed down Eren’s back. Levi could soon feel his entire body heating up and his heartbeat getting faster, so he quickly slid out of the broken bed and walked off, turning to the confused man.

“I’m not doing this shit again, Eren”, he said with a smile revealing on his face while realigning the bandage around his left arm, “I’m not. Fuck you.”

“Huh?”

“Just… Just fuck you, okay?” the man responded with his beautiful smile spreading across his face, captivating Eren all over again. When he realized the other was staring, Levi turned around and left to prepare for the mission, but not before adding: “Take a shower. You do remember how to do it on your own, right?”

Eren’s heart dropped as soon as he saw the Captain walking off, his usually pale skin reddish in color with dozens of swollen red cuts on his shoulders and upper back.

…

The man couldn't help but to show a slight smirk as he saw a familiar figure approach his reflection in the mirror. He had just combed his hair and prepared for the mission, putting on his Survey Corps uniform and feeling a slight adrenaline rush trough his body as he saw himself in the clothes that had served him for over ten years. Levi pretended not to see Eren slowly tiptoeing towards him before widely smiling and wrapping his arms around the man’s petite body, wrapping him in the green cloth that displayed the freedom and death that came from their missions at the same time. As the younger man’s nose dug into Levi’s neck, he looked ahead of himself in his usual expressionless manner to see their embraced reflection in the spotless mirror. Eren had the same kind of uniform as him on. Levi had helped him put it on before, but didn’t realize how good the young man looked back then. Maybe since Eren refused to put the boots on and eventually angered Levi, so that Levi just walked off to get dressed while Eren kept staring at the green cape Levi had brought with himself. The clothes stuck to him like they had been sewn just for him. It was like he belonged to the Survey Corps. Levi looked down, only to frown. Their embraced figure looked _perfect._

“What’s with the footwear?” he grumpily asked and felt the man’s concealed laughter against his neck. Levi then brushed his fingers through the beastly man’s soft hair, leaning against the taller man’s chest and looking up at his eyes as Eren straightened again, looking down with a huge grin on his face.

“Okay. But if you step on a blade I’ll just tell you that I told you so.”

“You said you’d carry me if I won’t be able to walk, yesterday.”

The older man’s expression softened again.

“Don’t worry. I got you”, he said as his arms grabbed Eren’s backside. Eren flinched and Levi smirked.

“So. Let’s repeat”, he quickly changed the subject as he leaned back completely, sinking into the taller man’s chest like he was his favorite chair now and putting his hands on top of Eren’s, “You’re not telling the world about anything we did yesterday. Or any day at all. You’re not hugging me, you’re not smiling at me, and if I catch you staring at me I’ll might have to break all of your limbs if we’ll be in the presence of someone. Don’t think I changed the way I feel about you if that will be the case, though. You have to stay close to me at all times, and if you hurt anybody out there you won’t be having it well. Got that?”

 “Yes.”

“ _Captain_ ” _,_ Levi asserted.

“Yes?”

Levi leaned forward again to look at the boy’s eyes.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, you’re supposed to address _me_ as ‘Captain’ at all times.”

“Oh”, the boy uttered and showed a sweet smile again, “Yes, _Captain._ ”

Levi smirked again as he let the boy’s wet lips touch his, closing his eyes. As Eren slowly parted from him, Levi half-opened his eyes as he got his thumb to the corner of Eren’s lips to wipe off nothing at all, but just to touch him. His finger trailed down towards Eren’s chin as he cupped it, meekly clenching it.

_“No matter how much you train, or how much strength and bravery one puts into their actions, the result will never be known. Victory is never assured, especially when you drag someone as untrained as Eren onto the battlefield. Then again, I’ve never known if I’ll survive the mission I chose to go on as well. I had always risked everything. I know it’s the least I can do for this godforsaken planet. If I have to die, so be it. If the entire Survey Corps has to die, **so be it**. As long as we get what we are fighting for. There’s nothing more precious than freedom, and I’m ready to give everything for it.”_

“Come”, he said and pulled on the boy’s hand as he led them towards the door. Levi felt his heart clench.

_“…Everything.”_

And before they knew it, they were outside of the office, with their gazes being distant, smiles inexistent and bodies as far apart as possible. The walk in the dark hallway was way too long and too silent, and Eren had a hard time keeping himself together as he could feel Levi’s stare at him most of the time.

***

The Captain quickly pushed the man beside him in front of himself, so that everyone could see what they were going to have as an ally. Eren’s brows were furrowed as he was steadily looking ahead of himself as his head was lowered, breathing in heavily as all eyes were on him. His hands were clenched into fists, his legs were steadfastly standing in a gap, his chin raised and his mouth was open to reveal his strong, clenched teeth. Four soldiers were looking at him in fear and awe at the same time, three were whispering something about the beast, and one was just gazing at the man in the front. Eren suddenly ceased his heavy breathing as his head rose in a proud manner, slamming his right fist against his chest as his eyes showed unwavering determination, but anxiety at the same time. He felt Levi’s hand on his shoulder, but his expression didn’t falter, his frown only got deeper.

“This is Eren. The monster we got out of that forest. He’ll be helping us with the investigation for the time being”, Levi stated as everybody looked back at him. The Captain could see they all wondered if he had lost it, but his expression didn’t change. After a few seconds of Armin’s squad and Levi staring at each other, a loud voice suddenly broke the eloquent silence between them, making the boy in front of Levi flinch.

“Huh?! No one told us we were going to go on a mission with _one of them!_ What the hell, Armin? I wouldn’t have participated if I knew!” Jean exclaimed as he turned towards the shorter boy who stepped a step back and raised his hands in defense, shaking his head.

“I-I didn’t know as well… Sir, what is the meaning of this?” Armin asked as he realigned his cape, looking between the Captain and the beast that was staring at him intently, furthermore scaring the young Squad Leader. Levi’s brows furrowed.

“I told you to stop calling me ‘sir’, haven’t I?” he grumpily responded and Connie widely smiled in the back, crossing his arms behind his shaved head and receiving a scold from Sasha who was scared for Connie’s life, but Levi didn’t even look at him, “Plus, I never agreed on telling you everything I’m planning to do. Will you want to keep my record of when I take a shit soon too?”

Armin’s eyes widened as an apologetic smile appeared on his face. He shook his head again.

“No, no… I just wanted to know whether…”

“I’ve been keeping an eye at him for too long now. I’m not saying he won’t bite you in the ass, I’m saying he won’t bite you in the ass for as long as I’m nearby”, the Captain responded and earned another chuckle from Sasha and Connie, but remained looking at Armin whose eyebrows rose what seemed to be fear.

“Yeah, he’ll bite _him_ in the ass, then”, a voice came from the back and Levi’s clenching fists weren’t left unnoticed. He turned around to mouth a vulgar insult to the zealous woman approaching them gleefully with a crate in both of her arms, but she just smiled even wider, “it’s not as if Levi isn’t used to it…” she added and saw the man’s eyes widen in shock, so her grin got bigger, but she decided not to tease it any longer. It wasn’t like she was afraid for her life, but more for the fact that Erwin _could_ throw Levi out of the Corps if the Government would find out, and losing Levi would ultimately mean their destruction. She put the crate right in front of Eren who looked down at her as she widely smiled, stretching her back and making all of her bones pop again. Levi ignored the chuckles that came from around him for the moment.

“Levi’s right”, she suddenly stated as she looked back at Armin’s squad consisting of the Squad Leader, the four remaining soldiers, Nanaba, who was considered to be fit for the mission since she survived the expedition nine years ago, Nifa, whose loyalty was enough for Erwin to let her hold all of the reports regarding the ‘tree huggers’, and Moblit, whom Hange sent after them because she wasn’t allowed to come as well, since Erwin knew that she’d probably be seeking death immediately after entering the forest. They couldn’t send her anywhere anymore, “he’d endured the last couple of weeks by the monster’s side, and Eren here had been calm around him. If you don’t provoke him, you won’t lose a cubic decimeter of blood like I did.”

Her wide smile that appeared on her face after she said that seemingly didn’t help the younger soldiers at all, but she couldn’t care less as she just turned back at Levi.

“Moblit will be there to tell me whether you went by Erwin’s plan or not, so don’t even try to bend the rules of the game”, she said with a frown on her face before crossing her arms over her chest and looking down at the crate, “Now, these are the supplies you’ll need for the expedition. First aid kits, water bottles, bread, spare clothing, tranquilizer guns, blades…” she kept talking, but Levi lost track of her list of items as his eyes trailed towards the young man who kneeled down as the other soldiers approached him. He looked terribly nervous and was twitching as they made a circle around him.

“Why isn’t he wearing boots? Are they really out of boots?” Connie asked as he scratched the back of his head.

“Maybe he ate them”, Sasha muttered as she narrowed her eyes at the beast who didn’t pay any attention to the soldiers that were positioned at his side. He was still looking straight ahead of himself, staring at the confused Squad Leader who wasn’t sure if Eren was looking at him or if he was looking into the distance right through him.

“Boots? Who eats boots for breakfast?” Connie responded with a laugh as Sasha’s brows lowered.

“Well, it’s either boots or the Captain’s tea. Which one would you take?”

“…When you put it like that… only tea every day seems like the worst torture of all time”, Connie responded and Sasha nodded in agreement. They looked at each other before falling to their knees, flailing their arms around as Eren chose to ignore them. Levi’s eyes narrowed as he forced his look back to Hange to whom he didn’t listen to at all.

“We completely misjudged you, you poor soul! Let us show you the true meaning of food!” they said in union, more or less, while striking weird poses. Jean silently chuckled at them as he nudged Mikasa’s shoulder with his, pointing at the two with his chin.

“Not having breakfast really makes them go insane. Believing such a beast has a soul… pathetic, am I right?” Jean asked and smirked widely before furrowing his brows as Mikasa ignored him and stared right back at the young man whose sight she caught, but lost immediately after. Jean waved his hand in front of her eyes, his eyes worryingly widened as she wasn’t responding to him at all anymore, “Mikasa? Hello? You there, right? What’s the matter?”

The young Ackerman frowned as she kept staring at the wild boy in front of her. The way his tense body bent as his eyes didn’t reveal any kind of fear and the way they shone in the sunlight. Her eyes suddenly narrowed as she clenched her hands into fists.

“Mine.”

“Agh?!” Jean exclaimed as he looked back at the beast, then at her, then back at the wild man. But Eren kept staring at Armin, who grew more and more scared of the beast with time.

“Well then, everybody! Listen up now!” Hange suddenly widely exclaimed as everyone looked at her when she raised a map in the air, telling them to come closer. They all sat in a circle, looking at the unfolded map that displayed the Titan Forest they had visited several times before. Eren didn’t sit with them; he kept staring into the distance, completely ignoring them and just looking up at the endless sky that unfolded itself right in front of his eyes, with the sun illuminating everything around it. The wet grass underneath him, the slight breeze in his hair and the stress from being near armed people had brought back memories, and instincts.

“We will enter into the forest from three sides. Armin, your squad will be the last one to enter; the other two squads are already on the move towards the forest. They will be providing you with protection from the left and from the right, while your squad will be heading towards the center of the forest from the south, just like you requested, since it’s the closest to the ‘sacred part’. The path is narrow and is hard to navigate through, but you’ve got 3D maneuvering gear with you so that shouldn’t prove to be a problem in case of a Titan attack, which is unlikely hence the soldiers Erwin picked for the job, including Goggles as the first squad’s leader and Mike as the second one’s.”

Armin’s expression turned serious.

_“Even Mike… Erwin must be serious about this. Even though I revealed practically nothing about the location and know nothing about why the place looked like it looked, the Commander still wants us to venture out there to… what? Does he even have a clear goal?”_

“Since Armin doesn’t know where the place exactly was located at, we will have Eren with us. He _will_ be in a cage, though, so you don’t have to worry. Two guardsmen will be assigned to protect the cage, in case he will want to escape.”

“Cages probably scarred him for life, Hange. I’m not sure if he’ll be able to endure being locked inside of a cage again, not after all the time he has spent being imprisoned and tortured…” Levi added and Hange focused on his statement for a while before realigning her glasses and looking back at the map.

“It is a direct order from Erwin. We mustn’t disobey, first of all, and secondly, I agree with his decision. He doesn’t know how to ride a horse, and we shouldn’t have him drive around in a cart without having him forcefully kept there, at one place. No matter how much he will have to suffer, this is all we can do. A cage, a cart, and two soldiers to prevent him from doing something stupid, which he is _very_ likely to do”, Hange glared at Levi as she spoke the last part, so he just looked away. She then smiled again and kept talking, “We’ll take him as far as possible. At one point, if Erwin’s guesses are correct, he will want to escape. Not because of his wild nature- well, not _only_ because of it- but because of the instincts that come naturally to him. If he had been living there with the Titans… he surely has to feel something while being close to the ‘sacred place’, am I right? He will try to get to that place, am I right?!” she grabbed Jean’s hand all of a sudden and he froze, “YES! He will! Considering the wild girl’s strange behavior when she was in that specific territory with not attacking Armin and not killing him, he most certainly will feel obligated to run towards the place he had missed for so long, right?!” she slammed Jean’s hand down at the map and he yelped in pain as the zealous woman clenched her hands together and shook her head multiple times, “And when he does, I want you to follow him. Armin, Moblit, Nanaba, Jean, and Levi in case something goes wrong, will follow him until he stops running. When he does, I want you to shoot him.”

“Shoot him?!” Jean exclaimed, “Then what’s the point of you trying to teach that bastard all that stuff and keeping him in the Captain’s hands?”

Hange looked at him, but ignored the question.

“If he does nothing wrong, you will shoot him with a tranquilizing gun. If he poses a threat to you in any way and/or attacks you, we want you to kill him at the spot. Orders from Commander Erwin.”

“Of course”, Levi responded matter-of-factly and earned a glare from the young Ackerman sitting across him. He noticed the way her hands trembled, but he just looked away with the ever present cold facial expression on him, spotting Eren looking at him with eyes wide open and his tense, proud shoulders suddenly drooping.

“The others are going on a separate expedition. You will secure that no one and nothing enters the ‘sacred place’ whilst those five are occupied with the area, searching for any strange signs and investigating if there is something that shouldn’t exist in a secluded area like that.”

_“So he really doesn’t have a plan… Which brings up the question why he is doing it… The beast people are strange creatures with special abilities, but to go as far as to risk the lives of thirty six soldiers just to investigate something that might just be a relic… Why would it be connected to the Titans? Why does Erwin assume so much based on no evidence at all?”_

“Moblit will keep evidence of whatever you do, whatever happens and whatever you find out. And when you get all of the information you can gather, you are allowed to come back. With, or without Eren.”

“Understood! We’ll manage our best, and our deaths won’t be in vain!” Armin yelled and pressed a fist against his chest a little too harshly, but everyone followed with their salutes, proudly raising their head and staring into the distance. Levi glared back at Eren as he realized the beast wasn’t going to give his heart to this expedition, let alone obey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things shall go downhill, guys. This is a warning.


	19. Bitte, lass nicht los

“Is it really that hard to even try to listen to the others’ commands?” Levi asked as he tied his tall black mare to a nearby wall, petting its snout as he purposely touched Eren’s hand that was stroking the horse’s strong head at the same time. Eren was given a bag that contained a mixture of hay and grain and was holding it for the horse to eat out of it. Eren’s teal eyes travelled to the shorter man, a frown appearing on his face. He then returned his sight at the beautiful, strong horse in front of him. He had been astonishingly good with animals, but Levi figured it was because he lived with them for so long, and his horse wasn’t exactly dangerous. The shorter man frowned, putting his hands on his hips and shifted his weight from one foot to another.

“I won’t be around all the time to take care of you, you know? The others- they had been on plenty expeditions before and they know what to do. Who knows? I might even die and you’ll be on your own.”

Eren’s brows furrowed in an angry way as he huffed, putting the bag of food away as Levi’s horse neighed contentedly, shaking its head.

The boy hadn’t been speaking ever since he got into the town center, since there were so many people around. Levi had to pull his head up whenever the boy tried to go on all fours, and others were watching them in what seemed to be mockery. Eventually, the young man managed to stand on his trembling legs, on his tiptoes as usual, trying to ignore everyone around him and just followed the Captain right into his footsteps. Whenever he’d spot someone looking at him though, he would rush closer to the other man or leap to hide behind the black horse. The Captain knew his private was under pressure, but he had to have him get used to the people somehow, and he knew the only way he was able to do that would be by taking him to a place overflowing with people; hence the town square. The others would come for them when it was time to depart, agreeing on Levi’s proposal to spend some time at the centre.

“If we’re going to keep you, you’ll have to act normal.”

Eren’s eyesight fell at the cobbled street as he nodded.

“Y-Yes, Captain”, he whispered and Levi’s brows furrowed, but he then looked ahead of himself to frown again.

“Doesn’t it attract you?” Levi soon silently asked as he turned his head to look at all the stands that were selling all kinds of fish, groceries, fruit, dairy products, eggs, flowers, animals and much more. A few carriages were passing through the town that day. People were cheerful, laughing and smiling as they’d buy products and their children were happily leaping around their legs, playing hide and seek behind their mothers’ dresses and squealing when they’d find each other. Levi was deprived from his childhood at the age of four, which was why he would always enjoy watching the kids play, grateful that they didn’t have to suffer as much as he did at those years. But he regretted nothing. If it wasn’t for his harsh past, the Survey Corps wouldn’t even exist anymore probably. Birds were sitting on branches and singing along with drunken people who were sitting under small bridges that connected the east and west part of the square, enjoying their time a bit too much for Levi to tolerate. But he wasn’t the type of person to go reason with them. He hadn’t had the patience for that. Some teenagers were sitting at the old stone stairs, throwing around pebbles and glancing over at the soldier that had the Wings of Freedom on his back. Levi couldn’t exactly indentify whether they were looking at them with envy, admiration or hate, but frankly, he didn’t care. There were around fifty people at the square that day, and three horses, including his. Crates were placed all around the town, leaning against the small worn out, yellowish houses made of wood. The homes were tall, but weren’t exactly big since they were placed right beside each other, and the roofs were tiled with dark brown bricks that were once red, but stood on the air for quite a long time and thus lost their color. The centre was decorated with small blue and red flags that hung from the ceilings of houses and small businesses, and there was a long, thick rope connecting two houses. Soaking wet clothes were hanging from it. Those clothes weren’t even clean, but were just put into water to get the stench out before being put at the wind that was carrying smoke from nearby bonfires. The floor beneath Levi was moist and frayed, with tiny spots of the dirt beneath it protruding through the small gaps between each stone. Levi had been used to the smell of the town, but Eren seemed to take it worse that Levi expected him to. The smell of roasted chestnuts and cooked broth was ruined by the stench of raw, slowly decaying fish, poultry and ammonia that rose from the floor and climbed the walls of houses. The moist, hot air was carried by the slight breeze that failed to make the stench go away. Eren’s mouth was opened as he breathed in, refusing to smell his surroundings. The church’s bell rang and the younger man shivered and turned around in confusion of where the loud sound was coming from.

 “It’s market day too, you know. This is as crowded as the town gets. Who knows, you might find something interesting.”

Levi stroked his horse’s nose one more time before lightly tapping the younger man’s foot with his, leading him away from the colonnade around the church’s portal. Eren followed hesitantly.

“Doesn’t mean I’d buy that thing if you did, though.”

Eren didn’t speak at all, nor did the Captain. They both just walked along the way the stands marked, Eren stopping a few times as he’d spot white pigeons stuck in cages. He’d look at Levi with eyes wide open every time, and Levi would just turn away from him every time. The new soldier would stare at fruit sometimes too, and occasionally he’d secretly look at the wooden toys children were playing with.

“Breathe the air in through your nose. You have to adapt to your surroundings.”

Eren did as his superior requested. As the young man would walk behind Levi, he’d see people whispering something, and he couldn’t help but to feel like they were talking about him. He was well aware of the fact that he was out of place, somehow, no matter how human he looked like. He still wasn’t one, and would never be. His thoughts confirmed when a small girl bumped into his leg and he tried to grab Levi’s hand, but the other had been too far away already. He froze as the small girl looked up at him and widely smiled, closing her blue eyes.

“Why don’t you have shoes on…?” she asked and beamed at Eren who looked around to see his Captain, but he got lost in the crowd. He panicked and walked backwards, but bumped into an elderly man who shot him an angry glare and made the young man leap back forward to face the girls whose cheeks got rosy, “You’re funny.”

His teal eyes were wide open as he heard that pure voice of hers laugh at him again. It was pointless to call for Levi now, he knew. If Levi wanted him to be close, he’d get back to search for him.

* * *

 

“Ah, I see you like the yellow beauties over here, eh?” a hoarse voice came from the other side and Levi’s glance immediately fell at the old woman who had a huge smile on her worn out face. As she saw the man’s confused expression, her smile grew even wider, “You looked at the daffodils just like we look at the statures of angels in church, sonny. You like ‘em, huh?”

Levi’s lips parted before he bit his lower lip and the old woman clasped her hands.

“Or do you see someone special in them?”

The Captain of the Survey Corps looked back at the flowers with a shy frown as the woman’s laughter reverberated though the small alley Levi found himself in.

“Oh… must be someone really special…”

Levi’s frown suddenly turned into the slightest of smiles that disappeared as soon as it showed itself.

“Heh! Gotcha! Knew it from the start”, she smiled at the raven as he shifted his weight from one foot to another, steadily looking down at the floor by now, “You’ve got a fine one, then. Creative, inspirational, forgiving, joyful. Daffodils are a sign of good fortune. They also symbolize beginning anew and leaving the past behind. They also represent hope.”

“Hope, you say…?” Levi’s eyes fell at the flowers again before coyly looking at the old woman’s eyes. Her face was the face of one who overcame many hardships in the past, but was content with her life nonetheless. The tall old woman was completely dried out and her cheekbones were sticking out of her skin. She was dressed in mere old drapes. Her fingers were shaking as she took the daffodils into her boney, sinewy hand, but Levi knew her hands had to be warm. He didn’t know why, but he just knew _._

“How much would a bouquet be?”

She smiled one more time, taking half of the flowers in her hand and skillfully wrapping a bright crimson ribbon around them. She put them into Levi’s hands as the man stared.

“Nothing, sonny. I just ask of you to cherish the time you have left on this planet. Believe me, time flies, and opportunities don’t knock on the door twice”, she said as she pressed her unexpectedly soft, warm hand against his cheek and petted it, “don’t ever let him go, that’s the price. And pray for our land.”

Levi’s confused expression turned soft and he solemnly nodded as her hand slid down Levi’s cheek. The man spent a few more seconds just standing in front of the small stand, touching the wooden structure, before thanking her and turning around to see the man whom he wanted to give the flowers, but realizing no one was there.

“God dammit… Eren!” he exclaimed as he quickly ran off, pushing taller men out of his way with the flowers tightly clenched to his chest as the old woman laughed at him. As she put the rest of the flowers back to their place, she opened her mouth widely when she realized the man had left her a significant amount of money on the stand nonetheless.

…

“Eren you little piece of…” he wanted to curse when he spotted him, but stopped as he realized Eren was squatting on the floor, smiling at a little girl who played with his cape he refused to leave behind with the rest of the team. When he saw the Captain was approaching him though, his smile immediately vanished and he stood up straight, pressing his fist against his chest with a determined look in his eyes and almost getting choked when the girl almost fell to the ground, but held tightly at the cape to prevent the fall. She stopped laughing when she saw the scary-looking man approach her new friend and hid behind Eren’s cape in the hope of Levi not seeing her.

“Didn’t I tell you not to fall back?” he angrily asked.

“Y-Yes, Captain”, Eren immediately answered, hanging his head. Levi sighed as he took a look at the flowers in his hands. He then looked back at the small blond girl that was eyeing him curiously.

“Pretty flowers…” she gasped and Eren looked back at his Captain, realizing he had bright yellow daffodils clutched in his hands, “Who are they for…?” she curiously asked as Levi’s brows furrowed.

“They’re… for…” he looked at Eren’s eyes only to see them widen.

“For me?” the small girl asked and Levi’s sight immediately got back to her as his expression softened. He saw the younger man smile from his side and squatted down, giving the girl the flowers as she happily squealed. He felt generous that day. The girl happily bounced around Eren as Levi backed off.

“Oh there you are… Ah! What is…?” another woman’s voice came from the back and Levi turned to see a pale middle-aged woman stand in front of him as the little girl ran towards her, “I am so sorry that my child has bothered you… She can be very manipulative at times…”

“You should take better care of her”, Levi cut her off as the woman stopped as if she was struck by lightning, “she almost killed my subordinate here.”

The mother looked between her child and the young brunette man before the girl raised the flowers she received towards her mother’s face, as far up as she could.

“That man there gave me those, mom!” she playfully exclaimed and the woman’s shocked expression got even more confused and scared. She knew the men in front of her were Survey Corps members, and the shorter one seemed incredibly familiar to her.

“Give them back the flowers, sweetie… You can’t accept such a gift from highly ranked soldiers…”

“Your mother’s right”, Levi added, “in such cases, one does not just simply take a whole bouquet. It’s appreciated if the person who receives the gift gives one part of the gift to the nicest unknown person close to her. Just one”, he said and quickly glanced at the woman gawking at him. The small girl quickly pulled the prettiest, most colorful flower out of the arrangement and handed it to the young teal-eyed man who smiled at her in a sign of gratefulness. She smiled at them and waved her hand before the mother pulled her back into the crowd. The two soldiers continued their path down the streets, Eren looking at the flower intensely as he knew he wasn’t allowed to look at Levi that way.

“You’re going to be punished for disobeying me”, the shorter man muttered as he looked up at Eren’s shining eyes, “You’ll scrub the floor twice as hard as usual, if we get back alive.”

 Eren nodded, looking back at the flower.

“Why didn’t you just call for me, huh? I’d hear your voice from a mile, I swear.”

Eren shrugged his shoulders.

“If you can’t even listen to a command as simple as that, how will you be able to be a distraction when we get there…? Or are you just gonna come after us and get us all killed?” Levi angrily looked at Eren again, “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

He felt Eren’s fingers softly brush against his hand as he tried to hold it, but the Captain pushed him away from the side and didn’t fail to notice the disappointed expression the boy showed.

“You’ll probably just play Titan bait. That’s the perfect job for you. Spewing saliva and yelling… seems about right.”

He didn’t need the Captain’s soft voice telling him everything is going to be fine, because he always wanted to hear the truth, no matter how harsh it would be. He didn’t need to look into his steel blue eyes to see that the short man really cared, no matter how cold he usually looked. Eren just wanted to hold his fragile, scarred hand, and being devoid from that made him feel _something_ , although he wasn’t sure what it was.

“Hey… aren’t you… Captain Levi, from the Survey Corps?” a voice came from his side and Levi glanced over Eren to see a bald, muscular man approach him with a bunch of people following him. They circled around the shorter man and Levi could see the way Eren started to twitch from the presence of so many angry men around him, but was trying to keep his composure just as Levi told him to multiple times before arriving at their destination.

_“Wow, he’s really short… Doesn’t he have better things to do than go shopping? I’ve never seen him without his horse… Why doesn’t he have his cape on? Taking a stroll through town, hmm? I could have sworn he gave flowers to a woman I met somewhere around here. Her kid was carrying them. Talkin’ about righteousness, huh? The other one was too lazy to put footwear today, huh? Or are they unable to afford a couple of boots, even though they can eat for as much as they want to, while we have to work our arses off?”_

Levi pushed a few men away, grabbing the younger man by the cape and softly pulling him closer. Eren seemed tense.

_“Acting all high and mighty, aren’t we, Mr. Humanity’s Strongest? Just because you’ve got cash doesn’t mean you are allowed to have taken woman as lovers. Shouldn’t you be protecting us from giant human eating monsters, Captain?_

Levi’s expression remained calm as he kept passing through the crowd, ignoring all of the insults coming their way. He could feel the other’s heavy breath against his neck.

_“Look at that! They can take trips and go shopping without even needing to pay, and they are still allowed to eat and live a nice life. They don’t need to show results. If **we** don’t earn money, we don’t survive, that’s it for us. But they sure are sitting pretty, with woman bouncing around them and eating as much as they want to. Helping people… If you really value the people of the land, give us your money and leave.”_

Levi narrowed his eyes at the stinky breathes of the people around him and the constant contact with them. It seemed as if everybody wanted a piece of him. Levi knew that the town was at verge of bankruptcy, but no one could help that except of the leaders, that did nothing to help the poor people out. It didn’t matter if the leaders really couldn’t do anything against poverty, or if they just didn’t care: the result was still the same.

Suddenly, Levi was pushed aside harshly, which almost had him fall. He didn’t really care, though. He was used to all of it.

“Yeah! Leave the money and then leave! The Survey Corps have taken far more than they deserve anyways!”

“You take that back!” Eren suddenly exclaimed and grabbed the man’s collar, pushing him out of the crowd, against the wall. The lot surrounded them, yelling and cheering as Eren lifted the muscular, bearded man who reeked of fish up, clenching his teeth and shooting him the scariest glare he could muster. The daffodil fell to the floor.

“You’re… ugh… You’re insane! Bastard! Release me you… you…”

“I told you to take that BACK!” Eren yelled in response, getting closer to the man who started going red in his face.

“You’re… you’re going to kill me! I will… I-“

He felt the strangely strong young man’s grip loosen as he fell back at the floor, seeing how the small Captain grabbed the boy by the hair and smashed his face against the wall, his face calm as ever. The lot stepped back and stopped cheering as they saw the Captain angrily press his boot against the younger man’s backside before he looked at them, frowning.

“He’s new”, he quickly explained, grabbed the boy by the collar and dragged him out of the circle of workers who didn’t dare to get closer anymore. The soldiers continued their path, but were now headed back towards the church. They walked in silence, Eren completely unaware of his surroundings as dark red liquid slowly slid down his left brow and cheek. The wound was purple in color and Levi pretended not to see it. More people shouted his title at the short man, but he refused to look at them. As soon as they reached a small hallway that wasn’t as crowded, Levi looked up at his brat to search for his eyes, and when their eyes met, Levi looked back ahead.

“That was completely unnecessary.”

“…I know.”

“Then why do it?”

“…Dunno.”

Levi’s brows furrowed, but he remained completely calm as he resumed.

“If you don’t know why you’re doing something, then don’t do it at the first place. You could have killed that man, for all I know. What would have happened if I wasn’t there, huh? Maybe he’d kill you too, who knows? He reeked of fish, so would it really be surprising if that guy had an axe or something with him? Your head would be off in a second.”

Eren didn’t look at him. He just shrugged.

“Get used to it already. Told you the Survey Corps weren’t praised.”

“You didn’t tell me people would push around a Captain. Captain.”

Levi looked at him and met Eren’s angry gaze that radiated worry at the same time. Levi then hissed as he continued the path towards the church. He could already see his black horse in the distance, patiently waiting for him as it always would.

“I’ve been through it thousands of times, Eren. Don’t even _try_ to care about me. Do I really look like I need to be protected, eh? I could have beaten them up the moment they came circling around me. They’re just desperate and frustrated people who are afraid for their lives. Trost has gotten poorer over the time, and people struggle to get enough money to survive a day. Let them say what they want to say. Maybe they’ll feel better about it if they spit on us. We know what’s true and what’s not, so we don’t bother. You shouldn’t as well.”

They were close to the chapel.

“If there’s one person who needs to be taken care of, it is you, Eren”, Levi added as he stopped moving, looking back at the man who suddenly raised his head to look at Levi, “After all, you’re the one who’s going to go on an expedition for the first time, right? You’re the one who might die if I won’t be there to save your sorry little ass from a three-meter class.”

Eren’s brows furrowed and the older man raised his head as he slowly turned back around while still looking at him with his eyes half-closed.

“You’ll get your ass whooped.”

“I won’t”, Eren muttered as the Captain started towards his horse.

“I’m not mocking you, shithead. I’m genuinely concerned about you. If you get out there on your own and just disobey everything we have to say… and then you go off on your own, thinking it would be a good idea… Just for you to know, if that happens, I won’t come over running to you as fast as I can, because it’s going to be your fault. And I will hate you forever if you die because of disobeying. And you won’t get a proper burial.”

Eren rushed to overtake him as he grabbed his superior by the shoulders, much to Levi’s surprise, spun him around and pressed him against the white wall of the chapel. They were hidden in the shadows the colonnade provided. Levi could have sworn he heard someone calling out his title again, but the way Eren was looking at him paralyzed him. The boy’s blue and green eyes screamed as he dug his nails into the older man’s shoulders, pressing their foreheads together.

“I can protect myself”, Eren silently said, his eyes intently gazing into Levi’s, his nose sliding down the shorter man’s, “sir. Trust in me.”

Levi blinked multiple times as he heard Eren’s sentence, trying to back off, but Eren’s hands weren’t allowing him to escape, and neither were his eyes that locked with Levi’s. The younger man’s breath was fresh, hot against his skin, unbearable as Eren teasingly tilted his head left and right from time to time, as if he wanted to plant a kiss on his lips and then wanted to leave it be as he remembered it wasn’t allowed anymore. Levi just wished Eren would close the gap between their mouths already to get it over with, and to stay sane. Their hearts were beating in union, fast and irregular. The church bell rang again, its sounds reverberating through the small area and sending chills up their spines. 

“Do you trust me, Captain…?”

“Yes”, Levi immediately responded as he could see a slight, extenuating smile on Eren’s lips before he pressed them against the Captain’s, who flinched, but closed his eyes soon afterwards and released a muffled moan as his long fingers tangled in the younger man’s hair and returned the kiss equally as wanting of the other. Their kiss was nothing like before, though. This one was slow, soft and profound. Eren’s hands slid down the Captain’s lean frame, stopping on his hips. When Eren gently parted their kiss, his breath was shaky and there was expectation in those beautiful eyes of his, but Levi’s eyes were utterly cold, unkind, not an emotion present. The Captain pushed the younger man out of the way and walked off.

“Nothing ever happened between us, Eren.”

Eren, despite feeling his heart ache in a completely different way, followed his short superior with a weak smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon.


	20. 142.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the 142nd expedition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Eren's Berserk Theme" somehow fits perfectly for the last part... so if you want some atmosphere...

Surrounded by four thick walls that made his bones cool, he stared ahead of himself with a glassy look in his beady eyes that protruded through the prison he once again found himself in, despite thinking he would never have to go back into a cage. His head was lowered just enough to make him look menacing, with a bitter grin on his face as his brows furrowed in a sad way. The focus of his interest was once again the man who he became a bit too familiar with despite their mutual knowledge of how inappropriate that was, considering their current position as a soldier and his Captain; a beast and its captor.

But Levi’s stare wasn’t reassuring or caring this time. It was a cold glare with no signs of apology this time, unlike all the other times he had been watching the boy with the key around his neck.

Was the cold expression breaking Levi’s heart, or did he completely ignore the feelings that had sprouted between them in their time together? Considering his previous reaction to the kiss, Eren knew it was more likely that the Captain didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore except of finishing his job, which could even go to the extent of killing him. It wasn’t the matter of Levi’s feelings anymore.

Their eyes were fixed, and while Eren’s showed the unwavering purpose inside of him, Levi’s dull blue eyes showed nothing more than the commitment to his job. Eren soon crawled towards the grid of the same cage he had been in before, wrapping his fingers around it and waiting for his Captain to respond, to approach him and repeat his movements, but the short man stood on the same place, not moving an inch. The only thing he did was narrow his eyes in a way that intimidated Eren. Was he not even supposed to look at him anymore? Eren quickly retreated back into his corner to roll into a ball, lowering his head. He knew Levi was still there, glaring at him.

“LEVI!” a loud voice yelled from the distance and the short Captain didn’t have the time to retreat since the woman came running to him. She knew she had to stop exactly two meters away from him though, so she did, clenching her hands and completely disfiguring the papers she had forgotten were between them, “The mission is about to start! Where have you been? I thought some butchers got a hold on that ass of Eren’s!”

Levi was just looking at her with the usual dose of apathy.

She hummed as she put a hand under her chin, looking up, “Hmm… Well, those poor people wouldn’t have been alive anymore, would they…? And we’d quickly receive a report from the Government who would try to execute us all again, probably… Speaking of which! Don’t you think it’s highly illogical for them to furthermore reduce the number of living people? I mean, the population is constantly falling and all…”

Levi gently pulled on his horse’s reins to make it follow.

“Hey, wait! I was genuinely concerned, okay?!” she yelled as she stepped in front of Levi and his trusty mare whom he shot a quick glance before staring back at the zealous person, “But, but! You’ve returned earlier than we had anticipated. We sent someone to find you and our little Titan Wannabe, but that someone couldn’t find you in the crowd despite of yelling their lungs out. So Armin went to search for you. When he returned though, he told me that you probably won’t be returning anytime soon, for some reason…” she awkwardly laughed, “He has refused to give additional information and just told his team to go pack anyways.”

Levi’s frown intensified as he put his boot into the stirrup and nimbly mounted the horse, turning it the other way around and approaching the cage again, looking down on the beast which had been occupied with Squad Leader Armin who was showing him a map of the region, probably explaining what he would have to do once they got there. When Eren grabbed a hold of Armin’s wrist to get a better look at the map, Armin’s face got adorned with dread.

“Uh… um… Release my hand, soldier.”

Eren looked up into Armin’s eyes since he stated that sorry excuse of an order, looking at him with an expression that told him: ‘Really?’ He then looked back at the map, refusing to ask what all those dots even meant. He never listened to Hange while she tried to get him to understand maps and practical things like that which could save his life out there, but was too proud to ask. Eren seemed already accustomed to the blond.

The young Ackerman was watching from Armin’s side as well. She seemed incredibly interested into Eren, for whatever reason, and Jean was frowning over it, trying to talk her out of her weird ways of observing people, which was literally stalking them until they finally pay attention to her. Jean blamed it on a crush. Armin blamed it on her motherly instincts. Mikasa blamed it on the monster’s eyes.

Levi approached the cage again, looking down at the three nineteen-year-olds with his head proudly raised. The three saluted and he didn’t miss the small hopeful look the beast had given him for just a brief moment before getting the map all for himself. Levi knew this wasn’t the Eren who was in the cage months ago, the animal that didn’t know better than to growl, circle around the cage and sit on all fours. He had been shaped into something entirely else.

“And what do you think you’re doing, conversing with our subject that way. You can’t tell me you don’t have better things to do than stare at a confused brat that’s been stripped from its freedom.”

“I wanted to show Eren the plan, si-“ Armin stopped in the middle of the word he tried to articulate as he realized the way Levi’s eyes narrowed, “ _since_ … he’ll be under our command, right? Might as well… prepare him for that.”

“ _My_ command”, Levi corrected and Armin immediately nodded his head, pressing his right hand against his chest to which the Captain rolled his eyes, looking at the other two soldiers that seemed to be close to the young Squad Leader, “And what the hell are you two doing? You aren’t even informed of the expedition the way Armin is.”

They were. Levi had no idea what he was trying to accomplish by asking them random questions. It could have been a concealed attempt to start a conversation to distract his mind from all the possible outcomes of the mission, but he quickly brushed the idea off. Mikasa’s eyes narrowed as she stepped in front of the cage.

“We _care_.”

Armin’s eyes widened. Mikasa’s voice was darker than it would usually be; which meant a lot considering she wasn’t exactly a cheerful person. It would have been considered adequate if this was a random soldier she was speaking to, but she was talking to Captain Levi, Humanity’s Strongest, the one that could make them either cry for forgiveness as his boot would come into their faces or scrub the entire Survey Corps headquarters if he would be bothered. Levi’s expression showed a hint of amusement.

“Ah. Do you now.”

Mikasa’s expression formed the same way Levi’s did as they glared at each other, with Jean constantly looking between them.

“Yes.”

“You don’t even know what he’s like. What makes you think he doesn’t want to rip you into pieces, Ackerman”, he coldly returned, his eyes even narrower than before and the tension getting unbearable. Jean was already ready to jump in if Mikasa planned on attacking the short man.

“The fact that _you_ ’re still alive. With that kind of attitude towards him it’s no wonder he’s as scared as he is right now.”

“You sayin’ he’d be better off with you”, he sighed and slightly leaned forward, stroking the rein in his right hand. His facial expression didn’t change.

“Yes. I do believe so.”

“Mikasa…” Armin whispered as he tried to hold her back by grabbing her arm, but she pushed him off and walked further ahead.

“All you do is yell at him and order him around, isn’t that correct? Lashing out on someone who had been neglected by humanity for all this time… it’s unforgivable by my standard, and I’m sure you would think the same way if it was someone else who would do that to him. But you don’t see your own mistakes, Captain”, when she saw that her superior didn’t hold a grudge against her yet, she continued, “If he would have been under my watch, I would have nurtured him and given him all the freedom he would have wanted. I would communicate with him on a deep level and try to understand the actions he had taken. I wouldn’t have beaten him when he’d do something wrong. I wouldn’t have made him obey to commands; I would have made him smile. What neglected people like him need is comfort, not being treated like a stray dog who invaded someone’s territory and had to pay for that.”

Levi’s expression didn’t change, he just averted his gaze for a brief moment to look at the rein he was stroking.

“Do you even know what comfort is, sir? Did you ever praise anything he did? Thanked him? Told him he was worth more than anyone else here? Because he clearly is, considering the Commander’s determination to keep him. I bet he feels like scum. I bet you haven’t told him that he’s more human than you’ll ever be!”

After that, everything went silent. Everyone’s eyes had been at them by the time, but the young Ackerman didn’t seem to care. Armin’s eyes were wide in shock and his mouth opened, and Jean was fighting the urge to laugh and cry at the same time. Levi searched the crowd with his eyes, but stopped when he saw Eren’s eyes on Mikasa, so he returned to look at the girl. He just blinked with the same disinterested expression on his face, pulling on the reins to ride away.

“The hell was that Mikasa?!” Jean yelled and gripped her forearm to make her look at him, “You could have died at the spot!”

She shoved him away.

“But I didn’t.”

“But you could’ve!”

“I could knock him down in a heartbeat!”

“He could knock you down in the blink of an eye!”

“Stop it already!” Armin cut between them and grabbed Mikasa by the arm, dragging her away from the cage and leaving Jean alone with the wild man who was looking at them as they walked away. The jealous horse face looked back at Eren to frown at him, slamming his back at the cage that separated them and trying to give the impression of him not almost screaming from the pain that spread through his body at the contact.

“Stop looking at her like that.”

…

“Don’t talk to the Captain that way ever again, Mikasa”, Armin was straight-forward for once, which surprised the girl that walked by his side. If it hadn’t been for him, her childhood would have been miserable. After the death of her parents, she managed to escape the people who murdered them and somehow found her way to Shiganshina, finding a resting place and comfort in an old man who happened to be Armin’s grandpa. And never before in her life had she seen Armin this straight-forward, even though he had given the entire world a piece of his mind multiple times. He glanced at her from the side, “I’m not talking to you as your Squad Leader. I’m talking to you as a friend.”

Mikasa lowered her head.

“You know that I can’t deal with injustice. That midget doesn’t know how lucky he is that Eren gave him permission to act so harsh around him even though he lost piece of his humanity every time he interacted with _the_ _Captain_.”

“Yet here you are, being the unfair one.”

Mikasa shot the short man a glare which he returned. They walked in silence. Armin’s glare soon softened and then disappeared as he looked back ahead of himself.

“The Captain’s acting composed. What you said could have hurt him. I’m not really sure, but his hand was repeatedly stroking the rein he held nervously and he averted his gaze at one point. He’s one to speak through body language. He was uncomfortable, Mikasa. Maybe you should consider researching things before speaking your mind, you know? The Captain was the one to try to warm us up to him, after all. I admit he’s not really skillful in words, but it’s the intention that matters”, Armin smiled at her, which made Mikasa even madder.

“How can you say such things? I’ve never met someone more disgusting than him in my life. Look at the way Eren always looks at him; he doesn’t look at anyone else that way. He’s scared of Levi.”

Armin’s face scrunched up.

“If you weren’t so unreasonable, I would tell you something.”

“What?”

Armin looked up at her and smiled sweetly, half-closing his eyes in the huge smiled that spread across his face.

“I’m not telling you. Because you’re unreasonable.”

“Armin…”

The boy ran ahead, waving his hand.

“I’m pretty sure it’s a secret anyways!”

…

The 142nd expedition. Steadily they look at the gate in front of them, waiting for it to open so they could storm out. With determination in their hearts and anticipation of death on their shoulders, their eyes are aimed at only one goal: freedom. What had been lost in the past won’t return. What might happen in the future isn’t up to them, but to fate itself. The only thing they bear in their hearts is the present, and all the lies about being able to sacrifice their life for humanity without a single doubt that they try to apply on their current thoughts. Dread. Horror. Blood. Desperation. Death. That’s what’s awaiting them outside the walls, and they will never be ready for it. But as they stare at the beautiful ray of light coming from the freedom outside, protruding through the gate as it is slowly being lifted, all of their thoughts go away. There’s no time to think anymore, there’s only acting. Their hearts clench. The feeling of adrenaline rushes through their bodies. Some of them feel the need to cry, to quit, to die at the spot. But they don’t. The gate opens, and static runs through the minds of the soldiers. There is no cheering on their side this time; no one expects them to return. Few know about them heading outside. Only Hange watches them leave, frowning. There’s no need to hide their feelings now, but they do it anyways. No, not for humanity. They all had their dreams which they were fighting for, except for one person. He didn’t need anything himself. Levi slowly raises his head at the gate, his expression relaxing. The man thinks of looking back at all the soldiers behind him whom he will lead to their deaths. The burden he holds gets heavier as he chooses not to look at them. Their faces will never be forgotten, the fact that they stood there alone mattered more than they would ever know.

“Let’s go!”

The Wings of Freedom on his back flutter as they catch the gust of wind. The Wings in the back catch the wind too, and are lifted up to touch the fresh scent of the wind from the outside. Horse hooves stomp the ground as the soldiers rush forward, roars come from the back, time seemingly stops, it turns dark. Levi had experienced this countless of times. No matter how loud everything around them is, nobody hears anything except from static and their fast heartbeats that scream that they’re still alive, and don’t want to die, not soon, not ever, not at the hands of Titans. Levi didn’t freeze like everyone else. When he passes the gate and sees the foliage above him, his eyes widen and his lips part as he is reminded of his first expedition again and again. No one’s death will be in vain. Even if they will be, Levi won’t allow anyone to say that, until he is left the only one standing.

And after he passes the gate, he frowns again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Now it's going down. No turning back, you're in it.
> 
> (...I know, my heart aches because of the lack of ereri too...)


	21. Sinnloser Kampf, Teil I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mission... start!!

“Captain! Behind us!” Connie squalled as he stirred over to the short man on his beautiful black horse that seemed to be accustomed to harsh maneuvering since Levi immediately pulled on its reins to turn it the other way. He sped through the crowd of soldiers that were behind him, fired the hooks of his maneuvering gear towards a ten-meter class and shot into the air, taking his blades out with ease and grace that only he could muster in such a moment. He landed on the Titan’s shoulder with his auxiliary leg easily, but instead of immediately cutting the Titan’s nape like he’d usually do, he looked down at the crowd, searching for something. When he found it, he whipped his hair back and looked at the Titan’s hand that was coming for him, but he jumped against it, kicking himself off the Titan which resulted in a loud shriek from Sasha, but the Captain immediately fired his equipment at the Titan’s neck. Still, he remained falling until he almost reached the ground, when he finally pulled towards the Titan, inverted his blades and sliced the Titan’s _popliteal fossa_ and kept spinning around him all the way to the top while cutting off pieces of flesh, every now and then spinning in the air as steaming blood flew on all sides, the cape almost engulfing his petite body.

“What the hell is he doing?” Connie asked with a dark expression on his face, his eyes widened in shock and fear for their Captain.

“Is he… showing off…?” Jean asked in a high-pitched voice and pouted. Mikasa was riding ahead, but narrowed her eyes as she saw Armin’s teeth brushing over his lower lip. He knew something.

Levi made one final spin that didn’t just cut the nape of the Titan, but also decapitated its entire head before back-flipping to land directly on top of his horse, crying out to make it move. The horse stood up on its back legs and ran ahead to meet with the others. Levi noticed his wide, awe-filled eyes as he passed by the cart, catching his sight and not letting go of it until he wasn’t able to see him anymore.

Eren kept looking at him until the last bit of the Captain vanished behind the cart before returning his gaze to the disassembled Titan that fell over, just staring at it. As a breeze came from that direction, he completely disregarded the Titan though and just raised his head, feeling the wind brush through his hair and a smile crept onto his lips as he closed his eyes, letting the sunrays caress his face. His heart was pounding at the sensation of being outside again and it took all he had not to start laughing and swirling around the cage he was in.

“Sir! I, I mean… Captain Levi. Was it… really necessary to use so much gas…?” Armin asked when he stirred his horse so he could approach the Captain who slowed down. Levi eyed him from the side before silently sighing.

“I needed to see if I was still in shape, Arlert. Calm your balls.”

Armin’s eyebrows lowered as he nodded in understanding.

“This shouldn’t be the subject of your concern. There’s plenty of gas around this time. What you should be concerned about is the fact that this has been the eight Titan in a row we have encountered…”

The only way Titans could have been coming was from the forest in this area. There could have been Titans scattered around the clearing too, but it was extremely unusual for them to come one after another if that were the case.

“You don’t mean…”

Levi’s frown grew wider as he nodded.

“One of the sections must have been obliterated”, he said and looked back at the team to see worry swallowing them, “we’ll proceed with caution.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to send half of the squad to help the fallen section? We would be capable of protecting them and Eren at the same time”, Mikasa shouted over from the back, but Levi didn’t even bother to look at her as Nifa rode closer.

“Use that brain of yours! We don’t even know which section fell! If we’d go around from one side to another, chances are not only you will be dead, but we and our subject too.”

“We have to hope help will come from the other section. Even I know that, and I’m dumb!” Connie said as he came to her other side, knocking against his head. She frowned and furrowed her brows in a sad way as she looked down for a brief moment before slowing down and getting to the cart that was watched by two men sitting on each side of it. They didn’t have three dimensional maneuvering gear on. She just took a glance at him to see if he was fine, which he was, before riding ahead of everybody else, her brown steed plucking the grass in its fast pace which sent grass flying into the air and others looked ahead to see her rushing to be first, far ahead of Levi, who let her.

“She’s angry again”, Sasha sighed and Jean nodded his head in agreement, but pursed his lips soon after. He then smirked in his usual style and harshly pulled on his horse’s reins to make it rush forward.

“Hey, what are you-“

“Well, I’m not letting her have all the fun! I’ll be up ahead, sucker!” he stood up to lower himself on one foot and then sideswiped the rough ground to make dry dirt fly into Connie’s and Sasha’s direction.

“Hey, Jean! You asshole!” Connie exclaimed while smiling and running ahead, followed by his best friend who cried out.

“Last one there has to wash the dishes when we get back!” Sasha added as she punched Armin’s shoulder on the way since he was still riding alongside the frowning Captain. He shot her a quick glare before smiling and looking back down. Levi watched him from the side, so Armin looked at him.

“Go ahead”, the Captain said and pointed at the teenagers by tilting his head.

“No… This is a mission… I think I’d rather-“

“You know, I think I could really use help with the dishes for once…”

“I’ll be up ahead”, Armin quickly corrected himself as his horse rushed forward, sending dirt and grass into the air. There were out in the open and were close to the forest, but they wouldn’t enter it without the whole squad of course, so it wasn’t a problem. Levi kept looking at the youth before he slowed his horse down again to reach Moblit who was sitting on his horse quite comfortably, with one leg over the other to write into the small notebook he had brought with him. Levi glared at the notebook for a second before glaring up at Hange’s left hand. As soon as Moblit noticed this, he frowned and turned away to dig his nose into the notebook which looked a bit too familiar to Levi, but it didn’t really matter since the only embarrassing thing in there was the description Hange had already stolen, and the rest were just tea recipes he knew by heart. He didn’t waste his time on asking when she managed to break into his office again. He wasn’t going there again. He knew how much protective Moblit was of the odd Squad Leader. Levi couldn’t possibly guess how a human being could have so much tolerance that he’d actually be able to walk around Hange all the time.

“Won’t you stop them?” Moblit asked after some time and Levi shrugged.

“Will you stop drawing Hange’s face?”

Moblit closed the notebook and pressed it against his chest. They didn’t talk anymore after that.

…

Nanaba’s horse that dragged the cart was now chewing on grass while its owner was up on a thick branch just at the entrance of the forest, looking at their surroundings and searching for the soldier they had sent to retrieve information of the situation one of the two sections was in. Down below, Sasha was already eating their supplies, munching on bread they had brought with them. She got permission to take one. She had already eaten four. When she saw the way the caged human stared at her hungrily, she stopped in her gluttonous actions and stretched her hand out, offering him ‘half’ of the bread.

“Want some?” she said through her full mouth and widely smiled at him as Eren confusedly stared at her.

“N-No. Not really…” he muttered as he looked down, but she hummed as she brought the bread closer to him, smiling knowingly.

“Ah, I know you want it. You’ve been fed with nothing but tea, after all. Must have been terrible. Say, what do you think of…” she got closer to him to whisper into his ear, “… meat?”

“Um”, Eren was genuinely confused by now, “it’s… meat…y.”

“I heard we brought some with us, but the Captain won’t give us any. He’s really mean, isn’t he?” she silently asked and bit into the bread she had tried to feed Eren with a moment ago.

“You mean Levi?” Eren asked as his voice cracked. He lowered his head as Sasha looked at him, not taking the moment to gulp down her food, but continuing with her mouth full.

“Of course, dummy!” she said and almost chocked on her food, but remained calm nevertheless, “Oh! Yeah, I completely forgot you had to live with him for like… three months, or so? I really hope he hasn’t infected you with his meanness… ‘Cause I won’t be able to be your friend if that’s the case.”

Eren’s eyes widened.

“Friend?”

“Of course! The Arlert Squad is a bunch of weirdos glued together, so we might as well stick together. I mean, you won’t be a part of it, obviously, but the offer still stands.”

Eren nodded and looked back down at his feet. While he was living out here he never had problems with them being bare, but they were cold now. The birds were chirping cheerfully above him, but he couldn’t see them because of the cage top. Maybe it was better that way. He was still scared he might go berserk and try to escape if the cage got unbearable to stay in, and he didn’t want to escape. The squad trusted in him. Levi trusted in him. He couldn’t disappoint them, no matter how he felt. The breeze was playing with his locks that almost reached his shoulders already. He had refused to allow Hange to cut it when it grew back, but now he regretted it. He was slowly feeling like before. Wild and… happy. He was close to home.

But he didn’t want this place to be called his home, no matter how much his soul cried to pry the cage open and run as fast as he could. He knew he could bear it. No, he _had_ to bear it. He was their last hope, like Hange would say over and over again, smacking his head when he couldn’t pronounce a written word correctly, or when he’d sit on the chair with his feet up, or when he’d growl when she tried to take his blood. He shuddered. The last one hadn’t been such a happy memory.

“Eren!” he heard a boy’s voice and looked up at the blond who was swiftly approaching him with a slight smile on his face. Eren’s eyes immediately settled on him, “I hope you didn’t cause any problems to Miss Nanaba during the ride”, his facial expression then got serious again, “I hope you won’t be mad about me asking this… but how are you doing? I mean, do you feel anything special while being so close to the forest… not that I’d question your ability to control yourself or that I think that you’d try to escape us… _really smooth, Armin.”_

Eren looked at the wooden surface beneath him before silently sighing, “It’s… nice to feel the fresh air again…”

The young Squad Leader nodded before looking back into the distance, spotting Mikasa who was helping Connie with his maneuvering gear. He had tried to jump down his horse so he wouldn’t finish last, but somehow managed to fire the maneuvering gear and ended up tangled, falling to the ground. Levi was a few meters away from them, cleaning his blades with the white rag he kept in his pocket.

“How did it make you feel when you saw what Levi did to that one Titan, Eren?” the man asked as he looked back at the other, “He clearly went overboard, I know. He doesn’t usually do so much acrobatics around the monsters, because it dirties his equipment. He told me he needed to… see if he was still in shape. I guess that meant to massacre the Titan, or something. I’m asking because I want to see how you think. How did you feel when you saw him?”

He was surprised when he saw Eren flinch at the question before burrowing his face in his knees, mumbling something. His cheeks were slightly heated.

“He’s probably angry, Armin. He just saw Levi kill a creature that Eren lived with before. Leave him be”, Sasha added before gulping the rest of the food down. Armin and Eren both watched in disgust.

“He’s coming!” Nanaba called from up before adding, “And he’s getting here, fast…”

Levi didn’t waste any time when he saw Jean riding towards them with haste. He put his blades back before calling his horse, mounting it and riding towards the younger soldier. Jean’s eyes were widely opened and his mouth opened in shock. As soon as the Captain reached him, he stirred his horse in the direction Jean was headed to and bent over to look at the soldier’s shocked face.

“Report.”

“Y-Yes, sir!” Jean woke from his thoughts and immediately turned his head to the Captain, “Mike’s squad had been annihilated. Only him and a guy called Gelgar or something managed to get away, but wounded. They reached Goggles’ section and they decided to split the teams, just like you predicted.”

Levi’s frown intensified as he furrowed his brows, looking down.

_“Shit. We haven’t even been here for three hours and ten people had already been killed. This will reduce our chances of survival for about fifty percent, and considering that Mike’s probably in bad condition… this won’t do.”_

“Other than that, sir…” Jean squealed as he looked back nervously, “there’s, like, a hoard of Titans chasing us.”

Levi’s eyes immediately shot back as his eyes caught the sight of dozens of Titans running straight towards them, with hands raised as if they were calling them to join the feast. They were all above ten meters and they were running fast, those are the only things Levi could conclude at the moment. He narrowed his eyes and clenched his teeth, sucking them.

“I tried to shoot a flare signal, but the fog prevented it from work…” Levi’s horse shot straight forward, the gust the horse’s movement created taking Jean’s cape and making it fall over his eyes, “…ing.”

Levi pulled his horse’s reins and the horse stood at its back legs as the short Captain yelled: “Move!”

Everyone stopped dead in their movement and conversation before they all scattered across the open field to find their horses, stripe their equipment on and collect all the supplies that were lying around. Jean was close, with tears gathering in his eyes, and so were the Titans. Levi could only watch helplessly as his soldiers were trying to do everything they could in order to find time for everything. The Titans couldn’t wait. After realizing it would soon be too late, his grip around the reins tightening nervously.

“Leave everything behind and run, for God’s sake! If you don’t sacrifice anything, you’ll be the sacrifice!” he said as his eyes stopped on Eren’s shocked and worried expression.

They all listened and were soon on top of their horses. Mikasa practically threw Sasha up at her horse because she started crying for their food supplies. It wasn’t even half of a minute when Jean reached them, screaming and running right past them into the dimly lit forest. Levi wanted to shout after him because he felt something bad would happen if they entered it, but as everyone already went after Jean, he growled and began to stride forward as well, only to be taken aback by the fact that Eren was still there, in the cage, panicking. His eyes hurriedly trailed over the trees to find the woman who was entrusted with riding Eren around. He looked back. They would reach him in around fifteen seconds. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t be able to handle them, but he wouldn’t be able to handle them _all at once_. Eren would get devoured almost immediately. And so would everyone else without his guidance.

“Hurry!” he shouted as he spotted her quickly approaching the cart. He ended up grabbing her horse’s raids and riding towards her at the same time. Nanaba nodded as a sign of thankfulness before jumping at the horse and quickly riding off, followed by Levi, who stayed in the back to ensure the Titans wouldn’t grab their ‘monster’. The ground beneath him was shaking as their footsteps were getting closer, but he stayed calm. As long as they weren’t abnormal, they wouldn’t have a problem if he was in the back.

_“I just hope Jean won’t encounter anyone from the front…”_

Just as he thought that, he heard Jean scream in agony. Not his painful scream, his ‘I’m about to be devoured soon’ scream.

 _“HOW THE FU…_ Nanaba! Take care of Yeager for me, will ya?” he shouted at her before riding into the front, his eyes narrowing as he had to run through branches and bushes since everyone else kept running straight ahead, in the middle of the pavement. The younger soldiers were screaming Jean’s name, and when he finally reached Jean, his eyes widened as he realized why. The soldier was already in a manly-looking Titan’s grip, slowly being brought towards its mouth, his long legs dangling in the air as he tried to cut the Titan’s fingers off, but he was already too weak from shock to do anything properly. Levi knew he was late.

The Captain stood up on his horse’s saddle and locked his eyes at the weak spot of Titans before finding himself in the air, flying towards the Titan, not thinking about anything. Every second mattered at this point. In mid-air, he inverted his blades and didn’t even step on the Titan as he dug the blade harshly into the spot, growling at the blood that sprayed to his face, and continued flying forward, managing to grab a hold onto a nearby tree branch and hanging down from it. He looked back to see the Titan fall and release Jean’s somewhat bloody body that was already half inside of the disgusting creature’s bad-reeking mouth. His pupils got smaller when he realized he was about to fall to his death, but a heavy burden fell from his heart when he saw that his squad was ready- Armin came running the fastest his horse could, catching the muscled body of his comrade with God knows what force. Armin cried out, but Jean was safe. His head was bloody at some places and he had lost half of his arm, but he was safe. Just half of an arm, although he had been half into the creature’s mouth… Levi released a breath he had been holding. But it wasn’t done yet. Mikasa was heading in the wrong direction, and she was already far away. His eyes shot open again.

_“Does she plan to…? That damn Ackerman, heading for her own death!”_

He jumped down to meet his horse before quickly heading back, holding his breath again. Branches were slapping his face and cutting him in the process, but he couldn’t afford to care. Two out of three soldiers he cared most about were about to get eaten if he wasn’t going to stop this somehow. As he came closer, he realized the problem wasn’t Mikasa, though. The cart was turned over and was driving on just one wheel, and Nanaba was on the side of Eren’s cage, holding it from dropping down with a painful expression on her face. The two soldiers that watched Eren had seemingly been too scared to act, so they jumped at Nanaba’s horse to stir it into the right direction, one holding tightly to the back of the other. Those were the same two soldiers as last time, Levi realized.

A huge hand tried to reach the woman, but the cart managed to hit a thick root and the cage bounced up to hit against the Titan’s hand, thus blocking the Titan’s attack. Nanaba was, however, hurt, and looked like she would give in to the pain at any moment. Levi was too far away, and Mikasa shouting from aside wasn’t going to help her situation.

“Please, listen! Let me handle the cart, you take my horse and ride away!”

“No.”

“I can handle it, I swear!” Mikasa kept yelling and looked like she was about to push the woman off the cart if she wouldn’t go away on her own. She grabbed Nanaba’s arm, but the woman just looked at her in a cold expression.

“It was my task to protect him. If I fail at that, I might as well go down. You of all would understand, wouldn’t you…?” she silently said and locked her eyes with Mikasa’s. They both kept staring at each other, but the moment got interrupted as a hand reached for the cart, but Nanaba stepped down to prevent that from happening, so the Titan grabbed her instead. Mikasa’s determination wavered, and she let go, seeing how her comrade got lifted up and found herself close to the mouth of a Titan.

The Captain wasn’t about to rush to help her as well, though. She was already there. She was dead for sure, but two brats weren’t yet, if they were to move for once. He stood up on the saddle again, placed a short kiss on the horse’s long snout as he ordered it to run back and fired his hook tied to the strong string that had saved his life and lives of many soldiers before, swinging off. He didn’t look at Nanaba anymore.

Mikasa was just staring ahead now, but the Captain jumping down at the cart and grabbing a hold onto Eren’s cage woke her from her trance and she narrowed her eyes at him, unable to really look at him in a hateful way at the moment.

“Leave.”

“Eren needs to get out of here as w-“

“Don’t you see that I can handle him just well?” he spat back and swung the cage to the other side, making the cart balance on that one remaining wheel it had. It wouldn’t hold on for long, and the Titans didn’t seem to be satisfied by just one victim as they were nearing themselves again, “If you’ll just stand here and sulk, you’ll die for nothing. Go the other way and make sure Jean makes it out alive.”

“But-“

“The only additional thing you can do is free those two weak-ass bastards over there. Just untie the horse.”

“Sir! You’ll… Eren!”

“If you have any common sense at all, do as I tell”, he spat as his dull blue eyes locked with her black ones, and after a few seconds, she turned her horse around and cut the string that connected the hugging men’s horse with the cart, running off with them. Levi kept the cart in balance for a few more seconds before it crashed down, sending the cage rolling from one side to another, but Levi quickly leaped down again and ran after the metal that threw the yelping man around. He dug his heels into the ground as he grabbed the metal, forcing it to stop.

He saw the boy lying on his side with a deep bloody cut across his forehead.

His heart stopped for a moment before the younger man’s eyelashes fluttered and Levi threw the cage to the side to open it as he felt tremors coming his way and could practically smell their stench already. He didn’t have time to try to unlock it: he kicked the metal door open and saw Eren’s eyes widen as he looked at the soldier whose dull blue eyes were widely opened, waiting for the younger man to grab his pale, cut hand.

_“If you think he trusts you to the point of where he won’t run away from you as soon as he is offered the chance, fine. You’re in charge of him, after all.”_

Levi breathed in heavily as he tried to reach Eren’s hand, pushing Erwin’s words out of his mind.

_“If he decides to run off into the forest himself, don’t be alarmed, because it would be the only logical reaction when he gets back to his home. And if he threatens your, Armin’s, or anyone else’s life in any way, don’t hesitate on threatening his life yourself. Got that?”_

Eren pushed himself up slowly and painfully, his eyes filled with panic.

_“…No.”_

Eren suddenly jumped towards him, Levi’s strong hand pulling him up and Eren wrapping around his body as if his life depended on it. In this situation it did, actually. Levi pushed him away forcefully as he tried to get them to hide in the forest, but a Titan blocked their path, already reaching out for Levi. The older soldier quickly took a look at his surroundings, realizing that they had been surrounded by the huge man-eating creatures that dwelled the place the humans had desperately wanted to call ‘home’.

_Eren was trembling in his arms. Eren would die if he didn’t do anything._

_His primal **need** was to protect Eren._

The soldier shot his hook into the inside of the Titan’s nose which was aimed towards getting a piece of them first. Upon reaching its nose, he found himself unable to attack with Eren on his side, which was why he pressed his shaky body closer and placed his legs in a steady position as they reached the Titan’s brownish skin, hanging upside down for a while before releasing Eren just to shoot his equipment into the monster’s shoulder and catching him mid-air, landing on the shoulder as he felt Eren’s legs wrap around his torso again. The Titans all started to compete to settle which one would get to eat them even though they would vomit them right back out at a later point anyways. Then, Levi saw it.  A small pathway that was filled with foliage which would soften their landing, but it lead downhill, far away. Levi’s eyes narrowed.

“Hold on tight.”

On that, he jumped off the Titan’s shoulder, tucked them in a ball and they rolled down the hill, hitting rocks and bushes on their way down. Both of them held onto the other the best they could, refusing to remove their foreheads from each other. After a minute, they stopped, and Levi landed on the ground, with Eren on top, raising foliage and dust of the ground, Levi yelping at the boy’s weight crashing down on him. His eyes shot open as he quickly pressed his bloody hand on the back of Eren’s head and released a shaky breath when as he felt the boy tremble and as he heard him sniffle. His fingers grasped the boy’s longish locks as he rested the back of his head on the dirt beneath them, staring at the small piece of the beautiful purplish and orange sky that protruded from the thick treetops. The sun was setting somewhere in the distance. Yellow, fluffy, sparse clouds quickly passed the small clearing right above him, dissolving halfway. The only thing he could hear was his heavy heartbeat that was gradually getting slower. He couldn’t feel anything in his limbs. His sight was blurry as he fought the urge to close his heavy eyelids. The pain spread up his spine, tensing him up. He clenched his teeth, his eyebrows furrowing and his eyes tightly closing as his shaky grip on the boy’s hair tightened, releasing a silent whimper himself.

They were alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Just wanted to let you kno that: a) you're amazing, and b) that I'm almost done writing the entire fic, and events are already placed. Still, there was one comment that made me change things up a bit, so if you'd really like for something to happen, I guess I might take it into consideration or something. Okay, that's it. Have a great week.
> 
> ...Still wondering if you understand what all those German titles mean...


	22. Sinnloser Kampf, Teil II

_“Eren… Eren, please…” he begged, but to no avail. Surrounded by huge trees that blocked the sunlight, he was kneeling and pressing his forehead against the motionless body of the younger man he swore to himself to keep safe. The boy’s skin was unnaturally pale already, and his lips purple. His cheeks still felt warm against Levi’s freezing cold hands. In a desperate attempt to heat his body, he tried shaking him first, then taking off his jacket and putting it onto him, and then eventually just pressed their foreheads together. His skin was… wet. He couldn’t tell if a breath escaped the young man’s lips, but he dragged the inanimate body of Eren closer, placing him into his lap, wrapping his bloody arms all over his body and pressing their foreheads together as close as possible. Eren was so cold, his bloody skin was so wet, his breath was warm, his tongue huge…!_

Levi’s eyes suddenly shot open as he gasped at the change of ambience. He was still lying on the ground, facing the endless dark sky and feeling the strong wind against his skin. There was no person in his arms to cradle. What was in front of him though was a large black snout that was breathing in his scent rather thoroughly. Levi flinched at the sight, but soon regained composure and sat up, scratching the back of his head and passing his fingers through his hair to comb it. His horse nudged him harshly, and Levi responded to it by petting it on both sides of its snout before looking around to remember where he was before the memories came flowing back to him. He quickly looked at his side to see Eren lying close to him; he must have had rolled off at some point when both of them dozed off. The raven man nimbly crawled towards his private and stopped above him to face his visage to see his eyes shut and his lips parted, inhaling and exhaling. Levi’s eyes then narrowed again as he faced his black mare, sitting up.

“They must be searching for me already, right…?”

The horse didn’t respond, of course, so he held out a hand for the animal to lick it before petting it again and turning to the boy aside him. Gently placing his hands under the younger man’s back and thighs, he swept him up and walked towards the horse, putting him on top of his mare the gentlest he could. He then pulled on the horse’s reins and started through a narrow path that was covered with foliage. He didn’t need to walk a long way before suddenly hearing a voice calling after him: “Captain!”

He turned his head towards the source of the voice in a disinterested manner as he saw Connie running towards him, out of breath. When he finally reached the Captain, he spent a moment to get air into his lungs before saluting.

“Sir! We’ve been… searching for you like… crazy!” he said and shook his head before looking around, “Well, I’m the only one you can see right now, but I assure you everyone’s at it as well.”

Levi’s brows furrowed as Connie scratched the top of his head, turning around to see if there was someone coming, but there was no one. He had run ahead.

“Uh… no way… Are they gone too…? Crap!”

“Don’t sweat it. They’re probably just being lazy again.”

“Huh… yeah, probably…” Connie’s eyes narrowed as he looked back at the intimidating Captain, “Sir! Commander Smith told us about the possibility of the monster running away, so don’t feel down! There’s nothing you could have done about it, you know? I mean, of course you could’ve, you’re the Captain, but nature’s course and… stuff…”

Levi blinked at him before instructing his horse to turn to the side, revealing the dangling arms of the ‘monster’. Connie’s eyes shot open in shock before he put his fingers under his chin.

“Oh. That simplifies things…”

“Captain!” another voice came from the back and the two soldiers looked ahead of the path to spot the young blonde Squad Leader standing on top of the hill before he rushed down to meet a squad member and the Captain, but unsurprisingly stumbled on some branch again and rolled down the hill with the grace of a blind Titan which had its Achilles’ heels cut through. He stopped at some point with his face buried in mud and the two soldiers with unimpressed expressions on their faces walked to meet the Squad Leader’s face burrowed under the leaves on the ground.

“Present”, Levi sighed as he pulled the younger man out of the foliage harshly, making the blond stumble forward. Armin barely managed to stop himself from running into the Captain.

“S- Captain. We searched the entire front area looking for you… We would never doubt your abilities to survive, but even the tiniest chance can sometimes… You know. We were worried.”

“Tch”, the Captain narrowed his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest, “You shouldn’t be worried ‘bout me. How are the others? Was there another Titan attack that I missed?”

Armin shrugged.

“Not really. There were two or three Titans on our path before, but other than that, there had been no problem.”

“And Nanaba?”

Armin was silent at that name, and Levi took this as the final confirmation of her wellbeing. He solemnly nodded as all three of them headed back upwards to set up a camp for the night, none of them speaking a word and Eren not waking up for the rest of the ride back.

_“We’re off to a fan-fucking-tastic start.”_

…

The crickets singing their divine symphonies were the only ones who were able to express some kind of vocals as a small fire was burning in the centre of their small circular formation, dancing with the strong wind that swept the flames up and dragged them aside from time to time, only to rip them apart in mid-air, with only the faintest of sparkles remaining as they’d touch the ground in front of Levi’s boots. He had been told to stand back multiple times, but he refused to move. His eyes were constantly on the fire. All the silence around him was appreciated, but hearing only the crackles of the fire in front of him had something unnerving about it.

In the background sat Jean, leaning against a tree, looking pale. He didn’t speak, he didn’t complain, he was just sitting and staring at the grass in front of him. Mikasa was right beside him, still bandaging the remaining part of his right arm. He had lost half of his forearm and had already sat through Armin’s speeches of how lucky he was he didn’t lose more. Mikasa’s expression was blank as it would usually be, but her furrowed eyebrows failed to conceal the worry she felt for her team’s wellbeing.

Connie and Sasha sat on the other side, just staring into the rising fire, occasionally whispering to each other whether they’ll end up the same way at some point and trying to laugh it off, but failing since they knew their jokes could very well turn true. Moblit and Nifa sat next to them, wondering if they should say something to cheer them up, but realizing they shouldn’t try to deny something that was more than possible. The two guards that were supposed to watch for Eren were nowhere to be seen.

Armin was sitting a few meters away from Levi, hugging his shins and pressing them against his chest, his chin placed on the top of his knees. He waited for Levi to say something so they would move on, but eventually he realized Levi wasn’t going to continue the expedition that day, no matter the fact that the Titans couldn’t see in the dark and no matter if wild humans would get down to kill them all. Rest stops were usually spent by eating together and fighting over who killed the most Titans on that day for the Arlert Squad, but this day was different.

_“Losing someone as strong as Nanaba the first day… only in the morning we would have laughed at that. But now…? Now it’s obvious that this won’t be a nice, easy case. Along with almost the entirety of Mike’s squad… Maybe bringing Eren into the forest again triggered something, and now they’re after us… Whatever the case may be, there’s a big chance that… none of us will survive this. Maybe the Captain, or Mikasa… But Jean, who lost a third of his dominant arm? Moblit, who hasn’t been on an expedition for who knows how long? Sasha, who won’t have the energy to fight without food supplies? Someone as weak as me…? Eren…?”_

Armin raised his head and looked at his right to see the beastly human that didn’t even try to escape when he woke up and found himself in the middle of the forest. The young man’s head was lowered as his messy bangs were falling over his eyes, covering them completely. His lower lip was trembling from the moment he found out what had happened and he was hugging his legs which were pressed against his chest as well as he hunched down to put his chin on top of his knees. He was trembling, his teeth clenching. Armin couldn’t help but not to care. This Eren reminded him so much of the one he spent his childhood with, but it couldn’t be. Eren was _dead._ Expeditions were sent around town, around the whole district of Shiganshina, even in the forest there were people searching for him, but except from dried blood and a dried up, rotting arm, there was nothing to be seen.

“You weren’t able to do anything about it, Eren… Don’t feel guilty”, Armin tried to cheer him up, but Eren just growled and hunched further down. There was silence for a long time again, with only the fire holding them back from falling asleep.

“You were in a cage. It was literally impossible to come out and do anything”, Sasha added, speaking softly, in a manner that was barely audible. Eren’s hands clenching into fists were proof that he heard her speak, though.

“…If it weren’t for him though, we wouldn’t have gotten into so much trouble”, Nifa responded and Armin and Mikasa looked over to her to see the woman that slightly resembled the young Squad Leader cross her arms and legs, “the Titans were probably after him anyways. They could have gone after Mikasa or the Captain, but they chose to go towards the tree hugger, and grabbed Nanaba who was in the way of their goal. If we would have handed him over to the Titans, maybe she would still be alive now. Definitely”, she glanced over at the Captain whose expression didn’t change and who didn’t look away from the fire, but his brows furrowed in a way that indicated that he was thinking about it. Pleased, she looked away and started cleaning her dirtied equipment.

“The whole mission would be pointless then, though. We could have sent the strongest members of the Survey Corps and let them do the job if it wasn’t for the fact that we needed the beast to find the location and respond in a certain way”, Moblit said as he looked over to her and she shrugged her shoulders before nodding.

“We _are_ one of the strongest members of the Survey Corps. They didn’t send some fifteen year old rookies for the job for a reason, dumbass”, Jean complained from the back, “Erwin wouldn’t have agreed on anything if it wasn’t for the Captain, though. And the Captain obviously trusts in our abilities if he picked us, right? He didn’t pick you, though. You two can just crawl back, fine with me. Just stop complaining for a moment and let me rest my goddamn severed arm in piece!”

Eren’s eyes narrowed as he clenched the thick fabric of his dirty trousers. He wished he still had his cape so he could hold onto something that represented hope for him, but it got torn apart during his and Levi’s trip downhill. His hands started shaking again.

Nifa shook her head: “We weren’t complaining. We were just discussing our current situation and pointing out that the beast _could_ be the reason we are all in grave danger since he’s an important subject here. And our current situation could be worse, actually. It has just started, though, and we believe that with the _tree hugger_ it’ll-“

“Our current situation is shit, we know. There’s no need to dwell on that subject furthermore”, Levi said from the side and cast an eye over the small group of soldiers. The fire was slowly burning out.

“Yes, sir”, she said and continued cleaning her stained blades.

Armin looked over to Eren again and showed a slight smile as he tilted his head to face him, leaning back and pressing his palms against the cool wet structure of the ground beneath him. His brows were furrowed in a sad way.

“Sorry for starting this, Eren. Don’t think we’ll turn against you though just because you’re… uh… Eren…?”

The beastly human didn’t even look at the young blond as he stood up on his trembling legs and walked around the low, dying fire, ignoring the fact that everybody’s sight was on him. His hands clenched at his sides as he neared himself to the man he was aimed for before he stopped a meter away from him, looking at his illuminated figure from under his bangs. The Captain didn’t pay any attention to him whatsoever, which furthermore frustrated the young man and made him clench his teeth.

“You should have left me die”, he suddenly stated and the muffled talks between Sasha and Connie stopped as their eyes focused on the beast that was on a relatively dangerously nearness to the Captain who didn’t look very happy about it, “They _are_ looking for me. If you give me over, they won’t attack you.”

Levi was silent, unnerving everybody around him. His eyes were still focused on the small fire close to him. No one dared to respond to Eren in any way with Levi behaving like that. Everyone knew what Levi was thinking, though. He wasn’t going to hand over the hope of humanity, not until each and every one of them is no more.

“It was my fault that another person died. Stop being nice to me. Stop behaving like I didn’t do wrong!” Eren exclaimed, stepping closer to the Captain who visibly tensed up, “I don’t want another person to die, Levi! Please, listen! I won’t be help! Next time, just hand me over to the titans. If I wasn’t there, in the cage, and if that woman didn’t protect me… she would be alive. And a monster like me… she saved me instead of herself! She could have gone the other way and left me for food, but…”

Eren stopped when he realized Levi was completely tense, his sinewy hands tightly gripping the material of his jacket. He still stared at the fire, but his head was in a lower position, and he didn’t look like he was up to the task of listening to the younger man’s complaining at that point. Eren’s frustration suddenly stopped as it got replaced with regret, which was why he suddenly gently wrapped his arms around the shorter man and buried his nose in the hood of Levi’s green cloth, closing his eyes and feeling the older man’s muscles relax under his touch. The older man’s eyes closed as he took a moment to appreciate Eren’s warmth and comfort, exhaling through his nose. As their hearts were beating against each other’s and their cheeks were slightly nudging, Levi wanted to return the hug, but could hear everyone gasp in shock at one point, so his eyes shot open as he shoved the man away fiercely, glaring up at him and hissing. Eren gaped at him for a while before slightly smiling and half-closing his sad eyes, lowering his head in shame.

“Sorry…” he said before approaching the short Captain again, reaching for his cut hands and intertwining their fingers before pressing their foreheads together, “I’m so sorry, Levi… I’m so, so sorry…”

Levi’s eyes remained wide as he froze for a moment, unable to do anything for or against the man that held him. He could feel everyone’s gaze pierce right through him, judging what they were doing, wondering why the Captain allowed Eren to do that. He tightly clenched his teeth, a lump forming in his throat as his heart clenched to a point he thought it had stopped beating.

Eren didn’t understand what was happening when he felt a strong ache in his stomach all of a sudden. He didn’t seem to get what happened when he felt his head being pressed to the ground as well. The strong, fiery pain in his left side when he suddenly fell to the floor didn’t get to his mind at all. The muffled gasps and shouts that came from the group of people when his sight failed him didn’t help at all. He got hit in his stomach again, than his chin, than his hair was grasped and he found himself being pulled up by a strong force. It took him a knee into the face to realize he was being brutally assaulted. When his sight returned, he saw the shorter man kneeling down in front of him, holding his heavily trembling body up by simply grabbing his hair. Levi’s eyes weren’t what Eren expected them to look like at the moment. There was no hate, and no anger. Eren was glaring up at him, panting. Staring at the man, Levi’s brows furrowed in a sad way. Then he finally released the young man, letting him fall to the ground.

He quickly glanced at his frozen audience before crossing his arms over his chest and starting to walk off, but slowing down considerably when he heard comments from the group of soldiers in the back.

_“Sweet Maria…” “Eren! Are you alright?! That midget, I’ll…” “Give him some space, what he needs is air right now!” “Poor Eren… You know, you really can’t just hug the Captain… No one’s ever allowed to do that.” “Or call him by his first name only. That’s… you don’t do that.” “He could have killed you…”_

“You know what, serves you right”, Jean’s voice overpowered all of them, “be glad you’re still alive. He’s not one to feel regret, you know? I’m surprised it stopped where it did.”

And at that, Levi felt his heart tumble out of its position; his expression cold.

…

“Captain”, he heard a faint voice from outside his tent and he opened his tired eyes. He couldn’t sleep, so it wasn’t a problem for him to sit up and look as if he hadn’t been trying to sleep for three agonizingly long hours at all.

“Yes?” he asked, trying to sound as bothered as possible. He then saw the tent slightly part as messy brown hair protruded through the fabric of the dark green tent.

“Can’t sleep.”

A curious eye met Levi’s before it looked back down at the ground shyly.

“Is that my problem? Then climb a tree and hold watch for the night or some shit. Leave me be”, he growled and Eren stepped a step into the tent, to which Levi narrowed his eyes and frowned. The young man’s clothes were wet; he must have washed them before entering the Captain’s tent. Eren’s eyes were half-closed, glassy and pinkish in color, and there were dark circles under his eyes. His hair was playing in the harsh wind. His plump lips went open as he heard the Captain’s statement, forming into a frown. He gently stroked the fabric of the tent with his dominant hand and Levi realized that the cuts and bruises on it were washed out, almost disappearing from his slightly pale skin.

“I… I had a nightmare… Captain”, Eren silently said as his eyesight was still stuck to the ground. Levi just watched him for a while before nimbly approaching him, sticking his head out of the tent and looking around to spot if someone else was up and then gently pushing Eren into the tent that most definitely wasn’t meant for two grown man to be in. Levi searched around the tent for a while before digging up a small lantern. He lit it and put it into the younger man’s hands before reaching for the thick sleeping cloth he had and spreading it across the ground, so that Eren didn’t have to sit on the dirty ground. He took the lantern out of the man’s hands again and put it down into the centre before sitting down, crossing his legs and propping his chin against his hands that were propped against his knees. He searched for the younger man’s eyes, and when he caught them, he nodded. Eren sat down somewhat awkwardly. There was distress in his teal eyes.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Eren slowly shook his head, looking back down at the ground.

“Then why the hell would you come bothering me?” Levi asked, narrowing his sharp eyes.

“I… just wanted to ask if I can sleep with you tonight.”

Levi raised a brow, but decided not to point the young man’s slight misuse of words out. He didn’t really understand what a phrase was yet, and Levi honestly didn’t want to spoil the fun for himself. Something about the way the beastly human said it so naively and innocently intrigued Levi. Eren was still free of the stupidity that was spread across their land, refusing to acknowledge all the sexual undertones that were banal to everybody at this point. He found himself holding back a smirk.

“Sorry, could you repeat that?” Levi asked and earned a confused glance from the boy across him who was sitting on his shins.

“Can I sleep with you?”

Levi refused to look away from the shining eyes that captivated him again and again. He was so close to him. He could easily move forward and press his lips against Eren’s, fondle his soft, blushing cheeks before passing his lips across his long neck, his collarbones, than reaching his chest, pulling him closer, wrapping his legs around the younger man’s abdomen as he’d sit in his lap, muttering apologies into his red ears cold from the wind…

“You think my presence’s gonna change something?” Levi uttered and crossed his arms over his chest, raising a brow as the younger man uncomfortably shifted, trying to find a better way to sit.

“No”, Eren admitted, “I just want you to be here if I try to run, or to hurt.”

The stern Captain’s eyes narrowed as Eren’s brows furrowed in a sad way.

“Eren, you won’t try to kill anyone in your sleep. I’ve… seen the way you acted. The only person you’re trying to attack is yourself, brat. You don’t go around trying to find a victim; you’re trying to end _your_ _own_ life. You’re terrible alright, but you still have _some_ kind of morals, even in your hellish nightmares.”

Eren was silent for a while, refusing to part his sight from the ground beneath him. Levi soon realized his lower lip was trembling once again, taking that as a sign to blow the lantern and lie down; turning away from the young man whose expression saddened a moment before Levi could blow the lantern out, just so his sad face could haunt him for the night. _He was never good at comforting. He wouldn’t do any good._ He soon heard the other man settle down as well, and he released a breath hadn’t realized he was holding. He couldn’t deny the fact that he hoped that Eren would accidentally touch him somehow, anyhow, but that didn’t happen. He still felt cold just as much as before and now he didn’t even have the thick cloth all for himself, so he wasn’t able to warm up at all. He just wished Eren would suddenly turn up right behind him, spooning him from the back like he did the night they spent together. He then diminished his thoughts to the point of Eren just moving an inch closer, just so he could feel at least some warmth, if not in his body, than in his heart, but the man with the golden key didn’t move at all, and Levi couldn’t risk anything. _He beat the boy up mercilessly earlier that day anyways, why did he think that Eren would still appreciate his closeness?_

“Captain…?” the cold regret froze Levi’s heart. He wanted to hear the boy say his name again, not that cold title that everyone used on him. Everybody could call him _Captain,_ but only people who were close to him could call him _Levi._

_Just Levi._

“Mmmh..?” he muttered, not wanting to speak anymore with the fear of his voice breaking at some point.

“How would you feel if I… just disappear one day…?”

Eren’s silent voice struck him so hard that he immediately turned to face the man that was a meter away from him, staring above himself. He could only see his shadowed figure that didn’t move at all, only his chest was rising and falling. The Captain averted his gaze.

“Go the hell to sleep.”

Levi couldn’t see, but he knew Eren looked over at him before smiling in that sad way of his, turning to face the other side again, away from Levi. And after spending some time looking at the boy whose wet body he desperately wanted to embrace the tightest he could at the moment, he turned away as well, ignoring the growing lump in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Noticed you were... there. Have a great day. Thank you.


	23. Sinnloser Kampf, Teil III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops.

Levi stared ahead of himself when he woke up, his heart beating at a fast pace as he momentarily froze. There was no one there beside him. Eren was gone. He slowly sat up, looking ahead of himself for a few more seconds, trying to recollect his memories from the day before, putting an ice cold hand on his forehead, pressing against it. How come he didn’t hear anything when Eren left? The Captain shook his head. He probably went back to his tent when he realized there was no purpose in staying with Levi. He sighed deeply before standing up on his legs, rolling up the thick cloth that was spread across the tent before suddenly stopping. Eren had never left like that before. He was too lazy to stand up in the morning. He was too soft not to let anybody know that he would leave, because he felt people would care. He wouldn’t just go off somewhere on his own.

_“How would you feel if I… just disappear one day…?”_

Levi’s eyes widened.

He didn’t. He wouldn’t. He knew better.

The Captain let the cloth in his hands fall to the ground before heading out, turning his head into all directions, seeing that no one was out yet. Was it too early for the others to wake up yet?

“Oi, Eren…” he uttered as he stepped out into the field and made a small circle around the tents, trying to spot the man he was looking for, “We’re not here to play hide and seek, you little shit.”

As there was no response, Levi clenched his teeth and growled. His eyes were constantly widened as he was cursing under his breath with every step he took, not out of anger, but out of dread.

“I ain’t playing games, Eren! You better get here immediately, else I’ll… tch. Eren! Oi!”

As no response came, he rushed towards Eren’s tent, angrily kicking it so hard that it ended up falling apart, leaving the short Captain staring down at the empty cloth with worry clearly visible on his pale face and in his tired eyes, his moth half-opened.

_“If he decides to run off into the forest himself, don’t be alarmed, because it would be the only logical reaction when he gets back to his home.”_

“Captain!” he heard the young Squad Leader’s squealing voice in the distance and he didn’t need to turn around to see his bewildered, agonized expression on his face because of the way his voice sounded, “...it’s Eren…” Armin said in a shaky voice, “he’s… he… is nowhere to be found, Captain, the two soldiers who guarded him… d-dead… it’s like he’s been…”

Levi’s face turned around just enough to look at the young blond who immediately caught sight of the Captain’s current psychological state.

“Get the horses.”

…

“When did you last see him, Captain Levi?” Moblit questioned from the side with his notebook pressed to his nose, scrabbling something. Levi was riding his horse with an annoyed expression, as if he wasn’t panicking in the inside. He seemed clearly disinterested in anything as he was just striding forward on his black mare that copied his apathy. They were striding through a large cleaning while looking around themselves in hopes to see the young man whom they had proclaimed to have ran off while Levi was still in denial. Armin had warned him that the location they were heading to wasn’t drawn on the map experts had worked at over the years and couldn’t remember ever walking through it, but Eren couldn’t have gone any other way. Mikasa was right behind him, worry visible on her young face. Connie was desperately yelling the man’s name, putting hands on the side of his mouth to orient the sound, but to no avail. After a while, he puffed, frowned and leaned at the back of his horse, crossing his arms in disappointment. Jean, who was beside him, tried to look disinterested, but he’d bit his lower lip every now and then, showing that he was feeling a tingle of guilt.

“There’s no time for stupid questionnaires, Moblit. Save ‘em for Hange when we get back. _That is; if we get back._ ”

“I was ordered to keep record of everything that goes on, sir. That’s my only job here, and it’s important for you to answer the question so we will be able to know the exact time of the disappearance of the boy.”

“Tch”, he narrowed his eyes, “fine. He came to my tent last night. That’s the last time I saw him.”

Moblit nodded and zealously wrote the newly learnt information down before looking back at the Captain to his side.

“Uh… and why was that? I need… need some context…”

Levi rolled his eyes and tilted his head towards Moblit at the same time, looking at him with his head resting on his right shoulder. After watching Moblit’s confused expression for a few seconds, he returned to look at the clearing in front of him. It was too silent, no birds singing and no wind howling, unnerving the raven man. His eyes narrowed as he felt adrenaline rush through his body. Something had to be wrong. The wind was exceptionally warm, unlike yesterday’s wind.

“Move faster”, he ordered, but Moblit approached closer to his side to stop him.

“Sir, I need to write this down. Could you please cooperate? Hange really needs the report and…”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he sucked on his teeth.

“He asked if he could sleep with me”, he answered and pulled on his horse’s reins to make it walk faster.

“Ah, okay…” Moblit started writing down before going pale, “Wait, what…? I think I might have… misheard that last part about…”

“He asked if he could sleep with me”, he loudly repeated, raising a brow at the man behind him, “so we did. Obviously, it wasn’t enough to keep the brat from running away in the middle of the night…” he turned away to look ahead of himself again, failing to realize that what he said could’ve been perceived the wrong way, “now shut up and move. There’s Titans coming in.”

“…Uh, what?”

Levi suddenly stopped and spread an arm to let the others know they should do the same, and once they were all standing, they could hear loud steps from the distance, getting closer with each second, their feet meeting the ground just as fast as the soldiers’ hearts started beating in a faster pace. Mikasa strode forward, but Levi blocked her path by moving his horse in front of hers, earning an angry glance from the young Ackerman.

“Eren’s out there! The Titans will-“

“I know!” he angrily spat and looked back at the group of trees in front of him, reaching towards the sky. He suddenly widened his eyes. He realized that the clearing didn’t look ordinary; nature wasn’t that careful where to plant its trees. The clearing was way too huge, something that the map drawers could never have had overlooked, with the grass being unnaturally short in length. The more he was looking at it, the more he realized the territory looked like it was meant as an open battlefield.

Made for them.

The ground trembled, sending tremors towards the soldiers on their horses, to which the animals responded by getting scared. They would usually stay silent, but something had bothered them this time. A heavy thump came from the distance and Sasha snapped.

“Oh my God, this was made for us to die here, wasn’t it?!”

Connie beside her nervously laughed.

“Heh! You always and only get religious when it comes to danger.”

A big tree in the distance bended over as another loud thump came, to which the soldier responded by wide eyes, silently calling for his mother.

Armin, realizing the situation was about to turn dire, moved his arm and let everybody know to follow him, but as Levi saw that Mikasa wouldn’t run after her friend, he stayed as well, along with Moblit who had to keep track of what was happening around Levi.

“If we don’t move out now, they’ll have Eren! Let me through!” Mikasa argued, much to Levi’s annoyance. He couldn’t guess why she cared so much about someone who she didn’t even know and who killed an undetermined number of people in the past. She didn’t understand what Eren was, why was it so hard for her to let go, then? Levi didn’t want to think of the fact that it could be because of the same feeling Levi felt for the young man. He refused to even think of that someone else could snatch that position away from him.

“He survived for ten years; he can do for one more day! Now follow Armin.”

Mikasa ignored him and ordered her horse to step back before running into the direction of the incoming Titans and Levi’s horse ran right after her.

“Oi, you trying to kill yourself?!” he shouted from her side as Mikasa didn’t allow the older man to run ahead of her, “There’s nothing you could do about it if he got eaten already anyways! If he’s inside of a Titan’s stomach, there’s no way you could retrieve him.”

“He’s not dead!”

Levi remained silent, smelling the harsh scent of the ugly beasts that were approaching them, the tremors getting heavier and their horses more and more nervous. Mikasa had obviously set her goal and she wasn’t going to give up now.

“How do you know?”

“I can feel it”, she silently said and Levi’s eyes widened for a second before he averted his gaze from her to look at the Titans that just didn’t want to come out of from behind the trees, although the tremors were already on the maximum. Either they were extremely big, or it was all a plan of some sort. And just as he thought of that, a large, hairy arm came from behind the trees, letting its arm fall right in front of the raven girl whose horse stood on both legs to withstand the impact the large arm had caused. Mikasa clenched her teeth as she turned the other way around, but the Titan’s arm suddenly moved towards her as if the Titan played that its arm wasn’t able to move before, knocking Mikasa off her horse. The Titan then slowly emerged from the trees, showing its huge body covered in long brown hairs, resembling an animal more than a human, with its beady yellow eyes staring right at her, with its huge nostrils on his pointy nose releasing hot air and with its long mouth stretched into an unnerving, yet calming smile. It had pointy ears and a thick mane covering its neck and, thus, its nape. As it breathed out loudly, it showed its huge, pointy teeth that had saliva running down it. Its forehead was filled with wrinkles. Its thick hair was parted on its stomach, where its brownish skin showed heavy musculature. It had arms that were abnormally long, almost dragging themselves on the ground and its feet were enormous. It slowly stepped forward, tilting its head first left, then right, then reaching down towards the girl who found herself frozen, but instead of grabbing her, it grabbed her horse and lifted it up. Mikasa watched her horse getting closer to the animalistic Titan’s mouth and wanted to shoot her maneuvering equipment, but got swept up by Levi and thrown at the back of his horse that shot straight forward, right towards the closest patch of trees that would block the path of the beastly Titan since it wasn’t lean enough to get through the trees without having to tear them apart.

“My horse…!”

“Is a goner now”, Levi finished, looking back at the beast which, much to Levi’s surprise, didn’t devour the horse even though it was moving the horse to its open mouth, but suddenly grinned and threw it to the side and looked at it flying with its hand over its eyes, moving its long arm back as if in celebration that it had aimed at something with the horse and actually managed to hit it. Levi then grabbed Mikasa by the head to push it down as he tucked his own head so they wouldn’t get hit by the lower branches of the trees that wanted to reach for them. As Mikasa looked back, she could see the beastly Titan staring into her direction, still smiling in that calming way, its eyes focused on her; as if it knew she was going to look back, as if it was _waiting_ for her to look back, as if it was _intrigued_. She looked back only when Levi’s hand turned her head around.

“Is that thing… really _just_ an abnormal…?” she silently asked.

Levi remained silent for a while before responding: “I don’t know.”

It didn’t take long for them to reach the end of the small forest passage before getting back at the battlefield blooming in yellow colors, Levi trying to run right past the passage to get into the thicker part of the forest again to lose the beastly Titan between the trees, but he stopped paying any attention to the front at the same time as the young Ackerman as they looked to their right. Time seemed to slow down as they passed a blood-stained heap of people lying on the ground, all of them facing the sky, arranged in an unnatural pattern, arranged from tallest to shortest person. They both stared as they recognized most of the faces, even though some of them had their faces bitten… or knocked into half. The bright sun shone right down on them as if they were placed at that location according to calculations of when they would get from one end of the forest to another- _which meant the Titan, or whatever it was, was probably already ahead._

Levi cried out as he pulled on the horse’s reins, making his mare run the fastest the animal could, Mikasa still facing the back that displayed both of their defenses, her mind set on the image of Mike who was lifelessly lying in the flowery grass, the plants brushing his cheeks as a small, warm gust came from the east.

Levi didn’t have time to mourn. The Captain knew the monster had to turn up soon, but this time, they weren’t the ones who were going to be surprised. He suddenly pulled on the horse’s reins again to make it stop before stepping down from it. Mikasa looked at him questioningly.

“We’re parting ways”, he said while looking into the distance before looking back at her with his eyes narrowed in determination, “make sure to reach the rest of the squad and tell them to split. One group has to continue searching for the ‘sacred place’ or whatever pagan way that location is called while the other will protect the entrance to that location, slaying all the Titans they can. The group formation is the same as Hange told us. And before you ask: Eren’s case will remain open.”

“Sir-“

He narrowed his eyes even further.

“Although he’s important, it’s still the whole humanity we’re talking about. We have to prioritize the finding of the location, and then we’ll go trying to find that noisy brat”, he said as he turned back to face the other side of the forest, “I’m sure it won’t be too hard to find him if he’s alive, though. He’s loud as fuck.”

 Mikasa had more to say, but knew they were running out of time, so she saved her arguments for later. She blinked and nodded before running off on his black mare, leaving the short soldier out in the open, on his own. Levi didn’t move; his legs were parted in a position to run as soon as it was necessary and his arms close to the three-dimensional maneuvering gear. It didn’t take long for the trees in front of him to start leaning left and right, something big pushing them aside slowly. When the fuzzy head of the Titan finally came into his sight, he sucked his teeth as his hands brushed over the gear on his hips, ready for any action that was necessary. And although there were much more important situations around him, heavy and painful feelings he felt for the sadistically murdered humans placed next to each other and worries about his missing team, he still couldn’t replace the worry he felt for the man whom he so desperately craved for. It was taking all of his concentration. It was slowly draining his power out and he realized it had to be better with Eren back in the wild. Not even the sounds of the approaching abomination could pull him out of his thoughts about the boy with teal eyes.

_“If he was so desperate to escape, then why not let him have that freedom? He’s hindering my fighting capabilities anyways, with his stupid face and my worries always centered around him… That’s exactly the reason why it isn’t allowed to have someone to care for in the Corps. … He could very well be the death of me right now. Just because of the fact that I didn’t fight it when I had the chance to. But this obsession… it’s something so unhealthy and so… useless.”_

His thoughts stopped when the hairy Titan suddenly squatted down, the smelly gust the beast’s hair created almost blowing the small raven away as he had to cover his eyes so they wouldn’t burn from the stench the gust carried. As soon as the gust faded, he angrily looked back towards the beastly Titan which was looking at him in an intrigued way, looking at every single angle of Levi’s tiny face, thinking of how easily it could squish that puny Captain labeled as _Humanity’s Strongest_.

The beast opened its mouth to release a throaty chuckle, stretching out its huge hand. Levi didn’t move.

“… **H _u_** m **a** n _i **t**_ y’s **_P_ u** _n_ i **e** st **S** o **ld** _ie_ r…” the Titan mocked and didn’t miss the quick widening of the Captain’s eyes as it trapped the man in its hand, but it got it pierced through by the tiny soldier before the Titan could even close its palm. The beast looked around to spot the soldier in mid-air, staring blankly at the short man as their gazes met, before Levi’s expression changed and he suddenly cried out and shot towards the Titan’s eyes, drawing out his weapons a second before maneuvering himself towards the side of the Titan and slashing both of its eyes, the Titan having to roar loudly and putting both of its hands on top of its eyes, almost losing balance on its legs as it stepped back. It didn’t even have time to recover its eyesight as Levi had already made his way to the Titan’s Achilles’ heel, cutting a big chunk of meat out of it and resulting in the beastly Titan losing balance and falling to the ground, but holding itself up with its huge, thin arms. Levi somersaulted to the ground, landing on the ground heavily, but didn’t waste any time on his injury as he rushed forward to end the ugly creature’s pathetic life, but saw an arm heading for him, so he jumped to the side and shot his maneuvering gear at the Titan’s arm, not wasting a second once he got to stand on top of its arm by spinning up it and then reaching for the thick mane that covered the Titan’s nape, but stopped in the middle of his track when he realized the body of the Titan was becoming lifeless on its own, suddenly crashing down and rising dust into the air all around him, blocking his sight, but that wasn’t enough to stop the short man. He _hated_ the thing he was attacking. He _hated_ it more than anything else at the moment. He wanted _to slice it open_ , to _see its blood_ on the blades in his hands for what it did to his comrades. For all Levi knew, the Titan could be dead; he didn’t care. When he finally reached the nape, he didn’t just slice it once, but nineteen times, roughly and fiercely, with the blood staining his face, hands and clothes, before falling to his knees in exhaustion, breathing heavily and shakily with his eyes widely opened, feeling the sudden need to collapse.

He stared ahead pointlessly, not seeing anything besides the dust and his raven fringe dancing in the gust.

_“…Where is he…?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Levi's got evertyhing under control. For now.
> 
> Uh... frohe Ostern in advance to the ones who celebrate it? 
> 
> ...I'm having a hard time too, okay, and Levi's desperate as well to make that ereri happen again.


	24. Sinnloser Kampf, Teil IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi passed out afterwards... good thing he was saved, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll spoil the manga even though I won't spoil the manga directly. I mean, people who read it will obviously get who he is, but out of safety reasons for people who haven't read it yet, I won't be mentioning his name. Btw, it was stated that he has yellowish eyes in the manga, I dunno 'bout the anime though. Just thought I'd point that out, since it'll be weird if he'll end up having blueish eyes. Eren's got gray eyes in the manga and they decided to change it, after all. (...if anyone besides a few cool regular inividuals still even read this lol)
> 
> My tea is so hot I can't drink it so I'm purposely wasting time on this here so that I'll be able to drink it.
> 
> Frohe Ostern, have some truth Levi will try to deny until it'll be too late.

„Ah, would you look at that. Sleeping beauty is awake”, Levi heard a voice coming from somewhere near. He never heard that voice before in is lifetime, he was sure of it. It was soft and calm, even welcoming. The raven man slowly opened his eyes and saw nothing at first as everything was blurry around him. He could hear the crackling of fire in the distance, its heat slowly reaching him and sending yellow and orange colors to his eyes. He felt something rough wrapped around his hands that were placed on the back of a wooden surface as he tried to move them, but quickly realized he was unable to do so.

_“…Rope.”_

His throat was sore, his head was dizzy, but his sight was starting to return to him. He then looked at the redwood floor beneath him.

_“Huh…? I don’t recall getting out of the forest…”_

He slowly lifted his head up to see an unknown man sitting right across him, on the same kind of chair as Levi, but without any ropes tied around his wrists. His face was oval and he had a pointy nose on which glasses were resting. His yellowish eyes were expressive and fond, focused on Levi’s. When he realized his glasses were slowly sliding down his nose, he realigned the right part of his glasses with his left hand and swiftly scratched his ear in the process before clenching them and placing them on top of the small wooden table that separated them. Levi quickly glanced at his sinewy hands before focusing on the unknown man’s face once again. His expression was stern, yet calm at the same time, with his thick blonde eyebrows furrowed. His hair was lengthy and messy, he had a short, scruffy beard, and his lips plump and colorless, stretched into a slight frown. He had a dark green hoodie on, with a white shirt underneath it, brown pants and black combat boots. Something about the muscular man seemed off, and it wasn’t only his clothing and the fact that he had tied Levi to a chair.

“Where the hell…?” Levi silently said, but the man across him seemingly heard his mutter and straightened in his seat.

“Don’t you remember…?” he asked in a warm tone, “The Beast Titan. Its intense smell must have had caused you to pass out. You’re lucky to have been on top of its spine. I live in the middle of this forest, you know. Researcher. Doing my best to ensure Titans stay Titans, and humans stay humans”, he reached his burly hand out and half-closed his eyes when he saw the glare Levi shot him, “I pass along this very route every day to perform my research on the behavior of these strange creatures… One in particular drew me near, since it was different from other Titans in its… rather intriguing form. It had shown a great interest in human technology too, as far as I can recall…” he glanced over to a small couch in the back to see the soldier’s equipment resting on it, together with the Captain’s brown jacket, “I must say I was rather disappointed when I had seen that the creature had died, but then I saw a small figure lying on top of the spine of the creature. A.k.a. you.”

“And let me guess. You thought I was dead and wanted to scavenge my parts, you filthy bastard.”

The man across him just looked at him for a while before chuckling at the Captain’s remark. He then looked at the table and softly stroked the green fabric spread on it, displaying the Wings of Freedom. When highly intelligent and witty people step on one territory, they are fated to form either a strong bond or strong resentment; for one of them will have to bow down to the other eventually. It was unavoidable, and the unknown man widely smirked.

_“He had expected me to be dullard because of my high position, eh? Look at ‘im go. That face of readiness to go into a battle of wits. Too bad I ain’t in the mood for one.”_

“You’re good at reading expressions, mister…?”

“Ackerman”, Levi immediately responded, using the name that people would associate with him sometimes. He considered himself having no name, though. The Captain put his right leg over his left one, glancing over at the researcher’s intrigued glance.

“Huh… interesting…” the blond muttered before clearing his throat and continuing on, “I was actually kind of curious about the equipment you were carrying with yourselves… When I realized you were still alive though, I thought about bringing you to my hut in the middle of nothing. I might be a scavenger, but I still have morals. Somewhat… twisted morals, but they’re still there. …I have never seen equipment like this, you know. Where you come from people must be pretty handy when it comes to producing such technology that is based on fairly complicated psychics since this equipment has to carry much weight and sustain a fair amount of length of the tough string... but they’re pretty lousy at producing clothes, aren’t they…?”

_“This man… is engaging a conversation as if it was carefully planned and structured while he clearly picks the words he would use against me. He wants me to continue asking. He has answers, and he knows we want them. But what would he want in return…?_ What do you mean with ‘where you come from’…?” Levi asked and narrowed his eyes as the man in front of him scratched his right ear with his left hand.

“I’ve lived here for almost my entire life, Ackerman. I was but a young adolescent when my father decided to abandon me, and I found this very hut by mere chance. Ever since then I’ve been sustaining myself. Not that that means I’m not in contact with the other people. I just prefer taking care of my new family I have found within the Titans. Say… Have you ever encountered a human inside of this forest…?”

He studied Levi’s serious, expressionless face as the Captain didn’t tell anything at first. As time kept passing though, Levi eventually answered: “Yes.”

Levi could swear he saw the faintest of smirks appear on the blonde man’s face.

“Ah. Then you must have had a rough time. They are little devils, as far as I know…” he stopped his story to see the Captain’s expression break into a somewhat interested one, “each and every one of them. I had just learned how to… survive while being with Titans, and I have managed to establish a way of communicating with them, and then those kids first appeared. Small children, lost and confused and devoid of any hope and a normal lifestyle. So I gave them clothes, gave them food, and exposed them to the friendliest Titans I knew so they could make some kind of use of them.”

Levi’s eye twitched.

_“ **Friendly** Titans? What is he talking about? He must be nuts… Endangering slimy kids’ lives just because of the thought that they’d be fine with Titans which wouldn’t eat them… No wonder they all turned out like murderous bastards. If this is even remotely true… If there’s really a way of communicating with Titans though… that would help our mission to a great extent. This guy knows his grounds. He might even be able to tell me where the fountain and all that is… Damn it. Moblit isn’t here, and even if I’d hear something about it I’d probably forget the details…”_

“It might have been an act out of… jealousy that some people had it better than me, but let’s not dwell on that for too long. Father issues won’t come in handy here”, the man continued as he reached for something in his pocket. Levi’s eyes widened when he saw what it was. A small dark green journal covered in scratches, with Levi’s small name written in the top right corner, “They all parted from me eventually, everyone going their merry way, killing people, biting their throats, attacking them out of no apparent reason etcetera, you of all should know about this, amiright?”

“Where did you get that from?” Levi hissed.

“Found it along the path next to some dumbfounded corpse. A Titan must had gotten him exceptionally good, with a tree to be placed so perfectly symmetrically over his body…” the man responded before lifting his eyes up from the notebook to look at the pale Captain in front of him, “he was the one to write in this journal, right…? Well, won’t be writing anytime soon…”

Levi stayed silent for a while before glaring back at the blonde man.

“It’s mine, actually.”

“Ah. Captain Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps. Heard of them. Heard they enslaved one of my most precious men”, the man’s voice suddenly darkened and his eyes turned dull when he leaned forward to take a better look at the tied Captain, “How long have you been corrupting Eren’s mind with your shenanigans? Though… I find it rather interesting that of all people you would… Well, the way your eyes widen at the name…”

“None of your business”, Levi interrupted before the man in front of him could speak another word, “Who are you anyways? It’s not that I would believe some random-ass shit coming from a mouth of a rather suspicious looking scavenger that easily.”

“Who I am…?” the man straightened in his seat as he leaned at the back of his chair, “I don’t think that’s important. After all, even if I tell my name, would it really change anything between us? If I told you my name was Mike, would it really change your current situation?”

 “Yes, actually. I think we could use your name if it came to us having to arrest you. You’re a smart guy, I can tell. I have an acquaintance that uses such a way of speaking. She never says a random thing… and neither a random name.”

“Me? Prison…? I believe you wouldn’t want me there, Captain. Let’s just say that I’m… a friend, yes. Fighting against the same thing as you. Things have been going into a cursed circle for humanity, and I’ve been chosen to stop that… Not in the way I am working on it right now, but I still accept the duty that has been placed upon me. Still… I cannot help but to wonder why of all people you would choose to imprison the weakest of my men.”

Levi shifted in his chair before looking at the man in a disinterested way. His eyebrows furrowed.

“A friend. Then why am I tied to a chair.”

“I know you’re fully capable of freeing yourself anytime. Surviving the impact with the Beast Titan was proof enough for me. I just tied you to the chair to be sure you wouldn’t be able to escape for the first few minutes, and I knew you would want to hear more from me when I start speaking about the man whom you’ve taken from me.”

_“He really wants to go there, huh…?”_

They were both silent for a while, listening to the soft crackles of the fire in the background and Levi watching the moving shadow of the man sitting across him. The crackles were coming from a big fireplace placed in the corner of the wooden room. Clothes and books were scattered around the small room and a few sketches of Titans and one of a small horse were placed on top of the bed the man had in the other corner. The scent of coffee spread through the home of the ‘researcher’.

“Eren will bring you no good”, the man suddenly said and Levi immediately looked back at him, “not only won’t you find anything out from him, but he’ll also probably hinder you on all your expeditions against the beasts you’re fighting. Just saying.”

“Yeah. I know. He ran off and now we’re stuck here, instead of progressing. That little shit’s really tough to deal with, sometimes…” Levi said as his brows furrowed in a sad way. He didn’t even notice the way the other man’s eyes suddenly widened as he stuffed the journal back into his pocket, his right hand reaching for his left ear again before he forced himself to stop.

“Yet you still feel compelled to run after him all the time, instead of leaving his trouble-making backside behind, huh…? What else should I have expected from an Ackerman, though? I won’t be getting my hands on him as long as you’re here”, the blond sighed as he spread himself in the chair, catching the rather confused glance of the Captain, immediately knowing he’d keep Levi interested if he’d speak more about the past that bound them which neither of them understood, “Ackermans have always been tied to the kingly family, which is why they could potentially still posses the urge to protect royalty… Sounds weird, even animalistic, I know. It could be, though. But I’m not one to know so much about it…” he bitterly smiled as he grabbed a metallic cup on the table next to him and brought it to his lips before suddenly jerking from his seat and spilling black coffee on the floor, “ Ack! Hot!” he exclaimed as he angrily threw the mug down, sitting down again to see the slightly amused grimace of the shorter man across him. The blond frowned as Levi cleared his throat, looking down to compose himself.

“Are you… saying that Eren’s tied to the royal family…?”

“No”, the bespectacled man responded immediately before taking a few seconds to add something, “I’m saying that Eren _possesses_ something the _royal family_ should have, which is passed down from generation to generation. There’s… a lot of things you don’t know about little Eren. He might seem simplistic at first, but… _BOI_. Don’t even get me started”, the man clasped his hands together and raised his eyebrows. Levi’s face scrunched up, “I’ll tell you something, not because I want to, but because I feel _obligated to_ as a researcher. You should stay away from that man. The power he holds within himself is in the wrong hands. You see, I met him a long time ago and immediately recognized him, although I’ve never seen him in my life before. Hard to believe, but it’s the truth. He had certain ferocity in his eyes that I was familiar with to an extent. He was but a kid, but I had seen him wandering through the forest, killing two murderers whom he had seen killing two other people and running after a small girl. I chose to shelter him at that moment. He lived with me for a couple of months before I presented him to the other children lost in the forest, but he was very resentful towards the others and would just stick to me at all times, which was why I ultimately had to throw him out so he had to live with Titans, although he always came back. One day though, something inside of him just clicked, and… he wasn’t the one he used to be before. The other kids tried to stop him, but all failed as he was too strong and driven on some unknown motive. And I knew if I tried to bring him down, it would result in even more pain because of that royal power he carries within him. He eventually ran off and we had no clue whether he turned back to his normal state, since he has been hiding from us ever since and hasn’t been taken care of at all. I’ve tried to extract that power from him once before his disappearance, and he wanted to lose the responsibility he bore, but he seemed to have suddenly changed his mind, for whatever reason. One day, your Corps invaded and everything went… berserk. Titans hate invaders, and so do my people. Long story short. That was the day we found out that Eren crawled out of his hideout, when I saw you stuffing his motionless body into a cage. I decided not to interfere at that moment, who knows how the situation could have gone… but I decided not to let Eren slide. What he possesses must be extracted and placed into another vessel. It’s for the sake of humanity.”

_“How the… If this is the truth, how the hell did Erwin know about him containing a power that could be extracted…? That bastard. Keeping all the fun to himself once again.”_

“Which is why I decided to… play with you a bit. I was the one to delete the information about his father, to let you know that he’s a Yeager. In case you were wondering what his surname is. That surname is rare for your people, huh…? His family was the only one with that name. From where I come from, though, the surname is quite common… His father was a treacherous man who was only seeking his own ideals and even making his own children victims… Unforgivable. I made sure to break into the Government’s resident as soon as I had seen him getting devoured by a rather… young Titan. I was also the one to rescue that blonde boy when he hit his head and passed out and dragged him to the river you found him at. I wanted you to try to find me. The place he described to you, as you stated in your dear journal”, he petted his pocket, “is just my garden. Nothing more, nothing less. Not a sacred place. Once you’d get here, I would explain our dire situation to you. You have been keeping him safe. We needed him safe. You would give him over to us so we could extract that monster from within him, and once we would obtain the power that is needed to save our kind, we’d give him back, and everyone would be living freely and peacefully.”

Levi frowned. The preparations, the devotion, the sacrifices, everything seemed useless now.

“And why would I trust you to give him over so easily after spending so much time on trying to sophisticate him…?”

“Oh, so he chose to play… Well, they do tend to like to play that they don’t understand anything that is happening around them…” the man uttered as he smirked, “Eren’s a fraud.”

Levi’s expression softened at those words. Disbelief graced his visage for yet another time. He couldn’t believe anything anymore.

“He’s what… nineteen now, right? Living thirteen years in a forest on his own, with nothing but Titans, and still being able to speak, and to walk on two legs, and to write, and to draw, and to obey your commands that easily…? Please. He ran off about four years ago and spent most of his time not being himself which could have resulted in him not knowing how to behave and speak properly, but… the descriptions of his behavior… Not taking food away, calm and quiet, not seeking constant attention… No, that’s not Eren. Eren is not submissive, _never_.”

Levi felt his heart tremble. Eren not being himself? The boy’s innocent, truthful eyes that shook his soul and the way he would constantly stare into his eyes, even while… Levi shook his head to make the inappropriate thoughts that came to his mind disappear.

“Eren could be afraid, though… With that kind of power goes great responsibility, after all. And he most certainly isn’t able to handle all the negative effects it could have on him and your world. He most likely grew fond of you pretty quickly, considering how he acted around you, which is why he decided to hide what he truly is. And that journal of yours depicts the same feelings from you towards him too. Funny, in a way. Two monsters at one place.”

“Cut it. You don’t know jack shit about us.”

“The only things I know about you came from this very journal and from the people of your residence. Apart from that, I can only guess what kind of guy you are based on the short answers and the nervous leg trembling you show. But trust me, when I say I know Eren… I mean in it, just as if he were my very brother, I know him. Not in interests or personality wise, except from his huge stubbornness and determination, but rather biology wise.”

 “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

The man across him flashed him a knowing glance to which Levi responded by lowering his head. The other was too smart not to see through that single crack in his persona, that single sentence that managed to escape his mouth. The glance he shot him was cocky, but cold at the same time.

“Eren… is a Titan.”

Levi’s eyes went to look at the man’s to see a sign of bad humor in them, but the blonde man didn’t show any signs of this being a joke or a lie. His yellowish eyes looked sincere, and were almost begging for Levi to understand immediately without having to repeat himself. Levi watched him for a long time, waiting for any kind of reaction, but his face resembled Hange’s when she told him they had to leave on a mission seven hours from then, interrupting their activity. His way of speech resembled Hange’s too in a way, his intelligence seemed off the charts as well, but his mannerism was entirely different from his comrade’s. This man had something sinister about him. His eyes resembled Eren’s a bit, though. Sincere and honorable… yet if this man’s words were the truth, the sincerity was just a lie.

_“Which makes this a goddamn paradox!”_

Levi’s eyes twitched as he hissed, frowning again. He had no idea what to think. _It couldn’t be. There was no way. Right?_

“No, no. You got it wrong. See, he is a Titan _wannabe,_ not a real Titan…” the Captain angrily attempted to make a joke out of the situation.

“Denial won’t bring you anything. You know it makes sense. Accept the truth and move on. If you manage to deliver him to me, he won’t be a Titan anymore, I promise.”

“I’m not handing his fat ass over to you. Not before seeing his human body turn into a Titan’s with my own eyes. The isolation you’re going through by being in this forest must have enabled you to flourish into a brainsick, hallucinating weirdo.”

The Captain averted his gaze, unable to hide his distress any longer. He could hear the man across him slowly stand up from his chair and walking up to the Captain before reaching for the Captain’s cape on the table putting it over the Captain’s shoulders. He then kneeled down to unfasten the short Captain’s ropes that tied him to the chair, but then fastened the thick rope around his wrists again, making sure he wouldn’t be able to move his hands from behind his back.

 “If you don’t believe me, see for yourselves. Don’t try to find him. If he’ll want you, he’ll come find you himself. But mark my words. Even if you decide to keep Eren the way he is, and if you decide not to bring him to me, you’ll regret it. The monster inside him will only grow stronger. The monster was the thing that killed people before, not himself. Nobody is safe around him, and he knows it. But if you still refuse… I’ll be forced to take matters into my own hands. I’ve found you once, the next time I won’t go easy on you. Do you really want the people you care about to die in a heartbeat? Because, rest assured, I could manage that. Even if you hide him. Mine and Eren’s next encounter is fated.”

With that being said, he helped the short man up and dragged him to the door, opening it and pushing Levi out into the dark night that stretched itself out in front of him. A slight breeze was playing with his silky black hair and he looked around, seeing the tall trees in the distance dance along with the wind, gently moving their branches filled with needles. He kept looking at the garden around him for a while with his eyes half-closed. There was an elliptic, stony platform formed of hexagonal, smooth gray stones. The cottage behind him was covered in ivies and was almost concealed because of the brown wood and green leaves resembling the brown and green of the trees of the forest. There was a fountain in the shape of a young woman carrying a jug in the distance, and Levi didn’t need to check whether it was filled with water or not as he realized this was definitely the place they were looking for; nothing more than a garden, worthless to the Survey Corps. The whole expedition was a huge letdown and they had accomplished nothing, with the exception of managing to lose Eren and get dozens of soldier robbed of their life for nothing. If there was anything Levi learned from this expedition, it was that he didn’t know what to think anymore. Was Eren really a fraud? Did he really possess a power the enigmatic man implicated he stole? Was Eren a monster…? _…Did he even know him…?_

One thing was sure, though- _he’d never bring Eren back here._

Levi growled as he tried to move his wrists out of the thick ropes that bound his hands together, but to no avail. The man had to spend the cold night walking in the middle of a dark forest filled with Titans and people who could take advantage of his current state, with no weapons to protect himself with and nothing to keep him warm except for the thin green cloth that rested on his shoulders.

He couldn’t remember a time when an expedition led by him went worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, now that everything is revealed to be a lie right from the start, I guess the expedition will be coming to and end. It's a bit weird, I know, but you'll see where I'm heading to. 
> 
> Eren, come get you boyfriend; he's freezing out there.


	25. Die Vergebung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh a long chapter whonder what that's all about

Levi had never been truly scared of anything that posed a threat to him in his life. Titans were no match for him; in fact, he could even hate ones more than the others; he despised the weaker ones more than he despised the Abnormals. They could take lives away just because they were huge in size, not because they were strong. He wasn’t afraid of death; he never was. He wouldn’t have joined the Survey Corps if he were. He most certainly wasn’t afraid of the dark as well. Still, he was scared. It was Armin’s squad that sent those worries to him. He just hoped Armin’s brain was bigger than his heart, so that they’d leave the Captain behind if the situation would turn gruesome, which it had already turned.

Howling wind struck him from behind and the tired man almost lost his balance from the sheer force of it. The cold reached every fiber of his and he tried to compress his body into a thinner shape to keep his body temperature at a constant, but since his wrists were still tied to his back, he didn’t manage to, and the silky gray button-up shirt and green cloth around his shoulders didn’t help at all, the green cloth even further on aggravating the man since the cape was so big that it almost devoured him while the wind was blowing, and he couldn’t even take it off as he couldn’t move his hands. He had tried to rid himself of the rope multiple times, but nothing was working, so he eventually gave up. Finding his squad was top priority, and he hated the waste of time. Which was ironic, because he had wanted to lead an expedition that was to be a waste of time and life. Maybe all the insults people told them were actually true and Levi just hadn’t realized it before.

Sounds of crickets and small animals were coming from each side, but he wasn’t affected by any of these. That is, until he felt sudden dread running up his spine and turning his stomach so he swiftly turned around to see if there was something behind him.

Nothing.

There was nothing he could see, at least. The man’s raven bangs caressed his forehead from the breeze and he warily turned around and continued walking in a slow pace, his senses sharpening. He didn’t hear anything out of ordinary before, he just felt that someone was watching him. He wasn’t in the state to fight; he was hurt and exhausted and couldn’t even use his arms. His equipment was stolen from him as well, so he didn’t have weapons to fight _or_ his three dimensional maneuvering gear to escape. His heart raced. He felt that feeling before.

Hands gripped his shoulders and he tensed up as his eyes widened. He hadn’t heard anything except the cold wind’s howl.

He stared into the distance as a figure slowly circled him to face the short Captain, the grip on his shoulders wearing off as the figure’s fingers slid down his shoulders, chilling his entire body. The person stopped moving right in front of him and met Captain Levi’s dull blue eyes that widened again as he saw the taller man in front of him. The creature moved its long fingers onto the Captain’s soft cheeks, cupping his youthful-looking face before quickly pulling away, its hands still in the air before it slowly let them fall to its sides. Levi stared, unable to look away from the man’s bright eyes. His heartbeat intensified as he parted his lips to say something, but he found himself unable to do so. The young man stared back with his eyes widely opened as well, and both of them refused to look away. The taller man then slowly moved closer to nudge Levi’s forehead with his cold wet lips, a hot breath spreading across the Captain’s forehead and warming his entire body. The Captain still stared up, his eyebrows lowered. Eren then strode ahead and glanced back at the older man and Levi took that as a sign to follow him. He stumbled over his own feet.

***

They secretly stared at each other from across the small cave they were in. The cave was actually just a small hollow in a big cliff that they reached by climbing up a big tree that had a wide trunk and almost had no bark at all since Eren used to climb the old tree all the time. It was the place he could call his home without being scared to do so. He had spent his time hiding from Titans and the people that were after him in that small hollow, and he was glad he could repay Levi for providing him shelter. Levi didn’t look happy at all, though. While Eren was sitting on the ground with his legs spread out and leaning against the wall while his head was lowered, Levi was leaning against the other side while standing, looking straight ahead of himself. The short man’s eyebrows were furrowed and a frown was etched into his tired-looking face.

Levi moved his hands over his wrists to feel the dents the ropes had left behind.

“So you were ready to literally tell me everything about you except from the fact that you can somehow turn into a fucking Titan”, Levi spat as he fastened the grip on his left hand, “which is _the only_ thing that could really be of real value to us”, he looked back at the man to see his head being lowered, “All this time you were able to turn into a goddamn Titan and kill us all and we didn’t even know. All those nightmares had more truth to them than fantasy, huh? The devouring of your father and the killing of innocent bystanders…Hange was trying to dig that Titan out of you right from the start, wasn’t she? Erwin knew you had a monster in you and probably wanted to beat the shit out of me since I even denied that”, he muttered as he pushed himself from the wall and paced up and down the small location, “Actually, it all makes sense now. The fact that you survived wasn’t a miracle, it was the regeneration the Titans are packing at all times, which also explains why all the wounds from the other day are already gone. That sensitive spot on your neck. The growling, the devouring, hell, you even stink like one. What the hell are you even, Eren?!” his voice suddenly rose as he looked at the man that was hiding his face from the Captain, “I thought I knew you! What? Did you think I’d just slice your limbs off? Oh, wait. You’d just grow them back like a fucking lizard or some shit, wouldn’t you?” he shot him another glare, but the man didn’t respond to him at all and continued drawing something onto the ground with a small piece of white limestone in his hand, “Disgusting. You probably thought I’d cut your nape immediately if you said that you’re a Titan, which would probably be the case, but _not_ after what we’ve been through, Eren! I should really be blaming myself for trusting you that way, though. While everyone else knew what you were, I was the one to fucking stomp onto their so called stupidity and then crawl back to you to receive my fair dose of Eren, the one _human_ that I thought _didn’t_ pretend to be something else! I… T-to think that you’d be dumb enough… to actually _believe_ that I, nor anyone else, wouldn’t find out that you’re a… a Titan at one point…” the man’s voice cracked and he waited for a few seconds before continuing to scold the younger soldier, “But what the hell did I expect”, he spread his arms before letting them fall to his sides again, facing the other man, “Titans have a brain the size of a peanut! No wonder you’re dumb enough to… to just… run off without telling everybody ‘cause of… _Titanoconvertephobia_? Like hell we were going to leave you behind when you disappeared! I almost lost my shit when I saw you weren’t around! I fucking care, okay?!” Levi exclaimed and pinched the bridge of his nose, tightly closing his eyes before slowly looking back at the man who stopped drawing and just stared down, his shoulders still tense. He felt the urge to leave… But what if Eren decided to walk after him? Would he let go? Was Eren going to show his true self if Levi told him he didn’t want to be close to him at the moment…?

“I care”, he silently repeated, his angry expression softening. They spent a few seconds without saying anything. Eren wasn’t responding to him at all. The younger man passed his hands over the stone ground, smudging the picture of the Captain with a smile on he drew.

“We thought we had lost you”, Levi lowly said after a while as he crossed his arms over his chest, lowering his head. Eren didn’t respond once again, so Levi approached his left side and watched Eren’s hunched figure for a while before putting his left leg over Eren’s body and sitting between the younger man’s legs with his arms still crossed over his chest and his face still looking down, ignoring the way his heart started to race, not in attraction, but in alert. He then pressed his forehead against the younger man’s chest against his intuition and half-closed his eyes as he silently added, “I thought I had lost you.”

It didn’t take long for Eren’s natural instinct of wrapping his arms around Levi’s petite body to show itself, and Levi felt the man’s hands stiffen when he realized that Levi had flinched. Still, Eren kept hugging him gently.

“If you found it out immediately, you would have killed me, and after that, I just didn’t have the courage to tell you… I’m dumb. Sorry”, Eren muttered and Levi’s arms snaked around him as well as he hummed in reply. Levi didn’t want this to end this way, honestly, but he just couldn’t bring himself to stand up and leave, whether it was from dread or the feeling of betrayal, but _he was just so relieved,_ and Eren did absolutely _nothing_ to stop him, giving him the freedom of a choice _._ He tightly closed his eyes.

“It’s so weird to hear you speak like an actual human being”, Levi said, but furrowed his brows when Eren didn’t respond, “I don’t care what you think you are. Human, animal, Titan. You’re Eren. A little messed up, a little dumb and… no, wait. A _fucking moron._ That’s what you are”, he lied. The image of a monster was already burnt into his mind.

The boy’s chin rested on top of Levi’s head and the Captain nuzzled his way out of the prison he found himself in to look at the boy’s teal eyes that reflected his own image in them. His expression softened even further as he glanced over to the boy’s plump red lips before looking up again before Eren could notice.

“Why’d you choose to join the Survey Corps…? You could have been free as soon as Erwin would get something out of you”, he silently said as he felt an invisible force push him closer to the man. Eren’s eyes were half-closed, his lips parted, and his brows furrowed. Levi curled an unruly strand of hair up on his index finger and then realigned it with the rest of his messy hair, “Wait, don’t tell. It’s food. No, free healthcare.”

Eren’s lips stretched into a smile as he looked down, “No. I just… don’t know, actually. I hated the titans for what they had me doing, yes… But no… It’s something I can’t describe. I don’t have goals for myself. I… I’m a monster... which didn’t deserve another chance, but got so much more…” the younger man bit on his lip and Levi’s gaze fell to his lips again, intently staring at the way they deformed under his strong teeth, “And Hange-san was always telling me stories about how terrible people had it… If someone like me deserves a better life, then innocent people too. And when you came to me with that cape, and when you started talking about the Survey Corps so… fondly and honestly, I saw an opportunity to stay and to give myself to others and to give someone what was given to me. And I’m ready to give my life for them.”

“Even if they choose to kill you off in the end…?”

Eren was silent for a while, before continuing: “Why did you?”

“Huh?”

“Do you have a wish?”

Levi shook his head on instinct, looking down from the teal eyes that captivated him again and again. He had never had a dream. He had a purpose of joining at first, to kill Commander Eyebrow, but once that didn’t work out, he had no real goal for himself. The world outside was beautiful, the nature captivating, and he felt free… Yes, he wished that everyone could experience that moment of freedom, but without the constant struggling to stay alive. He didn’t have a wish of his own; he carried the wishes of other people in his arms and wanted to fight for them, not for himself. He never wanted anything anyways.

But as he looked back into the ocean of Eren’s eyes, he found himself unable to speak. He hadn’t realized how much his motives had shifted. Where the constant care for the people inside of the walls once was, Eren rightfully sat on that spot now. He didn’t know what he was doing. There was a mission they had to complete, and even though it was a waste of time, and there were also the comrades that might have been in grave danger, but he _didn’t want to move away from Eren._ He couldn’t do this to him. No, he couldn’t do this to himself. For once in his lifetime, he felt… _sickeningly_ _selfish._

Levi didn’t even realize how close they were to each other, but suddenly got painfully aware of that fact. He could feel Eren’s fast heartbeat against his and couldn’t pry his eyes off him. He felt the urge to seal their lips in a passionate kiss that expressed just how much he had missed the man gazing down at him and then to make the space between them minimal. His eyes were widely opened at that point as Eren’s fervent gaze didn’t allow him to think of anything else besides things he wasn’t allowed to think as his Captain. Eren moved closer, pressing their noses together and slowly cupping the older man’s cheeks as his thumbs stroked his cheekbones, breathing into the Captain’s open mouth. Levi quickly turned his head away, feeling his entire body catch on fire. Eren’s right hand slid down Levi’s left arm, reaching for his hand and raising it into the air, intertwining their fingers with his other hand, forcing Levi to look up. The Captain immediately felt regret as he did when he saw Eren’s wide smile that appeared on his face as he met Levi’s eyes.

“For four years I roamed the forest, you say… For almost four years I had been a titan not able to turn back… I hadn’t met a human in four years… In the meantime I turned into a savage. When I took your hand like this, it was like my humanity was back… And you were… were looking at me with awe as well, I remember”, Eren’s smile sweetened as his eyes got wet on the corners, “Even though I did nothing but hurt you, you… I was afraid to let go. I didn’t want you to leave. I wanted you to come with me. And stay.”

The younger man traced his lips over the other man’s hand, not parting their fiery gaze.

“You’re beautiful”, Eren silently muttered and Levi felt his heart sink. And the thought of Eren being a Titan suddenly didn’t matter anymore. Levi moved closer, pressing their foreheads and noses against each other’s, moving to the side to capture his beautiful lips that were smiling at him, but he stopped himself as he knew he shouldn’t. Eren leaned forward as well, shakily breathing when the Captain moved away. As a tear slid down Eren’s soft cheek, he quickly passed his thumb over it to wipe the tear off him, looking back into his loving eyes. Levi felt the urge to stay by him for the rest of his life, even though he knew that was as unlikely as saying that he would turn into Titan himself, just so he could wipe every single one of his tears away. …He hated the cheesy romance novels and what they had done to him. He should have taken Hange’s self help books. Though, he didn’t think he needed those anymore.

The younger man leaned forward to clash their lips, but Levi lowly whined as he flinched, lowering his head and tensing up. Eren’s eyes widened before a smile spread on his face again, his hands sliding down Levi’s tense torso. The Captain hissed as he angrily looked at the younger man.

“Back off you lit- AH~!” Levi grabbed the younger man’s hand that found itself on his inner thigh and subconsciously intertwined their fingers as he pressed Eren against the wall, catching his gaze again as they were just a few inches apart, and Levi couldn’t help himself but to look at the man’s beautiful lips that he thought existed only so that Levi could claim them with his, clash them with his, lick them, bite them, bruise them. The fire inside of his heart spread through his entire body and his eyes narrowed and he clenched his teeth to hold himself back. _He had missed him so much. A kiss wouldn’t hurt. Just one…_

“We shouldn’t…” Levi muttered into Eren’s lips and the younger man’s eyes half-closed as he reached forward, only to be stopped by Levi’s nose that suddenly moved down, the contact of their skin burning them both with desire.

“You want me”, Eren responded while a wide grin spread on his face and Levi’s brows furrowed as he looked at Eren again, feeling the invisible force pulling them closer again, but this time, he closed his eyes and let his feelings take over. Just before their lips would meet, Levi opened his eyes again to see the man’s long eyelashes in front of him.

 “We can’t… Eren…” his lewd moan explained the situation perfectly as he allowed Eren to bite his lower lip and thrust forward to capture his Captain’s taste, his hands finding their way to the older man’s head as his fingers laced through his soft hair while Levi was fighting the urge to explore the younger man’s mouth with all he could, but he couldn’t hold it in after a few seconds. Levi closed his eyes as he wrapped his legs around Eren’s abdomen firmly, shrinking the space between them as much as possible, his strong, cut hands roughly grabbing Eren’s collar and pulling him closer… _closer…_

Eren’s heart drumming against his, his hands cupping the entirety of Levi’s face and pulling him into himself, biting his lip with every new kiss and subtly trying to overpower the Captain who was leaning back as the beast’s moans intensified and turned into growls as Eren’s grip strengthened. Levi couldn’t think anymore. Everything that was left of his right mind was telling him to stop immediately, to at least try to act tough and to shove him away as he was supposed to, but his skin burnt so much, he felt as if he would combust, and he loved it; loved the way Eren had locked him down. He had no shelter to hide from the beast that had him completely, grunting into his mouth and grinding against him ever so slightly, looking into his eyes every now and then just to show him the fire that he had burning inside of him even through the hardest of times, before finally throwing himself on top of the small Captain, pressing him against the hard floor as his harsh, needy kisses intensified, but it didn’t seem to be enough for the young man as he grabbed the Captain by his collar and pulled him up again, slowly and carefully, looking straight into the older man’s glassy eyes. The young man was panting heavily, but he managed to hold himself back somehow, waiting for Levi to do something, panic rising in his chest as Levi’s glassy eyes slowly narrowed again, his face showing a displeased frown, but he couldn’t just take the man like that. He couldn’t just let go either, though. He _needed_ permission.

Levi suddenly pressed him back against the wall which resulted in a loud yelp coming from the boy as his eyes widened, realizing the Captain’s eyes were glassy and lustful. Levi figured he didn’t need to say anything else as he quickly stood from the taller man’s lap and made his way out of the hollow, immediately being followed by the younger man who harshly grabbed his hand as he managed to catch the Captain just as he wanted to leap down the huge naked tree branch from the dead tree with its roots sticking out of the ground that led to the hollow. The Captain looked back at the young man’s eyes that once again shone with determination and didn’t hide any feelings behind them, the hurt being replaced by intense _love_ that was shaking in fear of getting rejected once again, but also with great desire that told Levi just how much the man wasn’t actually human. Although the stars shone especially bright, Eren didn’t seem like he even noticed them as he approached the Captain warily and slowly, reaching for his right hand with his, pulling Levi closer to him. Levi felt compelled to obey as his legs almost gave in. The wind was playing with their hair, curling it, swinging it, messing everything up, but not managing to protect the Captain from the intense stare that the Titan directed at him.

The monster leaned down to meet the tips of their noses as the Captain was looking up with eyes wide open. He knew he lost the battle right then and there, with Eren’s eyes screaming that Levi was _his; and his alone._ The look he gave him was not just passionate, though. It was a vibrant look that would tear one’s skin apart, causing blood to churn, rip out every fiber of flesh, piece by piece, slowly, claw the shoulders, slash the muscles and disable them, break the bones, crunch the lips, engulf the heart and grip on the very core of one’s being violently, drawing the soul out to the surface without permission; a _terribilita_ that made Humanity’s Strongest stop dead.

 “Don’t leave me”, Eren silently ordered as his cold fingers reached for Levi’s on both hands, bringing the shorter man’s fingers to the button of the cape that displayed the Wings of Freedom, and Levi didn’t part his gaze from Eren’s as he undid the button and Eren slowly slid the cape off his shoulders, holding onto it as Levi stood on his tiptoes to pull the boy’s head down, looking at his red lips.

“Yes, Captain”, he purred as he gently pressed their lips together, moaning as Eren’s hands trailed down his spine and pulled him closer and closer, until their bodies clashed, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Eren breathed in deeply through his nose, gripping Levi’s shoulders tightly and Levi sank into the beast’s body as he pulled the younger man’s head down roughly, feeding him with even more longing.

The endless starry sky was right there, above them. Eren had yearned to see the star-filled, open sky ever since he had been robbed of it, missing the way he would stare up at them every night. The bright small dots ranging from but a mere tiny speck to a big dot, arranged in all kinds of shapes, and the moon shining through the trees around them, its reddish surface drawing everyone’s attention except for the men’s. A white speck passed through the sky, fell to the Earth, but neither of them saw. The remaining ones shone with all they had, just like they had waited for the boy that loved them so much to return to them, but Eren did not see, nor care.

They did not need the stars that night.

***

Eren had watched Levi come completely undone underneath him that night, seeing his wide-open eyes yelling his name when his hoarse voice finally decided to crack and fail him, clawing on Eren’s shoulders as his sweaty hair got stuck to his pale forehead and flushed cheeks, heavily breathing through his teeth while loud, painful moans escaped his throat, one by one, cutting each other off at Eren’s fast movement. He had seen the stern Captain that refused giving Eren the permission to get closer completely lose his calm mask as he breathed heavily into Eren’s face, trying to press his bloody lips against Eren’s at every opportunity he received, yearning for the closeness between their bodies and had seen him switch his expression from incredibly painful looking to happy beyond measures, with eyes brimming with emotion. He had felt the man’s legs wrap around him and clench his abdomen at each thrust of his hips against the Captain’s, and had seen his eyes go wet in the pain that Eren put him through. He had observed every single one of his muscles twitch while Eren’s hands were pressed into his sides to hold balance, and when they were both done and couldn’t feel anything in their bodies anymore, Levi bent forward to press his lips against the younger man’s, and Eren had pushed him down again as he returned the kiss sloppily and tiredly, the moonlight illuminating their sweaty complexions, a high-pitched whimper escaping his mouth as he released. He had stared into Levi’s tired, blissful stormy eyes without saying anything for more than five minutes, until they closed and his breath evened, with his heart’s pace gradually starting to slow down.

And after looking at him for an additional minute to make sure Levi really did fall asleep, he half-closed his eyes and lied down at his chest, listening to his slow heartbeat and half-closing his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night right from the start. The man who had put all of his trust into Eren realized that Eren had lied to him from the very beginning and the young man couldn’t understand why Levi didn’t end him right then and there. He was a titan, after all. One of the ugliest, most repulsive creatures that unfortunately roamed the world of beautiful human beings. The reminder of them shook the boy up. Thinking about their disgusting limbs, their smelly breath, their nothingness they carried in their heads… it was like they were specifically created to make the life of humanity torturous, as if someone had placed them on the location to make it but a mere game to see if humanity was able to cope with those abominations that didn’t even need to eat anyone to survive, but would take them by their mouths, bite through them and swallow them anyways, only to puke everything out at a later point. Eren wanted to be the one to tear their limbs off, cut their napes, dig into their flesh and have their stinking blood on his hands as they’d die one be one… but after being rescued multiple times, he realized that it was no coincidence that he didn’t try to assault them earlier.

He was weak.

Even while roaming the world as a titan for about four years, he still didn’t do anything. Even when he managed to control himself after four long years of being out of his mind, he felt as weak as ever, being in his human form again, lost and confused and not remembering how to say anything or how to _not_ act like an animal. And when he saw the huge beasts that hunted other people, he didn’t feel anything but hatred, even though he was just like them, not even knowing if he had hurt someone in such a state. And when he found this place, knowing he would be safe from the beasts and his so called brother that took him in and delivered him to the monstrosities without batting an eye, he had finally realized how incapable of anything _human_ he was at the moment, having even trouble standing up on two legs, not sure if it was because of exhaustion or because of the monstrous impulses still running through his brain. He could still remember words, but couldn’t articulate them properly. He ate like an animal, everything he could find. He would sometimes look back at the sky, thinking of how it would be to be up there, with the stars. Maybe they knew the answer to how to become a person again. And he was _scared._ So he didn’t do anything against the things life kept shoving towards him and instead backed down and hid.

Eren never even realized how easy it was for a human to quit just because of being scared. And he was a coward, and nothing else, a coward who could act normal only next to the man soundly sleeping right beneath him, knowing that this man’s strength could neutralize his own weakness.

His heartbeat was so beautiful… so human. Why couldn’t he be human? Why did his father ever want him to become an indestructible beast? He’ll never be able to live a normal life like that. The thing inside of him was eating his person from the inside out, and he was sure he wouldn’t take long before he would turn into that nauseating creature that hunted everyone he ever cared about _all over again_. People. People were beautiful, every single one of them differing from the other, even though they weren’t perfect. Everyone had flaws, but in Eren’s eyes, even those were beautiful, and not the sign of weakness, but of diversity, a hole in the plot that could be filled with the help of another person, which created a bond, whether they would like it or not. The eyes of people… something that would stay burnt into your mind forever, something that tells the stories of their heart, happy and sad, good and bad, with specs and lines and colors that reflected the morning, evening or night sky, the trees or the grasslands. The way the skin of older people shriveled, but was still warm and strong, holding on, the skin of little children and how unusually soft and fragile it was, without any imperfections. People’s smiles and laughs, their voice, mannerism, their body language and their complex, wonderful hands, Eren had seen so many during the time he spent with Levi. Their different personalities, being happy, or angry, or sad, or depressed, or excited, or zealous, or smart, or shy, or timid, or ignorant, or annoying, beautiful. And they all completed each other and helped each other like that. Helping each other… Eren had forgotten how that felt like before getting with the Survey Corps. He was always being used before, no matter how he tried to turn the situation around. Even the ones he had trusted ended up being against him.

…

_“Come with me, little Yeager”, the tall blond said and stretched his hand out to take the boy’s into his, but Eren just stared at him with his shining eyes wide and tearful, but the moment he looked into the relatively young man’s eyes, he felt familiar warmth inside him before he angrily growled, stepping away. The man watched him before kneeling on one knee, aiming to earn the boy’s trust, “I will not hurt you. You and I, we will make a great team, bucko.”_

_Eren watched the man’s expression for a little while, clenching his father’s glasses in his tiny, bloody hands. His entire body was trembling, but he himself didn’t look traumatized because of the blood, but because of the glasses that reflected the sun’s rays and reflected them straight down at the ground. He felt nauseous, although he didn’t feel any physical pain at all. He then put the glasses onto his nose to look like the man in front of him, but threw them down immediately after his eyes started hurting, earning a light-hearted chuckle from the blond. Eren warily looked up._

_“What’s your name?” the man asked, looking into the boy’s eyes._

_The little boy shifted his weight from one leg to another, wearily looking at the ground, already used to the stench of blood that covered it, before finally responding: “Eren.”_

_“Bro”, the man said and reached for the boy’s hand again, but Eren stepped away, timidly looking behind himself to spot if there was something to save him from the scary man with a soft expression in front of him. He obviously didn’t like strangers and wasn’t interested in human companionship, although he was in the age when children started to cling to other kids rather than to toys and their parents. Eren was an exception, it seemed. ‘Bro’ smiled, “Would you come with me, Eren? I have a cozy place for you to rest at and I’ve even got some sweets for you. Toys, books, I’ve got everything, trust me.”_

_The blond’s brows furrowed when he saw Eren slowly backing off. The man wasn’t dumb, he got eaten on his own free will, and the blond already had an idea forming in his mind. Titans didn’t attempt to attack him yet, as if the mindless beasts knew._

_“Even if you run, I’ll find you. Care to play a round of hide and... seek?” the man asked and Eren started running the fastest he could, not knowing what he should do from now on. He devoured his own father, the man that had put everything he had aside for Eren, the man that was strict, but would also support his every decision, no matter how dumb it was. And now Eren ate him. Ate his own father. Fat tears started rolling down his cheeks as his eyesight went blurry. He eventually collapsed, and the next thing he saw when he awoke wasn’t that man, who had promised to play a game with him, but a huge titan that picked him up with its mouth. And from that moment on, he knew he was just going to be used._

_…_

That man had put him to work with the beings he despised, he had been tainting his perception of humans by telling how heartless creatures they were and how he was at right, and just before he escaped, he had tried to kill him just to obtain what he wanted, even though Eren had never done anything bad to him. On the other side, he made Levi’s life resemble hell even more, by hurting him physically and mentally, by getting his entire squad killed and by endangering his and everyone else’s lives by running off like that, yet he never did anything like that to Eren. He was completely honest, and was caring right from the start. The young man smiled, leaning forward to look at the Captain’s sleeping face, with his eyes closed and bruised lips parted. He couldn’t look away from the man who accepted his monstrosity the way it was, without asking additional questions, forgiving his stupidity of not telling him sooner. It’s not that he didn’t trust him, he was just afraid to tell… _which was the same thing to some extent, wasn’t it…?_

The man’s expression softened as his lips parted to release a silent sigh, his brows furrowing. Levi had all the right to hate him. Yet judging by the way he was looking at the beast while enduring the pain it put him through, it was quite the opposite. Eren felt his heart burn; a feeling that he was sure would never subside. Eren wasn’t the only one who had problems, though. He had felt it from the moment he had first seen his anxious movements, his widened eyes and could feel the negativity being replaced with something much more beautiful, something _pure_ , through this. Eren felt his chest ache and pressed another peck against his soft cheek, then another to his other cheek. How did they manage to meet? Both emotionally unstable, messed up, broken and lost, and they still had the heart to try to cling to each other, even if it would break them even further? Eren was sure he wouldn’t live for long. He had seen it, the gun pointed at his face, Levi kneeling to his side. What would the man he cared so deeply for do, if Eren just disappeared from his life after _this_? They both devoted themselves to the other fully. There was no way Levi was going to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in an existential crisis right now because I have no idea what to do with my life in the future and I'll have to decide soon. So I dunno what day it is and have no idea when I'll upload again. And thank you for reading. <3 u.


	26. Zerbrechlich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the late update. But there's all the exams and that really inconvenient sickness going on round now. This chapter's a sweet one with no plot whatsoever.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me.

Humanity's Strongest would never really get used to waking up late, with the chirping of curious birds from all sides. Light was protruding through a small passage that two big treetops formed and it shone right into his eyes, so he lowly moaned and tried to turn around so he wouldn’t go blind from all of the sunlight at once, but he remembered he couldn’t when he saw a small brown bush of messy hair protruding through the dark green cloth that covered his body. Eren was still lying on top of him, holding onto him with one hand on Levi’s chest while the other one was still wrapped around Levi’s waist. The Captain breathed the fresh air in and let the back of his head fall back, staring at green foliage slightly swinging above him. There was a small, warm breeze that made the Captain’s skin display goosebumps. Waking up without his uniform on, rested but still unable to move, with the sun shining down on him, with the slight warm breeze caressing his hair and with Eren’s familiar smell didn’t seem that bad anymore to him. Moreover, he wished for the feeling to come again and again. He knew it was impossible, but he wanted to wake up like that for the rest of his lifetime. The idea was just there, and wouldn’t fade, and much to Levi’s annoyance, he wasn’t annoyed by the fact that he wanted it all so bad.

Eren suddenly shifted and almost pushed the cloth off them, so the Captain quickly grabbed it as the boy’s head emerged from the cloth and smiled at Levi who propped his shoulders against the thick tree branch. The Captain leaned forward to kiss the other man’s temple and got rewarded by a light chuckle from the man on top of him.

Levi still had his button-up shirt on, although the buttons on the lower part were opened. Eren was completely naked. The Captain leaned back again as he tried to reach Eren’s clothing, only to realize that the only pieces of clothing left on the branch were Levi’s white pants and boxers. He put a hand over his eyes and sighed.

“Eren…” he hummed, “don’t tell me you threw your clothes off the tree, please…”

“Okay”, Eren responded and Levi looked back at his lover to see a nervous smile coming his way, which made the Captain’s lips twitch upward. He sighed again as he took the boy by his waist and rolled them over so that he ended up on top of Eren, pressing their foreheads together.

“You pig. And what now?”

“Dunno”, Eren shrugged as he buried his nose in the crook of Levi’s neck to which the Captain responded by silently humming in approval. He felt Eren’s warm hand trail over the bite mark that was still present on the transition of the neck to the shoulder, gently stroking it before continuing to trail his fingers over the new set of bruises he caused.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it”, Levi sleepily muttered, refusing to open his eyes, “as long as you don’t turn into a Titan while we’re at it I won’t be mad. Promise.”

The birds’ singing suddenly got louder and Levi mumbled something under his breath before rolling to the side, intertwining his legs with Eren’s while making sure the cloth would stay over Eren’s naked body.

“How come you’re so accepting of it…?” Eren asked after some time and Levi heavily exhaled.

“I’ve already told you, if I would care for that thing eating you from the inside out, I would already have cut it into pieces and left it to rot. But that would mean killing you, too. And while the thought of not having to be asked such stupid questions does sound appealing, I’d rather not have Erwin freaking out why I killed Humanity’s Hope. He’ll probably be amazed when he hears what you really are. Won’t let go of you that easily.”

Eren nodded and Levi’s fingers instinctively passed through the boy’s soft, messy locks. The Captain heavily sighed before continuing: “You weren’t dishonest with me, I know. Even though you were basically a parasite to us, your eyes always spoke the truth. Also, you don’t know how to lie. Basically, you’re the worst liar ever, and that’s why I decided not to cut you into pieces, even though you’re now considered to be one of the ugliest creatures to roam the world.”

He felt Eren’s tongue lick his brow, which was a common thing by now, so Levi wasn’t as disgusted anymore. Levi stared at his young lover, his eyes half-closed and looking straight into Eren’s, a sweet smile on his face. When Levi felt his heart tremble though, he averted his gaze to look at the wood beneath him, his eyes widening and his smile fading. Sudden anxiety rushed through his body and made the man’s heart clench. The realization of how he felt for the man next to him hit him so hard that he couldn’t see in front of himself for a second. How could he have been so blind? If he had realized where this was leading to he could have been able to stop it, but it was too late now. Eren was now that one person that would make him feel as if he was still appreciated for the sensitive, fragile, depressed, rigorous, neurotic, sadistic, filthy-mouthed clean freak he truly was.

_“No… I… I can’t really be… It’s not… I can’t. I CAN’T.”_

 “Oi, Eren.”

Eren murmured something as he wrapped his hands around the Captain’s petite frame.

“Make me hate you”, Levi muttered and the younger man bit on his ear, which didn’t have much of an effect, “You’ll just arouse me that way, Loverbutt. Do something so I’d be able to hate you.”

Eren went on all fours as the cloth slipped off him, so Levi shot up and wrapped him up in it as if someone was watching them. Eren tiredly looked at him in a questioning way as the Captain reached for his boxers to pull them on, angrily eyeing his lover.

“We’ve got audience”, Levi mumbled and looked up to see a couple of birds leaping on the tiny branches above him, fighting over a small berry. Eren’s smile suddenly intensified as he looked back at the Captain.

“Those are birds, Levi.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed.

“No shit.”

“They don’t judge”, Eren said as his sight fell to the small bluebird that sat right across them, on the edge of the tree branch, silently singing its angelic tune, “they don’t care”, Eren continued as he stood on his legs and spread his arms out, walking towards the bird on the dangerously thin branch, “they don’t overthink.”

“Oi, oi, oi, oi. What are you doing?” Levi’s worried voice came from the back, but he didn’t look at him. The brunet’s legs were shaky; he hadn’t done this in a while, “Eren, if you don’t come back immediately I’ll have to break both of your legs”, Eren rolled his eyes playfully as he heard the man exhale before correcting himself, “They’d… grow back anyways. Shit, wait.”

The whole branch started shaking as Eren’s weight weighed it down, so the man went on all fours, careful not to disturb the bird which eyed him a few times, but didn’t fly away. It was young, its feathers a light blue color and its chest orange, its head thick and its feet small. Eren heard a remark from Levi as he bent over, but he chose to ignore it. When the young man finally reached the bird, he carefully showed it its empty palms before slowly making the space for the bird smaller, looking at it intently, making sure to be especially gentle while not allowing it to escape at the same time.

He then rushed back to Levi with his hands stiff and in place, carrying the small blue gift, which made the older man look at him. Eren sat down right next to him, flashing a toothy grin as he moved his hands apart just enough to reveal a small blue colored bird eyeing them both. Levi blinked confusedly and put a hand over Eren’s wrist carefully, eyeing him.

“Are you a saint or some shit?” he asked and saw a sweet smile on Eren’s young face, “’Cause then I’d be pretty fucked.”

Eren looked down as he parted his hands, allowing the animal to fly away rather clumsily. A sad smile spread on his features.

“Far from that.”

The young man then felt a gentle peck being placed on his cheek and he looked to his side, seeing the older man slightly smile, but in a sad way.

“I know I can be harsh sometimes. Don’t let it get to you. Eren”, he took the boy by the left hand, unable to look him in the eyes anymore and resting his sight on Eren’s hand while gently stroking it, “It was… a lot to take in. Especially since I heard it coming from a random person I have never met in my life before. I… didn’t want to believe it. That I was wrong about you, I mean. You know I had all rights to be angry at you, but honestly, I was angrier with myself for not realizing it earlier. For not realizing you weren’t normal and just lost. Normal people don’t have that spark in their eyes and don’t have nightmares all the time… and don’t bite as much”, he said as he looked back into the young man’s eyes that were still on him, “People will try to kill you now, you must be aware of this. And while I don’t want it to happen, what can I do…? Stay silent, and let humanity perish, for there are more like you that don’t have the same intentions as you, or say something and get you executed…?”

Eren’s eyes suddenly widened. He wasn’t aware of how much Levi knew. Did he hear it from his caretaker, or did he conclude everything just by putting the pieces of the puzzle together? It didn’t matter. Levi knew everything anyways, more than Eren knew, probably. The young man put his other hand on top of Levi’s as he saw the painful expression on his face as the Captain lowered his gaze.

“They placed this burden on me on purpose. Erwin had planned it all, that’s why he allowed me to take you in, and that’s why Hange came running after me that day, making me believe I was the right choice to make to take care of you because you developed a liking for me and I was the one suited for the job of keeping you from harming anybody. I should’ve seen right through it. …If they had only known that I would develop a liking for the experiment they handed to me though, they would have made a different approach. I’m frail as fuck, Eren. I’m not the way I pretend to be. …No one is.”

Eren’s lips met his for a brief moment and the Captain’s sad smile intensified. The boy was only making him more vulnerable, but he couldn’t tell him that. He wanted Eren to do what he wanted and when he wanted, to have the freedom he utterly deserved for being so different.

“You’re a monster”, Levi suddenly uttered and narrowed his eyes to look at Eren’s surprised face. The sad look of his face disappeared, and there was harshness in his voice that made Eren know that what he was saying was of high importance, “you are a monster that either came from the dawning heavens or crept out of the rock cleft. Came to either rip us apart or to save our damned souls”, he gripped the man’s strong jaw and let his fingernails dig into it as he pulled the boy closer, forcing him to look into his sharp eyes that Eren associated with a heavy, unmerciful storm, “Don’t change.”

He paused for a while, feeling Eren’s inconsistent heartbeat against his chest. He then swiftly turned his head into the other direction, facing the endless amount of trees that were in the background. It didn’t take long for Eren to crawl to his side and sit next to him, his legs dangling from the huge tree, and they stayed in silence for a while, listening to the breeze and birds around them. When Levi took a glance at the younger man next to him, he saw the distressed expression on his face, so he looked back at the scenery that stretched itself out in front of him, letting his legs dangle from the tree as well.

“Look at these hugeass trees”, he made a lousy attempt to joke, but Eren didn’t respond to him. After a few more seconds, the boy with the key around his neck slid closer to the other man, and after another few seconds, Eren wrapped his arms around the petite man and Levi basically buried himself in the defenseless form of the other.

_“I don’t deserve this. He deserves more. He deserves everything. He won’t be happy.”_

Still, he stayed in the same position, refusing to part from the younger man who was his only source of comfort. This was it. No one would ever go before Eren anymore. The beast that was hated and feared and loved at the same time had eyes for him, and he hoped only for him.

_“But Eren deserves more.”_

He felt the boy’s plump lips being pressed to the crown of his head.

_“What? He feels my worries now too?”_

Levi smiled as his eyes closed. His throat felt wrong, as if it had compressed and he barely breathed. He didn’t know what Eren felt. His mind was differently oriented, and would never be the same way as his was. He wished he knew what Eren could or could not feel; if there even was such a thing that Eren could not feel. Then he would be sure that the words that wanted to leave his mouth would never be forgotten. But he swallowed those words, letting them crash back into his heart where they belonged. Not yet. They still had an expedition to complete.

His thoughts stopped as he felt the young man’s heartbeat gradually speeding up, so he looked up, only to see the younger man’s furious eyes. It didn’t take long for Eren to suddenly switch their positions, burrowing himself into Levi’s chest. Levi’s hands were in the air, confused of what was happening.

“I don’t want to be a monster… Levi… I don’t want to…” he silently whispered into Levi’s button-up shirt that reeked of the mixture of their sweat, “I… the guards that had been there… The night before… I lied to you about having a nightmare. In truth, I hid from the two men that wanted to deliver me to their boss. He wants to… wants to extract something from me, and even though he had explained hundreds of times, I still can’t remember what exactly. I really don’t need it, but I can’t give it to him. I know he wouldn’t use it in the right way. He wants you all to perish, and even though he claimed to be my brother, I still can’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me why that was. And if that happened, I… I don’t know. When the men talked about how they could search every tent and kill others if there was the need to, I went out to settle things… but I couldn’t control myself. And _killed_ them.”

His response was nothing but silence, but he felt the Captain’s muscles tense.

“And once it was done…” he said as he tightened his grip around Levi, “I chickened. Hid their bodies and… ran away. Like a damn coward.”

“Eren.”

“I hoped you would hate me when you found out. I don’t want to hurt you like that on accident, not anyone else. But I can’t hold back. I can’t get rid of that feeling! I don’t want to do that! I don’t want to take human lives, even if those are as tainted as mine! I don’t want to! Yet I do! I grab them by the throat, pull their-“

“Oi, Eren.”

“You should have killed me!” he suddenly exclaimed and Levi’s eyes widened as the boy gripped on his shirt so tight that he thought he would rip it apart, “You had the chance to! I don’t DESERVE to live, Levi! I don’t! I am disgusting! Just take my life! You don’t have to pretend! Please, at least… at least…” his grip slowly lessened as he stopped shaking, “at least tell me that I’m not worth of living. Tell me that I’m disgusting again, hurt me… Please, I don’t… _I’ve seen myself… trying to kill you…_ ”

_“Die Stühle liegen sehr eng…”_ a soft, silvery singing voice made him stop as he widened his eyes and felt the other man’s chin rest on top of his head, _“Wir reden die ganze Nacht lang…_ _Dieser niedrige Raum ist nicht schlecht. Wir können uns gut verstehen…”_

Levi cradled Eren and began to slowly rock him. The younger man raised his head just enough to see the other staring into the distance with his glassy eyes that resembled dark clouds ready to fill the land with rain. Levi’s voice was angelic. To think that he would sing for Eren, who still wanted to be despised for what he was…

_“So ist es immer, mein Licht bist nur du_   
_Lieben und singen, wir begrüßen morgen_   
_So ist es immer, unter’m riesigen Himmel_   
_Leben wir zusammen, die Nacht ist lang…"_

 Levi took a glance at the boy in his arms, softly smiling as he saw Eren’s bemused expression.

_“Da die Sterne nicht leuchten_   
_Kann der Mond auch nicht auf uns scheinen_   
_Mein Herz braucht aber nur dich,_   
_Weil du nun mein Stern'himmel bist…“*_

Levi pressed his lips at the tip of Eren’s nose, widely and nervously smiling with his eyes half-closed as Eren’s reflected his image, intently staring back at him, the sunlight making his bluish eyes shine.

Would the boy be taken away from him as well, one day? He knew the answer, and it made his eyes burn and his smile bitter. Still, he had him now, and that was all he needed.

“Now let’s go find those damn clothes of yours”, he said with a gentle smile, holding back what had collected in his dull eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The chairs lie so close,  
> We talk all night long,  
> This small space isn't bad  
> We can understand each other well
> 
> It's always like that, you're my only light  
> Loving and singing, we greet the morning  
> It's always like that, under the huge sky  
> We live together, the night is long...
> 
> Since the stars aren't shining  
> The moon can't shine on us as well  
> My heart needs only you though  
> Because you're my starry sky now...
> 
> Yeah, I altered So ist es immer a bit, just because I could. But I smile whenever I read the last verse, so I guess it turned out okay. It ends up being a little weird on English, and can't really be translated from word to word, so sorry :P ...Thinking about it, why did I proceed to modify the song in German, although I knew a lot of people can't speak it...?
> 
> Something's wrong with me I guess.


	27. Leicht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made the mistake of re-reading the first part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me! And of course nothing nice will come out of this one. This one's on the... heavier side. Especially if you read it entirely and then read the first part again with some kind of cute instrumental music. Whoops, did I spoil anything?

 “Stop laughing at me and just help me”, Levi angrily exclaimed as he looked down at his lover, his eyes narrowing as Eren’s laugh only grew louder and more obnoxious. What was so funny anyways? That the Captain couldn’t even walk normally because of their activity the other day or because he was so small that the button-up he wore almost reached his knees? It’s not that the Survey Corps would make shirts his size just because of his high rank. Levi crossed his arms over his chest and straightened, “Tch. Of course you’d be like this. If I only didn’t go easy on you back then…”

Eren’s cheeks were red from the laughter Levi had somehow triggered, and even though he felt his pride getting kicked it the guts, he couldn’t be truly angry at such a sight. Eren’s eyes were shut as he bended over, trying to muffle the laughter by pressing his palm against his mouth. No matter how many times Levi had tried to stop it, Eren would downright ignore him. Served him right, though. He pointed out how ridiculous his Eren looked like with his pants tightly clenching the young man’s legs, even though those pants were still bigger than the ones he had worn when Levi first met him. Levi just sighed in defeat and sat down, tightly closing his eyes to bear the pain. He dug his short nails into the wood and slid forward to step on a lower tree branch all by himself, but Eren rushed to his aid as soon as he saw the shorter man’s struggle to get down, grabbing him the moment he released himself from the branch and pulling him into his arms, stepping back to regain balance. He had almost forgotten how heavy the small man actually was, which made him chuckle again, a bright grin spreading across his face and Levi angrily staring at him before weakly slamming his right fist at the top of the young man’s head, his expression softening again when Eren’s hand grabbed him by the wrist and looked up at him as he tightened the hold, and the Captain didn’t even realize when his own legs defied his will and wrapped around the man’s back.

“You know how much I hate it when people pick me up”, Levi muttered and slowly moved his hands to each side of Eren’s rosy cheeks, feeling the heat beneath his cold palms. They stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before the younger man grinned widely again, spinning them around and making Levi wrap his arms around his neck to hold onto his dear life, cursing his entire lineage as Eren’s movements only became faster. He thought for sure they’d fall down, considering the tree branch wasn’t exactly wide, but Eren suddenly sat down and Levi slid out of his hands, landing on his back while his feet were up in the air, leaning against Eren’s shoulders. The older man growled and threw his legs back to somersault and face the other man again while sitting, a frown on his face as he realigned his big shirt.

“To hell with you and your stupid acrobatics”, Levi huffed as he crossed his arms on his chest again and pouted, but slammed his hands back against the tree once he saw the younger man crawl towards him in a fast motion, unable to escape him as he made Levi fall back to hit the branch as Eren hovered above him, “The fuck are you-“ he was interrupted as Eren nuzzled his nose into the Captain’s neck, his breath tickling his bruised skin. He was never a fan of tickling, but as Eren kept on continuously looking up at him while breathing into his skin rapidly, Levi allowed himself to smile widely as he pushed the man off him in false irritation while his smile was still showing, earning a second of silence and a stare from Eren before the man chuckled and pressed their noses together, his eyes closing and his brows furrowing. Levi put his hands on top of the man’s bare shoulders and Eren put a palm at the back of Levi’s neck, lifting his head up just a bit to make him look into his bright, shining eyes that looked completely sincere at the moment, with nothing hidden behind them, putting all of his walls down to make himself completely vulnerable, knowing that Levi would never use it against him. As he leaned down to lick the face of the smaller man, Levi bit on the rope that held the key around Eren’s neck, pulling it down with him, and once Eren noticed this, he stopped for a moment before sweetly smiling and softly pressing his forehead against Levi’s before he straightened his neck again to look down at the man’s unusually bright eyes.

And as Eren stared at him, Levi knew that this was it. With a smile on his lips, he beckoned the man closer so their lips would meet in a gentle, slow kiss that just didn’t want to stop and kept going in what seemed to be forever.

The raven would say it. He wanted to let those three small words roll from his tongue to let Eren know he wasn’t messing around. And the moment their lips parted, he opened his mouth, but his voice got stuck in his throat as he heard a muffled shot from somewhere and shot up, harshly bumping into the man’s forehead and loudly cursing as he put a hand against his forehead, sitting up when Eren nimbly leaped at his toes again and raised his head to look around. As Levi sat up, his sight momentarily turned black and the only thing he heard were buzzing sounds, until he heard Eren speak in a silent, almost chilling tone of voice.

“L-Levi. There’s… smoke in the distance.”

“Smoke, you say…?” Levi asked and could feel the other man’s hand reaching for him, so he quickly grabbed it and pulled himself up to lean against the man _._ He rubbed his eyes with his index and thumb finger before squinting his eyes to look into the distance, his eyes widening once he saw a thin layer of dark smoke darting into the sky, disappearing into the white fluffy clouds.

“It’s…” Eren muttered and felt Levi’s grip around his arm tighten.

“An emergency. Something must have gone wrong… again”, Levi muttered as he still eyed the purple signal flare, his chest tightening to the point where it made it hard for him to breathe. A feeling of guilt rushed over him, but the black signal flare from across the field made that feeling useless, all of a sudden. Either the Titan in question was moving at a record speed, or the Titans had developed a mind of their own to move in formations instead of in a herd. The guilt was replaced by a feeling of desperation as he looked down at his sides, only to remind himself that he was lacking his weapons and equipment, as well as his capabilities at the moment.

_“That bastard… I knew there was a reason for him to take the equipment… Why the hell didn’t I bother to fight him? I should have known he wasn’t going to let me go, even if I’d promised to get him Eren…”_ he felt the young man’s hand on his arm, so he looked up to meet Eren’s worried eyes that radiated guilt as well, which made him clench his teeth and narrow his eyes in anger, _“I knew I should have left the moment I came in… I fucking knew that I’d give in to his goddamn carnal behavior. And what now?”_ he shoved Eren’s hand back and stepped away to look into the distance again, his sharp eyes looking at the way the trees were swinging, _“Pull yourself together. There’s no time to think of how things could have taken a different way. There never has been.”_

He saw Eren slowly back off from the corner of his eye, his head hung in defeat and guilt. Levi remained focused on the trees that were constantly shaking, the huge thing rushing towards them really moving in a record speed. His eyes narrowed as he clicked his tongue, his heart beating fast from the adrenaline that washed through him. The pain was still there and his hand reached towards his aching leg that never really had the chance to rest, but he wasn’t going to give into it.

_“It’s fast… If this Titan keeps up, it’ll reach us in no time… Eren’s not ready; and I’m fucking crippled.”_

His eyes narrowed even further and he felt a bead of sweat fall from his forehead as he realized there was another Titan herd in the distance that moved almost equally as fast, but not in their direction. It was heading towards the direction from where the black signal came from.

_“Do they… follow the signals…? But if that’s the case, then… How do they know that we’re located here, as if they had…”_ his eyes suddenly widened as he realized that the trees stopped moving and panic rose in him as he realized he hadn’t been paying attention to the Titan heading their way for a few seconds. He felt as if the time around him stopped as he rapidly moved his head from one direction to the other, trying to spot the Titan that was coming closer to them, but he could hear something inside of him telling him to turn around. He did, the fastest he could, even though he felt as if it took an eternity to even look back and then move his legs into the other direction, seeing Eren slowly tense up as the younger man’s foot took a step backwards as if it was in slow-motion, his eyes blurring out all of the surroundings except from Eren and turning everything into a vision of black and blue, the sun’s rays protruding through the black trees illuminating only Eren’s figure and a small part of the clearing in front of them. Levi felt sharp pain in his hurt leg as he connected it with the wood before he leaned all of his sixty five kilograms against that one leg and felt the painful sensation spreading through every part of his body, pulling him back into reality as he heard his own word escaping his mouth that he wanted to keep shut, “EREN!”

As he heard his name, the brunet looked back to see Levi running towards him, jumping at him from across the branch and taking him down in a matter of a single heartbeat of his as a giant hand crashed to the spot he was standing at, grabbing the wood instead of him and tearing it in half, and Levi made sure they had landed on another thick branch. Humanity’s Strongest could feel his bones clench the organs inside of him as Eren crashed on top of him before the young man rolled off, remembering to hold onto the edge of the tree branch as he almost fell off. He could see the young man pull himself up and quickly look at the Titan Levi himself didn’t even have the chance to see before his worried eyes landed on Levi who refused to show any kind of pain as he forced his aching body to stand up. The older man looked composed, but Eren was having none of it as his wide eyes just blinked once before charging at Levi and grabbing his waist, managing to lift him up and jumping off the branch to land on another. Levi felt useless as he was being carried in his lover’s strong arms, but he knew he wasn’t of much use with his whole body aching. Eren maneuvered through the trees without any problems, and Levi wondered if Eren knew each tree and each pathway in the forest they were running through. He could hear the trees behind him fall apart, so he quickly wiggled his way out of Eren’s arms, to which the younger man responded by growling and angrily looking at him, but he didn’t do anything except from grabbing the pale man’s hand to guide him as he saw that Levi was still able to run normally.

The Captain looked behind at one point, seeing the ugly creature grin at him and showed its yellow, sharp fangs that hid behind its feminine lips as it stretched its hand out to grab them, but Levi maneuvered Eren to the side and made him bash into a tree so that the pink monster with deep blue eyes and blonde hair wouldn’t grab them, but pass them by a few inches. Eren grabbed Levi by the hem of his shirt as he pulled him closer, looking into the eyes of the beast that was chasing after them for a brief moment, before angrily growling at the tree and bashing his head into it, revealing a small hollow passage. Levi didn’t have time to question things as he climbed into the trunk without having to be told to and rolled down the inside of the hollow tree, scraping his knees and elbows in the process as he tucked and rolled down, harshly landing at some point and feeling his entire weight come crunching down at both of his legs, and he bit his lip so harsh that it reached blood, just to stop the scream that almost came from him. His entire body was covered in dirt and he realized they weren’t in the trunk anymore, but in a small hole under the tree. He soon heard Eren tumble down as well and braced himself, but Eren didn’t land on top of him. He somehow managed to fall in a way that didn’t break all of his bones, even though he landed on his hands and knees, right above Levi, in a position Levi would feel terribly uncomfortable in if they hadn’t been in it before. He could feel the man above him growl as he pressed his body down against Levi’s, his sweaty, bare torso pressed to his back and his member pressed to Levi’s backside, making Levi’s insides stir in a mixture of fear and sexual tension as Eren’s mouth reached to his ear as he still lowly growled.

“Don’t move”, he silently said and Levi let the man press his weight against him, looking up to meet his outstretched throat as he was peeking through a small passage the roots of the tree formed, “Annie doesn’t know this place like I do; she’s from another part of the forest. But if she smells our presence or hears us, she’ll spot us. This way, we at least have some time.”

The Captain felt useless once again. Without his equipment, he was but a mere person; no, a vermin to that Titan outside. A thing in the way of the person that ‘researcher’ tried to collect with all his power. But he couldn’t deny the fact that Eren was by far stronger out here, in the middle of the woods, in his territory, and he suddenly realized how harsh it must have been for Eren to survive for so long out here, defying the Titans. Levi almost froze when Eren’s head moved down to meet his eyes. There was ferocity in the greenish mirrors of his soul as he looked down, feelings of wrath and possessiveness stirring up a storm inside of them, and Levi suddenly saw that animal again, the beast he encountered four months ago that had tried to keep him with it, the beast he had fought violently and swore to hate even though he immediately knew he chose the wild person to be by his side, the beast that couldn’t speak nor clearly understand what he was told, the beast that bit its skin apart in the night only to have it grow back in the morning, the beast he knew had something in it that no one else had. That sense of purpose and freedom that made up his entire being captivated him from the second he got his eyes on him.

“Do you know… it?”

Eren nodded as he angrily clenched his fists to the point of where his veins looked like they would jump out of his steaming skin.

“I’m gonna kill her”, he growled into Levi’s ear as the Captain tensed up, the human beast’s teeth lightly grazing his earlobe, “I’m gonna tear her apart and make her pay for the lives she took. I’ll KILL her by pulling out her fibers, piece by piece, until she is nothing but a pile of steam”, he growled and nibbled on the smaller man’s ear subconsciously as Levi stared up at him, looking at the newly discovered, hateful side of the man, his own sadistic nature agreeing to him fully. If only either of them was able to fight back in such a state…

Suddenly, they heard a loud thump coming from up close, and they both tensed up. Levi crawled out from his warm shelter, trying to ignore the black moist dirt beneath him that his bare knees sank into, reaching his right hand into his shirt.

“L-Levi…” Eren’s shaking voice came from the back and Levi looked at him in a sad way, his eyes narrowing to hide the visible pain on his face, but Eren seemed shook all of a sudden.

_“Do we even have a choice…? If I stay with him, we’ll both just end up mashed.”_

Eren grabbed the back of his bare foot, making the soldier’s gaze soften again. The steps outside got louder and Levi couldn’t part his gaze from the brunet’s teal eyes that were brimming with tears as if he could feel what Levi was about to do. The Captain wanted nothing more than to jump back at Eren and burry his small frame into Eren’s chest, to feel secure in the familiar stench of them both and to let him wrap those soft, strong hands around his petite frame, but the only thing Levi did was click his tongue and harshly kick the man’s face to make him obey. It was the only way he’d make him stop. He caught sight of his hurt expression before returning his sight to the passage in front of him, squatting up onto his hurting legs. He was useless otherwise, and without having to be a burden to him, Eren could even escape the situation and flee before they’d get to him. He kept telling himself it was for everyone’s safety, even though he wasn’t sure if the man that wanted Eren’s power would go against their people, until eventually giving in to the fact that his own life existed just to form a path for the younger man, to lead him so he could lead humanity to victory. Levi pulled his hand out of his shirt, looking at the two knives he held secure under it, taking the cloth that covered their sharp parts off and letting it fall down. Suddenly, they felt a tremor as a leg stepped down in front of their small hideout, but Levi’s gaze remained still, even though Eren was breaking apart behind him, pleading him not to go with his silent whimpers, but respecting him enough not to grab him once again, which Levi appreciated because he knew very well that if the man would keep up, he’d eventually give in and make them die together, which most likely wasn’t against Eren’s will.

_“That brat would rather die beside me than see me kick the bucket”_ , with that being thought, he showed a small smile that had nothing to do with happiness and focused on the situation in front of him. A gust stirred up as the Titan Eren called ‘Annie’ squatted down and Levi touched the ground with his hands, bending over as the Titan slowly made the tree that covered them move.

“Eren”, Levi silently called without letting him see his face one more time, “whatever happens from now on, I want you to run back into the forest and follow the signal flares. There you will find the rest of the squad, and I want you to help them, no matter what. And don’t do anything reckless, not until the situation turns absolutely dire and not until you know _everyone’s_ lives are endangered. Do you understand?”

As Eren remained silent and the roots of the tree started to give in to the sheer amount of force the Titan put into clenching the tree to see if they were still inside, Levi angrily eyed him with eyes wide open, piercing through the shaking eyes of the younger man who just helplessly trembled in the corner, “Do you understand?!” Levi repeated.

…

_“You trust me, Eren, don’t you…?” he silently asked as he trailed his fingers over the etching one more time before letting the key fall back against his chest, Eren feeling that tingling sensation in his heart all over again as it started racing before he slowly looked back at the Captain’s eyes which were filled with sincere care. There was silence for quite some time. This man cared. This man cared much more than anyone in his life, perhaps even more than the mother that lulled him to sleep every night. Never before had he seen someone so desperate to make him be at good terms and that almost made him crack. And when Eren saw Levi’s brows furrow in anticipation of an answer that he would never be able to change if it wasn’t what he wanted it to be, Eren looked down again, his chest filling with the desire to wrap his arms around the man who was giving his everything to make Eren trust him, desperately._

…

“YES!” Eren loudly answered and Levi bit on his lower lip before turning his head back to the passage, readying his body for the leap he knew he’d have to make in a matter of seconds. And just as he predicted, the feminine Titan’s head came busting into their hideout, its flesh on its mouth ripping apart to make its mouth larger to devour him whole, but Levi waited until the last second to leap towards the Titan as its eyes met him, jumping up just enough to avoid its huge mouth that dug into the ground right in front of Eren and grabbing a hold onto a hair that shook wildly as the Titan moved backwards, and Levi felt another rush of adrenaline that helped him cover up the pain in his stiff body as he swung towards the Titan’s eyes, releasing the blonde hair and falling at them as soon as he was above them, sticking the knives into the eyeballs that went wide open before they shut close as dark red, hot blood sprayed all over his small figure. The huge monster jerked back and stood up, knocking the whole hollow tree down by simply moving its head up. It screamed loudly, loud enough for every single being in the forest to hear it. Eren’s eyes widened as he tried to cover his ears, but the sound almost made him roar back, but not as a sign of understanding. She was going to kill him, and there was nothing that Eren could do, except of defying.

_“He… He knew I’d yell when I’m in pressure… So he made me yell so she would know that we’re here, so he could save me from her by… giving his own life…”_ he looked at his trembling hand with wide open eyes, _“But… he didn’t… He didn’t know that I could turn into a beast if I…”_ he brought the hand closer to his mouth with eyes wide open, _“And what if I go amok again? What if I kill her, but kill him too? What if I won’t be able to control myself…? DAMN IT!”_

He closed his eyes tightly and fisted the ground, writhing in pain he had only then realized he was in, loudly yelling while his body shook. It took him a few moments to open his eyes again and look into the direction the Titan was at, widening his eyes as he saw that the Titan had both of her hands over her eyes, with no Levi in sight anywhere. Eren let out a small squeal as he quickly stumbled to his feet, rushing ahead towards her with his hand held right beneath his mouth, eyeing other Titans slowly approaching him in the distance. He didn’t care. He felt as if he had no weight at all, as if wings had grown on his back and he was flying towards the monsters that had done nothing but killing people in their past, and it honestly didn’t even matter that all these Titans were, just like him, at the wrong place at the wrong time. As one of the feminine Titan’s eyes popped up, seemingly unharmed again, he reached his hand down to bite into his flesh so he would once again turn into the being that he despised just so he could do something against them, even if it was in vain, even if everyone would have to die, even if he would have to die. But that thought stopped as soon as he passed a small lump lying in the grass a few feet away from him. Almost immediately he turned around and ignored the Titan that headed toward him with fast steps, stumbling to pick up the small body that lay in the tall yellowish grass and wrapping his arms around it before running off, feeling his heart hammer against his chest and a huge lump form in his throat that prevented him from breathing normally, so he had to struggle with that too. Eren pulled the small, light, bloody figure closer to his chest, ignoring that he was almost certain that the figure didn’t breathe. He didn’t even have the courage to check as he ran the fastest he could, clenching the small body in his arms, seeing his own tears fall onto the pale, high forehead that was pressed against his so many times, and slide down his colorless cheeks that he had kissed just an hour ago. He slipped many times, but every time he’d keep Levi safe and would stumble ahead until he would be able to run normally again. The Titan behind him was knocking over trees and Eren knew he couldn’t escape her; couldn’t protect Levi from her. Annie was close, and her mouth was stretched into a huge grin as bright blue eyes were kept on his.

He suddenly turned to the left, heading into the thicker part of the forest before jumping down into a small underground tunnel he knew was there since he had used it to escape from the same person many times before, when they still weren’t up against each other like this, hitting the ground harshly and rolling down the path all while clenching the man’s petite frame to his chest, thinking that even if his heart didn’t beat anymore, Eren’s could just beat for the both of them.

He saw the huge Titan leap over him and see him from above, but knowing that she’d have to recharge after hitting the ground harshly, he clung onto that small speck of hope he had in his arms and suddenly turned the other way, as opposed to his instincts, defying his own nature: heading somewhere where he had never been. Upon climbing out of the tunnel, he ran ahead into a part of the forest where the trees were especially tall and the treetops were covering the sunlight, so it seemed as if it was night already. He was sure that Annie wasn’t the only Titan around these parts, but he couldn’t think as his feet were carrying him as if he was as light as a feather in the breeze. A helpless wheeze escaped his mouth as he looked around to choose one path out of hundreds, but ended up running ahead since he didn’t know what to do with himself, stopping his running once he saw a huge tree blocking his path, one so huge that it connected with the other, thinner trees and formed a barricade he couldn’t possibly pass, but what caught his interest the most was a hole in the tree that seemed big enough for Levi to hide in. He spent a few seconds looking at the hole before gathering the courage to look down into his arms, seeing how the small man was hanging limp in his arms, his head thrown back as blood damped the side of his light gray shirt, and his bruised bare legs were completely relaxed, bluish in color, one of them considerably weaker and with an old bandage tightly tied around it, as if it was enough to help. As Eren stared at Levi’s closed eyes and mouth that was slightly parted, he felt his heart clench to a point where he thought he would just keel over himself, but he had sworn to protect the others, sworn to his face, his open eyes, screaming at him to listen and not to regret anything. His heart skipped a beat as he saw the man’s chest rise a single time and a harsh breath escaping his dry lips before there was nothing once again.

He didn’t have time anymore. He couldn’t waste time.

The man with the key around his neck quickly approached the tree and stuffed the man he held in his hands into it the gentlest his trembling hands could do at the moment, putting him in an upright position just in case he’d wake up and want to see the beautiful surroundings he was in. Eren felt himself smile, despite of everything. He quickly tore down the bandage Levi had wrapped around his arm as a symbol of something he had never told Eren about before reaching for his shirt and lifting it up, seeing a big wound that came from his left side, close to the ribcage. He stared for a few seconds before removing Levi’s cravat and salivated onto it to clean the dark liquid that came from the deep wound, stretching the cloth in his hands, wrapping it around his, thankfully incredibly skinny, body. He slowly put his fingers at the rope of his key before lifting it, taking the key from his body after so many years that had passed. He leaned inside and slowly lifted the man’s head up, taking note of how soft his skin and hair still were, even with the dried blood and cuts on it, before putting the key around his neck and just staring at him for a long while. He had never even told him. Levi would never know he was never alone. He would never know that Eren chose to be close to him the moment he set his eyes on him, and that he had distracted him when he had first seen him just to save him from the Titans that were coming his squad’s way, knowing that he couldn’t save everyone, even though he wanted to. He would never know that Eren would never have helped anybody if it wasn’t for the man that lay unconscious in front of him.

Eren had never even told him he loved him.

And that was when all the unwanted tears dried out, because he wanted to be a monster when he’d turn into a monster. He could hear her coming his way, and more of them coming behind her, but he didn’t take his sight off the key he had gifted the man. He sincerely smiled one last time as he pressed his lips against the man’s gently, slowly, a kiss that could mean ‘goodbye’, if it had to. When he parted from him, he could feel a slight breath escaping his mouth again and Eren’s heart broke into pieces.

The young Yeager pressed his forehead against Levi’s harshly, waiting for some kind of grumpy response to his stupidity, but none came. With that, he opened his shining eyes again to take in his sharp features that would soften under his touch, his barely visible stubble that formed during their stay, his thin eyebrows, his bruised lips, his closed eyes, the dark circles under them, his soft raven hair and the way his body was curled up into a ball to show how frail he was on the inside, despite his rough appearance… everything would stay burnt into the boy’s mind. He nuzzled his nose against his one more time before getting his head out of the hole and turning around, only to see the Titan already approaching, glaring and smirking, as if she knew what she had done. Unfortunately for her though, Eren would never think of submitting to her, and thus he just ran towards her with a feverish gaze in his eyes as he brought his hand closer to his mouth, biting into it on instinct, seeing her eyes widen a moment before he had to close his eyes from the intense temperature that formed around him. He felt ineffable pain spreading through his stiff body for a moment before everything went numb. Immediately he could feel his body getting hotter and getting lifted up from the ground, his cuts and bruises healing and muscles around him forming out of thin air before the monster that came from thin air captured his being and before he became that monster himself; a monster that would avenge everyone’s death and take his emotions out on the poor wretch that decided to cross paths with him. Once he was standing at fifteen meters and made sure he could breathe by exhaling, he opened his green eyes devoid of any kind of blue and faced the monster that winced upon looking at the intense flare in his eyes as if it hurt to merely look at him, but still had her fists up.

_“Why did I choose to stand by and look at Levi throw his life away for me if I could have prevented it…”_ he lifted his fists up as well, feeling how light his Titan actually was and how ridiculous it all seemed now, _“I know why. I thought he wanted me to obey, as if I didn’t have a mind of my own. I thought he wouldn’t let me, if I told him that I knew how to turn into this damn thing… I thought I wouldn’t be able to control myself once I did that…”_ he clenched his fists as his eyes widened, the bright, poison green in them rising up into the air, _“But look at that. My mind is as clear as ever in here, as if I had never even lost what belonged to me. Humanity, Annie. Do you even know what that is? Do you know how it feels like to be human, Annie? Do you know what it feels like to lose someone close to you, ANNIE?!”_

He roared as he charged at her, but she skillfully blocked his punch by punching him in the head. The green-eyed Titan stumbled backwards, but the hit riled him up even more. Inside of the Titan, he grinned widely. He never had the training she and the others had with his brother, but he had observed his squad move out and train, even if it was for just a few hours, and he had seen Levi maneuver around Titans, and he knew how things functioned, and he knew that nothing on this world was stronger than his emotions at the moment.

_“Oi, Annie. Was it fun, to kill all these humans? I know you’re the only one who could have done that. WAS IT FUN?!”_

She charged forward this time, kicking him in the head and making him stumble backwards again, but the mere thought of hitting the place Levi’s body rested in made his blood boil, so he dropped to all fours before running up at her and biting her leg, enduring the way she hardened her elbow and ran it into his spine. It made him grin even wider as his Titan form lost its irises.

_“For all this time you’ve been fighting for nothing but destruction… Instead of choosing freedom that could be in our reach if you could only see… Don’t you remember the moments we were still kids, Annie? When we all played together, the five of us, and when Bro would come over to stomp on the castles we had made, just like any big brother would do? And when we played hide and seek in the woods, when we stuck together to beat the person that was chasing us… And then when you all just stood there when he tried to KILL me, like we didn’t know each other at all… If it weren’t for all of you just following orders around like complacent livestock, we would have been able to change the world… No one would have to get hurt and we’d be free! Yet look what you did!_ ” he finally broke away from her as she had punctured his shoulder, but that didn’t stop him from taking her down, pinning her to the ground, _“You threw everything away to live like a caged animal just because someone told you to, and you slaughtered everybody in sight to get to me, just because someone TOLD YOU TO. Well, now I’m here. But even when I get my grip on your head and it explodes from the pressure of my hand, I’ll still be fighting, and keeping you alive. Even if the sky opens up to take our tainted souls, know that I won’t stop fighting. You’ll be judged only when I’ll finally have mercy on you, and may the heavens have mercy on me”_ , he punched the Female Titan’s face, but missed by a mere inch and his hand cracked in half, so he released a roar loud enough for everyone to hear it, _“BUT I WON’T STOP FIGHTING! BECAUSE…”_ she widened her eyes once she saw clear tears sliding down his green eyes, his fist lingering in the air above her face, and she could feel that the next move he’d use would be the end of her if she didn’t do anything. Still, she kept looking at the liquid slowly sliding down, _“BECAUSE IT’S… IT’S ALL I STILL HAVE!”_

But once his punch finally decided to drop onto her, it was already too late.


	28. Armin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I love you" in Patrick Star voice. Thanks for your support. There's some... self-advertising in the end notes. I know. Sorry.
> 
> Enjoy the violence in this one. My speciality.

Jean shook his head, a slight frown appearing on his long face. Armin and Mikasa stared at him for a while before he looked up at them from the branch he has been sitting on, narrowing his eyebrows at their young Squad Leader.

“There’s no survivors. I’m one hundred percent sure”, Jean said in a monotone voice that cracked in the middle of his sentence, which made him pout and try to cross his arms before realizing he had lost half of his left one. His face relaxed at the realization and morphed into a helpless stare at the bandage around the rest of his arm.

“So… except from us and Sasha, Connie and Nifa, whom Armin ordered to return and report that the mission had failed…” Mikasa started and looked back at the blond who seemed to be in deep thought, pressed against the tree they were hiding behind.

Armin let out a small noise of approval and nodded his head before pushing himself off the tree and stepping closer to Mikasa, “There’s no one else left. Yes.”

Thick silence covered in tension followed until Jean suddenly growled, clenching the one hand that he still had into a fist and slamming the back of his head against the tree, looking up at the raven girl that had a serious, never-changing expression on her face, “Then why the hell am I here?! It’s not like I’m of some kind of fucking use!” he raised his torn arm up, pointing at it with the other. Mikasa and Armin exchanged a quick glance before Mikasa nodded.

“Nifa took Sasha and Connie home since they were badly injured, and you know it. She couldn’t stay, and neither could them. Everyone else died in vain. And as far as I know, you don’t need your arms to be one of the fastest soldiers still alive.”

“…Yes… _Still_ alive…” Jean muttered as he pulled his legs towards his chest, hanging his head in defeat.

“Jean”, Armin called, “we’re still on the lookout for Ere- uh, the beast human. Considering that his body wasn’t amongst the piles that were spread across the battlefields, as you have said yourself, we can say that it’s highly plausible for him to have escaped _us_ , not _them,_ and it’s unlikely for him to get eaten hence the time he has spent on having to fight for survival all alone, out here. When he talked to me a few days ago…” Armin looked back at the forest, searching for any kind of approaching enemy, as if he shouldn’t say the things he was about to say out loud “…he looked like he was going to go insane”, Armin’s voice lowered, “His skin was pale, he had circles under his eyes, his whole body was trembling even though it wasn’t cold at all. He came from the woods and lived here for a long time and just being able to see it again must have triggered something inside of him. The Titans obviously didn’t attack him, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he teamed up with them once again, but let’s not jump to any conclusions here”, Armin said and furrowed his eyebrows before looking back at Jean, continuing, “I hate the idea of having him as an enemy, but there are multiple instances of him acting inhumanly towards other people. Erwin has told me about a few instances that will explain my point. For example, he told me about the time when Hange would take him to have one-on-one lessons with Eren and how tense Eren would immediately become after stepping out of the Captain’s office. He’d attack anyone who would say something that didn’t please him, but it’s unknown whether he understood what those people said at that time. One time he bit Hange when she tried to teach him. Erwin also told me about Eren having nightmares of… tearing people to pieces and then… eating them up.”

He waited for a few seconds to let that thought sink in.

“The only person that he trusts was, and still stays, the Captain. Whoever tries to approach him is being judged by the human beast’s eyes immediately, and I’ve witnessed that myself when I saw some workers circle around them. One pushed the Captain and Eren immediately pinned him to the wall, almost killing that guy.”

Jean looked at Mikasa, only to see that her expression was as cold as ever.

“Don’t you remember the story we were told when we got back from our expedition, Armin? He attacked the midget and was determined to kill him. Levi also doesn’t treat him well, so upon setting foot into nature, don’t you think that he’d feel free again? Eren doesn’t need him here, and considering it was the midget’s fault that he had to come back with us at the first place, he’d do anything to refuse to go back there, right?”

Armin seemed like he would approve of her way of thinking before he smiled, saying: “No.”

Something in the distance fell over, and they were once again reminded that they weren’t alone, so Armin scooted between Mikasa and Jean, looking up at the tall tree, trying to guess where its treetop ended.

“The beast thinks highly of his captor, and the captor thinks highly of the beast. I can tell”, he said and knew that his best friends were waiting for a detailed explanation, but Armin chose to ignore their intrigued glances, “the thing is, it’s not like the Captain to stay silent for such a long time. And it’s the Captain that concerns me the most. Even if he had chosen to go on a different path than us, and even refused your help, Mikasa, that doesn’t mean he would cease any kind of contact with us. I haven’t seen a single signal flare from the time the other part of the squad was defeated, and none even came from his location, and it’s physically impossible for him to travel distances that fast, even though he is the fastest man we know…”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on… Are you implying that Captain Levi… THAT Captain Levi…” Jean stuttered and looked between Armin and Mikasa multiple times. Armin had an indifferent expression on, as if he was talking about a fly that had just met its end by being hit with a book, while Mikasa was losing her composure, as implied by her eyebrows that furrowed and her hand that clenched the scarf around her neck tightly.

“We cannot rule the possibility out.”

“And if that were to happen…” Mikasa silently said, expecting Armin to answer her.

“Then we’re all SCREWED! Humanity’s gonna be eaten for breakfast by tomorrow if this happens!” Jean exclaimed and earned a glare from the young woman.

“If that were to happen, there’s no way of telling what Eren would do if he decides to show up before we all die. And Jean, you’ll have to pull the trigger if he tries anything. We will be taking extreme precautions. Whether you’ll shoot him unconscious or dead, it’s up to you.”

“And how will I be able to tell what he’s gonna want?!” Jean panicked, clenching the gun he had in his arms and wrapping it tightly against his chest, “I mean, you can’t just expect me to shoot down a person, no matter how much he acts like an animal!”

Armin’s brows furrowed in determination as he looked back at the forest, staring at the way the trees were being pushed to the side. He didn’t answer nor look at him; he just continued looking at something ahead of himself while the other two soldiers were staring at him in disbelief.

“…I swear you’ll evolve into Erwin one day if you keep going on like this, Armin”, Mikasa suddenly stated and Jean’s lips crooked into lopsided smile as he took in the annoyed expression their blonde friend showed.

“Yeah, you even stopped taking care of your eyebrows, man. Want to be the next person the beings on the Commander’s face will colonize or something?” Jean asked and nudged Armin’s shoulder with his. The blond relaxed again, showing a slight smile and lightly chuckling, “Those moments of yours are really weird, Ar. Fuckin’ telling us to murder people who maybe aren’t even alive anymore…”

“I don’t believe I raised you like that”, Mikasa added and Armin wanted to say something to defend himself, but the sudden noises from the other side that was blocked by the thick tree interrupted his course of thinking. Armin shot up while Mikasa was already heading towards a branch next to theirs, stopping to stare for a second before looking back at Armin who was awaiting her response. The raven haired girl slowly shook her head and pointed at something Armin couldn’t see, and honestly probably didn’t even want to, so he quickly bent down to help Jean get his equipment so they could flee, but Mikasa’s voice came from the side.

“Don’t, Armin. Escape”, she quickly ordered before jumping back to their branch and grabbing Jean by the hem of his shirt to which he left out a squeal, “I’ll carry Horseface from here on out”, as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she threw Jean’s entire body over her shoulder as if it was nothing, and Jean didn’t even have time to protest as she shot the hook of her equipment and maneuvered to the a nearby tree, completely ignoring Armin who just stood there before shaking his head to stop internally panicking. The blond didn’t follow them, though. That small flare of commonsense he had was immediately extinguished by the raging fire that was his scientific curiosity, so he jumped at the other branch as well to finally look at the thing that was approaching them, but didn’t really have time to do that since something heavy bumped into a tree and shook the whole huge plant up. Armin eventually lost balance and quickly maneuvered away as well, backwards, so that he could see what was going on behind him, his mouth opening in shock of what was happening in front of him.

_“Why… Why would two Titans…”_

The bigger one of them was pressed against the tree, a big toothy grin displayed on its face and bright green eyes darting towards the other, feminine looking Titan. It had longish dark brown hair that was covered in steaming blood that evaporated from its figure and was heavily muscled. Its tense shoulders were broad, its arms and legs long, and it had pointy ears that were bent backwards, its big head crooked to the side as it displayed its strong teeth, its wrinkled nose rising towards the other Titan that had its forearm pressed against its sinewy neck. The bigger Titan was bent over. The other Titan didn’t seem that aggressive, as if it was used to what was happening.

_“There’s no mistake. Those two… Those two are on opposite sides…”_

Suddenly, the slightly smaller Titan’s eyes darted at Armin’s figure, its pupils dilating as it focused its attention directly on Armin. In a heartbeat, the smaller Titan finished off the other by elbowing it into its already bloody head and the other let out a loud, desperate roar, before the feminine one grinned at the blond and stood up, racing towards him, not like any ordinary Titan would do. But Armin knew this was no ordinary Titan. The young man flinched in mid-air, but couldn’t make himself look away from the sight that was unfolding itself in front of him. Even though those were both Titans, beings that didn’t have the tiniest speckle of humanity in them, something about them shook Armin’s brain out of slumber. Those Titans had expressive eyes that Armin could have sworn he had seen somewhere… somewhere…

The Female Titan’s hand reached him in the blink of an eye and moved down to splat him on the nearby tree, but the young man spun around its hand in a fashion somewhat similar to Levi’s, made his way to the top of its shoulder and then quickly pushed himself off it, landing on the tree it… no, _she_ had intended on killing him at.

_“Those eyes… I could have sworn…”_

The Titan came back immediately, punching towards him, but Armin avoided it again by letting himself roll from one end to another of the tree branch, soon feeling that the tree was falling to one side. He stood up again and ran towards the end of the branch before pulling his swords out and looking back once again, his eyes getting stuck to the huge monster’s nose that was taking up the majority of its face. And while she was walking towards him, with her huge body slowly reaching him as if she was just playing with him, Armin’s eyes widened.

_“Playing with her pray, as if she doesn’t intend on eating me at all… Looking at me as if she knew me from somewhere… Could it really…?”_

Armin’s three dimensional maneuvering gear shot into her shoulder as he flew towards her, and saw that she purposely missed out on an opportunity to kill him off like the vermin that he felt he was by standing next to such a large beast, since she could have just grabbed him in mid-air and squeeze him to death, considering her speed, but she didn’t.

_“She chose not to.”_

Armin suddenly maneuvered towards her face and stopped right at her nose, stepping on top of it and holding onto one of the blonde hairs that covered her large head. Her bright blue eyes were only at him, and everything in his body was screaming and cursing at him as he refused to move from the spot, every bone and cell were telling him to get away before it was too late, but Armin didn’t move. Was this the last thing he would see? A Titan that obviously had intelligence and that obviously knew him? A Titan that could possibly be responsible for all of the deaths around them _on her own_? He had read about it somewhere, he was sure. No one had ever believed such a thing to be true, but Armin’s eyes had finally opened, after so much time. Of course he knew this Titan. There was no way going around it. Perhaps he didn’t have proof, but there was a gut feeling, something that Armin rarely got.

“A human in the body of a T-Titan…?” he stuttered as his eyes widened, _“Which would mean that the other one, too…”_

He felt the Titan grab him by the hood and slowly pull him up, staring at him from down below, taking each and every edge of his body in a hungry way, moving him from one side to another before opening her huge mouth.

_“No. Not tree hugger. Titan Shifter. TITAN SHIFTER.”_

He grinned widely as he looked down into the thing’s mouth, its steaming saliva rising up into the air. And as she released his lean figure, he felt as if he was floating, not falling, and once he felt the gross moistness and heat that came from her tongue, he completely gave up and just left himself slowly slide…

A hand grabbed him and it made him open his eyes widely as he moved his head up to see Mikasa’s horrified face as she held the Titan’s mouth open with a blade that pierced through its flesh. The Titan was trying hard to bite through her, but the pain the blade caused was too much to bear and she kept her mouth open. The raven girl pulled Armin up by just one hand and slung him over her shoulder before firing her 3D maneuvering gear and flying off with him over her shoulder.

“Mikasa…” Armin muttered, but wasn’t able to articulate anything more than that. The young woman looked at him before returning her gaze back to the Titan, only to see the beast already heading towards them, its body in a straight position as its hands were held by its sides to maintain balance while speeding through the trees of the forest, not even bothering to avoid them while passing through them, its eyes steadily on Mikasa. Mikasa, however, didn’t pay much attention to her and just kept going.

“If you don’t stop grinning I’ll throw you back into its mouth”, she indifferently said and saw Armin’s lips twisting into a frown, “What has gotten you so riled up, Armin…? Why weren’t you moving?”

“Mikasa, you need to get away, now”, Armin muttered with his eyes wide open, pleading for the girl to understand what he meant, but she just averted her gaze again and stared ahead, as if a Titan wasn’t coming directly at her. If it was a normal Titan, Armin wouldn’t be afraid for her, she was a close second when it came to slaying these beasts, “MIKASA!”

It didn’t take long for the Titan Shifter to appear right in front of them, from behind a tree, and slam them both down so they’d meet the ground, but Mikasa wrapped her arms around the small man to take all the damage that would come from the fall. And once she regained the ability to look up, she could only see the Titan’s fingers picking her up, but losing interest in her immediately after and just throwing her aside, letting her crash into a tree, her body toppling down at the ground and rising dust into the air. Armin cried out her name, but didn’t even have the chance to stand up as he got picked up once again. He could hear Jean’s shouts from the back, but he knew he was in no position to come and rescue him, and Armin’s maneuvering gear had fallen off at some point, so he wasn’t able to help himself as well, and that one single blade in his hand won’t be of much help as well. She was hurrying this time.

_“To take down a soldier as strong as Mikasa… the person that the Survey Corps are priding themselves on having… second in strength to the Captain himself… as if she was a nothing a no one... If even Mikasa was taken down so easily… how could I have a chance to defeat her…? I can’t even think… I can’t even…”_

Suddenly, all his thought were diminished as he felt a quick shift to the side, glancing up at the monster that was carrying him in her hand, squeezing his body without him even realizing it, seeing that her eyes were glaring at something in the back. The next thing the blond felt was falling down while still in her hand and he looked back, only to see the Titan that was lying defeated a moment ago biting on the tendon on her foot. The other Titan didn’t let her fall though and grabbed her by the hair, pulling it down so harshly that she found herself on the ground immediately, with Armin up in her hand. He took this opportunity to free himself, but froze completely when he saw the other Titan’s mouth opening. This time, there was no one to save him.

_“Those eyes… They’re not the same color, but… Th-Those eyes…”_

This time, the Titan bit into the Female Titan’s hand.

Annie suddenly kicked the other Titan into his chin, so that Eren’s head was completely thrown back before he could jump back at her, but she was already ready to deliver another blow with her healing fist. Eren’s fist reflexively reached up to meet hers and they both stepped away as they felt the huge impact the fists had created, not breaking eye contact at any moment. They proceeded to glare into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before the Female Titan cried out and charged at him, but Eren waited until the last moment just to avoid her attack before running away the fastest he could, the human heart inside his Titan beating fast in hopes the Titan wouldn’t take over. Annie ran into a tree, but that didn’t stop her at all as she just pushed herself off from it and headed into Eren’s direction at double speed. Eren’s Titan looked back and growled loudly before heading back into the part of the forest he was coming from, and upon reaching the old tree that was allowing him to go into the small hole that served as a shelter to Eren many times before, he quickly jumped at it and felt it slide off slowly under his size, but he managed to reach the hollow with his face just in time before the tree under him collapsed and rolled off. He huffed and shook his head, his eyes going shut as he opened his mouth, spitting out the boy he had been keeping in his mouth before feeling the other Titan pull on his leg, so he squeezed his head out of the hideout and tightened his hold on the mountain before pushing himself off to land right where Annie was, greeting her with a fist as he spun around to face her, and she did the same, so they ended up punching each other’s faces and stepping away from each other, Eren’s Titan stumbling as he instinctively reached for the wound that was created on his face before looking back at Annie that already had her fists up in the air, waiting for Eren’s attack.

Eren kept looking down at the old tree that provided him a life, though, and suddenly all the memories of him climbing up in tears and staying up in that very cave with nothing but the stars came to his mind. And then he felt indistinguishable fury burn his heart from its very core when he remembered the last time he had been there. An angry growl escaped his mouth as he charged his fist at her head, but Annie evaded it without putting too much effort in it at all, and punched him back, the punch landing on his jaw and making him stumble backwards to meet the mountain behind his back. She charged forward again, but he moved to the side, which ended up in Annie hitting the mountain with her elbow, making her scream in a high-pitched voice that Eren immediately muffled by grabbing her by the head and pressing into it with it, her nice features slowly getting splattered until he had enough and growled loudly in return, letting all of his frustration out as the growl turned into a desperate roar that made her scream stop for a while, as if she learned something about him at that moment. The Female Titan tightened the grip on Eren’s hand and then cried out desperately as well, making Eren’s loud roar stop as he felt the blood on his hands sink into his skin, his hand trembling a bit before she kicked him so hard that the Titan found himself flying towards a tree, the heavy impact breaking it in half. Eren’s eyes flared to life soon enough, but the Female Titan was already charging at him, and Eren didn’t have the time to move as she jumped at him, the tree impaling his back and making him roar in pain. They struggled with all they had, their cries fierce and meaningful, and although it would seem like a conversation, the only thing Eren was saying was: “ **KI** _L_ **L.** K ** _I_** _L_ L **. E _R_** A ** _DI_** C **A** T ** _E_**.” And although both Titans gave their best to defeat the other one, Annie was the one that ended up beating him down again, elbowing her hardened elbow into Titan Eren’s face, but then suddenly stopped, as if she froze. Eren took this opportunity to grab her by the hand and throw her back down, but she just immediately pinned him to the ground again and stood up, harshly stepping into his face, her widened eyes meeting Eren’s before she growled in frustration and started running ahead, but didn’t get far as something hit her in the side, so she looked at the tree beside her while running, only to see a bespectacled woman smile at her before she turned on a machine that started firing thick spears at her that would keep her at one place, her hands covering her nape. She was stuck.

Eren slowly stood up, but felt his form immediately lose energy and felt something that fell down from the sky hit him harshly, precisely, his nape being cut into pieces by sharp, circular motions that could only come from someone who already knew much about Titans. _“One meter length, ten centimeters wide”_ , he heard someone say above him as the blade in his nape deepened. His vision went blurry and he felt his heart thump against his chest as he realized he was about to fall.

…

 _“Eren… Eren, please…”_ he heard a soft voice call him and he leaned towards it _._ He soon felt a forehead being pressed to his. The hands that held his face up in place were cold, freezing even. He soon felt his body being shook, but he couldn’t do anything except of trying to stay in a sitting position, but his head was falling back and he felt terribly tired.

“Commander, I know there’s a reason to shoot him, but… Does he look like he is in a condition where he’d be able to fight us, sir?” he heard a voice from afar and felt his heart clench.

_“Armin…”_

This wasn’t the person he was looking for.

He then felt a jacket being put on top of him and then there was someone’s forehead touching his again. He almost fell unconscious and he heavily breathed in, afraid that if he’d fall asleep he wouldn’t wake up again, but the strong hands that held him placed him into their lap.

“I told you to shoot him, regardless of whether he was for, or against you. I do not want him to endanger the lives of the few soldiers we still have left.”

_“Commander… Erwin.”_

“B-But he did nothing wrong!” Armin spoke again.

“He fought that huge skinless bitch and even saved Armin by taking him away from her! I… I saw an opportunity to shoot him and could have slain him then and there, but something just wasn’t right, you know, sir? He didn’t do anything stupid this time, so I don’t think he should just be shot down as if he hadn’t saved the day!”

_“… Jean?”_

“Do as I told you to. Unconscious or dead, it is your choice now. Think of what you have seen just now, and think of whether having such a… person alive will be a benefit, or a huge loss for humanity.”

“I… How can I… sir?!”

“Should we keep a Titan alive that could possibly kill us all? Or should we kill him at the spot before something goes wrong and thus save humanity from a possible disaster? Should we use his powers as our own? Or should we destroy the power, before it destroys the Wings of Freedom? Armin chose you to make a decision, now choose. Will you let Eren live, only for him to be discovered by the Government, or let him die, before more lives are taken? Because…”

The Commander’s voice faded all of a sudden. He felt his body being pressed against the strong person’s again, a pair of blood-stained arms protectively wrapping around him, a bandage over that person’s arm scraping his bare skin. Eren’s heart skipped a beat as he released a shaky breath, forcing his eyes to open just enough to see the person that was embracing him, and upon seeing her, he closed his eyes again, letting his head fall back.

This wasn’t the person he was looking for.


	29. Der Schlüssel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far Norm of Reciprocity is taking the lead...
> 
>  
> 
> I needed to post another chapter 'cause I'll be going to Italy in 3 weeks, and I'll be unable to do anything there, so here you go. Another chapter comes out at the end of the week. And then just two more... It's been such a long time, hasn't it...? It's been a ride, alright. I hope you enjoyed it... And I'd like to thank people for sticking with me :)

He felt all of his cells suddenly come back to life, agonizingly burning his entire body that still shook from cold, no matter the fact that he felt as if he was on fire. His lips let out a shaky breath as he widely opened his eyes, staring at a white platform that was above him. His heart skipped a beat and he made sure to move his fingers, just to make sure he was still alive, before images started forming in his head again. Blood, cut flesh, more blood, bright blue eyes suddenly appearing completely red, and then blue like the sky… before everything went black. He wanted to touch his face to feel if it still looked the same, felt the same, if he still had all of his body parts, but for some reason, he couldn’t move his hands that he felt were there, but just couldn’t lift them. The same went for his legs. The man suddenly panicked, his heart heavily hammering against his chest as if it was about to explode from all the sudden oxygen that filled his lungs and ran through his blood. Releasing a defeated whimper out of his tight chest, he shot up straight, seeing that he was sitting in a completely clean, white bed, with the sheets that covered his body being especially clean and creasy. He stared at his cut palms for a while, looking at the lines that stretched itself out on them, and then his eyes wandered towards his long, but still incredibly thin fingers that looked like they were made of just bones and skin. The cuts he had would certainly cause even more scars on him that would never be healed, no matter how small and unimportant.

He felt a strong palm press against his forehead and the back of his head met the cold hard pillow beneath him again. The man’s brows furrowed as he looked up with no emotion at all, seeing a familiar face close to his, caring and understanding, but still not friendly, and instead distant and cold as his eyes moved into a few directions, obviously looking at all the cuts that were still on his face.

“Rest”, he silently stated, removing his hand from Levi’s soft hair and leaning back into the chair next to his bed. Levi stared at him for a while, doing absolutely nothing to prevent Erwin from trying to nurse him. Erwin had control over him all his lifetime, although never when it came to Levi’s own wellbeing, but the man couldn’t bring himself to say anything against the Commander at the moment. The short man looked back at the completely white ceiling; his eyes still as wide as they were ever since he woke up.

“For how long have I been asleep?” Levi’s hoarse, silent voice came and Erwin kept his gaze distant before looking back at him sympathetically.

“Two weeks.”

“Are there survivors?”

“The Armin squad and Nifa.”

“What happened? That Titan…”

“Escaped.”

Levi left that thought sink in. Words weren’t spoken for a long time, until Levi heard a silent creak of the door that opened as another comrade came in, clutching papers in her hands as her sight got stuck on Levi’s eyes, and Levi’s on hers. Instead of smiling in her usual, over the top happy way, her lips just twitched upwards as her eyes lit up, looking back at the floor beneath her before she slowly closed the door again, careful not to make any sudden movements. Levi stared.

She then set the paperwork aside and pulled a chair to the other side of his bed, sitting on it and looking at the clean bed sheet for a while.

“We thought you’d die”, she suddenly articulated, her voice sounding the same as ever, but her eyes not looking into his as she spoke, “You lost forty percent of your blood volume, leading you into hemorrhaging. If there’s no immediate aid, organs fail… And your body, when it was found, seemed completely lifeless, since there was no one to help you.”

Levi didn’t say anything, nor think of anything regarding his health. He was alive, so what was the point of telling him this?

“Someone had stuffed you in a tree, Levi”, Erwin continued, so Levi looked up at him again, “As… ridiculous as this sounds, it must have been someone who didn’t want you to get hurt any further and was in no position to help otherwise. A squad had found you in it, with only your bloody shirt on, and they immediately wrapped you up to stop the bleeding. Even though we arrived as soon as we could after three of the original squad members came running to us, we still searched for you for a long time. I didn’t think you would be waking up any time soon… or ever, once we saw the way you looked”, Erwin admitted, the soft smile on his face finally fading into a serious expression, “But there was a part of me that wanted to go against the odds, so we disturbed your peace to carry your body back to the quarters. You should have seen Hange’s face when she saw your body being carried towards us like that…”

“HEY!” Hange suddenly shrieked, crossing her arms protectively over her chest and eyeing the blonde Commander from the side, “Is it really so wrong of me to care about him? I mean, you even stopped your speech when you saw him like that, and we all know how much you always invest in those, even though they are completely pointless.”

Levi looked at Hange, then back at Erwin. But for some reason, although both of them seemed incredibly relieved and their eyes were shining in a peculiar way, Levi couldn’t feel the happiness that bound him with them. He did care, really, but his heart felt empty, as if the emotions he’d feel poured out of his body alongside the blood. Their bickering continued, and Levi closed his heavy eyelids for a minute, not listening to them at all as they kept talking about the events of the past, even though he had no idea what had happened any more. But he couldn’t bring himself to care, for whatever reason.

“Did you hear, Levi?” Erwin uttered, so Levi’s eyes half-opened again, eyeing the man who held a golden key in his hand, showing it to the Captain as if he demanded for Levi to explain; as if he had done something wrong. Levi’s heart skipped a beat as his eyes widened again, and both of his comrades saw that little spark in his eye as he childishly reached for the key with both of his pale, weak, trembling hands, clutching it from Erwin’s hand and carefully looking at it with wonder they thought had vanished from the man completely, even in his childhood.

“Wh-where’d you…?” Levi cursed himself internally as his voice broke off like that, his eyes darting up towards Erwin’s expectedly. Erwin’s eyes narrowed, his big eyebrows furrowing as he studied Levi’s expression.

“It was around your neck at the time they found you. I know this key, I have seen it many times, and have never seen it around another person’s neck. So tell me, Levi. Why was it that the key was around your neck…?”

Levi stared at him for a while before returning his sight to the golden object in his hands, his eyes trailing down the thin key to see the man’s name engraved into it, his expression softening.

“I… don’t know. I don’t remember him giving it to me…”

Hange nodded at Erwin and he hummed in approval, closing his eyes for a second before bending over to get closer to the hurt man in the bed of the small medical room, ignoring all of the vaccinations, medicaments, bloody bandages and blood bags hanging from the small bed Levi was perfectly fit for. He sighed.

“Levi. Eren is acting incredibly hostile towards everyone. He asks about you every time someone, anyone, passes by. He really cares about you, you know. I… don’t think I have ever seen someone so desperate to see their Captain again, you know…?”

“It’s almost like… there’s something more between you two, huh…?” Hange sung and Levi felt his heart drop. The man looked up with his eyes still unusually wide, eyeing the Commander. And although he wanted to defend himself and his position, there was no way he would let go of the fact that his Eren was still out there.

“He’s… alive…?” was the only response Erwin could get from him, and that’s what he feared, “I thought for sure he’d…  Erwin, I need to-“

“It might be better for you to stay here, and forget about it”, Erwin suddenly said and saw the fire in Levi’s eyes extinguish, his expression turning completely cold again, as if on order. The Commander watched his face morph back into the stoic face that they all knew and couldn’t help but to feel bad for the man who so blindly followed everything Erwin told him. It needed to be this way, though. Erwin was the one playing the strings, and he needed everything to follow his fingers’ movements. Break people to mere parts to make them obey, manipulate them into thinking only his choice is right; it was the only way to save what was left from humanity. Still, Erwin remembered the times Levi’s eyes went to life, and after the first few expeditions with him, there was nothing for a long time, until this wild beast came up.

“I am sorry, Levi. It is only for the best.”

“I know”, he heard the man say, “It’s inappropriate and useless. I’ll stop.”

“Fighting for something isn’t wrong, Levi. Everyone fights for something, or someone; even I do. You are still selfless, I know that, and upon having to choose, you’d choose humanity over everything. I know that. And your response just proves this point of mine.”

Levi remained silent as he passed his right thumb across the symbols that spelled out Eren’s name, slowly. His mind immediately focused on erasing the young man out of it, as if things between them had never even existed, but he found it terribly hard to forget anything. From the moment they had met to this very moment, where he held the key in his hand, knowing that Eren had to have gifted it to him and had to have saved him. Saving Humanity’s Strongest… it wasn’t something that anyone except of a few individuals could say.

“…Yes. I’d never put feelings over mind.”

Erwin nodded, seemingly pleased with the answer, and leaned back to earn a glare from the woman sitting across him.

“Levi. It’s… not like that, you know. It’s… better for Eren not to know that you’re still alive. It could lead to various complications…” Hange uttered and Levi looked at her from the side, “He… If he saw you, he’d probably back off.”

“Back off…?” Levi asked as his brows furrowed and he forced himself to sit up again, feeling pain strike every part of his body as he did, “Back off from what?”

“The Government found out about him. Moreover, while you were gone… He somehow managed to turn into a Titan and fight against the female one. Once the fight was over, young Arlert came flying towards him, cutting his nape in a way to avoid killing him, and managed to get him out of the Titan. It was… astounding, to say at least, since he had seemingly triggered the transformation himself by biting into his hand, between his thumb and index finger”, Hange explained to the man that didn’t _seem_ to be interested into her monologue at all, “He really helped a great deal, you know…? It’s clear that he can think normally inside of that Titan as well… Erwin here assumed it all along, wanting to keep him in case it really was a thing, Eren being a Titan… No matter your or anyone else’s actions, he’d keep him here at all costs, until they’d find out. The talk to kill him was only a way to trigger your emotions, and he knew that since you seemed so protective over him right from the start.”

“It was just a presumption”, Erwin interrupted.

“And he’d really be a great help, with those Titan powers he displayed, and I could even…” Hange blushed a little, but then recollected her thoughts and formed her sentence over, “Well. We’d be able to find out a lot more about them. Still, since the Government found out that we’ve been keeping a wild man captive here, without ever telling them, and with that wild man turning out to be a _Titan Shifter_ , they completely lost it and ordered for him to get dragged into the court where he’ll be…” Hange watched Levi’s expression growing more and more nervous with each second passing, but she figured the preparation to hear such a thing could only do him good, “executed, Levi. He is going to be executed.”

The raven stared at her, slowly shaking his head left and right, before lying down again, his eyes still widely open.

“…Executed”, he breathed out meekly, subconsciously clenching the key inside of his hand. Hange and Erwin were looking down at him, but Levi’s gaze was distant, as if he couldn’t see them anymore.

“There’s no way we could prevent what is about to happen”, Hange said, “by keeping him here all this time, we’ve violated our contract with the Government and lost their trust. Whatever we may propose, it won’t have any effect on them at all. The worshipers will surely be amazed by the idea of killing him, as far as we know. And the Military Police can’t wait to get his hands on the Titan themselves. So technically, we don’t stand a chance.”

Erwin stayed silent, his index finger pressed to his chin in a thoughtful way.

“So we’re just throwing the towel”, Levi mumbled, his eyes still on the spotless ceiling that seems so terribly ugly and frustrating now, “We’re just letting domineering ideas win, no matter how they’re obviously wrong and futile, and could moreover be fatal to humanity. With a goddamn Titan on our side… doesn’t humanity at least stand a chance…?” he asked, agitation visible in the man’s eyes as he looked back at Hange, “I had sworn that I’d kill every single Titan out there, but how can I keep a promise like that all alone…? No matter my strength, I’m still human. I’m bound to die sooner or later. But _him?_ A Titan with regenerative abilities? A Titan with its size and enormous powers? Not snatching him away from the clutches of these filthy pigs filling up the walls and taking space and lives of others would be a sin.”

As neither of them responded, Levi heavily sighed carefully passed the key from his hands to Hange’s, silencing her attempt to question him with a weak glare. The silence that engulfed the room afterwards was slowly suffocating him instead of lulling him to sleep like it was supposed to do. He thought he would never get used to waking up beside the man whom the key in Hange’s hands belonged to, but he quickly realized that it was the only thing he ever wanted to have for himself in life. Just someone to hold his hand. _No._ Just _Eren_ to hold his hand. It was funny, how everything he cared for would just die off, leaving nothing but painful memories for others to have behind. But what could he do?

Humanity’s Strongest had never been selfish in his life before this. Humanity’s Strongest told himself that he was immune to it over and over again, but once he saw those teal eyes, he knew that he would fall. Selfishness is something that wasn’t to be reckoned with. A man’s selfishness could overpower every king out there, every sin or good deed, life and death, it was what would keep people alive, that selfishness that people’s wishes are made out of. And the more he thought of that one single wish he had, the more he resented it; he thought of it as impertinent and ridiculous.

But there was nothing he could do against it. He could break Eren out of the cage and run away with him, run to that dangerous forest where they could live a short life peacefully. But what then? Live in a life of shame, instead of in the life of dignity he strived to live for? What would become of humanity then, if he were to break away? That would contradict everything he still believed in, but if he does nothing, he will have to pay the price with Eren’s life that shouldn’t be cherished any more than the lives of other people, but Levi couldn’t help himself. His stupid heart was trying to make excuses so he could let Eren live, let them be together no matter how inappropriate that would be, but his mind knew that the conflict inside of him was useless since his heart would never take over his mind. There was no way to avoid it, and he knew it right from the start, but he had hoped it would last just a little bit longer. He still wanted to see what Eren knew and what he didn’t, what he could or couldn’t do, what he liked and what he hated, how his mind and heart functioned, he wanted to know all of his little quirks and wanted to smile at them whenever they’d show and wanted him to see his own weird habits and make him laugh, so he could savor the reverberating sound of his open, honest laughter. But he experienced little to nothing of that.

“I was thinking of the same thing”, Erwin’s voice cut his thoughts off before the man could slowly go insane.

Silence filled the room again and kept on taunting Levi until he heard Hange clear her throat to direct all attention to herself, a rather mischievous smile adorning her face that was previously covered in sadness. Hearing Levi’s complaints seemed to get her spirits up again.

“Now off to the really important questions… What _the hell_ have you been doing there to walk around with a mere shirt on and love bites all over your body, hmm? And I’m not just talking about your neck, Muffin. I mean _all over you_ ”, she said and even Erwin’s lips crooked into a small smile when he saw the way Levi’s body tensed at her question.

***

Sitting in his ‘favorite’ corner in the small, cramped cage that was his home for now while he was still alive, he was looking at the blonde man in front of him rather angrily, but without the intention of hurting him. After all, Armin was down here with him every day, bringing him food and attempting a silent conversation that would rarely turn into a dialogue. Eren, however, didn’t feel the need to eat nor to drink. Those resources didn’t need to be wasted on him since he was going to be executed soon anyways, so it didn’t really make sense to him when Armin finally snapped, yelling at him to stop sulking already and just to eat. Reluctantly, Eren brought the bread that was placed in a ceramic bowl closer to his mouth, only to be reminded of times when he’d receive prepared meat for the first time in a long time. At that thought, his appetite immediately vanished and he put the bread back into the bowl again, sighing in defeat. When the young Squad Leader saw that Eren wasn’t going to eat anything until his time ran out, he approached the cell and sat on the ground, crossing his legs and lowering his head.

“Would Levi have wanted you to starve yourself like this…?” Armin suddenly asked and could see the man jerking up in his position so he could look at the shorter man. The blond slowly raised his big blue eyes to meet the empty, teal ones, and then frowned wider, “He didn’t sacrifice his life for this.”

Even though the mention of Levi’s name clearly affected the man that sat in the corner, Eren still just sat there, staring into the distance looking rather thoughtful.

“Please, Eren”, Armin sighed, “eat.”

Instead of eating, Eren stood on his legs and slowly walked towards the blond before abruptly sitting down to face the other man. The restraints Eren had wrapped around his wrists weren’t allowing him to get too close, but he felt content by just being closer to someone. It’s not as if he needed contact or as if he even wanted to be close to anybody at this point; it was just the fact that Armin’s pale face resembled his somewhat, as if he shared the pain with him, like he was down here in the cold room himself, deprived of food, sleep and water.

“I’m not hungry”, Eren silently stated, watching Armin’s eyes widen as he finally managed to get words out of Eren’s mouth. Armin nodded in understanding.

“Do you… always have to be this stubborn?” Armin silently asked and showed a sweet smile as he saw the way Eren’s eyes looked at him in worry. How could he ever have forgotten those eyes? “You know… I was really scared for you when I had to drag my blade through your nape to get you out of there. I’m… sorry if you interpreted it the wrong way, I was merely trying to help.”

The brunet slowly nodded his head.

“…Eren… may I ask you a question…?”

Eren’s sight remained at his bare feet that had not a single scratch on them. It was weird, how his powers seemed to be stronger again ever since he turned into _that_ _thing_ again. Would it be enough for the people to just shoot him down, or will they make his death something slower and more painful? But with the thought of being able to meet him again he couldn’t really say that he would mind what would happen to him tomorrow.

“Why… why did you… use to be so good at hide and seek in the past?” Armin silently asked in a shaky voice, and Eren finally looked up at him with his eyes still cold and emotionless, so Armin pressed his face closer to the grid that separated them as a wide smile stretched across his face, “Were you a Titan right from the start, like, were you born as one, so you were always able to hear me shuffle around while hoping you’d never find me? And how did your parents manage to keep that a secret? And why didn’t you tell me?”

Armin shut his eyes the moment he heard his childhood friend trying to draw closer, making the old, rusty chains that connected him to the neatly made bed screech as they were pulled, and then he heard a loud, reverberating sound that signalized that the chains had snapped as he felt the man draw near to him, before suddenly feeling Eren’s strong arms wrapped around the smaller man’s back, pulling him closer. Armin’s heart skipped a beat and he widened his eyes when he felt like he didn’t need to worry anymore, so he hugged the supposed beast back tightly. As Eren didn’t move from his spot and seemed like he wanted to stay in that hug for the rest of his life, which Armin knew would be very appreciated because of his recent loneliness and depression that hung with it, the young Squad leader had to slowly pull away.

“I thought you’d never realize, idiot”, Eren silently said, a surprising gentleness overpowering the fact that he called the blond an idiot. Armin soundly laughed at that, smiling in his usual, pure way.

“I thought that I was just projecting the Eren I knew at you because your name was the same and your eyes looked similar. And when you always stared at me I thought that you’d… well, attack me, or something. You know my gut feeling has always been terrible, right…?” Armin asked as he scratched the back of his head and Eren forced a little, dishonest smile to his face, “However, you should have realized that I was suspecting something because I made sure to bring you food every day, even though no one asked of me.”

Eren looked down at the ground, mumbling an apology that was barely audible to a human’s ear.

“Actually, this wasn’t the case for today, though. Hange has asked of me to come down and try to reason with you a little.”

“You’re doing surprisingly well”, Eren interrupted and Armin nodded in gratefulness.

“I know, I know. But that’s not the only thing I’ve been sent here for…” he said as he reached for something inside of the pocket of his Survey Corps jacket that Eren eyed all the time, as if he wanted to devour it, or at least steal it from the other and take it back into the corner and cuddle it to death. Armin hesitated for a while before sighing again and closing his eyes, his grip tightening on what he grabbed, “Hange told me to deliver this to you.”

When Eren saw the small golden object that Armin held in his hand, he completely froze and just stared at it for a long time. His heart suddenly ached again with the same kind of pain that he felt at the moment he woke up and realized that the Captain wasn’t beside him, and no one else was as well. His hands then reached towards the key and he quickly pulled it out of Armin’s hand, gazing down at it. Once he saw the man shaking and heard his breath starting to get heavier, the young Squad Leader stood up and gripped one of Eren’s shoulders tightly before making his way out of the small room beneath the courtroom, leaving Eren all alone to observe the key intently and clench it against his chest. But once Armin heard the other man in the room snap and call out his lover’s name repeatedly, breathlessly, as if the mere wish for him to return would actually make him appear again, he felt his heart clench at the sudden realization of just how hard it was for both of them, with Eren not even being able to cry anymore and Levi’s mind going insane. Their eyes had lost that part that made them Eren and Levi. Their hatred that would blaze their eyes alive was gone as well. Armin knew that humanity was going to suffer a big defeat like that. And what kind of Squad Leader would he be, if he didn’t even care for the wellbeing of humanity? He smirked to himself, knowing all too well that he would be either praised or punished for what he was about to do after this. But he couldn’t just stand there and watch while both Humanity’s Strongest and Humanity’s Last Hope slowly die of sadness, with nothing but emptiness inside of them, right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Armin, as the biggest ereri shipper out there.


	30. Liebe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol angst

It was three a.m. and he was lying wide awake in bed, listening to the sound of the silent clock in the distance slowly ticking, feeling his time seeping through his cold fingers he could barely move. The time rambled on and on about how it was being wasted, how he should do something, but did absolutely nothing. The clock was ticking agonizingly slow; each and every sound it made was reverberated through the empty area he was in. He hated the waste of time. But he didn’t do anything about it. He listened, that’s all he did. _Listened._ And while listening, he was searching for sleep, no, _craving_ it, but no matter how many times he counted the buttons on his shirt up and down, how much he ignored the untouched warm lavender tea which released the strong scent of freedom, how he remembered how many times he had imagined his mother’s singing voice slowly hum a lullaby into his ear as her ill boney fingers passed through his hair, and how much time he spent on trying not to think about anything but the clock that kept telling him to act. He was completely exhausted, physically and mentally, yet he just couldn’t bring himself to sleep. His heart was racing and beating heavily, as if it was running out of blood, even though Hange had forced him to ingest tons of food. He even tried praying for peaceful sleep at some point, but the prayer just wouldn’t come out of his mouth and would remain somewhere in the back of his head, not even remembering what he wished to pray for. His eyes were completely dry, and so was his entire being. Much to his confusion, he couldn’t feel anything except from some kind of pain that made him sick, some kind of anticipation that just didn’t want to leave his brain that would only think of the words Armin had said to him five hours ago.

_“Sir, Eren is crying. He can’t withstand these emotions anymore. We had told him that you were dead, yet he keeps saying that you keep coming to his cell at night, but never speak to him… Is that the truth, sir?”_

Levi shook his head just as he had before, realizing that the young Squad Leader wasn’t here anymore. It was like he was reliving the exact moment again, still staring up at the ceiling in the darkness, only hearing silent breathing beside him and Armin’s shaky voice speaking as if he was accusing him of something. But he couldn’t feel anything. He mustn’t, even.

_“He pleaded me to go find you and bring you down, but I kept telling him you, in fact, died of blood loss. It was like he didn’t understand and he started yelling at me… If it wasn’t for the grid between us… I think he’d rip me apart…”_

Levi shuffled in his bed, lying to his side to bury his nose into the pillow, gripping it tightly as he felt something in his stomach swirl and reach up his gullet, but he fought the feeling by shaking his body to wake it up. Maybe Hange had stuffed him a bit too much… He winced in the pain and realized he was breathing heavily, so he quickly sat up, feeling the numbing pain cross through his entire being again, mingling with the pain in his stomach, much to his relief. It made him forget he was about to throw up. His widely opened eyes were locked on a random spot he couldn’t even see since the entire room was dark, and he clenched the bed sheet in his hands. He still didn’t feel anything, even though he should have. He should have felt something for Hange and Erwin, when they sat there beside his bed as well, happy beyond measures that he wasn’t dead just yet, he should have felt something for the Squad Leader that considered Eren a great friend, but he didn’t even bet an eye. He didn’t even feel anything when he heard how desperate the beast was, and how he longed to see its captor once again. But for some reason, he just couldn’t bring himself to care. After all, Erwin said he’d back off if Levi visited him, which was completely understandable. _But was it really Eren who Erwin was worried about?_

People die, no matter how much you care about them or don’t. And in such a world and position, there is no way to keep something as beautiful as a connection between two entities, whether it was mere companionship, friendship, or love. Fate doesn’t reflect on one’s choices, it goes on its own, and doesn’t care what it has to destroy to gain the one path it has taken.

That much, Levi knew. Then why was it that he could only feel something when thinking about what he felt for the boy, and not the boy himself, the beast that was kept under human skin that everybody refused to acknowledge?

_“I… told him what you told me. That he’s indeed my long lost friend. But, sir… he seemed to despise me even more after this. He grabbed me by the collar and told me to warn everyone that he will not bow down to us, and that he doesn’t care about anyone **but** you. And since we refuse to bring you back, he will make us… pay. He then backed off and started whispering something about murder, not only the murder of Titans, but of us as the Corps too... Especially us, since we are the reason anything happened to you at the first place. He told me… the way he was going to tear us apart, sir… and I… I ran off, sir. Again.”_

Levi suddenly felt a pang of guilt for not saying anything to the blond but just staring ahead, but sudden dread replaced that emotion pretty quickly. The entire Survey Corps falling apart in a literal sense, and it would be his own fault? Eren _was_ a Titan after all, even though it was still hard to believe to Levi. But didn’t he accept it immediately after finding out? And didn’t he want to stay by his side even more because of that, since he was sure most people would despise his existence and spit onto him as if he didn’t have emotions? He hadn’t felt pity, though. He felt similarity.

But if he’d go down there now, alone, how would Eren react? Would Levi feel the same? Would he ignore his mind for once and try to save Eren, no matter the fact that he could be the death of him? Would Eren want to take him away as well, and Levi would comply, since he really did feel strongly for him? Never before had he fallen for anybody that way, after all. He’d rather fall than see Eren die. And the Survey Corps? He wasn’t going to allow Eren to do anything against his annoying family as well.

He suddenly turned on his bed and stepped at the floor, feeling the cold against his bare feet immediately climb up his spine, pain accompanying it. The raven stood up on his trembling legs and took a heavy and slow step forward, only to yelp in pain and throw himself against the wall to refrain from falling down and breaking the few healthy body parts he still had. The food was coming up again, but Levi couldn’t care less. Silently growling, he pushed himself towards the door and yanked it open, only to see nothing but the floor of the hallway illuminated by the moon that shone through the dirty windows.

The Survey Corps were really helpless without him.

The man limped down the hallway while holding himself up by pressing his weight against the wall. If he wouldn’t have been thinking about seeing Eren again, he would have felt every single muscle of his burn in defeat and desire to die off. He felt numb, but something else was there. Something he experienced only when thinking about Eren and being around him, only when their gazes met and every time the brat would smile or touch him even in the slightest way. Levi felt frightened yet again.

Would he really be able to extinguish that beautiful spark of life Eren had tomorrow?

…

The same sight.

What awaited Levi down there was the same sight he had seen months prior.

No guards were standing at the door to the cell, as if protection wasn’t needed. The walls and floor moist, the crackling sound of the burning candles and the occasional drop of water filling the area. The rigid grid, the man that appeared in front of him all of a sudden, curled in a ball the furthest he could from the grid. He did not look up, even though he could hear people approaching from a big distance, Levi knew. He chose not to look up, and his once fervent gaze was locked with the cold floor beneath him.

He remembered how free Eren looked in the wild, how his eyes shone with colors that put the sky and the sea to shame, that huge grin plastered on his face as wind would pass through his longish, unruly locks and that laugh that buried its way into Levi’s soul. An entity proudly standing with his chest puffed out and on his tiptoes, as if he had no bounds whatsoever and a reassuring smile as he looked at Levi with that tender gaze of his was now reduced to a figure that knelt in the small dark corner with rusty old chains that prevented him from coming too close and wander around freely, his face devoid of any happiness or hope, his eyes dull and dry, yet still red, with threatening dark circles under them. His lips were chewed up, bloody. He was still muscled to some extent, but he looked considerably weaker. One could say he seemed like a ghostly figure that had long been dead, with how pale his once tanned skin was. The longish hair was once again cut short, the fluffiness and shagginess only slightly visible. A mere white, somewhat oversized shirt was thrown on top of him and he wore it, and considering he hadn’t torn it apart yet, it meant that he was even satisfied with the humble cloth he was given. Then there were the dusty Survey Corps trousers and the bare feet Levi took a moment to look at, taking in the dust that was on them. A key was around his neck. The man was reduced to a mere boy; the human to a caged, wingless bird again.

Levi took a step forward and immediately froze as the Titan’s eyes darted towards his figure, and he expected the man to light up immediately and burst into tears that he would want to wipe away, but the man’s eyes remained the same and Levi for once couldn’t register any kind of emotion that came from the soldier. Hoping he just couldn’t see well, Levi stepped closer so Eren could recognize him, but he stopped all of his intentions at the moment he could clearly feel Eren’s stare boring right through him with no emotion present. The man looked incredibly exhausted and didn’t even acknowledge Levi’s sudden appearance as if he knew what Levi was tasked to do and now he was punishing him beforehand.

Levi forgot he had ever been hurt. He hurried to the grid to crouch down and wrap his fingers around it, but Eren did not move as he would usually do. There was no curious gaze, no shine in his eyes at the memory, no happiness or relief; but there was no anger or sadness as well.

“Eren”, he heard himself call him, but the man didn’t seem to heed Levi’s broken voice, “Eren, it’s me.”

Eren did not even blink, and Levi’s throat forbad him from receiving air into his lungs for a brief while. He felt like passing out, but he fought the urge with all he had. Tightening his grip around the grid, he felt his brows furrow against his will, “Eren…?”

The man didn’t look away, nor did he respond. There was something incredibly off, and the older couldn’t refrain himself from shaking a bit, “What? I made an effort coming here and you don’t even want to greet me…?” an involuntary tiny smirk crept to his face, “Are you restraining you shit, or something?”

That small smirk faded as he felt his lower lip quiver. That beautiful monster in his sight wasn’t responding at all, as if Levi was the ghost and could not be seen or heard. _Everything_ would have been better than this. If it came to Eren to hate him now, it would be better, because everyone had the right to hate him. But ignoring his presence entirely, just idly blinking at him from time to time to remind him that Eren could see him clearly and was most definitely not blind, this unsettled him greatly. The grace that he displayed months ago while standing up at the exact same spot was nowhere to be seen when he stood up this time, with his legs almost giving out and him throwing one arm over his stomach as he reached for the door harshly with one hand…

…Only to realize it was unlocked.

But Eren did not seem to mind at all, he just lowered his gaze again as the Captain made his way into the malodorous little space, leaving the door open completely. He lingered in the middle of the area for a short while before slowly stepping towards the man whose gaze didn’t meet his, no matter how desperate and persistent Levi’s was. The raven fell to his knees in front of the man, which earned a brief peek from the creature whose soul was the monster Levi wished to nurture and embrace again, until everyone would see how perfect it was. And now it had to be killed. It had to be killed by the man who loved it. The short Captain took Eren by the wrist and Eren let him, much to Levi’s relief. But as he started fiddling with the cuffs around his wrists, he could hear a clear growl out of Eren’s throat that made him stop in his work of freeing the man.

“Don’t.”

Levi’s eyes widened.

“Huh?”

“I said _don’t_ ”, the man’s husky voice replied. The Captain then narrowed his eyes at the younger man and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him a bit to meet his half-lidded eyes that had lost any trace of life in them. The fire that had been there was extinguished, and so was Levi’s hope that was still buried somewhere deep beneath his skin. After widening his eyes again and staring for a few seconds, he suddenly clenched his teeth and pushed the man against the wall easily while making no efforts to ease the pain that Eren would have to feel.

“What the hell are you talking about?! I’m getting you the fuck out of here, so stop telling me to ‘not’. If you’d appreciate my fucking gestures for once I-“

“Don’t.”

That made the man’s grip on his shoulder tighten, but Eren cut in this time.

“I’m not escaping, sir.”

_“Sir…?”_

“Eren, I’m getting you out of here whether you like it or not. I’ve spent the entire way to you thinking about what to do once I get here, with no results. But now that I see you here all torn up, I know I’ve gotta do something. So, just let me-“

“I’m NOT escaping”, Eren’s gaze met his again, his brows furrowing. Yet there was still no emotion. Levi glared at him for a while and wanted to spit back, but he realized he didn’t want to spend his last moment with the brat like this. The Captain’s hands moved from Eren’s shoulders towards his worn-out face, cupping the sides and carefully getting closer so he wouldn’t agitate the beast that clearly didn’t feel anything for him anymore. It was funny, how Levi still felt everything for him though, like the fool everyone by now knew he was. Those empty eyes tore him apart, the green and blue covered by gloomy gray that reflected his image.

“Eren…” he heard himself whisper as he wasn’t able to maintain his normal voice any longer, “they are going to kill you, if you don’t escape”, he said and slowly made his way towards the brunet’s chest, pressing his hot forehead against the slightly damp shirt, “and my stupid arse doesn’t want you to die…”

Levi closed his eyes for just a moment, hoping Eren’s welcoming arms would wrap around him like they’d usually do, instinctively, thinking how they would envelop him completely and how they would press him closer to Eren’s chest, so he could relish the safety that he felt when he was there, in his arms, close to him, but the man didn’t do such an effort. As he opened his eyes again, he didn’t search for the man’s eyes, for he knew they wouldn’t be on him but on an inexistent object in the distance, and he kept staring at the rough shirt Eren had on.

“I don’t care what you feel towards me. It would even be better if there was nothing at all, like I suspect it to be. I’m not mad. Not disappointed. I considered it right from the start, that I was just…” he exhaled, “I just want you to be free. I want you to run away and never look back again. Out there, there’s a life for you, I’ve seen you protecting yourself. You never needed me, or the Survey Corps. I’ve been a fool for not acknowledging that before. I was selfish enough to look past all of the signs that you don’t like the way things go around here, and that’s my one and only regret. So, _please,_ let me free you.”

He could feel the man’s heart starting to beat faster and his chest rising. A low growl emitted from the younger man and Levi quickly backed off, meeting his eyes momentarily before Eren slammed their foreheads together with his teeth clenched. The Captain ignored the hurt in his chest, but instead of keeping their eyes locked in menacing fury like he’d usually do, his sight dropped almost immediately. Blaming his current state could have helped him feel better, but he knew his health wasn’t the cause of this kind of pain.

“I don’t need you to protect me! I don’t want you to free me! Why did you even come back?!” came the angry words from above and Levi turned into a mere lump of oversized white clothes as Eren’s forehead pressed him down, to which the Captain didn’t even respond by fighting back, to at least try to keep his pride intact. And since he didn’t, Eren growled in frustration, “You’re right! I **NEVER** needed you!”

The truth stung, but Levi wanted to hear it, so he was content. But then he felt the younger man’s cheek press against his own to throw him off balance carefully.

“But need is not the same as want. Maybe I WANTED you!”

He heard a silent chuckle come from the raven-haired man and he soon saw him raising his head slowly to search for Eren’s eyes that weren’t completely dull anymore. They were still dry and exhausted nevertheless. His Captain wasn’t smiling, there was just this weird, lopsided grin and furrowed eyebrows that made him realize he was deeply hurt.

“At least… I was a… a good fuck, huh?”

As soon as he said that he found himself pinned down to the floor by the brunet that looked incapacitated a moment before and he struggled to breathe air into his lungs, avoiding the taller man’s sight and just squirming beneath him. Two strong hands found themselves pressed to the pale face that didn’t want to keep still as they steadied it, making Levi face him. He could see the Captain’s suffering, but didn’t move or go easy on him. Growling once again and bringing their faces closer, he saw the man’s eyes dart back at his.

“Don’t say that! Don’t say such STUPID things! I CHOSE to be by your side and **CHOSE** to battle against titans! I could have escaped the moment I got here, don’t you realize that?! I was here for YOU! The want to be with you was stronger that all the freedom out there, YOU were more than the freedom out there! I wanted to take you and never return you, here, I said it! I wanted you to be MINE! Not because I had a need to pound you into the ground, but because I saw that you were the same as me! Lost, confused… Caged.”

Levi seemingly calmed after that and his eyes lost that menacing glare that threatened to rip himself to pieces if Eren would have released him. Seeing that, Eren calmed down too, looking at Levi’s open shoulder that revealed the old bite mark still being there.

“You never smiled. You were so… closed in that I couldn’t just leave you alone. I… I don’t know. I followed you. I would have followed you till the end of time. But then I saw that… you weren’t the only one. You’re not the only one unhappy. There’s… thousands of people out there. So many frowns and tears. And I don’t want them to cry. I wanted to join you to help those people… but it made things only worse. So there’s no way around it.”

“…What do you mean…?”

Eren suddenly didn’t seem so calm anymore again, something gloomy taking over his beautiful, exhausted features. Levi knew this expression. He had the same face when they were in Eren’s hollow; the younger listening to Levi’s rambling about how he had trusted him blindly without looking at the odds. It was the face of sad anticipation of what would come if he’d say something furthermore. And now his previous behavior made sense. Eren didn’t want to tell him. Levi suddenly growled and grabbed the younger by the hem of his shirt, pushing him up with what power he had left to pin him against the wall again, earning a yelp from the taller man. Eren’s eyes remained half-lidded and his lips turned into a slight frown.

“Eren!” he heard his voice escaping his mouth again, desperate to clutch the man tightly like he would disappear at any given moment, “Eren, what are you saying?! If… If that’s what you’re feeling, we can always exit this door, together! I could come up with anything, they’d trust me with every of my decision-“

 “Are you even listening to yourself, Captain…?” the younger man said and Levi’s eyes went wide at the use of his title instead of his name. Levi felt a rush of anxiety bolt through him. _This meant that he wanted to back off. This had to mean he didn’t want Levi to feel any worse. Did he really plan to…?_

“What?”

Eren’s fingers slowly wrapped themselves around the wrists that were strangling him, making Levi’s grip loosen a bit, “You’re… talking about… betraying them, sir…”

Levi’s hands suddenly trembled, but he nodded determinedly, thinking that Eren would give in, but the younger man looked down again.

“I don’t want to escape”, he could see Levi try to say something again, so he continued, “I have caused enough problems already.”

The man’s expression at that moment had Eren’s heart skip a beat, but he didn’t dwell on the feeling. It was as if Levi’s mask finally cracked open, the horror and pain of the situation in front of him coming crashing down at his face. His lower lip trembled as his grip loosened completely, so Eren wrapped his warm hands around Levi’s to sooth the Captain’s sudden pain. Levi’s sad eyes then looked up as his frown intensified; his eyes narrowing as he softly shook his head.

“Eren, stop…”

“The Government is after me. The titans are after me. Everyone here is doomed if I don’t disappear soon, sir.”

“You can’t possibly… you…” Levi’s expression grew even more sad and terrified as Eren’s face lost their emotions again, turning stoic, “…don’t fucking do this to me!”

“I have to die, sir”, he silently said and saw the trembling man in front of him freeze, “it’s for humanity.”

“Humanity’s digging its own grave, Eren, stop believing into that ‘if I’m dead everything will turn out well’ shit! It won’t! Nothing will change! The Titans will still devour us, whatever happens! And you- you’re our pass out of this hellhole, you know that?! You know that, Eren?!” he gripped him by the collar again as his eyes bore into Eren’s cold ones, “And it’s not just them… You’re everything… I still have. And if you die, I’ll… I’ll…”

“Captain…” Eren called him by his title again and Levi’s eyes softened once again as he saw the pleading look in his eyes that told him exactly what intentions the brunet had. And with that, all of those stupid, childish thoughts- _Levi holding his lover’s hand, going on missions together, cuddling in his bed at night, talking to each other quietly when they’d have nightshifts together, riding horses on their own little adventures, sitting on a big-ass tree and making out, letting the breeze play with their hair, mocking Erwin from behind, drinking tea, dancing to the sound of silence, tending to each other’s wounds, smiling, messing up, arguing, making up, promising each other to themselves and talking about a future in which they’d settle down in a small house away from the stressful society and either fulfilling that dream once or dying in each other’s arms_ \- were gone and burned to ashes like all of their comrades that died during the mission that brought nothing but pain to both of them. Eren wasn’t going to stop. He wasn’t going to listen. Nothing was going to stop this monster inside of him. Nothing could control his monstrous soul.

_Not violence, not power, words._

“I **_hate_** you!” Levi suddenly exclaimed, pressing against him and looking into the dry eyes that widened as they heard those words from the short man, Levi’s own filled with anything _but_ hatred, “I hate you so, **_so much_**!”

_Nor danger, fear, peace._

Eren’s expression only softened, so the man’s scowl deepened as his eyes narrowed in pain, his hands trembling violently.

_Not even love._

“I hate you, I hate you, I **_hate_** you, I-“

A couple of tears suddenly jumped from the raven’s eyes and he closed them, making the tears slide down quickly, flowing right towards his trembling lower lip he was trying to calm desperately.

“You **_fucking_** ruin-ruined my l-life y-you idiot… I h-hate… I…” the trembling figure of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier in front of him, the emotionless killing machine with no fears or struggles, the monster that had abandoned his humanity to become a survivor, suddenly buried his face into Eren’s shirt, releasing loud whimpers as his eyes released hot tears that soon damped the sorry excuse for clothing Eren had on. And as the raven kept shaking and whimpering loudly, trying to restrain himself from crying, clenching Eren’s shirt as if he was about to dissolve if he’d let go, and as he shamelessly nuzzled his whole tiny body against Eren’s, Eren knew exactly what Levi meant with those words.

_Listen to me! I don’t want you to leave…_

_We had a future, you know, we could have been happy!_

_I won’t be able to continue like this. I thought you… I…_

Levi’s whimpering stopped only for a moment as he felt warm arms wrap around his small torso before he broke down again, trying to bury himself into the taller man’s chest as Eren pressed his chapped lips against the bite mark and then rested his chin on top of the petite man’s head carefully, gently, listening to the man’s broken sobs attentively and trying to remain calm to lull him.

He leaned his cheek against the top of his head, exhaling loudly through his nose.

“I do, I… I love you too, Levi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (yes Armin lied)
> 
> The story's obviously somewhat inspired by the visual novel Nurning Bright in the Forests of the Night... And the angst.... angst, alongside bad memes, are what I feed on.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3 Stick with me for two more weeks haha.


	31. Die Klinge, die durch ihn hindurchging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This freaking chapter title makes me cringe every time I see it. Geez, that's brutal. Ouch.
> 
> Well then. From the first month till now, I planned for this to be the last chapter and leave everything up to the reader, but for some reason, I decided to stay with you for a little longer. Maybe the fact because I have compulsive counting disorder and I can't leave the chapter count at 31. But maybe 'cause you inspired me.
> 
> Yeah, especially your comments. They inspired me. They made me write another chapter, the attempt of an epilogue that ended up being 4500 words long or so, only to torture you or make you happy, you'll see.

He woke to a silent heartbeat and a chest rising and falling peacefully, between long legs, in a lap, large arms wrapped around his tiny frame, facing a golden key as his eyes fluttered open. A silent sigh escaped his mouth and he nuzzled closer. The Captain’s eyes felt heavy and tired, but he didn’t even think of closing them again. His head was once again empty, since the thoughts he had were poured out of him last night, along with all those tears of regret. The man sighed, passing his fingers through the taller man’s scruffy hair, half-closing his eyes. When he saw Eren mumbling something in his sleep and lightly shifting, he slowly closed the space between them again, kissing the man’s wet lips gently, earning the taste of Eren’s disgusting saliva slowly sliding down towards his chin, but Levi couldn’t help but to see it as adorable, not disgusting as he usually would.

_“He twisted me completely, didn’t he…?”_

When he parted from him, he heard the man sigh in content, and felt the corner of his lips twitch upwards as Eren obviously forgot in what position they were in at the moment. Maybe he still thought they were resting on the tree branch, with the birds cheerfully singing and the wind playing with the leaves of the trees that provided them shade. Passing his thumb over the saliva to clean him and closing his mouth gently made him remember things he shouldn’t be remembering at the moment, considering he’d have to be killed in a few hours. He wished he could just stay here all day and enjoy the closure, but he knew they were probably already searching for him, considering he hadn’t told anybody he was leaving. He’d probably get some kind of punishment from Commander Eyebrows if he found out, like prohibition from tea drinking or taking all of his cleaning supplies away and lock them in the tall closet he wouldn’t be able to reach. _Or_ kicking him out, considering a higher-up had an affaire with a mere private, who was a Titan Shifter at the same time. Levi mentally scolded himself for being so inappropriate. How things worked around there, it was safe to assume everybody had already heard stories of them doing things Levi didn’t even want to know of, because it didn’t matter.

The short man took the taller by the hands and brought them up to free himself from them, letting them fall. Eren still didn’t budge, and that made things considerably easier for the raven. The Captain crawled to his side, reaching Eren’s ear, whispering: “See you soon.”

Feeling his heart getting heavier again, he stood up and swiftly walked towards the door, stealing one last look of the beautiful man sleeping with his back pressed to the wall in a sitting position, before forcing himself head out. His steps were rather clumsy as he was ascending the stairs, and he told himself that it was because of the injuries that seemed to have gotten smaller and weaker over the night, even though they still hurt. But his heart was at peace. If it was Eren’s wish to die at the hands of humanity, so be it. No matter how much pain it brought the short man.

Still, he knew what he was talking about the other day. Eren was far too important to just be left to die. It wasn’t just him; the entire world inside of the walls needed him without even knowing.

…

“I figured I would find you here”, was the first thing he heard upon exiting the dungeon. His head turned to the side quickly to face the man, whom the voice belonged to, seeing his unusually smug face smirking at him knowingly. It wasn’t quite what Levi had expected Erwin to do, but the younger scowled nonetheless, walking past him and ignoring him completely. Erwin, however, didn’t wish for this conversation to end just yet, “I see you’ve opposed my only request.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Levi softly replied while his back was still turned to the Commander, “Stay in bed in a cramped room filled with the stench of blood and chemicals? No thank you. Smells worse than Hange.”

Erwin let out an unamused chuckle before replying: “Sadly, that’s nothing but the truth.”

They continued walking down the almost empty hallway, getting a few salutes from the cadets here and there, but didn’t answer any. Levi just wanted to get back into the sheets of his own bed that still probably reeked of Eren. Levi wasn’t a creep, he’d wash that thing as soon as an opportunity would present itself, but considering the tall blond was following him around, he knew that day wouldn’t be today. Irritated, he suddenly stopped in his pace and crossed his arms over his chest, turning around to face the tall Commander.

“What?” he silently said, realizing his voice was too weak to sound rude. Erwin seemingly noticed this.

“Well. That is worrisome.”

“What. Is it”, Levi hissed.

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be resting? After all, your injuries are still far from being healed, and considering you’ll have to stand in front of the whole court and Zackley himself today, looking the best you can, you should probably stop straining your body.”

The short man sighed and leaned his weight at the leg that wasn’t as injured, sending the Commander a look that could be identified as mischievous if it wasn’t for the fact that Levi’s frown was as deep as ever. His eyesight then fell at the ground beneath him, and the Commander caught a glimpse of Levi’s lower lip trembling for a mere second. The raven-haired man’s eyebrows were furrowed, his expression stern and calculating.

“Today’s the big day, huh?” Erwin asked and the shorter man suddenly shot him a menacing glare before pinching the bridge of his nose, looking down at the ground again.

“Being annoying is one thing”, he said in a low tone to prevent it from cracking, searching for the Commander’s eyebrows with his eyes, “but taunting me for my perfectly human behavior takes things to a whole new level, Erwin. Did you expect me to just lie in bed and do nothing while Eren was dying in loneliness and ignorance down there? Follow every of your command without questioning it, blindly and not thinking for myself?”

The knowing look on Erwin’s face unsettled the raven greatly, but he kept his eyes steadily on Erwin’s eyebrows. He, of course, knew the answer was yes, because Levi always obeyed him without question. It was more than expected.

“I am not aiming at your disobedience here, Levi”, Erwin explained, “I am simply trying to get your attention and to focus on today’s mission which is… more or less tied to your disobedience to me.”

Levi blinked. Erwin knew it was the most he could get out of him at the moment.

“How do you feel about him?”

Levi’s face darkened.

“Are you a therapist or some shit?” he turned around and started walking off again, hands clenched into fists, “To hell if I’m telling you about my fucking business. …This should be clear enough, no?” as Erwin didn’t respond, he turned to face him again, his expression indifferent, “Other than that… I don’t think my feelings should apply to this question. You asked about my thoughts in general.”

Erwin only nodded, taking a step closer to the short Captain. Levi eyed him suspiciously for a few seconds before leaning against the wall and lowering his head.

“I’ve said it before, haven’t I? Eren isn’t just a soldier. He’s much more. That wuss, no matter his lack of respect and polite behavior, has something fierce inside of him. And upon finding out that it’s a fucking Titan, I couldn’t believe his stupid ass at first, but I’m still standing, so that turned out to be the truth”, he crossed his arms, “Than I began to think. I don’t know whether my emotions just kind of flew into my thoughts as well or if I simply thought too much about it, but I came to the conclusion that he is not really… deplorable, when it comes down to the core. Having a Titan at our side… this could mean so much. Sealing walls. Helping construct homes and buildings for the ones who don’t have the luck of having somewhere to live in. Helping people evacuate. Helping with the defense of towns. Annihilating other Titans. It’s not as inconvenient as it would seem at first. Having such a creature at our side could greatly help our, and to an extent, humanity’s cause. Now, he’s still unable to control his powers, I’ve been told, and he still failed in his task, but considering he had no training against the Titans whatsoever, I can’t really be mad at that. And think of the MP and what shitty faces they’d pull if they would see him turning into a Titan not to devour them, but save their shitty lives. Fucking priceless.”

As he looked up at Erwin, he saw the faintest of smirks on his face.

“Turns out you and Hange beat me to it, eh?”

“Excuse me?” Erwin questioned as his smirk disappeared in an instant.

“Tch”, Levi’s eyes narrowed, “you knew it all along. Ever since the experiments… right?”

“Ah”, Erwin sighed and smirked again, “yes, you could say it like that. After all, what kind of human just grows back a chunk of their arm over night?” Erwin’s smile widened for a brief moment before it completely disappeared again, “As I’ve already mentioned, those were all presumptions based on back then present evidence. Hange did have a few theories regarding the connections of Titans and humans… but let’s not dwell on that.”

“Whatever, Eyebrow. I’ll be ahead sulking in my room until I despise the whole wide world again. Don’t mind me”, he said and pushed himself off the wall rather clumsily, tiredly walking towards his office when he heard the Commander speak again.

“Don’t think I’m not happy for what you had. You have accomplished what most of us couldn’t.”

Levi froze at that, clenching his fists again, praying he wouldn’t start shaking.

“Levi.”

The small man didn’t reply for a while, just stood there in the middle of the hallway. When he finally did speak though, his voice was completely normal again. Instead of feeling relieved though, Erwin felt confident because of the raven-haired man’s act. It meant he would surely be able to deceive the entire court later on. Absorbed in the plan, he didn’t even hear the first few sentences that came from Levi’s mouth.

“What’s past is past. It was nice while it lasted. But it was also stupid of me, completely inappropriate and had no significance in the survival of humanity; a factor I never thought I could ignore. Moreover, I could have caused even more trouble because of my incompetence to do something rather than search the crowd to find the dumbass that hadn’t been doing anything beneficial to our side. Considering that his resolve to help me be human morphed into a resolve to help humanity stay alive, it was utterly selfish of me to try to keep him covered as long as possible, while I could have trained him at that time, prepare him for everything that had to come. If that were the case, we wouldn’t have suffered so many losses as well. Because Eren… he’s really something.”

“He’s an uncontrollable beast with the power to kill us all in whatever moment he would deem appropriate… yet he kept his abilities hidden and endured the pain we’ve put him through. For your sake. He wished to save the world for your sake.”

Levi hummed thoughtfully.

“And I would have to consider myself a fool if I didn’t know what that means. He had a dream of his own and he pursued it. Just like I have a dream of my own that nothing can extinguish. Just like you, Levi, have a wish that you fight for.”

“Fought for”, Levi corrected and Erwin came closer, putting a large hand on the younger man’s shoulder.

“Fight for”, Erwin said, “But to tell you the truth, you’re not the only one. Hange, too, seems incredibly interested into the Titan that Eren is. She wants to conduct experiments on him to benefit our further investigations of the Titans. She wants to exploit everything of his being before passing him on. The Arlert squad has been talking about him a lot too. Ackerman said she would protect the boy with her life at all costs, even stepping down that podium to smack every single court member into the face if it had to be, as she put it. And Arlert himself sent me down here when I found out you went missing.”

_“…That sly little bastard.”_

“And you know how much time I’ve invested into this as well, don’t you…? With that in mind, I can assure you I do not intend on losing him anytime soon, no matter the consequences. Levi. If I told you that there was one way to save him, would you be ready to give up on everything? Would you be ready to choose humanity over Eren, Levi?”

_“Give up on everything. I’ve lost my only two friends right at the start of my life at the Survey Corps, even though he was there and could have very well prevented it from happening, if he had just told me there was no document. I abandoned everything I still had and went to follow him like a stray dog clings to a human it wants as its owner. My wishes had been reduced to mere dust at that moment, and there was nothing to regret. There was no ‘me’, ‘I’, or ‘Levi’. Only ‘others’, ‘humanity’, ‘people’. ‘Freedom’. That’s what had been on my mind as I ventured. That selfishness grew with time, of course, and Eren was just too much to bear. Giving up on everything means giving up on him too. And that thought… it’s a mere thought that won’t be taking over me anytime soon. If it is to save him, which would ultimately lead to the survival of humanity, if we have the luck, I’ll gladly submit to Erwin’s will. Some people have priority, after all. And what I wouldn’t give to make the walls fall, with no Titans in sight…”_

“I would always choose humanity”, he said and turned to face him once again, his eyes burning with passion that Erwin had seen only once before, “and you know it, Erwin Smith. How many fucking times will I have to be asked that same goddamn question again. What the fuck.”

He then harshly pulled away from the blond and scrambled to find balance on his feet, and once he did, he proudly raised his chin up and headed towards his office once again. But before he entered his room, he looked back one more time, only to find the tall man deep in thought again. Clearing his throat to earn his attention and pull him back to the present, he crossed his arms over his chest and faced the blond in an exasperated manner.

“Why, though?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why would you go all that length just to save a mere brat who got most of our best soldiers killed…? I know about his Titan abilities and all, Hange didn’t spare me the details, but wouldn’t it just be easier to extract… whatever inside of him is and be kept here?”

“I do not wish to endanger his existence. He is a vital for-“

“Erwin”, Levi interrupted, being visibly frustrated, “I know when you’re lying. We’ve known each other for fifteen years. There’s no way in hell you wouldn’t sacrifice one man to save thousands of others.”

Erwin smirked again.

“You have your reasons to keep him around, I have mine. I told you already, haven’t I? Everyone has a thing they are fighting for. And let us just say that the boy is… key to understanding something that is far too great for us to comprehend. Although we are far from the answer, the key lies within the boy’s grasp. Truth is what I seek, Levi, and it is the demon that has been driving me all those years… and now that I’ve found it, finally… I can finally see whether it was true or not, whether the Government has been…” Erwin’s expression lightened as soon as he saw the Captain’s somewhat worried face, “You should rest. We will discuss the details later on, with the rest of the soldiers who will attend the event.”

The tall Commander turned around and started walking away, but Levi stood still, watching every of his step thoughtfully. Erwin had never been as easy person to be around, and while he knew everything that was happening around him, he never told anybody what his plans were. It infuriated him.

“One more thing”, he said as he suddenly stopped, obviously knowing that Levi still hadn’t left for his office, “do not regret anything that happens, for the only thing you will do is listen to my command. Even if our first plan doesn’t work out, we have something else in store, but let us hope it won’t have to come to that. Eren’s life is far more important than you might think. After so much time, I have finally found the other person that is needed for the world to change”, he turned his head to face the smaller soldier who was glaring at him in understanding determination, “we cannot afford to lose him. Even if it takes extreme measurements, we will secure his life.”

…

A pale man lying down on the pavement, looking up at the sky with a tilted head, giving in to his destiny, his torso bare and the only piece of clothing he had was a white cloth wrapped around his legs. Around him soldiers, heavily muscled, dressed in plain, colorless clothes. The color faded over the years, leaving only a sickly pale shade of yellow and cream and black. The soldiers are surrounding the listless man whose eyes are averted to face the ground while they point spares at his still intact torso.

The exact opposite of the man sitting beneath the giant picture on the ceiling, glancing up every now and then.

There, in the middle of the court, was a man who was looking right in front of himself, glaring at anybody who dared to challenge his look, giving in to the monster inside of him, his bruised and cut body completely covered in white clothes that were stained red as steam still evaporated from him. Despite his earlier looks of apathy and listlessness, he was kneeling down on the floor and glaring in front of him with a look that would kill immediately, if it could. His whole body was shaking as he wiggled in the uncomfortable position they put him in, trying to snap the chains that tied him to the glistening column placed in the middle of the room. The monster’s breath was heavy and he was constantly baring his teeth, appearance-wise looking like a hungry wolf. His forehead was facing the ground as his pupils dilated to the point of almost covering all color in his eyes, and his grin was so wide that it seemed as if it would tear his face apart at any moment. Even the Military Police was shaking in their seats and seemed as if they were reconsidering this now. The tension in the area was apparent as loud growls and shrieks from the young man filled the room, stilling everyone in their positions.

It was as if a demon had possessed him in the meantime, with his body being unable to hold still and his eyes boring into every single person he looked at, sending an arrow of hatred straight towards them. His cries were so loud and high-pitched that people began wondering if it really wasn’t a demon that crept from hell to escape its clutches and find a way to the other side.

Only the Captain and the Commander sitting across him were completely still, watching the monster intently with respect. The Commander was watching every of Eren’s struggling moves and listening to the monster screeching carefully, as if to fully absorb what exactly was inside of him. And Humanity’s Strongest had to keep fighting a smirk that threatened to show. The sheer ferocity of the beast was overwhelming.

And the court room suddenly exploded into an argument about killing the beast, yet the Captain couldn’t understand or listen to anything at the moment. Even some of the Corps made suggestions on how to get rid of the monster, but he didn’t care. Seeing the intense change of the young man filled the Captain with pride all of a sudden and that made the decision he had to make in a matter of seconds easier. Only yesterday he seemed as if he were already dead. The Captain wondered if he made the difference… but this was completely irrelevant now.

Zackley was hitting the surface beneath him to calm the angry groups of people fighting against each other and preaching about the will of God and the Walls ‘He built’. Voices came from every side, shrieking and crying out, shouting and ordering, screams and whispers, deep and high and male and female voices intertwining and furthermore proving how humanity was slowly falling apart. Levi closed his eyes, remembering the song of crickets and how in tune they were, unlike the lost humans barking at each other. The stiff Captain suddenly felt a large hand being placed at his shoulder and he slowly opened his eyes, realizing the situation was getting dire as Eren tried to snap the chains once again, cutting into his red wrists and yelling perfectly coherent sentences Levi wasn’t able to understand at the moment.

Erwin leaned in to whisper something, but the adrenaline and the thought of having to end this now made his ears clogged, and after hearing a few names and his own, he saw the beast in the middle of the room freeze as the Military Police pointed their guns at him, a look of pure horror on the beast’s face.

The Captain found himself struggling for a few seconds to get over the partition with his trembling legs and ignored the stares people sent him as he began walking down the pathway towards Eren that turned his head to see him, visibly flinching as he saw Levi slowly pull a sword from his side, but narrowing his eyes in determination after a few seconds. As people realized he wasn’t scared anymore, they started to panic in case the monster would start struggling and shrieking again, but the beast was still, looking at Humanity’s Strongest slowly making his way towards him.

Levi’s eyes were half-closed in apathy and his mouth was crooked into the bored frown he always had on his face. His steps were slow, the heels of his boots echoing through the suddenly completely silent hall. And despite it being completely calm, Levi heard voices shouting at him in his head, high-pitched cries for help intertwining with deep male voices, erupting in a chorus of loud, eerie sounds. Refusing to connect the voices to the people of his past, he tightened the grip on his blade and soon stopped walking, feeling everyone’s eyes on him and the voices in his head suddenly subsiding as Eren’s fierce eyes met his. The Captain just stood there for a few seconds, looking down at the man he loved most in the world, seeing his glare turn into a gaze that gave Levi the impression of Eren being able to endure anything, as long as it came from his Captain. The Captain’s grip around the handle of the clean blade tightened even more, but he suddenly fell in front of the man, bowing his head deeply, as if showing immense respect, earning a gasp from their audience. Before anyone could act on it though, he raised his head again to meet the boy’s eye level, seeing the visible horror on his face. The Captain slowly reached his hand out to the fuming beast which growled at him one more time before looking into his steel blue eyes once more, finding them trained on his. And Eren had never seen a look more ferocious than the look the man had given him at that moment. The feeling of dominance shriveled and he felt his pride fading into nothingness once again and his facial features relaxed to a point where it would seem as if he wasn’t barking at everyone and anyone a few seconds prior. As Levi’s gaze softened as well, Eren instinctively leaned forward and pressed his forehead into the older man’s dry, but soft palm.

The witnesses gasped in shock and started yelling again, but the pair in the center of attention seemed to completely ignore them, with the monster smiling as fluid ran down his cheeks and fell to the dusty ground and the Captain silently murmuring something to him.

“Does this seem uncontrollable to you?” Erwin spoke up, standing from his seat, “As opposed to previous beliefs, Humanity’s Strongest did not even need to lift a fist to calm the man, which furthermore proves the point of the beast wanting to help you. Do you not think he would have already shifted into a Titan if it weren’t for the fact that he wanted to protect you? We, the Survey Corps, are the only witnesses that have seen Eren Yeager shift into his Titan form and we of all people know about his powers and aims. If we were to keep that power under our control, I firmly believe that we would be able to accomplish great things; things we haven’t accomplished for more than fifty years. With his help, we might be able to fix the errors of the past and figure a way to lead humanity to victory. I can assure you, as long as Captain Levi is in charge of him, and ready to kill him if necessary, we will be able to-“

“NO! That… that thing will NOT help us! If anything, it’s destructive power will be the end of us!”

“What has humanity become? Searching for help in ONE OF THEM?! A TITAN?!”

“This is truly an unacceptable offer… You cannot possibly think he will stay under control… The last mission you went on was far from public and you still managed to reduce the wealth of our country and kill off beloved family members! Because of you… our family… my son…”

“He must die!”

“DIE!”

…

“Eren…” Levi whispered as he gently cupped his face, seeing the distress the boy was in, “Glad you’re back.”

When the Captain saw the confused look on the boy’s face turn into a sheepish, wide smile accompanied by snot shooting from his nose, he couldn’t help but to gently smile at the sight. This was his perfect Eren, at the climax of his unwavering beauty.

“I need you to cooperate, okay? And whatever happens from this point will by no means be at your fault; I’ll take everything onto my shoulders. This is a _huge_ gamble. _Never_ blame it on yourself, do you understand?” he waited for a reply, but it didn’t come, so he dug his nails into the sides of Eren’s soft cheeks, “This won’t be easy to take, and I have no idea what’ll happen… But before anything, I’m sorry.”

“S-Sir…”

“I’m sorry for putting you through this.”

“Sir, please…”

“I’m sorry it’s always you”, he said as his eyes softened and Eren wished for nothing more than to clash their lips together, so he leaned forward aggressively, but instead of meeting the Captain’s lips, he crashed their foreheads together and felt his smile growing wider as the Captain returned the push this time, despite of what was to follow. If only time could stop, and if only he would be able to stay by his side...

But fate didn’t work that way.

…

“Kill it!”

“There’s an opening!”

“Shoot now!”

“Wait”, a calm voice said and they all watched the Captain rise to his feet, a solemn expression on his face, “Do not waste weapons on him. Do you think he will accept dying at your hand? That shitty brat’s probably going to turn into a Titan if you try. Believe me; I’ve witnessed his murderous attempts and actions quite a few times…” he turned around to face the Military Police that threatened the beast with their guns pointed at it, “and I can’t tell what’ll happen to you, who infuriated him, if you dare shoot…”

“Don’t talk in favor of-“

“He will not comply to any of you fattening pigs sitting on your asses as the walls collapse and the towns die off“, he cut off the voice that came from left without looking at the person who spoke, “and I am not talking in his favor. I am merely stating the truth which you are unable to handle because of your stuck-up brains sucking at the dirty money that had been put in front of your feet ever since you started walking the path of ‘righteousness’ and ‘integrity’. You have no right to put a hand on him if you will only stain him furthermore, which is why I will claim your action and deliver it with my own hands.”

He stepped aside and turned to face the crowd that stopped complaining, but the face of the younger Ackerman and the glare she sent towards him made him frown. Good thing Arlert was holding her arm to stop her from jumping down and trying to choke him with her unusually masculine hands.

Then, a voice dared to say: “As if he would damage their-“

And that person shut up as soon as Levi’s boot came across the monster’s face, sending a tooth flying to the other side of the hall. Eren’s breathing intensified and blood started running off his cut lip, but the Captain did not stop. He sent another blow to his stomach and made him squirm and shout in pain, once again, and then he bent down to grab him by the hair and bashed his knee into the youth’s face before forcefully knocking him down while a calm look was on his face at all times. The Captain kicked his bloody stomach once, twice, thrice, then pulled him by the hair again to catch a quick glimpse of the man’s face that looked like he was about to heave at any moment, but Levi didn’t give him that luxury. He punched his chin so he looked up, and then Levi’s world stopped.

It was time.

He slowly raised his blade into the air, holding it above the young man with shaking hands, hoping people would think he got exhausted and wasn’t at the verge of a mental breakdown. With ringing in his ears, he clenched his teeth tightly as he watched Eren’s eyes flutter open and look at him with nothing but understanding, ready for anything that had to come yet. Levi should have done it by now, and he knew people were starting to think it was just a ruse. Desperately he tried to lower the sword, but he found himself unable to do so as thousands of questions ran through his head. Looking at his brat’s hands that were tied with chains, those thoughts only multiplied. His eyes went to search the crowd again where he saw faces of expectation and disbelief aimed towards him, and then he met Erwin’s solemn expression before turning to the boy again.

And then the bloody youth that had a hard time keeping his eyes open slightly smiled and nodded. Levi felt his arms go down; the blade passing through the one he loved the most.


	32. Fürs Leben verbunden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you. This has been an adventure for all of us, right? ...Now go on. They're waiting for you.

“Is this how you greet your superior, you damned squirts?” he said with his nose raised up just to put an emphasis on his darkened facial expression that had been stoic a second ago. This new squad was unbearable. Why did he ever think picking out the 104th trainee squad was a good idea if they had always been the one to cause the most trouble? Just like their former leader and the Commander’s second hand, alongside the crazy woman, always said: this squad was the gathering of the mad.

The floor was covered in flour. There wasn’t a single clean spot on it. In the middle of the room sat Sasha who had egg yolk stuck in her hair and had previously been chewing on raw gingerbread, until their squad leader came through the door. He watched the gingerbread slowly slide out of her opened mouth, only to fall into the hands of Connie, whose entire head and shoulders were white from the presumably same flour that was on the floor. Upon receiving the gingerbread, he stood up with a scowl and muttered something to himself as he trotted back to the counter where a single, light blue bowl had been waiting for him. Sasha fell to the floor. The Captain figured they had tried to make something edible again, only for it to go horribly, horribly wrong. The squad leader’s eyes travelled towards the corner, where they spotted Jean standing frozen with a broom tightly pressed to his chest and a fedora on his head. His eyes than finally left the mess only to look at the lean blond that sat at the white counter, drinking from a perfectly clean cup while reading newspapers and humming a playful tune. When he seemingly felt that they had company because of the sharp eyes on him, he looked up from the papers and flashed a sweet smile at the Captain.

“Ah, Captain Levi, sir. We… weren’t really expecting you to come back so soon.”

Levi stared at the young man’s expression to find a hint of apology on it, but there was nothing except from the wide smile and narrowed eyes. The Captain pinched the bridge of his nose as he looked down at his shoes. The flour already managed to ruin them.

“Once again, Arlert. I’m not nobility; I’m from the fucking sewers.”

“Y-yes, sir!” the smile of the blond grew nervous before he hid his face in the papers again, seemingly unfazed by the situation he was in, like it was part of everyday life for him.

“I expected this room to be clean by the time I’d return, actually. If… you’re trying to postpone the fun for later, I can’t say I’m one to argue. Still, covering every last bit of it in flour…? Seems a little too much, don’t you think, Sasha…?”

The brunette squeaked as the Captain’s voice went lower and more threatening at the end of his question, but she managed to remain calm as she looked up at him and finally sat up to face their squad leader, saluting as she met his unimpressed eyes.

“Uh… we actually wanted to bake you a cake for… you know, Captain, for choosing us instead of… _real_ soldiers with _real_ experience. But… it kinda went out of hand…”

“I can see that”, he answered coldly and turned to face the young man with the buzz cut, “Oi, Connie. Hange’s been requesting your presence for a while now, and it’s gotten to the point of me not being able to hold her back. Sorry. Seems like you’ll be in her clutch soon enough.”

“Oh… well. Okie dokie”, he answered and stirred the contents of the bowl into a clumpy heap of ingredients Levi wished not to know of, “She probably wants me to answer a few questions ‘bout my village or something…”

Levi’s eyes narrowed sympathetically before he turned to Jean who just averted his gaze immediately as it met the Captain’s and the broom was pressed against his chest again.

“Don’t tell me you don’t even know how to hold a broom correctly… If you can’t do it, don’t do it, but please don’t make out with the equipment…”

“Huh?! Wha-I-uh-I… I wasn’t! I, would uh, I…” Jean’s face went bright red and the short soldier turned to face the blond again, only to be stopped in his thoughts as a raven-haired girl passed right by him, carrying a heap of firewood in her hands. Levi watched her walk through the flour, seemingly used to it as well as she didn’t even look down, before putting the wood down and stretching her back. He didn’t even try to question why she wasn’t resting, like Hange had told her to. Her ribs had been broken after the fall, after all. He watched Jean throw the broom aside to walk up to her and decided it was best for him to take the leave.

Upon walking outside of their new small base, he was momentarily blinded by the harsh sunlight that passed through the treetops and squinted his eyes to look into the distance, only to see nothing but huge plains covered by grass and the small horse cart that brought him there. Everything at the outside was silent, peaceful, with only the birds softly humming in the few trees surrounding their base and with the leaves rustling a small melody to try to keep him entertained.

But nothing would be able to entertain him.

The air inside the walls was making him sick. No matter how much time and effort people put into making places seem like they had a connection to the world outside, it was still artificial, and Levi could tell the difference, because his heart had been left outside, on the big tree that had been reduced from the huge manifestation of life to just dead bark with nothing but memories and insects clinging to it. The trees here were small, frail, and their leaves were light green and plain. Out there, where the climate changes were harsh and where storms whipped up every other day, the trees were big and strong, its wood thick and house to many other forms of life. The leaves of the trees there were thick as well, but instead of being perfectly shaped and clean like they were here, they were half-eaten and often times had dark spots from too much sunlight coming to them. The grass was different too. The birds were also shyer here, and their numbers were constantly reducing. Crickets played rather clumsily, and would stop any time someone would step closer to them, unlike the crickets outside, where their melody would never seize, even if they were stomped on. What made the difference was the breeze, though. It was equally as strong here and there, and the temperature was the same. The difference was, however, that the wind inside the walls carried an unexplainable stench with itself, one that would fill a normal person’s nostrils with a scent of home, but for Levi, it was unbearable. The wind outside, though… It was fresh. Brisk. Chilling to the bone. Would pass through your body and reward you with no scents except of the scent of the forest. It would strike you all at once, from all sides, and one who hadn’t been able to feel the breeze for years and years after their birth would appreciate feeling even the ‘normal’ breeze, but once they’d go out and taste the air out there…

As Levi would simply put it, the air inside the walls had always been shit.

Deeply sighing, he turned towards the entrance once again, hearing loud voices seemingly bickering coming from the inside and deciding to walk around the base to check if they hadn’t done anything else and not to disturb their fight. On multiple occasions he had realized that stopping fights between them was never a good idea.

As he turned to round the building though, he stopped dead in his tracks.

A pair of watchful eyes immediately caught his appearance, staring at him for what seemed to be an eternity of nothing but silence. Once the young man was done scrutinizing the other, he showed the slightest of smiles before turning around to continue what he had been doing- laundry. And the Captain would be lying if he’d say that seeing his ex-lover smile in a green garden filled with the scent of freshly washed laundry wasn’t one of the most beautiful things he had ever experienced. Eren wore his Survey Corps outfit as usual; he wouldn’t take that thing off even if it would be the death of him. It seemed to fill him with pride and joy and a sense of belonging, so no one argued against it. The Captain hadn’t seen him much after the court and seeing him all alone now had managed to make all the memories of them alone reappear. He wanted to leave the man alone after that, but he found himself unable to do so, unable to stop the words slipping from his tongue.

“You can’t be serious, right?” the Captain asked, raising his brow and cocking his head to the side so he’d see Eren’s hands get stiff in mid-air. Eren seemingly waited for an explanation, but since none came, he turned to face his Captain.

“What is it, sir?”

Levi half-closed his eyes before slowly approaching the taller man whose eyes remained fixed on Levi’s as he walked closer. Once he was right next to Eren, he crossed his hands protectively and leaned his weight at one leg.

“You don’t fold shirts like that, idiot”, he silently said and looked at the younger man to see him visibly relax and slightly smirk as he stared off into nothing in particular. The shorter man’s brows furrowed at the action.

“Well… I’ve been doing it my way…”

“Which is the wrong way. You of all people should know how high my cleaning standards are”, Levi said as he grabbed the fragrant white sheet that Eren had in his hands and began folding it himself, ignoring the way his former lover was staring at him. The way his teal eyes were fixed on him was slowly suffocating him, but staring back wasn’t an option. _Someone could see._

“Uh… yeah. You never folded wet clothes back in your room, though…” Eren silently mumbled and Levi’s expression softened.

“That’s because I folded them outside, dumbass”, he softly answered and looked back up at Eren, only to immediately lower his gaze as he realized the adolescent was _still_ staring, “I knew you’d just ruin everything I’d try to complete, so I didn’t want you to interfere…”

“Ah… yes”, Eren’s voice was weak this time around and they fell silent after that, folding the white materials that waited for them in the small wooden basket sitting in the grass. They never needed conversation to feel at ease, but the silence didn’t feel comfortable at all. Neither did Eren’s presence. Levi tried not to think too hard about it, but failed miserably as he almost immediately remembered their last meaningful conversation. And just like that, he was pulled from reality back into his mind, where the poor face of an emotionally unstable man provoked him with tears prickling in his eyes and daring Levi to catch them if he could. But Levi couldn’t. He mustn’t. Sitting there in the middle of the room, still beaten and bruised and half-naked, steam rising from him as if he were a slain Titan, watching him with so much emotion that made Levi sick. It made him sick that he had no right to hold him anymore, to wipe his tears away, to snuggle him or to reassure him it was all for the best. And, not really remembering what exact words he chose back then to explain how their relationship should be from then on, but remembering the way how poison they came out to be, and seeing Eren’s eyes dull in realization what was about to happen between them and hearing his pleas to stop the nonsense again and again in the back of his mind, screaming his confessions when Levi went to leave him alone, he felt a rush of anxiety rush through his body, leaving him in scars that prompted him to shake in disgust of himself. How he just left him there to figure things out on his own. How Eren grabbed his leg when Levi wanted to leave and the look he gave him, and he just walked off anyways. How he stared at his pale expression in the mirror that had once displayed the both of them hugging in his sleepless nights, never feeling more exposed even though no one was around him. How his heart ached to at least try to find his brat, to ask if he was alright or how he was coping with the other Corps, but he knew he shouldn’t… He mustn’t. He mustn’t feel. Think about him. He wouldn’t even have realized what he was doing once again _,_ if it weren’t for feeling something warm being put around his shoulders. He shook from his thoughts to look up at Eren who looked deadly serious as he was concentrating on folding a shirt correctly, exactly the way Levi showed him. He seemed to notice Levi’s gaze as he responded: “You were shaking.”

Levi took the white sheet covering him and held onto it as he looked back down at the grass.

“That’s what I get for being too cold”, he muttered and heard Eren huff in annoyance next to him. The all too familiar lump in his throat formed once again and he hoped he wouldn’t have to hide somewhere like all the times he already had to, but he couldn’t stop himself. His breathing increased and he found himself struggling to breathe air in as he hid his pain in front of the other man, reminding himself it was his fault anyways. When did he get so emotional over these things? Out of all the events that happened in his life, which were mostly filled with death, he chose to break over _this?_

“Yes.”

Eren’s voice was cold. Cruel, even. But if the Captain really wished to put the blame on himself, he really couldn’t go against it. He felt his heart clench painfully soon though as he heard a silent sniff coming from the small man next to him. The small man dressed in a white button-up shirt, black trousers and a black oversized coat was clenching the bed sheet placed around him tightly, shaking in what obviously wasn’t just cold, holding the sheet as if afraid that someone would take it away. Levi was never one to exhibit emotions, yet now he was reacting openly about something so small. The younger bit his lip nervously and just continued folding the clothes in order to hang them up, knowing that if he’d act on the Captain’s behavior, he’d worsen things. Still, when it became apparent that Levi wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, and he had already folded all of the laundry, Eren decided to break the tension.

“Don’t blame yourself, sir”, he said and saw the way the man flinched after hearing his voice, which made the adolescent’s frown deepen. The raven-haired man whose figure was slightly slumped as a sorry excuse for a defense mechanism remained frozen for a while, as if he were embarrassed about the fact that he had been caught.

“I can’t stomach my Captain crying because of such an unimportant event, can I…?”

He saw the shorter man’s shoulders tense, but his gaze remained on the ground.

“…Eren,”, his voice was low,” I made you kill twenty eight people and then yelled at you when you were the most vulnerable, and eventually spit in your face that you’d have to stay away from me for all eternity before slamming the door shut in front of your face. How can you even still stand next to me without feeling repulsed? On top of that, I made you turn into… into... I took a huge gamble on your life. And I… I’d like to stay away from you to let you live normally from now on, but I can’t… I can’t… I’m…” when the Captain’s voice broke once again, Eren was sure to collect the raven in his arms and press him against his chest tightly, not leaving Levi any room to fight him off. The short man struggled for a while before falling limp in Eren’s arms that seemed too eager to hold onto him. The younger man’s chin nuzzled against the crown of his head, but the raven in his hands tensed up.

“You’re a moron, you know…? For hugging me like this…”

“You’re an idiot for thinking it’s all your fault. I hate it when you do that, blame everything on yourself while in reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth… You can be an ass sometimes, but that’s just because you don’t know how to express yourself. And I can be dumb too, cry and shout all the time, because I’ve got the same problem.”

The man snorted and Eren bit back a possessive growl that threatened to leave his throat. He’d never get over the growling, no matter how accustomed to this world he was now.

“Levi…” Eren silently said as he stepped away, taking a look at the older man that clung to his chest, his red, fatigued eyes searching for Eren’s to warm himself up, and as they found them, Eren showed a toothy grin and grabbed the sheet wrapped around the short man like a cape, throwing it over his face playfully and watching Levi struggle a bit to free himself from the mess he found himself in. When he finally broke free, he eyed Eren in a fake annoyed matter, while in reality his heart was pounding with happiness aching to drip out of his eyes in the form of tears.

He wanted to scold Eren for his behavior, but not a word came from his dried throat. Eren’s grabby fingers got to his wrists to hold them up as he pressed his nose against Levi’s small one, laughing all the way. The Captain tried to step away, but Eren was already clawing at him again, half-closing his eyes and crooking his head to one side as he came closer to the shocked Captain’s face again. Noticing Levi looked uncomfortable, his smile diminished.

“I love you, Captain”, Eren articulated and Levi’s breath hitched.

“What the- No, Eren, not this shit again”, his brows furrowed as he realized that the sweet smile the brat was showing again was genuine as usual.

“But you know I do!” Eren insisted as he stepped closer, making the Captain stumble backwards and fall back onto his backside. Eren’s laughter filled his ears as he had to free himself from the sheet yet again, and once he did, he could see the man sitting right in front of him, being incredibly close to his face, as usual. It was all so familiar, and Levi’s hands subconsciously slowly travelled to the younger man’s cheeks, as if to feel if the boy was really there, still smiling at him, stroking his soft cheeks with his thumbs carefully.

“Eren… please stop it. You know how it is”, Levi said and looked away, hiding his soft gaze as his own sentences affected him as well. Eren’s silent chuckle got to his ears once again and he flinched as he felt the boy’s head drop into his lap. The man looked down at his brat and watched Eren roll over so he could take in Levi’s tired face and cup his cheeks, and Levi’s eyes roamed around the garden to spot if anyone was there. The Captain swallowed harshly as the younger pulled him closer until their faces were just mere inches apart and his eyes had to steady on Eren’s tired ones. Eren’s gaze travelled from his eyes to his thin lips before he licked his own, returning his sight to the raven’s dull blue eyes.

“Hey, Levi…?”

“Y-yes?”

“Will we ever be able to kiss again?”

“Huh?” he asked as if he didn’t understand a word Eren said. Levi found himself wondering why he was being even more awkward than usual and Eren’s wide smile returned.

“Will we ever be able to hold each other in public?” Eren asked and the raven’s nose touched his, making him chuckle. But Levi’s brows furrowed.

“I don’t… I don’t know, Eren”, he said as his hand instinctively passed through Eren’s soft, messy locks that would always wrap around his fingers. Eren’s smile suddenly faded as he seemed to drop the act of ignorance, his eyes filling with sadness Levi had never seen before. So he held to him tighter as Eren’s forehead brushed against his softly.

“If we…” the young adult opened his eyes again, looking right into Levi’s, who reflected the sadness and hollowness Eren’s own ones showed, “if we defeat all the titans, will we be free, Levi…?”

Levi remained silent as Eren’s gaze dropped.

“And what will it take us to defeat the titans…? What kind of losses will we have to face until then…? Will we even make it, such a big task being placed only upon us…? How much suffering will we be able to take in before it will all be over? And will we ever see the last titan fall?”

Levi’s gaze softened as he brushed through his brat’s soft locks, slowly forgetting all about the agreement he had to stick to. Eren leaned into the touch, but Levi couldn’t cheer him up by telling lies. He couldn’t lie to those eyes that reached the very core of him, not to heal his wounds, but to share them with him. Their pain was doubled by being close to each other, and they both knew it was true, no matter how much they were both denying it. But in moments of truth like these, where every feeling and thought rose to the surface unattended and free, it was impossible for them not to see it. And even though it hurt, they wanted to stick together. As to why, they both didn’t know the answer.

“I don’t know, Eren”, Levi silently responded, and Eren nodded. He started combing through Eren’s soft, longish hair, looking at it intently. He had missed it. He didn’t know how much time had passed since the last time he was able to do that. And if Eren hadn’t pulled away yet, that meant he must have forgiven him, for some reason. Levi couldn’t fathom it.

“Yes… we don’t know what the future holds…” he muttered under his breath and Levi cupped his face gently, stroking his cheeks with his small thumbs, feeling his brat’s soft skin under his touch. He wondered what had happened in that short period of time that made Eren sound so serious and wise, even, but he chose not to question it. Perhaps Eren had always been like this and just never really had the opportunity to show it. Show how beautifully human he was. Prove everyone wrong, even Levi. The Captain just hoped he wouldn’t stay the only one who knew that. But what was his word worth now that everyone considered him someone who acted on his feelings? If it weren’t for his position, he’d be thrown into prison for sure, and Erwin would never tell it was his plan. Not while he was still alive, to fight for the people inside the walls. 

Levi leaned down and wished to press a soft peck against Eren’s forehead, but stopped just a moment before touching his smooth skin, feeling as if it were against all morals of the world, seeing an invisible barrier stretch out in front of him. Kissing him now felt so wrong… so _atrocious_. Instead, he nuzzled his nose into Eren’s messy hair and breathed into it and the adolescent snapped out of his thoughts as his eyes travelled up to look into Levi’s. He showed a small smile that disappeared as soon as it showed up. Eren’s eyes were brimming with tears he refused to let fall, but those weren’t a sign of happiness. Those were the tears of a person who spent days and nights thinking about nothing but the future, filled with desperate worry and heavy thoughts.

“And even when we defeat the enemy, will we finally be free…?”

Levi smiled at the question. He smiled because he felt completely hopeless at this point. They couldn’t know. They didn’t even know whether they’d stay alive, and whether it was ever going to end. He didn’t know what it would feel like if they would be free, one day. He didn’t know how many people who were close to them would stay alive or how much damage they would take as the years would pass by. But he knew one thing- he’d never leave Eren’s side, no matter what. When he finally realized Eren was gaping at him because of his inconvenient smile, he shyly chuckled and saw Eren’s tired eyes narrow as he showed a lopsided smile himself. His brat’s dry hands wandered towards the Captain’s chapped ones and Levi turned them to intertwine their fingers and let Eren take them and press them against his chest, right over his fast beating heart. The familiar heartbeat stunned him for a while and he couldn’t quite cooperate with Eren for the moment being. Eren had the chance to be free, but chose not to take it. He had the chance to breathe that air that Levi wanted so desperately to come through the walls too. He had the chance to be amongst the trees once again, to stand proudly and watch his surroundings as he did before and to count the shining stars at night, but Levi didn’t need to question him to know why he had chosen to stay.

[[X]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6P72oNIAok)

_Because it was the same reason Levi chose to, after all._  

Because he didn’t just want his own freedom, which he could achieve in actuality, but chose to fight for everyone else’s too. For their dreams and their desires, no matter the fact that the majority would probably be content whenever they had food, drinks and money. And Levi knew that, because of that, they wouldn’t be able to show affection in any other way than the affection that is considered normal between a private and a higher-up, between a beast and its caretaker. Until the day comes where they will either turn to dust or stand tall, brief glances and subtle, hidden touches will have to suffice. And, for some reason, Levi was more than happy with that.

He would be happy with anything life chose to throw their way, as long as his Eren was alive. As long as his heart kept beating just like _this_.

“…We’re… really fucked up, aren’t we…?” Levi silently asked and Eren snorted, intently looking into the Captain’s shining eyes, as if asking for permission to stay by his side. And Levi was only glad to answer by softly pressing his forehead against Eren’s, widely smiling as he heard Eren sob before lightly chuckling.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all like it~ I know. Violent. Will be violent onwards too, but it's SnK. Also, I must apologize beforehand, because you might cry and/or squeal. Thanks for reading! Chapters will hopefully come out every Monday. Hopefully.


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